• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Addicted to Benzos again

B

benzodmt

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2017
Messages
59
Location
Southend on Sea, Essex, Blighty
When will I ever learn. I am addicted to benzodiazepines from a ridulous heavy 2 week session of mostly Etizolam, going through 200mg in a single week. Yup I should know better.
I have been on a taper for over 2 weeks and just switched to Diazepam. Feels alot smother than it did but boy does the interdose hurt!!!.
I have been to my GP who suggested I go cold turkey, baring in mind I have already had a Tramadol induced seizure at a dose of 250mg.. I also visited a addiction centre and they thought what I was doing was very good however did not have anyone that specialises in benzos. They invited me to meditation and music thats it, now what kind of support is that.
I visit my GP my second time, he prescribes pregablin 2x75mg, which messes with my memory and find that it is also addictive!?.
I have to source my own Diazepam as he won't give me benzos. So basically I have to continue to break the law to get better.
Luckily at present I have a decent supply of 220x10mg diazepam and 375mg etizolam. Do I need more for a successful taper. I do feel at times I've messed up for good but looking at my taper.
Etizolam was more difficult, especially at the beginning and would not take my first dose till 5pm....last few hrs was hell.
Now on diazepam I take my first 10mg when things start to get very shaky around 1pm-2pm.however sleep was easier on etizolam, now barely nothing..
Being alone and awake all night is just downright depressing.
Lucky to have a girlfriend who is supportive however she is away at the moment.
how long do I hold my dose and will things improve if I hold, will it become easier.

Here is my taper,

Etizolam daily dose, taper.
Day 1 6mg+
Day 2 5.5mg
Day 3 5.4mg
Day 4 5.3mg
Day 5 messed up and took lots, was a bad day.
Day 6 5mg
Day 7 5mg
Day 8 5mg
Day 9 4.9mg
Day 10 4.9mg
Day 11 4.9 mg
Day 12 4.8mg

Diazepam switch
Day 13 45mg diazepam
Day 14 45mg diazepam

Thank you all.
 
benzodmt said:
I have to source my own Diazepam as he won't give me benzos. So basically I have to continue to break the law to get better.
Click to expand...


That is a perfect illustration of how screwed up medical help is for addiction. But of course they are always happy to throw someone in jail!8(:sus:

I would suggest going back to your GP with The Ashton Manual all printed out for him. If for nothing more than education for him when dealing with others in the same boat as you. It sounds like you have it well in hand. Have you compared your schedule to that recommended by Ashton?

Even though the offering of meditation might have seemed dismissive under the circumstances I would still not blow it off as useless. You may have rebound anxiety when you come off benzos and having tools in your tool-belt that are not chemical is invaluable.

Good luck and keep us posted!
 
Thanks for the reply mate. Previously I did just that , I presented a copy of the Ashton manual to my GP when I was addicted many years ago. He wasn't interested seriously there's shit all help for benzoHolics. Ya there's a ton of support for heroin and alcohol in my area and that's a good thing but why not benzos?. Life threatening seizures no thank you.
I think I'm just panicking really. It feels so far away after just a couple weeks of binging.. I know I will beat this again but you get those downs. I just want this crap so much out of my life. My family, friends and partner mean the world to be..
I am a big fan of meditation and quite spiritual, It's that what's managed to keep me relativaly strong so far.., I may go to the meetings if I'm not too bad
I'm Gona treat myself when this ends.
I consider myself a strong person but still....Please please be very very careful with benzos people, especially Etizolam it's very morish and habitual..
I will keep you updated today still on 45mg it's been alot easier I'm only Upton 20mg and it's evening.
I know mixing alcohol can mess up the process but really fancy 1 pint tonight. Bored, nothing on, girlfriend away, friends busy. Would say max 1 pin mess things up.
Cheers..
 
Down to 40 mg diazepam. Well probably less as there cheap ass knock off ones from India. Things becoming easier. Made a massive jump from 45 to 40mg and I'm holding.
Thanks for nothing GP
 
Last edited:
Had a few very wobbly antsy days after the second or third day of lowering my dose to 40mg now seem to be stabilising with the help of one 75mg pregablin at noon. Dont feel I need the whole 150mg as prescribed and don't want any issues to come from pregablin. Will reduce my dose to 39mg from tomorrow, no pain no gain ;).. the 5mg jump was way too much but I fought through it and glad I did now..
 
37.5 now. Will hold longer this time I feel like I'm punishing myself for dropping off too well. I have discovered that drinking coffee in the morning actually relaxes me which I don't advise, a total paradoxical reaction. Also a nice warm bath rather than a shower is soothing, I guess I'm starting to learn coping techniques however I barely leave the house and play with my phone all day, those mundane android games...
So far
Etizolam
Day 1 6mg+
Day 2 5.5mg
Day 3 5.4mg
Day 4 5.3mg
Day 5 ?
Day 6 5mg
Day 7 5mg
Day 8 5mg
Day 9 4.9mg
Day 10 4.9mg
Day 11 4.9 mg
Day 12 4.8mg
Diazepam switch
Day 13 45mg diazepam
Day 14 45mg diazepam
Day 15 45mg diazepam
Day 16 40mg diazepam
Day 17 40mg diazepam
Day 18 40mg diazepam
Day 19 40mg diazepam
Day 20 40 mg diazepam
Day 21 40mg diazepam
Day 22 40mg diazepam
Day 23 37.5mg diazepam
Day 24 20mg diaz 2mg Xanax
Day 25 37.5mg Diazepam
Day 26 37.5mg Diazepam Will hold for at least 7-10 days
 
Down to 36mg and feeling alot better after a month, feel almost stabilised. I know I can do this now. What a hard month it's been. I am now taking pregablin as it is helping alot, just makes me so hungry, taking 2x150mg pregablin a day
 
Great job in the taper. I use benzos several times a week and use phenibut on my "break days". I alternate between etizolam and on Fri and sat it's clonazolam. The clonazolam is much less forgiving dosage rise and addiction potential so I only use it to enjoy a weekend night in. Why do these helpful drugs have to be so freaking addicting?
 
I used to use phenibut very sparingly and found I have much greater control over it say once or twice a week. Helpful yet addicting umm it's like whatever seems too good to be true, I'm having a pregablin break today as it seems not to be effecting me anymore and Im actually feeling quite ok. I was looking at getting some more phenibut just for the odd occasion but something inside me says no, I loved that stuff..
I so miss that etizolam feeling and so want it back but that's the psychological addiction part I guess. Once an addict always an addict maybe?..
Breaking, weighing and calculating is a pain with 10mg tabs..
 
I had been using benzos for a few years, went through a hellish withdrawal and was without for over over a year, essentially rid myself of them. Then I was literally forced to take them in a hospital, despite protesting. After that I thought pretty much fuck it, so now I've been 7+ years on 1mg clonazepam a day. It's like eating two fresh mints a day, unless I happen to forget to take them of course. My experience has been that, when you've been stable on the same dose for years, there is no mental addiction or at least it feels that way, because there hasn't been a 'benzo feeling' for years despite taking them daily. Otherwise I would be constantly seeking to increase dose I think? I'm still a little bit bitter about the whole ordeal but I think in the grand scheme of things, would it matter that much if I kept at it for the rest of my life? I can only imagine how it would be if someone would take the prescription away from me now, for whatever reason. It would make me so angry because when I withdrew in the first place, it was my personal decision.

It is indeed such a shame that doctors often don't want to prescribe a benzo to treat dependency, it shouldn't matter whether they considered it wasn't treating an illness because abrupt withdrawal is fatal at worst, debilitating at best, and a proper taper is the healthiest thing for someone who is dependent and wants to quit...

Stay strong and be careful that you don't taper so fast you develop other addictions. I think people who often develop benzo addictions have anxiety issues as their core problem, the good feeling comes from the abolition of anxiety, not from the drug itself. Have you considered the possibility of an underlying anxiety issue which you are self-medicating and perhaps seeking help dealing with it in ways that don't involve drugs or atleast GABAergic ones?
 
Hey,

I have been addicted to benzos for about a year and a half now, it started off with the once legal "theino-benzos" especially etizolam and then clonazepam. Clonazepam was the one that really screwed me though. I was self-medicating for chronic insomnia and anxiety and major depressive disorder, which were the root causes of my problems

I found a GP who knew how to withdraw properly and I printed out the ashton manual taper schedule and she agreed 1mg a week or 0.5mg if it starts getting tough. You really need to find a GP who understands how to taper patients.
Unfortunately I moved temporarily overseas where diazepam is readily available over the counter, and I didnt have the CBT and 1 to 1 counselling I have had this year, which were very beneficial and to the root of the problems I was having I mentioned above.

Unfortunately however, although the therapy was helpful at managing certain triggers, the insomnia was still there making life pretty miserable. I finally went to a doctor who knew me and my family for over 30 years, so explained I had tried absolutely everything possible so was pretty desperate. She gave me a prescription for Amitriptyline and I didnt think twice to accept.
Miracle drug for me to be honest: Yeah the side effects are challenging - insanely dry mouth, brain fog, forgetfulness, shaking hands, grogginess the next day etc - but for me being able to sleep has helped immensely in dealing with the benzo withdrawal symptoms whilst also being a better medicine for anxiety and depression compared to benzos.

The good thing about Amitrip though is if you are having real problems sleeping and take it specifically for insomnia, you dont need to build the dose up and can take it just occasionally in the 10mg-75mg range.

I have had to titrate my dose up to 150mg as I was still having depression symptoms. But it's worked wonders for me. Trazadone is supposed to be just as good, being both older tricyclic anti-depressants.

GABA-B medicines like Pregabalin and Phenibut have seemed to help me previous to me being prescribed Amitrip. But watch out for addiction in those two.

I have dropped to zero and it's day 3 and i'm not feeling any withdrawals so far. It's early days yet, but i'm hoping any PAWS will be easier to deal with due to being on Amitrip.

Just my two cents.

And good luck!
 
Cheers guys, I've sent off the so called Diazepam I'm using for a taper, apparently someone I know who is from overseas passed a drug test just a couple of days after taking the same batch!!.. the tablets are D10s Blue and seem home pressed. I sent off a tablet to WEDINOS for testing and awaiting results, either way I'm using the same batch and still doing very well however low mood is setting in, I've lost my spark. .
 
Etizolam
Day 1 6mg+
Day 2 5.5mg
Day 3 5.4mg
Day 4 5.3mg
Day 5 ?
Day 6 5mg
Day 7 5mg
Day 8 5mg
Day 9 4.9mg
Day 10 4.9mg
Day 11 4.9 mg
Day 12 4.8mg
Diazepam switch
Day 13 45mg
Day 14 45mg
Day 15 45mg
Day 16 40mg
Day 17 40mg
Day 18 40mg
Day 19 40mg
Day 20 40 mg
Day 21 40mg
Day 22 40mg
Day 23 37.5mg
Day 24 20mg diaz 2mg Xanax
Day 25 37.5mg
Day 26 37.5mg
Day 27 10mg Diazepam, 1mg xanax , 1.7mg Etizolam
Day 28 37.5mg Diazepam
Day 29 37mg Diazepam
Day 30 37 mg Diazepam, stabilised!
Day 31 36mg Diazepam
Day 32 36mg Diazepam (aug 11)
Day 33 35mg
Day 34 35mg
Day 35 30mg
Day 36 30mg
Day 37 30mg
Day 38 30mg
Day 38 30mg
Day 39 30mg
Day 40 30mg
 
day 60 or so.

Totally crashed yesterday, last few days the withdrawals have been unbareable. I have been strong but there's only so much a man can take.
The so called Diazepam are Etizolam. No wonder I was getting so bad interdoSe withdrawals. Been to GP again today and this is my 4th or 5th
Visit. They have upped my pregablin to 2 x 300mg .This sucks donkey dicks..I need to reassess the situation . They will not help me with diazepam . I don't know what to do but what I do know is that I need to up my dose to get to a comfortable level and start again. Slowly.. hey ho. Life sucks
 
Just an update , managed to get by on 20mg of real Diazepam with the help of pregablin currently keeping my pregablin dose low at 225mg even though I'm supposed to take 600mg a day, I will probably up my pregablin to 300mg as I would rather be addicted to an NHS prescription than acquiring illegally. I have also ordered a gram of Diclazepam which hopefully will see me through.. Quitting
 
Last edited:
I would suggest being very careful and reluctant to add other drugs to the mix. If the goal is to be off the drugs it really doesn't matter whether they are legal or illegal, although I'd understand why you would prefer to be stuck on one that is prescribed.

Great work on getting as far as you have. Know that the longer you stick on the taper the easier things will get. Benzos are a hard drug to get off with some nasty WDs, sounds like you have been on quite the journey. Stick with it, don't be discouraged too much if you find yourself back tracking a little just make sure to pick back up as soon as you catch yourself slipping.
 
Thanks mate yesterday I took only 150mg of pregablin and today I intend to only take 75mg pregablin. It's strange stuff as it seems to help with the anxiety for just a couple of days then you ha e to keep upping it. I did take the prescribed 600mg on one day and I was dangerously all over the place slurring my words like a drunk idiot.. I don't want to be a cabbage.next time I'm at the surgery I'm going to have a go at them if I do even go. I wish I never bothered with a gp now... Still I've accepted my addiction and have forgiven myself for it and I'm not going to taper Down so fast anymore..Slow and smooth. Even if it takes years I'm not going through the two months of agony I put on myself....
Love you all brothers and sisters

I do miss dmt but I guess this is not the right time for those journeys
 
You came so far to just give up... Your body will level out to the dose you are on, it's just the fact you were progressively lowering the dose.

Maybe just try sticking to the dose you are at without adding other drugs for a few weeks and see if you don't feel better. It's a little sad to see someone give up who is so close to success. Either way, I'd hope for your own sake that you don't increase your dose, even if you plan a long taper. Best of luck either way.
 
Thank you mate I was in a rush I know I'm currently taking 25mg of Diazepam I did manage to have one day at 20mg but that was just a very good day. I'm sticking to 25mg for a good couple of weeks now as I've been through so much pain, it's manageable with some heightened anxiety but not what I felt before., It was so hard U felt I was going nuts, I have been taking pregablin pretty much every day with doses averaging say 300mg I know if I come off pregablin I would probably need more benzos. I hate the feeling of pregablin it blunts my emotions and I feel like stupid. I'm struggling between the two I don't know what to do, Im more bothered about stabalision than Quitting now. I know I will eventually but I am not going through the hell again.
I so want get high as bad as it sounds , I miss my dmt, my 3 monthly MDMA, my lovely codeine lol I'm just a druggie. My bad
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top