Acid trip from hell - PTSD, UNrelenting anxiety, Please help

[Badtripptsd]

Long story short I got stuck in a seriously disgusting thought loop on acid recently, about a month and a half ago. I was trapped in a timeless reality where I had to figure out why I had died, or what horrible thing had happened to me. It was terrifying. I completely lost myself in that trip. Since then I have ENDLESS anxiety.

I'm terrified. I still have thoughts like, "what if this life isn't real?", "what if I am dead and I'm just in denial and eventually i'll find myself back in that loop again?", "what if the people around me are trying to talk me into being dead or comfort me in a way so I can come to terms with whatever horrible thing happened?".

I can't make these thoughts stop. They take up the majority of my day. I spend my time constantly talking myself down telling myself that this is ridiculous and obviously they are just simple fears and they can't hurt me.

But I can't come to terms with the anxiety or the experience. Recently when I've been waking up my first thought goes to that loop and I'm so caught off guard by it being my first thought that it feels real. And so I wake up and instantly am bombarded with extreme anxiety.

Please someone help me through this? I've talked to my girlfriend and a few friends about it but I can't find any comfort at all. No matter how many times I tell myself this is all real and I am safe in my head and safe in this real world, I still find myself terrified that it will all collapse and I'll be in that hellish state of mind again.

Any help/advice/related experiences would really be appreciated.

 

[Sleek65]

I love tripping. That being said its a life style and a state of mind. Seeing that you had a loop of thoughts about death you mlre most likely subconsciously thinking of.your death one day. When we find out things we didnt knoe before its because of.our ego dying and finding out the truth. Hang.in there and develop a.positive mantra for.yourself. I understand the anxiety you have now. You simply opened another door in your perception so now you have to.figure out a way to.incorporate it in your life. In reality we.live in.constant madness so dont be afraid of thoughts that seem out of the ordinary. Life is a circle constant suffering (death) and rebirth...

 

[acidhermione]

I've had a quasi-bad experience on acid but nowhere near as bad/mentally persistent. The trip involved a really wonderful few hours enjoy sober tripping in the sun and then an amazing time candyflipping in a club. It was in between these two scenarios when at a friends house getting a booze before the club. I felt stuck in this infinite loop where I couldn't cling on to reality. I was rocking back and forth on the chair and every second brought a new reality full of scary thoughts and another and another before I lost track on what was real and what was this never ending horrible place. The only thing I could compare it to is when a Windows computer crashes and you drag the small pop up box and it leaves a trail of pop up boxes behind it - that's what the world/reality/the room was like to me and I kept trying to cling on to what was real and the idea that this was a trip that would end and when I felt safe and real I would suddenly lose it again.

I'm not explaining it well but it came with a lot of scary thoughts and I stopped thinking normality was normal, I couldn't accept reality or something. I went to the bathroom and clear my head as I was embarrassed about freaking out in front of friends and not being able to explain myself and when I looked in the mirror blood was gushing out of my arm pits, it was so red and frightening and then I looked down and remembered I was tripping.

Luckily I escaped it all somehow and the good parts out-weighed this part. At the time I was scared that when I stopped tripping would would I feel after seeing and feeling what I had. It was like feeling a completely new emotion that you cannot describe in comparison to anything in reality other than 'negative' 'hopeless' 'stuck' 'what is real'.

I don't feel any anxiety afterwards and do feel really positive but I can understand how awful it would be if the experience followed you back into the real world and you weren't able to leave it behind in trippy land. You say you lost yourself completely in the trip, luckily this never happened to me and the fear of it happening has always put me off taking high doses.

I know maybe you don't want to go into more and more detail about it but feel free to message me in better detail about what happened as I am quite fascinated. Also being able to write it all down will help you dissect and express it allowing you to break apart every aspect. I've felt bad anxiety following me for days after disturbing dreams and that's the closest thing I can think of but there must be more to it than anxiety if it is truly disrupting your state of mind. LSD questions the borders of reality and once you have gone there, I know it cannot be unseen. There are lots of different things you can try but all would be a gamble, the first should be to try and psychologically accept what happened and what it means in this world.

Man, I really want to hear you out. I have been tripping and found myself almost trying to induce a bad trip by thinking about the worst things in my life and things I dread but it has never happened, it's surprising so I feel LSD can be surprisingly cheery and not necessarily going to be bad every time. I'm not really giving any advice but I do want to know what and how you are feeling and to know you escape from the anxiety because it is a fear of mine also.

 

[acidhermione]

I thought this too when I first started tripping, with my first experience though on the surface I was happy and everything was fine I did have some dark and dull dread about the future due to other unrelated circumstances in my life and I was scared that they would rise to the surface and ruin my trip but surprisingly it was wonderful and amazing and despite me remembering those things and even pondering them they never induced anything negative.

I recently tripped with a very good friend of mine and his flat had been broken into the night before out scheduled trip - I would feel violated and not at all able to lose my marbles on acid just hours after giving a statement to the police but he was still keen to trip and had an amazing time. I genuinely think it is random and not always to do with background fears though that does probably have something to do with it. I guess there is a difference between truly 'subconscious' emotions and background emotions that you are actually aware of.

 

[Morninggloryseed]

Seems there is a rash of people taking psychedelics, opening their heads up, having no idea what to do afterwards, then coming to BL looking for answers. I am sure I would too if I had a similar experience but the idea that one can take the limited amount of information in your post and 'help' you in any meaningful way is...whatever it is...I don't see how anyone can help from such a distance.

I would suggest to the OP to seek a counselor, man of God, friend, anyone you feel you can trust to open up too. Maybe we need a sticky in this forum of integrating the difficult psychedelic experience, or to send these off to 'Dark Side.' I am just not too sure these threads are productive...but that is just what I think at the moment as I write this....knowing me I will come back with some long winded post as the day goes on.

Op, you are welcome to PM me. I cannot help you with the information provided because I know nothing about you....but you are certainly welcome to ask me specific questions if you can relate them to specific events in the trip, and related that to yourself...or post it here...either way I am just not sure what anyone can do with the information provided besides provide advice almost at random.

 

[THCisgod]

how many times have you tripped before and was the dose higher then your used to?

I remember the first time I tripped acid, I felt similar like in the sense couldn't stop thinking about it but it was so good thing everything seemed so new and crazy I felt like I had figured out everything and life was beautiful