Acceleration.
1/12/02
Something’s got to give.
I’ve been dying here, trying here,
numb in wonder and contemplation, doing
nothing and growing thinner,
growing rigid, feeding the illness.
I’ve made the choice to change,
but how long will I explore the ways
till I stop Wondering and Trying To
and engage to simply Do?
This systematic internal exploration
has to reach a higher level; another
phase before I go crazy
and give up all together and
fade free into the madness,
eternally sick and dying
in the self-inflicted torture
of a dark oblivion.
It is all futile and hopeless
as I had once felt?
Is it best to separate, wage war and embrace
this negativity growing, discriminate
against the whole of everything
and just kick the dirt in this cesspool of
filth that I’ve been trying to float
up from and escape from?
So pathetic.
So many years wasted,
broken and stumbling.
So pathetic.
Unable to see the world
as anything more
than a stew of bubbling bullshit
ready to overflow
and meltdown.
There is something
wrong with me, something
burning in me, something killing me.
I so need the road to repair
I’ve been looking for in dreams
.
So far, it doesn’t even rest there, so maybe
dying is the answer, maybe bottom
is the starting point, but I never
reach it, so perhaps instead of rising,
I should ride the decent and
meditate on accelerating; my own
path of least resistance.
No sense in pulling against nature.
Perhaps one way will
lead to the other.
1/12/02
Something’s got to give.
I’ve been dying here, trying here,
numb in wonder and contemplation, doing
nothing and growing thinner,
growing rigid, feeding the illness.
I’ve made the choice to change,
but how long will I explore the ways
till I stop Wondering and Trying To
and engage to simply Do?
This systematic internal exploration
has to reach a higher level; another
phase before I go crazy
and give up all together and
fade free into the madness,
eternally sick and dying
in the self-inflicted torture
of a dark oblivion.
It is all futile and hopeless
as I had once felt?
Is it best to separate, wage war and embrace
this negativity growing, discriminate
against the whole of everything
and just kick the dirt in this cesspool of
filth that I’ve been trying to float
up from and escape from?
So pathetic.
So many years wasted,
broken and stumbling.
So pathetic.
Unable to see the world
as anything more
than a stew of bubbling bullshit
ready to overflow
and meltdown.
There is something
wrong with me, something
burning in me, something killing me.
I so need the road to repair
I’ve been looking for in dreams
.
So far, it doesn’t even rest there, so maybe
dying is the answer, maybe bottom
is the starting point, but I never
reach it, so perhaps instead of rising,
I should ride the decent and
meditate on accelerating; my own
path of least resistance.
No sense in pulling against nature.
Perhaps one way will
lead to the other.
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