Phoenix_03
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2020
- Messages
- 427
So, just wanted to stop and write this so I can remember how fucking stupid I can be when it comes to trying to still have my cake and eat it too. I’ve been on methadone maintenance for like 6 years now. No relapses in over a year, get bottles etc. Please tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to double dose one day this week not thinking of TODAY me who is now suffering immensely for no reason. I go to the clinic in the morning to pick up, it’s not like I’m going through a purposeful detox or taper…I really hate life right this second, dragging my hot, sweaty (but freezing) ass into CVS for clonidine and propranolol cuz I can’t even go through 24 hours of this hell. Yeah, I have been here before, once walked off the clinic at 120 mg CT, three weeks in and still had to get taken to a detox I was so fucking sick. Nope, never again, I’ll carry this stigma forever or close to it because I don’t think I’ll ever voluntarily put myself in this place all in the name of “shedding the methadone stigma.” Fuck that, opiate me and my receptors for life.