• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: deficiT

Acidic Misery

Hedonistic Angel

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jan 23, 2000
Messages
4,043
Location
London
You tell me I’m to young to know what
I want.
To immature to know that my existence
On this futile planet,
Has little to do with what I want,
Or need.
But rather what I have to offer mankind.
Too wrapped in your own self absorbed nucleus,
You tell me what is right and wrong.
But have you ever really felt wrong?
Have you ever laid your so called inner child
Open to what society values as evil, vicious and disgusting?
I have,
And I found I liked it.
So sickeningly tinged with age,
Yet so maddeningly naive.
In your eyes I see a child.
No innocence or bright eyed intellectual beauty,
No Freudian repressed anxiety or desire,
Just the pathetic black gaping holes of an entity,
That understands nothing.
It sickens me to know that the being that gave me life,
Created me from her own putrid,
Cellulite rippled flesh,
Has never known half of what I know.
The magnetic impulses that flow through
My central nervous system,
Caused by chemically induced euphoria,
Are alien to her.
To not see the world with all it’s
Hate, greed and anger.
To not know the monotony
Of ritualistic facades that cloud us from ourselves.
To not believe that social acceptance is the
Repression of a person independent mind.
And not to care.
What have you got to offer to man kind?
What globelistic changes have you fabricated
In order to better the lives of the insects known as
The Human Race?
Did you ever once even change your own life?
Did you ever wake up one morning,
Wondering where the fuck you are,
Encased in your own sweat and vomit,
With a sticky black syrup pouring out of
A hole in your arm?
Did you ever stain perfectly white,
Sterile porcelain toilets,
With the acid of your misery?
Have you ever been so disgusted with your own
Pitiful reflection, in a mirror,
That you died.
Did you, dearest mother, ever scrape what’s left of
Your soul, off a tiled bathroom floor,
Wipe the dried vomit from your mouth,
And declare, I will not be this.
Did you ever scream out from somewhere
Deep in the pit of your spleen,
Let me out of this life.
I did,
And I found I liked it.
And you,
Having not known half, of what I know,
Not lived half, as how I live,
Tell me I’m to young to know what
I want.
To immature to know that my existence
On this futile planet,
Has little to do with what I want,
Or need.
But rather what mankind owes me.
 
Uck!!! Choke!!!
Fuck me!!! You can write. Wow, that's some powerfull shit.
Keep it real
FRIENDZ - EEEE
------------------
***A true smile only happens when no one is watching***
 
I've been meaning to check this out for awhile now.. Glad I finally did, this poem rocked! Thanks for sharing it angel.. But I'll get more specific with my thoughts and comments since you wanted feedback.
> You tell me what is right and wrong.
> But have you ever really felt wrong?
> Have you ever laid your so called inner child
> Open to what society values as evil, vicious and disgusting?
> I have,
> And I found I liked it.
Fuckin A! This part was a surprise, and really effective.
smile.gif

> So sickeningly tinged with age,
> Yet so maddeningly naive.
On the adverbs here -- Love the second one, the first (sickeningly tinged) I would choose another word.. I know what you mean, really jaded people make me flinch too, but you use 'sickens' with more impact a few lines later.. Just a thought. But 'maddeningly naive', keep that definitely.
smile.gif

> It sickens me to know that the being that > gave me life,
Oh ho, more surprises -- this is a parent.
smile.gif

> Created me from her own putrid,
> Cellulite rippled flesh,
EWWWW! Gross! ..In other words, more impressive descriptive writing.
smile.gif

Then you launch into a bunch of heated questions aimed at yer mom, and there's nothing for me to say but right on, it all works really well... I think a bunch of us can relate, there's some times I wanna grab my mom by the shoulders and rattle sense or understanding into her too.
smile.gif

> Did you ever once even change your own life?
> Did you ever wake up one morning,
> Wondering where the fuck you are,
> Encased in your own sweat and vomit,
> With a sticky black syrup pouring out of
> A hole in your arm?
*speechless a sec* ....
Wow. Um, yeah.. powerful image...
> Did you ever stain perfectly white,
> Sterile porcelain toilets,
> With the acid of your misery?
Earlier I was thinking of mentioning that you coulda chosen a better title for the poem, but now I hit the line you drew it from, and I can't anymore. Keep it, because it draws attention to an important metaphor.
Man, I just caught myself like trying to quote the whole rest of this, just because it keeps building, all that about scraping the soul, and the powerful repetition of your earlier shocking sentiment, 'and I liked it.' Even pulled it away from the rest of the verses this time, slapped the reader's face with it in case he missed it the first time... very cool.
I'm done quoting.. Your poem is phenomenal, I identify with so much of it; even though I still find myself in disagreement with the final closing statement. Then again I'm like the queen of bouncyhappyplur or something, heh; or maybe all I've been thru has taught me mankind doesn't owe me jack.
smile.gif

I found it almost slightly amusing at the end because the character speaking (you? I try not to assume every poem is autobiographical, even if it gives that feel) keeps on stating that she is so mature and while I agree that she has seen much and learned much, and by all rights is probably much more worldly and open-minded than her mother, the idea that life and fate have shafted you so far and now the cosmos owe you from here out is ultimately a pretty immature concept. In my opinion.
smile.gif

But that's fine! I hope I'm not offending you in pointing that out. I almost like the poem better that way actually, because I think that's a pretty likely philosophy for an intelligent young person who's survived a lot of hardship to take. I believe at one point I felt that way myself.
Hmm, I re-read the last stanza a couple times, and she's saying the mom is saying she's too immature to understand these things... Odd that the philosophy I said was immature is what the mom is *trying* to ground into her.. Maybe I called that wrong. Either way, disagreement on my part, but it leaves me uncertain as to what the speaker actually *does* believe... Or maybe that's not the point. The main point I gathered, however, was that the speaker is frustrated that this close-minded mother of hers who hasn't really lived a life anything like what she herself has already been thru is trying to impress all this unwanted advice, judgement, and lecturing... I'd be frustrated too. I'd be shouting many of the same questions.
Wow, rambling on. Sorry. Anyway, there's my thoughts.. Thanks so much for sharing this.
smile.gif

~*~ Ashke ~*~
 
Thanks Ashke....as I said before, you opinons mean a lot to me. I really love your syle of writing, and I really respect you for everything you've done.
Okay....
if not 'sickeningly tinged with aged'- what do you suggest??
Disgusteningly, horrifically, repulsively?
I originally thought most of these were a little to strong. What do you think? Any suggestions.
>the idea that life and fate have shafted you so far and now the cosmos owe
you from here out is ultimately a pretty immature concept. In my opinion.
yeah...I can kinda see your point here. But then, at the end of the day, everyone belives they're so grown up and mature. Although this poem is actually intensley autobiographical, I don't ACTUALLY feel as if mankind owes me shit. It's just, well, I did used to. And it just seemed such a powerful thought to me at the time.
To honestly belive that because of what you've been through, for seemingly no fault of your own, that the world owes you one, and should rpay you in some way, is some fucked up shit. And well, although I don't think it anymore, the concept has kinda stuck with me.
I wrote this about 2 years ago, when I was bullimic, fucked up and emotionally unstable.
But, even if I did still belive that mankind owes me, I've found my repayment. He goes by the name of Sambo.
My worlds changed so much because of him. And I'm so thankful.
Anyways.....I wont turn this post into a soppy love declaration.
Thanx so much for all your comments. And thanx for taking the time to read and respond. If you wanna read some lighter stuff of mine, try 'Winter Love- for my Sambo'. Only if you want. No pressure or anything.
You really are a Hedonistic Angel in disguse, Ashke!
LovE iN a BUbbLe!!
The Angel.
------------------
******Remember: There's three E's in 'Believe'!!******
~~~~E doesn't change your life, it just enhances what is already there.~~~~
####We are perfect strangers in the real light, but we stand united as brothers and sisters in the blue.####
 
Ashke???? Have you read my reply yet.....if so respond????
Did U read 'Winter Love'???
Cheers hun!
---------------
~~~Drugs are good. Take drugs. Man, take all the drugs!'-MrGeezer~~
**Sweet is neat. But bitter is better**
 
beautiful poem! üüü
that was amazing.
You tell me what is right and wrong.
But have you ever really felt wrong?
my favorite lines off your poem. ü
those were simple lines. but they were strong, and i think that was raw emotion right there.
i liked your poem. you are a beautiful writer and make beautiful pieces. keep writing!
mad luv
D
------------------
he not busy being born is busy dying.
[This message has been edited by Dtergent (edited 23 May 2000).]
 
Top