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About a Girl__my 1st post

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RingsOfSaturn

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 4, 2000
Messages
213
Location
los angeles
--some shit happened last night that prevented me from seeing my girlfriend today(i still live with my dad,his house, his rules
frown.gif
)and today is her birthday. went to a rave on saturday and the week following raves are some of the most creative as far as putting feelings into words--
It's almost like deja vu.
The same feeling i had back in south dakota.
Watching the clock.
Waiting for the minutes, hours, and days to pass by so i could leave that town.
Well it's time for me to leave again.
Leave this house.
The same feeling is there, i remember it well.
The loneliness, emptyness.
Nothing left for me here.
I lay on the bed with the blinds clamped shut.
Staring at the ceiling.
Wondering.
Worrying.
Are you feeling the way i'm feeling?
There is nothing more that i want than to just be near you.
To look into your eyes and tell you i love you.
I just let the music stop.
I just want to get high.
To kill all the loneliness that rests deep inside.
No drug can make me feel the way i do when i'm with you.
Make my thoughts spill onto this page.
Like an ocean made of blue.
Like my life is in slow motion.
I just wonder why.
I fell for you so hard.
Everything a dream it seems,my angel from the sky.
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
[This message has been edited by RingsOfSaturn (edited 05 July 2000).]
 
all these drugs
take my pick
snort this k
pop this vein
a little bit more
to kill this pain
let my mind settle
with the gun in my mouth
i love the taste
of this metal
shut my eyes
drift away
remember back to that day
you came in my life
everything i have
i'd give you it all
the minute we met
i already knew
you'd be my downfall
i know i should leave
but the love is to strong
go party with your friends
all night long
i'll still be here in the morning
just stay by my side
and enjoy the ride
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
[This message has been edited by RingsOfSaturn (edited 09 July 2000).]
[This message has been edited by RingsOfSaturn (edited 09 July 2000).]
[This message has been edited by RingsOfSaturn (edited 09 July 2000).]
[This message has been edited by RingsOfSaturn (edited 10 July 2000).]
 
when you say "i luv u"
do you know what you mean
or has this all just been a dream
are you real
or am i high
grab a ballon
float through the sky
purple clouds
onto the sun
i should let go
my body so numb
what do you want
to be with me?
if this is so
i wish you'd let me know
i can't keep guessing
just tell me the truth
you say you love me
but it kills me inside
this broken heart i cannot hide
tears form in my eyes
i almost forgot
what it's like to cry
i wish i could show you just how i feel
show you these words
show you it all because the meaning is real
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
the feeling i feel
between you and me
no words can describe
pure ecstacy
end this bad day
crash this plane
you're my rainbow
after the rain
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
look to the sky
count the stars
lay your head back
the night is ours
to hold you close
is all i need
under the moon
our spirits are free
leave this world
so cold
so cruel
got lost in your eyes
so warm
so new
if i die tonight
my soul set free
the only thing i will take
the love you gave to me
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
butterflies in my stomach
thick fog in my head
ignore the demons
under my bed
in my life
what comes next
i'll never know
look into your eyes
cover me in your soul
words i speak
show how i feel
with one kiss
my love is sealed
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
[This message has been edited by RingsOfSaturn (edited 10 July 2000).]
 
i swear i totally empathize... its just this pain that kills.. and u want it to go away.. u love them still.. just.. ::sighs:: nothing to make it go away.. it seems like this pain will linger forever.. just time will make this go away.. im sorry
frown.gif

[This message has been edited by poezante (edited 10 July 2000).]
 
Saturn, Pain comes with Love. Sooner or later and then again sooner or later. Eventually, you learn to love the pain and pain the love and love love for all of it. That's the beauty of it all. Saying, "I love you" means, "I'm willing to let you hurt me and make me smile and hurt me and make me smile and hurt me and make me smile for the rest of our togetherness".
Also, I can 100 percent relate to your feelings of moving on. I've made it a point to never live in a city for more than 2 years while grounding myself to a non-physical center tethered by twines of love and true friendships. Then I deplete a city of it's new adventures and lessons of culture and humor and move on to new grounds. 20 minutes after I'm on the vehicle moving away from the old and towards the new, I weep the farewells said, mourn the little the city had to offer after all, and celebrate the potential the new world has to offer.
Only thing constant about life is change. Enjoy the ride.
MAD PROPS on your recent creativity.
Luvs,
-Amina
------------------
"Like a bird on a wire, Like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free" - Leonard Cohen
 
thankx for the positive input.
i dunno why i was trippin, maybe it was the sudden drop in serotonin. i saw her today and everything was back to the first week we were together.
we saw each other and just smiled. she pulled out a letter and said i could never read it, but she read just a portion of it and it was about me. she was thinking/feeling the same things i was and she had been writing about it also.
i had nobody to talk to about her so all i could do was spill my thoughts onto these pages. this board was an ear to talk to. i don't know where all the words came from, there was just too many of them to keep inside.
anyways, thankx for the positive input.
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
feel the music
hear the drug
get off the floor
come give me a hug
lets go on a journey
get lost in the crowd
hold my hand
follow the sound
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
the demons creep back
slide into my soul
something seems wrong
have to maintain control
handfull of pills
which ones make me forget
all the hurt inside
replace with warmth
from the love they provide
i want to see you
why do i try
you’d rather get high
why do i care
let this night pass by
you just leave town
without a phonecall
like you don’t even consider how it makes me feel at all
never leave a voicemail
you just go
when you do these things
i just feel like your hoe
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
[This message has been edited by RingsOfSaturn (edited 16 July 2000).]
 
feelings flow into words
spill onto this page
empty my heart
exit the pain i feel today
head down the road
watch the cars go by
head in my hands
i can't help but sigh
in my minds eye
i cannot see
under the stars with you
no other place i want to be
no words can explain the spell you put on me
all i ask is that you never set me free
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
[This message has been edited by RingsOfSaturn (edited 16 July 2000).]
 
i used to draw
but now i write
on these pages my thoughts take flight
open my mind
unload my heart
all these feelings this pen can start
real Emotions that chill your spine
just relax cross over the line
look to the sky
count the stars
lay your head back, this night is ours
on the soft grass, under the tree
the moon up above, feeling set free
leave this world for a moment
go on a journey with you
get lost in your eyes
so warm and so new
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
i couldn't believe my ears last night
the moment you said "i don't know when i'll be back".
i told myself i wouldn't cry, but at that moment my heart just died.
how can you just leave? without a warning.
just left saturday afternoon saying"i'll see you tuesday morning".
fell asleep last night with more than one tear in my eye, but i told myself i wouldn't cry.
from now until we meet again, everthing i do will be for you.
spend my nights staring at the moon thinking we'll be together soon.
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
*crying* ...with a smile, and thinking, who knew? ...this inside was all around. Now is the real score, and certainly not for naught.
 
shit man, the first one you wrote really got to me. It opened up part of my past that I long since forgot. Almost all of my past relationships leave me ending up feeling that way. I haven't had a girl for over a year now and I have almost lost that feeling entirely. Yes, it's sad. That's probably why your poem made me tear. It puts my drug using in question. Now that I look at it. I started using drugs (X, K, Acid, Tele, etc.) only a few months after I was alone. I wasn't used to being alone. EVER! I always had a girl (starting around 5th grade) And it all stoped Jr. year. That's when my drug using started. It was there for me and it gave me the next best feeling. (Love is my fav. feeling). Well, thanx to anyone who reads this, and I want to thanx you Rings for opening up a part of my past that needed to be re-evaluated. Thank You!
------------------
No words. No talk.
We'll go dreamin....
No pain. No hurt.
We'll go dreamin...
Catch my hand and come with me.... Close your eyes and dream.
 
my ex and i have been seperated for over a year. previous to that we lived together for five years. we shared each other's souls and never left one another's side. we still do that torturing bullshit of seeing one another once a week or so and talking all the time. i don't know what it's accomplishing though. we are so dependent on each other for survival that neither one of us can let go - even though it's time. i have tried like hell to let go of him. i have dated another guy, moved to another city, and did so many drugs that i almost killed myself. what i've learned from all of this, is that i will never forget his love. it is a part of who i am. if it was written in the stars for us then it will be. i can't let his love control me or hurt me every day of my life. you can't let her control you and hurt you anymore. sometimes when people start focusing on themselves and loving themselves, the other one is compelled to take another look at the person they thought they knew. i don't know if any of this helped you or even made any sense, but i hope you can get something out of my experience. keep your head up and say your prayers!
------------------
believe in yourself to be true and let your instincts guide you
 
i may as well explain the current situation that brought on the last poem. my girl went to nation on saturday. i knew she was going, i bought the ticket.she was going to stay up there until monday afternoon. she stopped by my store on saturday afternoon before she left for orange county and i gave her $40 more dollars to spend for food and everything. i gave her a rose and a kiss. she left and said she'd see me monday night or tuesday. then last night she calls and says she's still in OC and doesn't know when she'll be back to san diego, said she didn't have a ride. the thing is, she got kicked out of the house and has nowhere to stay in san diego. she can't stay at my house b-cuz i still live with my dad (i just graduated, not like i'm 25 or something) and he'd close to kicking me out(mainly b-cuz of her, but i don't care 'bout myself, i'll be fine). she says she's sendign her resume` to a company there and may live there. after she told me last night, i spend all night trying to find an open management position with the same company i've with now so if she does stay there i'll have a job.
there's still a lot of feelings left inside that will turn into words tonight.
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
i watched the sunset alone tonight
wondering, are you seeing the same scene?
is the sun i see a reflection of your face?
i sat and wondered if this was all just a bad dream
without you nothing i have means a thing
i pray to god and buddah as i look over the sea
a tear runs down my cheek
somebody answer my plea
this is the feeling i never want to feel again
like at a rave when you’re rollin and you can’t find your best friend
lost, lonely and alone
thoughts unsure, provoking fear
tingle down my spine i can feel your heart near
i need to fix this myself
buddah may now hear, or even care
watch the sun fall from the sky and i’ll be there
------------------
_..just close your eyes and we can walk across the sky..__
 
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