Addiction Anxiety

[PontiffTheGreat]

This sounds absurd but it's what I'm feeling, need some thoughts

I have posted here before seeking opinions regarding my recent opiate consumption: 280mg oxycodone & 3g codeine~. Last week I started developing a fear (having read a lot about opiate addiction and anecdotes online) of becoming addicted and/or having my mind plagued by thoughts of opiates. I ceased my use of opiates this week as advised and am not planning (or even really wanting) to use further.

I am still getting the occasional craving/"oh here's a reason why I could get high"-type thought but the potential consequences and seeing these mechanisms of potential addiction at work puts me off very quickly.These cravings/urges/automatic thoughts are what started scaring theSHITout of me. It all felt innocent and I found myself going from using a couple of days in a row to a semi full-on binge over about 2 weeks with two days using to each day sober.

Essentially I guess the underlying fear is that my newly found appreciation of life after my mental health crisis has been tarnished by my use of opiates; that I may now remain plagued with cravings/general rumination.

I really, really fundamentally and rationally do NOT want to use and I don't intend to, nonetheless these automatic cravings/thoughts that pop up are justifying a whole host of irrational judgements/conclusions/anxiety about my state of mind/substance abuse status which while I am aware is likely somewhat catastrophized and unrealistic, still feels very real.

I am aware that all things change and given my mental health progress I haven't worked myself up into a panic, I have been practicing mindfulness, willingness and exposure through meditation to good effect. Nonetheless my baseline anxiety levels are rather high and I have a sort of opiate shadow/weight of anxious culpability all the time. This begs to be interpreted that I may have seriously messed up and/or am doomed.

Your thoughts are appreciated as while I have a lot of experience managing irrational anxiety this feels like something I absolutely DID do and CHOSE to do it. Forget potentially contracting a deadly illness due to chance I CHOSE to take these drugs and feel utterly terrible about it.

 

[Mafioso]

If you were taking close to 300mg of oxycodone and 3g of codeine every day then likely what you are experiencing is withdraws. Even taking that much every other day will cause WDs.

I don't think it is possible for anyone to take even a small amount of opiates on a daily basis without becoming physically and then mentally addicted. It isn't a matter of will power. The body physically changes and there are also changes in the brain caused by opiate use. Your brain will eventually start craving opiates more than it craves food due to the way it stimulates the pleasure/reward centers in the brain.

The cravings you have are likely related to your brain wanting the extreme stimulation of pleasure centers that opiates trigger. It really doesn't take long or a lot of opiates to cause cravings. To be honest, the dose you were taking is pretty high and I would think more than enough to cause cravings and even withdrawal. Most opiate addicts that I know began as weekend warriors and slowly progressed to daily users. I don't know anyone who starting injecting heroin from the start, or even smoking to be honest. Everyone I know began by taking pills, usually infrequently at first, progressed first to daily pill usage, then to smoking or snorting pills because eating them was no longer strong enough, then to heroin because it's stronger and cheaper and their habit is out of control.

Really I would suggest approaching it like you are already addicted, because by definition you may already be. It's time to drop friends that are using opiates and find friends that support sobriety. If you aren't in nasty WDs then try to stay busy with healthy activities. Exercise is great. Playing music really helps me take my mind off of using. School helps me as well as it gives me reason to stay sober and helps me focus on the future rather than just the momentary desires to get high. Work gives me a sense of independence. When I quit using I was forced to face all the uncomfortable feelings that really drove me to using.

It's best to quit while you're ahead, you will be glad you did. If you do, you will be saving yourself a lot of trouble and pain.

 

[PontiffTheGreat]

If you were taking close to 300mg of oxycodone and 3g of codeine every day then likely what you are experiencing is withdraws. Even taking that much every other day will cause WDs.

I don't think it is possible for anyone to take even a small amount of opiates on a daily basis without becoming physically and then mentally addicted. It isn't a matter of will power. The body physically changes and there are also changes in the brain caused by opiate use. Your brain will eventually start craving opiates more than it craves food due to the way it stimulates the pleasure/reward centers in the brain.

The cravings you have are likely related to your brain wanting the extreme stimulation of pleasure centers that opiates trigger. It really doesn't take long or a lot of opiates to cause cravings. To be honest, the dose you were taking is pretty high and I would think more than enough to cause cravings and even withdrawal. Most opiate addicts that I know began as weekend warriors and slowly progressed to daily users. I don't know anyone who starting injecting heroin from the start, or even smoking to be honest. Everyone I know began by taking pills, usually infrequently at first, progressed first to daily pill usage, then to smoking or snorting pills because eating them was no longer strong enough, then to heroin because it's stronger and cheaper and their habit is out of control.

Really I would suggest approaching it like you are already addicted, because by definition you may already be. It's time to drop friends that are using opiates and find friends that support sobriety. If you aren't in nasty WDs then try to stay busy with healthy activities. Exercise is great. Playing music really helps me take my mind off of using. School helps me as well as it gives me reason to stay sober and helps me focus on the future rather than just the momentary desires to get high. Work gives me a sense of independence. When I quit using I was forced to face all the uncomfortable feelings that really drove me to using.

It's best to quit while you're ahead, you will be glad you did. If you do, you will be saving yourself a lot of trouble and pain.

Unfortunately your post is hard to derive advice from because I wasnt consuming that much every day. That is how much I took total over 20 days or so with 8~ days sober. Thank you anyway for responding, your effort and attention is appreciated nonetheless so if you would like to re-adjust your advice it would be very much appreciated :D.

Regardless I think I need to be much mor cautious with my use of opiates (if any). Definitely wont be touching oxycodone again.

 

[Mafioso]

My advice wouldn't change that much, as dealing with opiate addiction or craving is all the same as far as I can tell, whether you are just starting out or are well down the line.

To put it simply, I don't think there is a safe amount of opiates that can be taken without risking addiction. Cravings are still going to be associated with stimulation of the reward center in the brain, although it will be to a lesser extent than someone who is using heavily.

Regardless of dose, I would think that you are already showing addictive behavior by definition. It didn't take long for me to build a taste for opiates, to be honest it might have been a matter of weeks.

Like I said, most people with heroin addiction began as weekend warriors, progressed to daily use then moved on to heroin. Not everyone who uses opiates will move on to heroin, but it is likely that the weekend warrior will venture into using during the week.


The best advice is to quit while you are ahead. Using opiates will not solve your problems and although they may be fun at the time being they will eventually become a need rather than an escape.

Advice doesn't really change based on consumption beyond how to cope with WDs, as they become more severe. I guess the advice that I would give someone still in the experimentation phase is that it is better to quit before you know what it is like to be seriously dope sick. Once you start getting dope sick it is much more difficult. It's a decision you have to make for yourself. It is likely you haven't experienced the severe consequences that will come with addictive use. Other than "don't do it", there isn't much advice to be given at this point... the choice is yours and if you decide to risk it then that is on you. Again, it's not just a matter of willpower. No one is stronger than addiction.