My boyfriend and I broke up on my birthday last week, because he'd been acting like a total asshole to me and overanalyzing everything that I do and accusing me of cheating on him, which I wouldn't do, but anyways. And he was also being so paranoid - several nights he stood at the door with a knife for a couple hours, convinced that people had followed him home and were out to get him. Just crazy, fucked shit.
He just texted me today explaining that the reason he's been so paranoid, delusional, and overanalytical is because he's been getting fucked up on speed again for the past couple weeks because he's been stressed out of his mind.
He used to be severely addicted to speed and GHB, and then finally quit it a month after we started dating, which I was proud of him for. Then a few months later, he admitted to having done it again, but said that he wouldn't be addicted to it again - it was just something he'd do now and then to keep him awake. I was like whatever.. so long as he isn't doing it all the time, I guess it's okay..
And I thought he had been being honest with me, because for the past month, every once in a while he'd say that he'd done a bit of speed. He never told me that he was actually doing it all the time, and somehow I never even noticed that he was doing it again. I had been kind of suspicious though, because he'd make all this money and then it'd all somehow disappear. And his behavior was really strange.
Now, fuck. Like what do I say to that? He's basically saying that everything was destroyed because of his stupid fucking addiction to speed. I actually don't even love him anymore because of all the shit he did to me the past week. He was literally acting like a fucking psycho. So our relationship is pretty much doomed, because there's a lot of anger still in my system. And even though I feel really bad for him, because he's struggled with addiction all his life - heroin, cocaine, ghb, speed, meth - I'm still mad that he'd do this to himself and hide it from me when I tried to help him with his addiction issues and stress. I knew that if he was stressed he was going to do speed and G again, so I tried to relieve that stress, but I guess it wasn't good enough.
And I'm still in love with an ex, who I've loved for a year by now, even after all the bullshit we've went through. Though I loved my most recent ex, I still kept on these feelings for the other man, which kind of fucks with my head. I don't know.
I just don't know what to say or do now. It really explains everything..
I can't do this..
He just texted me today explaining that the reason he's been so paranoid, delusional, and overanalytical is because he's been getting fucked up on speed again for the past couple weeks because he's been stressed out of his mind.
He used to be severely addicted to speed and GHB, and then finally quit it a month after we started dating, which I was proud of him for. Then a few months later, he admitted to having done it again, but said that he wouldn't be addicted to it again - it was just something he'd do now and then to keep him awake. I was like whatever.. so long as he isn't doing it all the time, I guess it's okay..
And I thought he had been being honest with me, because for the past month, every once in a while he'd say that he'd done a bit of speed. He never told me that he was actually doing it all the time, and somehow I never even noticed that he was doing it again. I had been kind of suspicious though, because he'd make all this money and then it'd all somehow disappear. And his behavior was really strange.
Now, fuck. Like what do I say to that? He's basically saying that everything was destroyed because of his stupid fucking addiction to speed. I actually don't even love him anymore because of all the shit he did to me the past week. He was literally acting like a fucking psycho. So our relationship is pretty much doomed, because there's a lot of anger still in my system. And even though I feel really bad for him, because he's struggled with addiction all his life - heroin, cocaine, ghb, speed, meth - I'm still mad that he'd do this to himself and hide it from me when I tried to help him with his addiction issues and stress. I knew that if he was stressed he was going to do speed and G again, so I tried to relieve that stress, but I guess it wasn't good enough.
And I'm still in love with an ex, who I've loved for a year by now, even after all the bullshit we've went through. Though I loved my most recent ex, I still kept on these feelings for the other man, which kind of fucks with my head. I don't know.
I just don't know what to say or do now. It really explains everything..
I can't do this..
