addiction to benzos and overdose

[valerie1312]

Hi, when I borned my father moved to other country and my sister and I stayed with my mum. My mum started with depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and personality disorder. When I was 17 I run away of my house because the life there was unbearable. Since I was little I have had problems of conduct, and when I was 11 my mum started giving me benzos, because I was unable to sleep, I cried every night and I had anxiety. My mum just was trying to help me, but it was not a good way give me her medication. As she was so ill, she had a lot of pills, benzos, barbiturates, narcotics, and much more.
My nights still being a disaster, so I still taking the pills that my mum was giving to me, is my mum, i didnt think that she was giving to me something so bad, I trusted her, but she didnt know what she was doing either. I started needing the pills, so my anxiety was growing and I took the pills everyday during a good time. When I was 14 I started abusing of benzos, and I started experimenting side effects, I cant sleep without it, but I always tried to do it, sometimes I spent 5 days without sleep, I started with depression when I was like 12, 13.. I didnt see the good things of the life, I was stuck in a nightmare, in a hell, sometimes I woke up crying, sometimes I slept during 4 days, when I was 15 I tried to kill myself, also I suffered a overdose of benzos, I was in a coma of 2 weeks, and my dad didnt come to the hospital to see me.. Was a really hard time for me, I was with psychiatrists since I was 6, because like I said, since I was little I was having problems in my behavior. After the overdose and my tried of suicide, I was with psychiatrists that they didnt helped me at all.. I still having depression and addiction, they offered me anti depressants but I said No, I dont wanna be like my mum. My mum is a addict. Now, I am 18, addict, like my mum. I am what I did not want to be. I just looking for help, I always have been looking for help.In my adolescence, I started with other drugs like marijuana, cocaine, mdma, etc. They made me an AIDS test when I was 14. I would like to talk with someone who has experiences like me, or can give me some advice. I am so lost now, but at least now I know that I need help because I was always looking for help but I didnt know that I really need it.

 

[T. Calderone]

You have had some tough times as a child. How is your relationship with your mother now? Maybe she did not realize that the benzos are habit-forming in her own way trying to help you. If the psychiatrist is not a good match, you can ask to see someone else. I urge you to also seek counseling, someone who does not prescribe pills but just to talk with. I'm going to move this to The Dark Side.

 

[deadendgame]

well, what are you addicted to now? I don't know, this is what I think. Every drug has it's own strategy for fighting addictions. The strategy for benzos is, there is none. That is why it is imperative to plan ahead of time before you take the benzos what kind of withdrawal you are getting yourself into. like if you take xanax 1 mg everyday for twelve months, be prepared to be withdrawing like a motherfucker for 1-2 months. That is why you really shouldn't get yourself into this kind of situation to begin with. There ain't no xanax clinic. There is a suboxone clinic for people who are addicted to opioids, but there is no xanax clinic for those addicted to benzos. I'm sorry, but you have to deal with this on your own. It will feel like a living hell for one to two months depending on how long you used it. I wish there was another way and maybe there is.

 

[Moreaux]

There is a strategy for stopping benzos, it's called a taper. Information for tapering benzos can be found here Ashton Manual. I would also recommend you examine why you are taking benzos and try to get those issues resolved or it will be very hard to stay off of drugs in general. You have hard a very difficult life and it is not your fault...I am very sorry you have had the experiences you have. It is not impossible to have a happy fulfilling life as you are young and can work through these issues to have a brighter future. Feel free to message me with questions or if you just need to talk. Take care!

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

Thank you for sharing that link.