Social Acceptance of the fact drugs will always be in my life so why fight abstinence?

[OpiateKiller]

Honestly at this point in my life I don’t stress the fact I need to be sober or this or that. The reality is I will never be sober long term, I’ve come to accept that’s just my reality that ship has come and gone.

Now this doesn’t have to be a glum outlook, I can still be productive, live a happy life, succeed, be responsible..

But drugs are just not going away for me. Even at almost 2 months clean off cocaine, opioids and benzos… I’m still stock piling drugs.

Like even in sobriety in a sober house I’ve started to accumulate cocaine and klonopin in large quantities. And I do have self control because if I take them I’m homeless but it’s like I’m just stocking up for when I have an apartment.

I just don’t think a life without drugs or alcohol is possible for me. I can’t find the excitement or the will to live without them. I can’t explain it but I’ll be a drug user in one substance or another till it’s my time to go. And I think that’s OK so long as I stay away from opiates opioids and meth

 

[yubacity]

Honestly at this point in my life I don’t stress the fact I need to be sober or this or that. The reality is I will never be sober long term, I’ve come to accept that’s just my reality that ship has come and gone.

Now this doesn’t have to be a glum outlook, I can still be productive, live a happy life, succeed, be responsible..

But drugs are just not going away for me. Even at almost 2 months clean off cocaine, opioids and benzos… I’m still stock piling drugs.

Like even in sobriety in a sober house I’ve started to accumulate cocaine and klonopin in large quantities. And I do have self control because if I take them I’m homeless but it’s like I’m just stocking up for when I have an apartment.

I think I’m just fucked for life to be honest. Idk what I’m even saying

I feel you my brother same thing with me just stopped fighting it now and thought why be clean and miserable i can use and be a little less miserable . But would like to say 2 months fuck all for your brain to have healed try longer if still feel the same then give up . I went over a year and mood does improve dont give up to quickly i know im contradicting myself but try longer

 

[JackARoe]

Humans are chemical factories that need any number of things to make it through the day. That includes food and water to which I got into the practice of saying grace. Instead of feeling guilty (which I did for 40 years) I tend to thank the substance for being there for me. Sounds silly, but that mind shift is a big help and being thankful is a totally different vibe from a guilty vibe. Guilt does nothing but cause harm.

I mean I need a break from cannabis as well as kratom. I do feel guilty at times when I break to early in the day. But hey we are human beings not Saints. Even Saints need things. I do like thanking Mother Nature for providing me with things to ease the body and mind. Perspective. I can thank kratom and cannabis but feel this approach would not work if it were fentanyl. lol

But all of life is making peace with things. One of the most satisfying examples of that was a homophobic neighbor first disowning his gay son only to make peace and welcome him wiith open arms. PEACE. I do the same with substances.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

You're pretty young yet. I can understand why you feel that way now though. I felt the same way. Once you hit your 50's your perspective may change. Just do all you can to minimize the damage to your health ( and your wallet ) and stay as safe as you can.

 

[Crash Override]

I think you have to be careful with this sort of thinking. I know I've been in the same place where I'm adamant I can keep things under control, but in reality I'm really delusioned about what I can cope with and it all comes crashing down around me again sooner or later. You only have self control at the moment because it means you're homeless if you don't. The question you have to ask yourself is will you really be able to stay away from the meth and opioids in the long run?

 

[lovemissile66]

Honestly at this point in my life I don’t stress the fact I need to be sober or this or that. The reality is I will never be sober long term, I’ve come to accept that’s just my reality that ship has come and gone.

Now this doesn’t have to be a glum outlook, I can still be productive, live a happy life, succeed, be responsible..

But drugs are just not going away for me. Even at almost 2 months clean off cocaine, opioids and benzos… I’m still stock piling drugs.

Like even in sobriety in a sober house I’ve started to accumulate cocaine and klonopin in large quantities. And I do have self control because if I take them I’m homeless but it’s like I’m just stocking up for when I have an apartment.

I just don’t think a life without drugs or alcohol is possible for me. I can’t find the excitement or the will to live without them. I can’t explain it but I’ll be a drug user in one substance or another till it’s my time to go. And I think that’s OK so long as I stay away from opiates opioids and meth

You spoke my truth! I'm almost 19 years in on a heroin habit. I am highly functional and educated, not that either of those things matter. The point is, I think that sober ship has passed. Does it bother

me? Sometimes. I know I could accomplish so much more. But I swear, that H is the only thing that will get me up in the morning. I am truly, for obvious reasons now (length of use), not ok with myself.

I feel my best self when I have that shit in my system. My anxiety disappears and I don't ruminate on all the fucked up shit going on in the world. I have been on both subs and methadone. Never

again. No shame in my game. Ok, not entirely true. wee bit of shame.

 

[lovemissile66]

One more thought. I would probably be dead by now without the dope. I think I have lived this long because I had it and it saved me from much trauma.

 

[shannon873]

I’ve been addicted to opiates for 25 years. Never once have I gone to rehab or wanted to be sober. TBH the idea of being sober horrifies me. I don’t feel ashamed either.
What I do hate is the hypocrites that sit there and smoke some with you and in their next breathe talk about how great things would be if they were sober. WTF???!! Don’t smoke my dope then. Ya know What I mean?

 

[Jabberwocky]

I don’t have any plans to give up drugs (in a general sense - I am trying to avoid certain specific ones) but I definitely don’t want to be in a place where I’m just the puppet and the drugs are the ones pulling all the strings in my life (sorry, could not come up with a better analogy). I really want to be in the drivers seat and in control of how my life plays out.

That said, in the depths of addiction and when I was heading towards any of my 3 total rock bottoms I certainly felt like I just wanted to give up and climb into the bottle/needle/baggie and just live there forever because I could not imagine getting out from under the grip addiction had on me and the way it controlled all my actions and made me do the exact opposite of what I wanted and intended day in and day out.

But that’s no kind of life and ultimately I came to see addiction like any other challenge, threat or danger in my life. I sized it up, thought through my capabilities and resources (many of which I got through doing good rehab, counselling, and also from AA), and decided to get into the ring and go the full 15 rounds if necessary or die trying. But I’ve liked challenges my whole life and always had the idea that I could be a better person tomorrow/in the future than I was yesterday/in the past. If you’ve ever set yourself a goal - especially as a kid - to learn something difficult or achieve something right at the edge of your capabilities - then eventually you can realise that cracking addiction is just the same as those other things.

Maybe spend some time thinking about the things you’ve achieved in your life - they don’t need to be Olympic level and maybe they are only meaningful to you - and remembering or re-discovering the strengths and capabilities that you have.

Personally, and this is just my own philosophy and I don’t expect others to accept it, I think the measure with drugs is whether they seriously prevent you from reaching your full potential as a well-rounded person. What that means is different for different people but generally if you get up most days and find life enjoyable, satisfactorily challenging, sufficiently rewarding and you have a good circle of friends and connections and feel you are growing as a human being (by however you measure that) then drugs aren’t really taking much way from you so who cares if you like to use them? It’s a different story though, if your life is not like that most days…

 

[nznity]

Opiates til I die.