I'm sitting here in the place I never leave, sweating bullets, diarrhea crying because tramadol withdrawal on top of having 19 years of dysthymia ( chronic long lasting depression ) + PTSD is more than I can handle. .. today
I just wanted to share my first suicidal idealization ( DISCLAIMER:I AM NOT SUICIDAL, JUST WAITING FOR THE FUCKING PHARMACY TO OPEN MONDAY ) My step father was a mean, angry drunk. It was 1986, right after the Challenger disaster ( NASA ) I woke up one morning to go to school, my Mother was already gone for work and essentially I got punched twice, the second time knocking me over a kerosene heater . I later went to school and screamed to a teacher that I wanted to die, and then I did. Social services were called... all I remember was that I covered for him.. and didn't say shit. Why?? I don't know why, I was fucking 9. I don't remember more than that. He physically abused me a few other times but it's foggy. He used to use the belt, and the ole " go outside and get switch off that bush and strip it" too
I have never been able to work, and live on disability .I am an accomplished guitarist. I always wanted to be more but this is essentially the reason why I am , most of the time, nothing more than a walking husk. Pray to Pharmakos I get through till Monday.
I just wanted to share my first suicidal idealization ( DISCLAIMER:I AM NOT SUICIDAL, JUST WAITING FOR THE FUCKING PHARMACY TO OPEN MONDAY ) My step father was a mean, angry drunk. It was 1986, right after the Challenger disaster ( NASA ) I woke up one morning to go to school, my Mother was already gone for work and essentially I got punched twice, the second time knocking me over a kerosene heater . I later went to school and screamed to a teacher that I wanted to die, and then I did. Social services were called... all I remember was that I covered for him.. and didn't say shit. Why?? I don't know why, I was fucking 9. I don't remember more than that. He physically abused me a few other times but it's foggy. He used to use the belt, and the ole " go outside and get switch off that bush and strip it" too
I have never been able to work, and live on disability .I am an accomplished guitarist. I always wanted to be more but this is essentially the reason why I am , most of the time, nothing more than a walking husk. Pray to Pharmakos I get through till Monday.
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