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Addicted to Buzzing

T

tjtigers14

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Joined
Feb 8, 2011
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19
Does anyone else feel like they are dependent on intoxication in general? Sort of a: I don't NEED weed, booze, ADHD meds, painkillers, shrooms, acid or MDMA, but I need 1 of them sort of a thing..Does anyone ever feel that they have trouble being sober?

I am fine at work, but when I'm sitting in my room or with friends there is this very apparent gnawing to get high. I can't just sit in my room sober and feel happy, ever, I need to be altered, whether it's drinking a few beers, ripping a bowl, popping an addy, whatever. And even then, those mild intoxicants get boring after a while and I want to do something harder. I tried to go sober this last week, I went 3 days before I was at my friend's house, drinking beer, tripping on ambien and smoking spice every day after that.

Or maybe I'm just bitching and moaning because I'm on probo and getting high is way overdrawn by those people. Anyway, anybody else ever thought something along the lines of this thread title before?
 
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this strikes true with me. i need to cut down on my weekend binges, it always starts with alcohol, then leads to all kinds of stuff. alcohol is the catalyst. but most of the time i wish i was off my face, gradually gotten worse over the years. although ive always had a love for being intoxicated, especially on booze. always pushing the limits. can be quite a viscous self destructive circle
 
Yeah there are any number of drug and non-drug forms of escape that you can seek. If the motivation for getting high is avoidance rather than seeking the specific experience of a substance, then there are many different ways of looking for that.
 
Haha yeah it's mostly due to boredom, with drugs being the lazy man's cure. I could go climb a tree or join a book club, but I'm just too damn lazy and would rather get high and go on my computer
 
If that's what you want then that's what you want. Although book clubs and tree climbing are not the only possible alternatives ;)
 
tjtigers14 said:
I could go climb a tree or join a book club, but I'm just too damn lazy and would rather get high and go on my computer
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That's the only thng holding you back, complacence.
Break that barrier of staying in that familiar darkness of day to day boredom.
Get into somethng new, only then will you be motivated to stay away from drugs because what is new now will become just as familiar & comfortable as that high.
There will always be somethng to take your interest, all you gotta do is open your eyes & more importantly, your mind.
 
tjtigers14 said:
Does anyone else feel like they are dependent on intoxication in general? Sort of a: I don't NEED weed, booze, ADHD meds, painkillers, shrooms, acid or MDMA, but I need 1 of them sort of a thing..Does anyone ever feel that they have trouble being sober?
Click to expand...

That's my problem. I have never been addicted to anything or ever had a fiend for any certain drug.

I also discussed this while I was in rehab 5 years ago. A few of the people there agreed that they just wanted a buzz, whatever it was. Most of them just had addictions to a certain drug though.

tjtigers14 said:
Haha yeah it's mostly due to boredom, with drugs being the lazy man's cure. I could go climb a tree or join a book club, but I'm just too damn lazy and would rather get high and go on my computer
Click to expand...

Same thing again. I just like sitting inside, listening to music, playing video games, watching movies, etc. I don't have the desire to do anything else.
 
Sounds very familiar. Ever since I had my first beer at 15, I've always wanted a buzz of some sort.

I think it's a boredom thing in my case though, as long as I'm at work I'm content enough, but in the evenings... there have been very few days in the last 16 years that I've been completely sober.

During high school, it was pot, then excessive drinking for a few years, then pot again plus moderate drinking until I discovered opiates. Which killed my desire to do other drugs just fine, but brought the buzz addiction to a whole new level of course.

I'm currently trying to get off daily opiate usage, but I know I can't go back to just pot and booze as those seem just too plain in comparison. I really need to think of something entirely else, break that need for a buzz at night. I've no idea how though.
 
I've been like that for the last 12 years, until about a month and a half ago. Does it bother you to be like that? It's a pretty typical thing I think the world over. There's a lot of people who just need to catch a buzz every day, whether it's from a doobie, or a few beers or whatever. There was a study recently (I'm not going to be bothered to look it up), said that people who drink in moderation every day, tend to live longer than those who abstain from everything. Why, because stress is the silent killer, hard on your heart especially, catching a buzz definitely helps reduce the stress after a day at work.

For the first time since I was a teenager I've been not getting buzzed every day (a month and a half now), no weed in just under a month, a few beers here and there, but not every day. Really what it comes down to, is that if you NEED to get buzzed to enjoy something, it's probably not really all that enjoyable. If you're passionate about something, doing it's it's own reward. I thought playing my guitar would never be the same without a big fatty first, and it's not, it's different, but it's still enjoyable, and I've actually improved more in a month than in the year previous. Same thing with funny movies, and things like cartoons, (Sunday night I would get baked and watch the new family guy and shit like that, Loser, maybe), But they're actually funnier sober, it's weird.

For me the catalyst for change was realizing how many quality women I've met and become friends with over the years, who wouldn't ever date me, because they saw me for what I was, an addict. These weren't straight edge prudes or anything, some hard partying chicks, who just didn't want to be with someone who NEEDED to get away from himself every day. And it's hard and it sucks, and I get really depressed sometimes, but a big part of that depression, is wondering what could have been if I had made those changes a long time ago, instead of at the age of 30.

A lot of people are o.k with it, but I think some of them are going to wake up when they're 30 or 40 (whenever), and realize they can't remember a third of their life, and that's really unfortunate, (it was for me).
 
Yeah, I can relate! I sometimes feel like that. More in the past than now, I've recently gotten a lot more serious about school and picked up a part-time job so most days I am sober. But I know that feeling you are talking about, just that constant itching to catch a buzz... a lot of times I just have to tell myself I don't need it and settle for a boring night watching TV, lol. I just remind myself that I am keeping my mind and body healthy by being sober, and to go out drinking or smoke a bowl as an occasional "treat".

I have a family history of alcholism, and I have had to have an honest inner-dialoge with myself: I am vulnerable to following in those footsteps. I have never been an addict in the true sense of the world (with the exception of nicotine) but I know I have an addictive personality. I constantly have to keep myself in check. Looking at my past, I have too gotten close to crossing the line, letting drinking and drugs interfear with school, family, and finances. I have to set myself limits, both on quantity and frequency of my use, and I know that if I don't follow those limits then I take the risk of becoming an addict. I would rather just use responsibly and avoid all that.
 
I guess i have always sought some type of intoxication since i was maybe 12 years old. I went through periods where i didn't use any addictive drugs and just stuck to cannabis and shrooms but i have been a alcoholic, a opiate addict and i am dependent on benzodiazepines. I go through periods where i will just stick to my prescribed drugs more or less besides the cannabis i smoke pretty much everyday. Other times i end up taking whatever i can get my hands on :| . After my last bad poly drug binge which involved E and IV coke i have just stuck to what Ive been prescribed. My brain nor body can handle that amount of abuse anymore. Comedowns from cocaine in particular seem to kill me but comedowns from any stim feel worse on me now then when i was younger.

On the upshot this feeling get's less and less when my life is looking on the upside. Right now and definitely in the future i won't be able to go and get all fucked up shooting blow and all that. Not unless i want to end up totally alone and miserable with nothing to keep me company but chemicals. And who doesn't want that? :\

It only took me about 29 years to realize that drugs didn't make me feel any happier and that alot had the opposite effect. Smart one i am 8(
 
YES! whatever im doing i feel like i need a buzz to get out of my skin. but i stick to beer and pills.shrooms or lsd would be a bad idea lol. not in the right frame of mind for those .
 
Great thread because we often label ourselves on here as "opiate addict" or "schizo" or "alcoholic" or "pothead" but you are really clearing up such a basic fact of human life that so many people just can't stand to be alone or by themselves.

And yeh thats generalizing but I remember even when I got out of prison, I was at a wedding one day and had met a relative I never met before in my life. I was in awe by how smart this woman was within minutes of meeting her. We just clicked. And it was like one of my moms distant cousins or something. My moms was talking about how I was in college and sober but still a "drug addict", and how I go to NA meetings everyday, and this woman said something that I still remember till this day.

Not cause it was amazing but just the way it effected me on that day.
And she said, "oh, no I know your sons type exactly, by daughter is the same way... he just gets VERY bored when he's alone". No need to judge me or analyze me into a fucking labrat. And really thinking about all the explanations from NA, and prison, and rehab... her explanation till this day just tends to resonate with me the most.

When I am alone I lose my fucking my mind. I even told her that in response just w/out cursing of course at this was a family event. But she responded to my mother "I bet if your son felt truely challenged in life he wouldn't feel that way when he's alone". And strangest thing I can say is the entire time I was locked up I was being challenged, and never had 1 craving to use. Yes it was boring as fuck being in a cell 23 hours a day but I was still being challenged intellectually in a way that is hard to explain.

Cause as soon as I got out, got back into the "fun" things, like school and work lol... it was only a matter of a couple years before I started using again. I got SOO BORED just with the routine of life that I couldn't stand being sober. And its really routine that I despise the most in life. Prison was very monotonous but you were still very much on your emotional edge every day... and I just don't remember thinking about using almost at all in prison. Wasn't untill I started conforming and doing "normal" things, that I felt this intense desire to feel abormal... like getting high.

Its so hard to explain and I'm sure I didn't even anchor this story to the topic as well as I wanted, but if I'm not doing my absolute best in life, or struggling against some type of adversity, I tend to wanna take life for granted and get high. I also know when I'm working, and superbusy, I always think I will want to get high more... but paradoxically I wind up getting high less. I really do just use cause boredom is such an anxious feeling for me. If I'm at work I'm fine and dandy, usually center of attention and having fun. If I'm out or at my families or anywhere but home using doesn't cross my mind a lot. Not till I get home at least and realize noones there but me. Like "hmm what am I going to do do small bs chores and be bored while I do them, talk to my walls and try to entertain myself orrrr get high, be entertained and do chores?" Its ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS the latter.

And the craziest part is I don't view myself as a drug addict, I view myself as a person that tolerates boredom in an extremely unbeneficial way. =] I'm not usually aware of that though till I see threads like this, and I can just identify with them so much. Nor do I even think it matters if I really am or am not a drug addict, and I think what really matters is how I let it affect my life. And lately I've been taking a lot of control back so I'm very happy about that.

edit: and another symptom of my "boredom disorder" is just how long my posts are. I mean really look at them. I never post in this forum unless I'm home and alone. And I can rarely ever make a post 1-2 sentences long because I'm always just that fucking bored. So luckily for the forum they get to see my persistent page long rants as the byproduct. =]
 
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I was just gona start a thread on this exact topic when I found this by accident :)

I totally hear you OP. I tend to go a bit OTT on downers (sleeping pills, benzos, alcohol, etc.) but, nomatter what the particular substance, every time I am alone at night I find myself wanting to get high, stoned, whatever. I think it's just boredom, but I get really really strong urges to abuse my meds - is this normal?! Would boredom make a person want to overdo it on pills to such an extent?

It's literally every night of the week almost....and I have accidentally OD-ed on sleepers and Xanax twice in the last fews weeks, I should know better, but it doesn't really matter :(
 
Sounds exactly the way that I feel. I am only truly happy when I can alter the chemistry in my brain somehow.For me feeling normal in my head just doesn't cut it.
 
Escapism is a general human trait - it is not limited to substances, people find escape in television, music, exercise, meditation, and many other things
 
Me too. I am not an addict I'm just obsessed with altering my consciousness. I've been doing it three times a week for about six months. It's just boredom. :\
 
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^There's no simple answer for anybody. We all have our own particular reasons for using drugs and so there's no solution that is the same for every single person.

I'm not very experienced with opiates but from everything I've seen it seems like the type of drug that is among the least likely to be used moderately. If you've used once every few days over an extended period of time then at least to me you've done quite a good job this far of moderating your use.

Regarding moderation as a long term solution, it really depends on you too. Some people might do well with this approach whereas others might find it difficult or near impossible to achieve. Total abstinence is simple and safest; but you'll only know what works for you if you try it out.
 
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