So had a rough break up recently and spiralled down into speed use, my medication script and actual amphetamine in weekends. It got way out of control. it worked wonders for cutting off all the pain and allowed me to focus on future things. But now I still get caught in very painful thoughts and feelings when I stop using, and it all comes flooding back anyhow, the loneliness, heartbreak etc.
I've honestly lost control and I can't seem to care enough to just quit and ride it out. I'd rather just stay high and not feel it.
When I don't take dexedrine I find it hard to even get out of bed. I have no energy. I get extremely depressed, boring and unable to get anything done, everything starts to feel pointless and hopeless. When on dexedrine I start initiating social contact again, make plans for the future, and actually do shit. I started associating success with being on the drug and it's hard when I have so much confirmation that people generally like me better when on speed. It's starting to get out of hand. All of my friends use it, and a big chunk of them snort amphetamine during weekends and lines get passed around. I either isolate myself completely, or I cave when I go to these hangouts, and find I say 'yes' when I know I should say 'no'.
Honestly I notice no difference between the meds and actual amphetamine. It works both the same.
I just hate being sober.
So much sleep deprivation and lack of eating can't be good for me, but I hate the intense sadness and emotional spiral down awaiting me when I'm off of the stuff. Just venting, I'm in a pretty dark place. I barely even feel the meds anymore. It just makes me feel sort of there, and able to do stuff but at this point it just makes me wired. What should I expect when I quit? Should I ween myself off of it? I have a script for an ADD diagnosis and without I barely can focus at all. Im worried I may have ruined the usefulness of them by now anyway. Fuck I'm just screwed
I've honestly lost control and I can't seem to care enough to just quit and ride it out. I'd rather just stay high and not feel it.
When I don't take dexedrine I find it hard to even get out of bed. I have no energy. I get extremely depressed, boring and unable to get anything done, everything starts to feel pointless and hopeless. When on dexedrine I start initiating social contact again, make plans for the future, and actually do shit. I started associating success with being on the drug and it's hard when I have so much confirmation that people generally like me better when on speed. It's starting to get out of hand. All of my friends use it, and a big chunk of them snort amphetamine during weekends and lines get passed around. I either isolate myself completely, or I cave when I go to these hangouts, and find I say 'yes' when I know I should say 'no'.
Honestly I notice no difference between the meds and actual amphetamine. It works both the same.
I just hate being sober.
So much sleep deprivation and lack of eating can't be good for me, but I hate the intense sadness and emotional spiral down awaiting me when I'm off of the stuff. Just venting, I'm in a pretty dark place. I barely even feel the meds anymore. It just makes me feel sort of there, and able to do stuff but at this point it just makes me wired. What should I expect when I quit? Should I ween myself off of it? I have a script for an ADD diagnosis and without I barely can focus at all. Im worried I may have ruined the usefulness of them by now anyway. Fuck I'm just screwed