Hello world! First off I want to thank you for taking the click on my thread.
Okay, so I know what most of us think when we see a thread that states somewhere along the lines, "stimulants+a million adverse reactions=overdose".... cause yeah most if the time you've just lost your mind temporarily and will be ok... I am one of those people thats like chill the f**k and have a nap and sandwich.. and waaaaalaaa you didn't die. This is also the first time, this topic, I am reaching out for "support". I have been searching forums and can't find any that I can 100% relate to... maybe my thread with help someone else along the way not feel as insane..... Due to my current state of mind, body, and soul... I am going to try to not be all over the place. I thought I would share/vent a wee version of my story leading up to my addiction and my experiences with crazy "Adverse Reactions"... and why I'm so tripped out over Adderall..and who knows maybe someone else can relate to my jibber jabber and then relate to or take from it.
If you don't have intrest in reading my life rant/vent... skip to the last paragraph to just read my current qdderall situation.
Okay, so a little past life info, so you understand more so my experience with uppers and why I am legitimately concerned. To sum up my childhood/teenage years my dad, step father, and mother all were partiers and"distributers".. so drugs.. was always around. I despised all them, their addiction, and the pain inflicted on us kids... but, since I was "different, stronger, and better"... I still stayed in the "family business" my teenage years for $ purposes, obvious lol. I didn't like Heroin / Opiates, Marijuana, only little alcohol... enjoyed some blow, acid, x, and shrooms.., once in a blue moon... I tought I had made it.. safe. So as years and bullsh*t goes by... Ive also picked up the skilled trade of manufacturing crystal meth. Man I said f*ck even trying that sh*t, I knew what I made it out of.. "Ew". Lol...
I'm sorry for the bio guys!! Its been leading up to the pount I wanted to make...
The first 2 weeks July 2011. I already was a pissed off person in the world full of so much pain, but I always was there supporting and raising my younger siblings... and always was there for my mother..provided for us...not because she deserved it.. but because thats family. 1) My father had a some months clean time, like longest ever, and asked me to move in with him in FL for a little... get to see my youngest bro be born..I went and within the 1st week he was buying blow, going to runs while finace is in hospital with his son that was just born, and laid his hands on me the first time ever trying to still my ring off my hand so he could get a fix... and I came back. I was heart broken so for the first time ever I said some mean shit back.. went back to my home state and called my mom for a couch to crash on for a couple nights and she she said no cause her drunk boyfriend supposedly said no... and I then find out she lost custody to evil ex step dads mother...because she was going to be going back to prison. I'm pissed. July sucks. Im headed to WA State. Dad calls said hes gonna kill himself and begging for forgiveness and I just couldn't right then... July 12.. ring... your dad is dead self induced overdose. I lost it....and i literally didn't have anyone..
Sorry guys...in my head all this is leading up to "my point"...
Long story short, my gay buddy Tim loved my Crystal and would always tell me how great it is and how you will feel...not feel....etc. Dropping off to him and his friend that night and they pulled out a bag of points... I had never actually been HIGH and never administrated anything that way.... but I did want to feel...hell in that moment I didn't want to live. So there I am, threw a .26 crystal on there, advised not to do that much, still did.... and for for the first time I was worry free, happy, fuck everything else, along with hours of convolutions, puking, not seeing straight, but with the biggest grin... I don't remember every detail, just feeling like I was up in the clouds.. and as sad as it sounds... I felt complete, a clarity of happiness that I only ever dreamt of.. Literally I never thought was capable of being that happy and care free...pain free.
I apologize if I should had separated my "story" from this next part...I wanted to see if I would be able to chill and my current symptoms better., Unfortunately not.
So here's why I am tripping about this Adderall. hunk of crystal that I mentioned I did my first time... it didn't scare me.. anyone that was into the same thing didn't want that intense of a high, or was scared, or didn't like/couldn't handle the possible side effects...but thats how I did it everytime. My buddies would get high and to tweakimg out and I would lay down the first bit and enjoy myself...then find stuff to do...when i would hallucinate I never got paranoid, could always calm myself down, laugh off the psychosis bullsh*t. I got clean off that shit and haven't touched it since 2013. Married now, house, careers etc. But I do here and there still have fun with blow, mdma, and adderall. I have always took pretty high dosages. .. tweak out a little day 2... a little psychosis.. but always also know most of pain and etc isn't "real".
So last time was 1 month ago appox. I have some free days so wanted to have some fun. Picked uo 60 20mg IR 4:30pm yesterday, Wednesday, and popped some... little more throughout the night.. yes a lot more than recommended. ..but not as much as I have... so literally by 8am today, Thursday..... like 12-14 hours later I having pains in chest, abdomen, and already starting to have hallucinations. I go to bathroom I am white with red and purple bloches.. times going by everything keeps intensifying. One minute I am blood red, some parts in my white.. Skin strechy looking in areas, a couple sores... hallucinations slowly have intensified all day. Im hot and cold. My eyes started to burn real bad , and I was like wtf Ive hardly been up a day.. blood shot.. and both pupils are rapidly constricting and dilating. Parts of my head, neck, face..numbness and tingling. Dizziness. One minute have energy next minute very drowsy. Random rashes. Random moments where my breath is take away. At time like water is drizzling down my jaw, head. Weird tastes. These last hours gasy.
Right this moment- Pupils still are rapidly constricting/dilating, literally bigger, smaller with about 1 sec in between . Right side face mostly numb, face and ear very red and feels hot. Left side face not hot but as red. Right side face the drizzle sensation. Cold hands, cold feet. Whole body white, red, purple bloches. Skin still looks streched in areas. Gas. Random spasms in different areas. Also its not constant but sparattically my vision goes blurry a few secomds each time. Random pains and my neck and head this last bit has been getting tensel. Nasty taste and smell. Still nauseous, dizzy, it's comes and goes.. been having a bit of brain fog.
I have searched through several different forums, but I couldn't find any that related to these symptoms and for the same cause. I realize the hallucinations aren't real, they have been getting worse.. I keep myself occupied but I turn and something startles me. I realize that some of the pains and sensations arent anything to worry about.... and I understand the discoloration of skin etc. But the eyes (pupils), numbness, paims, sensations in neck, head, face? My blood pressure is fluctuating hi/low.
All of this came on so soon and has only intensified. My wife which got in from work this evening confirmed my eyes, skin, streching, and discoloration is how I see see it...so its determining if the feelings are too.
i have never experienced a good bit of what I am now..at lesst nothing that lasted this long. So before I allow myself to freak out and worry my wife while dragging me to a hospital. . I just want to know any experiences that anybody has had with this... and mainly if anyone has experienced multiple of these symptoms at the same time for extended period.... and if so what was real? Results? If I keep getting worse I will go get help. ..
But would like to hear others challenges and how you got through it. Anything specific you did to push through this madness a bit smoother?
Thank you
Okay, so I know what most of us think when we see a thread that states somewhere along the lines, "stimulants+a million adverse reactions=overdose".... cause yeah most if the time you've just lost your mind temporarily and will be ok... I am one of those people thats like chill the f**k and have a nap and sandwich.. and waaaaalaaa you didn't die. This is also the first time, this topic, I am reaching out for "support". I have been searching forums and can't find any that I can 100% relate to... maybe my thread with help someone else along the way not feel as insane..... Due to my current state of mind, body, and soul... I am going to try to not be all over the place. I thought I would share/vent a wee version of my story leading up to my addiction and my experiences with crazy "Adverse Reactions"... and why I'm so tripped out over Adderall..and who knows maybe someone else can relate to my jibber jabber and then relate to or take from it.
If you don't have intrest in reading my life rant/vent... skip to the last paragraph to just read my current qdderall situation.
Okay, so a little past life info, so you understand more so my experience with uppers and why I am legitimately concerned. To sum up my childhood/teenage years my dad, step father, and mother all were partiers and"distributers".. so drugs.. was always around. I despised all them, their addiction, and the pain inflicted on us kids... but, since I was "different, stronger, and better"... I still stayed in the "family business" my teenage years for $ purposes, obvious lol. I didn't like Heroin / Opiates, Marijuana, only little alcohol... enjoyed some blow, acid, x, and shrooms.., once in a blue moon... I tought I had made it.. safe. So as years and bullsh*t goes by... Ive also picked up the skilled trade of manufacturing crystal meth. Man I said f*ck even trying that sh*t, I knew what I made it out of.. "Ew". Lol...
I'm sorry for the bio guys!! Its been leading up to the pount I wanted to make...
The first 2 weeks July 2011. I already was a pissed off person in the world full of so much pain, but I always was there supporting and raising my younger siblings... and always was there for my mother..provided for us...not because she deserved it.. but because thats family. 1) My father had a some months clean time, like longest ever, and asked me to move in with him in FL for a little... get to see my youngest bro be born..I went and within the 1st week he was buying blow, going to runs while finace is in hospital with his son that was just born, and laid his hands on me the first time ever trying to still my ring off my hand so he could get a fix... and I came back. I was heart broken so for the first time ever I said some mean shit back.. went back to my home state and called my mom for a couch to crash on for a couple nights and she she said no cause her drunk boyfriend supposedly said no... and I then find out she lost custody to evil ex step dads mother...because she was going to be going back to prison. I'm pissed. July sucks. Im headed to WA State. Dad calls said hes gonna kill himself and begging for forgiveness and I just couldn't right then... July 12.. ring... your dad is dead self induced overdose. I lost it....and i literally didn't have anyone..
Sorry guys...in my head all this is leading up to "my point"...
Long story short, my gay buddy Tim loved my Crystal and would always tell me how great it is and how you will feel...not feel....etc. Dropping off to him and his friend that night and they pulled out a bag of points... I had never actually been HIGH and never administrated anything that way.... but I did want to feel...hell in that moment I didn't want to live. So there I am, threw a .26 crystal on there, advised not to do that much, still did.... and for for the first time I was worry free, happy, fuck everything else, along with hours of convolutions, puking, not seeing straight, but with the biggest grin... I don't remember every detail, just feeling like I was up in the clouds.. and as sad as it sounds... I felt complete, a clarity of happiness that I only ever dreamt of.. Literally I never thought was capable of being that happy and care free...pain free.
I apologize if I should had separated my "story" from this next part...I wanted to see if I would be able to chill and my current symptoms better., Unfortunately not.
So here's why I am tripping about this Adderall. hunk of crystal that I mentioned I did my first time... it didn't scare me.. anyone that was into the same thing didn't want that intense of a high, or was scared, or didn't like/couldn't handle the possible side effects...but thats how I did it everytime. My buddies would get high and to tweakimg out and I would lay down the first bit and enjoy myself...then find stuff to do...when i would hallucinate I never got paranoid, could always calm myself down, laugh off the psychosis bullsh*t. I got clean off that shit and haven't touched it since 2013. Married now, house, careers etc. But I do here and there still have fun with blow, mdma, and adderall. I have always took pretty high dosages. .. tweak out a little day 2... a little psychosis.. but always also know most of pain and etc isn't "real".
So last time was 1 month ago appox. I have some free days so wanted to have some fun. Picked uo 60 20mg IR 4:30pm yesterday, Wednesday, and popped some... little more throughout the night.. yes a lot more than recommended. ..but not as much as I have... so literally by 8am today, Thursday..... like 12-14 hours later I having pains in chest, abdomen, and already starting to have hallucinations. I go to bathroom I am white with red and purple bloches.. times going by everything keeps intensifying. One minute I am blood red, some parts in my white.. Skin strechy looking in areas, a couple sores... hallucinations slowly have intensified all day. Im hot and cold. My eyes started to burn real bad , and I was like wtf Ive hardly been up a day.. blood shot.. and both pupils are rapidly constricting and dilating. Parts of my head, neck, face..numbness and tingling. Dizziness. One minute have energy next minute very drowsy. Random rashes. Random moments where my breath is take away. At time like water is drizzling down my jaw, head. Weird tastes. These last hours gasy.
Right this moment- Pupils still are rapidly constricting/dilating, literally bigger, smaller with about 1 sec in between . Right side face mostly numb, face and ear very red and feels hot. Left side face not hot but as red. Right side face the drizzle sensation. Cold hands, cold feet. Whole body white, red, purple bloches. Skin still looks streched in areas. Gas. Random spasms in different areas. Also its not constant but sparattically my vision goes blurry a few secomds each time. Random pains and my neck and head this last bit has been getting tensel. Nasty taste and smell. Still nauseous, dizzy, it's comes and goes.. been having a bit of brain fog.
I have searched through several different forums, but I couldn't find any that related to these symptoms and for the same cause. I realize the hallucinations aren't real, they have been getting worse.. I keep myself occupied but I turn and something startles me. I realize that some of the pains and sensations arent anything to worry about.... and I understand the discoloration of skin etc. But the eyes (pupils), numbness, paims, sensations in neck, head, face? My blood pressure is fluctuating hi/low.
All of this came on so soon and has only intensified. My wife which got in from work this evening confirmed my eyes, skin, streching, and discoloration is how I see see it...so its determining if the feelings are too.
i have never experienced a good bit of what I am now..at lesst nothing that lasted this long. So before I allow myself to freak out and worry my wife while dragging me to a hospital. . I just want to know any experiences that anybody has had with this... and mainly if anyone has experienced multiple of these symptoms at the same time for extended period.... and if so what was real? Results? If I keep getting worse I will go get help. ..
But would like to hear others challenges and how you got through it. Anything specific you did to push through this madness a bit smoother?
Thank you
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