• Welcome Guest

    Forum Guidelines Bluelight Rules
    Fun 💃 Threads Overdosed? Click
    D R U G   C U L T U R E
  • DC Moderators: ghostfreak | VerbalTruist

Addicted to the needle

BlueSaffron said:
I've already relapsed-I've been snorting H & have a habit again, although its only 3 weeks old or so.

There's a lot going on in my life right now. Sometimes i feel like there's reason to try to be clean, & sometimes-a lot lately - i feel like there isnt.
Click to expand...

I know the feeling. Gatta keep your head up though.. try to focus on the good aspects of being sober and all the horrible parts of being strung out.
 
BlueSaffron said:
I've been fantasizing about fixing lately... I actually got a few rigs a week or two ago and tried, but couldn't hit myself. Its been years since i IV'd. I think i kind of wasnt trying as hard as i could though, cos silly as it is, i was a little nervous since its been so long. But there's a vein in my wrist i've hit a few times and i know i probably could again. I'm on vacay at my moms in the boondocks right now so its a moot point, but when i get back to SF I know I probably will. Its just stuck in my mind now-i want to feel that rush again-hell, i want the whole thing-mixing up my shot, tying off, registering, pushing down the plunger...

I even want the bruise or little red dot afterwards. Back when I was IVing speedballs and my arms were a mess, I actually kind of liked it. I liked seeing my track marks and how marked up my arms were. Fucked up, I know.
Click to expand...

Hah you must have really not been trying because I believe an iv habit to be akin to riding a bike, once you learn you never forget.

Dont really feel ya on the whole enjoying my arms being tattered, its the reason why I wear a jacket or high neck collars. The embarrass me more than anything. Be careful with your wrist though, its one of the most fragile parts of your body and you can do some serious nerve damage. I had a wicked abcess on my forearm just above my wrist and had to have a plastic surgeon operate on it because the infection spread to my tendons and he had to scrape it off the tendons. Reason the surgeon was a plastic surgeon was because the wrist is the most nerve dense area of the body (or so he said) because the hand and fingers do so many intricate tasks and move in so many ways, and plastic surgeons are experienced w delicate areas.
 
Lol, yeah, i was kind of half-assing it. I think i didn't really want to fix alone, in case anything happened, although if I'd gotten a register i would've done it. Next time I'll have a friend with me.

I'm careful-I already have a little nerve damage in my arms, although its gotten a bit better. The vein in my wrist is right on the surface, so i don't have to dig around.

Scraping infection off the tendons sounds horrid :/ were you really sore afterwards?
 
For me i.v. is something really intimate.

For example I've only once let someone else inject me something, and I'd never let someone do it ever again, the injecting person himself isn't the reason. It's just something more intimate for me than even my sexuality. I also cannot stand when someone's looking at me while I'm shooting, I just can't.

*somewhat correlating to this thread*
 
I'm the opposite... I don't mind being watched (if its a drug person. non-drug people get too nervous: "are you sure you're not gonna OD?").

I haven't been hit by other people much, maybe 5 times. A close friend hit me up the first time. I'd already snorted a bit so the first shot we went with was too small. Then she made up another, and holyfuckingshit... Well, you all know. I'm glad it was her for my first time. She'd been fixing since she was 13, so she was a bit of an expert.
 
BlueSaffron said:
Lol, yeah, i was kind of half-assing it. I think i didn't really want to fix alone, in case anything happened, although if I'd gotten a register i would've done it. Next time I'll have a friend with me.

I'm careful-I already have a little nerve damage in my arms, although its gotten a bit better. The vein in my wrist is right on the surface, so i don't have to dig around.

Scraping infection off the tendons sounds horrid :/ were you really sore afterwards?
Click to expand...

Yes it hurt the pain was excruciating when they initially busted the abcess. They wouldnt give me any painkillers because this was utah and they hate addicts. They had to roll up a washcloth for me to bite down on i was screaming so loud, people outside the room thought i was in labor. Well, it was just a curtain so i could hear them. The infection was right under my skin and spread to the tendons but luckily i went to hospital before it spread to my heart. I was admitted for ten days w iv antibiotics in my neck and it sucked because it was a huge needle and kept hitting my collarbone whenever id move my head.

Anyway, i HATE having people watch me shoot now. Used to not mind it when people knew i was an addict, but now that everyone tjinks im clean its like my dirty lil secret. Plus i get anxious because it takes me forever to hit. Anyone ever have people ask to watch you shoot up? Ive had weirdos ask before who want to see what its like and ask what heroin feels like. Obviously i never let them watch.
 
^My coke dealer used to give me free coke because he loved watching me shoot up and fuckkkked up. He didn't use needles btw

Ugh some days I feel like testing myself just to see if I can still hit myself, you know? Like it was somewhat of a fucked up hobby to perfect my shooting technique and skill. Does anyone else feel this way?
 
Thanks for replying scag

I got my blood drawn yesterday and I was SOOOOOO tempted to smack the bitch upside the head, take the syringe, and draw blood myself. The fucking idiot went in, and started DIGGING around for the vein . She would miss, pull out a little bit just enough so that the needle was still in my skin, and then FORCE it back I'm deeper. I was like what the fuck are you doing!?!?!? She started bitching at me and blamed her inability to hit my veins on account of the fact that I have too much "scar tissue."

I had to ask for another nurse after 3-4 tries of her digging around. Lol...
 
^oh god listening to that makes me CRINGE. the words "digging" and "needle" should never be in same sentence. Its funny because this nurse once got so annoyed and could tell i was an iv user and asked if i could draw my own blood. I tried, but i was so dehydrated and it was so cold in that office i could even get it. She just threw her hands up and was like well just have to tell the dr you wont be getting blood screen. It wasnt really necessary, so i was happy they didnt make me come

. Theres this one nurse at my regular clinic who finds one every time, but i think shes drawing from an artery. Its possible to draw from an arterey right? I know you cant inject into one obviously. Been fooled before by this arterey running along side of my wrist before, i was like yeah found a bad ass vein!! Couldnt tell blood was deep colored because i was using tar and it masked the color, so injected and dear lord never felt SO MUCH PAIN from an injection i screamed. Felt like my arm was about to explode. Did it two or three times w that one, it fools me every few years but ive finally learned my lesson i know never to use it now.
 
laCster said:
Thanks for replying scag

I got my blood drawn yesterday and I was SOOOOOO tempted to smack the bitch upside the head, take the syringe, and draw blood myself. The fucking idiot went in, and started DIGGING around for the vein . She would miss, pull out a little bit just enough so that the needle was still in my skin, and then FORCE it back I'm deeper. I was like what the fuck are you doing!?!?!? She started bitching at me and blamed her inability to hit my veins on account of the fact that I have too much "scar tissue."

I had to ask for another nurse after 3-4 tries of her digging around. Lol...
Click to expand...

Ugh, I know what you mean man. I've been through the same shit with idiot nurses. My veins are also really fucked up now, so it can be hard to hit, so it's really bad now when I need blood drawn.

You're right. I wan't to be like, "Okay enough fucking around, just give me that syringe and I'll do this shit myself." Hah.
 
My friend I talked about previously in this thread wants to throw away all his needles that are in his room, but can't get himself to do it. He thinks he'll be mad at himself afterwards if he does. He then asked me if I could do it for him. I agreed at first, but then changed my mind... I think he should do it... will be good for him.
 
^, he could always buy more needles?

And be careful dont get poked if you change you mind and help him!! Although thats strange..
 
ohshea said:
^, he could always buy more needles?

And be careful dont get poked if you change you mind and help him!! Although thats strange..
Click to expand...
He wanted to do it as like the final goodbye before detox.. possible inpatient (at least iop). And they all have caps on them from what I've seen in his room. I wouldn't go digging around for them even if I was going to at least throw them out for him. I'm not that crazy >.>
 
Now that ya'll are talking about veins.. I remember this one time.. I think it was my ex who complimented on my big bulgy highway veins whilst running her finger along them. Weird, cause she definitely wasn't into any type of drugs. Especially hard ones. She despised them. I've also been complimented for having 'nice fingers' ... dafuq? lol.

btw - Just because he's throwing away his needles doesn't really mean anything. I'm sure he has secret stash spots where he stored some works. I know I do.
I'll be looking for something and then out of nowheres - Find a syringe.

Good luck trying to stay clean. I have dope dreams the day after I quit using, which causes me to immediately relapse. Fuckin' shit.
like today... had a dream of doing mucho dope.. now I'm up, sick, and ready to cop ASAP.. I just have to walk a mile in shitty cold weather.
Oh well, it's all worth it after you push the plunger down, right? Instantly warm, and not a care in the world.
It could be 15 below zero and having a blizzard, but as soon as I do a shot, I'm warm as fuck. lol.
 
^Dude, I know. I was just saying what he wants to do, and he needs to clean out his house for other reasons as well. So I'm sure he will handle it... not like it's my problem anyways. He can use or not use.. he's not even going to rehab for dope lol, but for alcohol since he experiences bad w/d and what not. So whatever happens will happen. I've never seen someone so addicted to needles before and I've been around a lot of IV users >.>
 
ive had a needle fetish nearing 10 years now. despite loving to IV certain amounts of my pain meds each script, i usually spend no more than 50% of that certain script be injected. im training my brain back to the days of where i would get that initial placebo of analgesia after swallowing a few measy codeine fortes, knowing that, yes, these meds do work orally, it is a majoring factor for being on these particular suckers in the first place.
 
D-Bills said:
Im right there with u guys, i love it more when theres heroin in it but even getting blood drawn or seeing a needle on law and order gets ne excited lol i have buldging veins from my wrist to shoulder and never had to take more then 5-10 seconds to shoot up. And when ever i see them blasting out i just want to grab a needle and blast something heroin, water, whatever lol i do agree with its part of the ritual why we get so turned on to it. Kinda like the pavloneion ( my spelling sucks haha) response ( look it up if u duno he was a psychologist who trained pidgeons to bowl, and other crazy things and its how we trained monkeys to got spacelol) we see te needle and 7 out of ten times its goig to be filled with our substance of choice so our brain releases endorphins ( again cant spell ) cus we love it and in time after doing it for awhile we juat need to see the needle to get off on it.
Click to expand...

Yes, that is exactly what I explained in my post on the first page of this thread...
 
JunkieDays said:
I've also been complimented for having 'nice fingers' ... dafuq? lol.

btw - Just because he's throwing away his needles doesn't really mean anything. I'm sure he has secret stash spots where he stored some works. I know I do.
I'll be looking for something and then out of nowheres - Find a syringe.
Click to expand...

I've gotten the nice/nimble/artists hands/fingers compliment before. Which makes no sense cause I've been a mechanic for a decade now and they're getting beat to hell.
I have a thousand stash spots for syringes. I have a needle fetish but the finding of a syringe doesn't typically lead to relapse.
The time I was cleaning out the coat closet and a bundle of NYC stamps fell out of the inside of the framing of the door? Yeah.... Fucking relapse. Full on. In Brooklyn the next night.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top