For a long time I totally forgot about my Bluelight profile. I finally logged in today, and reread some of the blog entries I posted here in November and December 2009. Going back to that desolate place in my heart and soul still makes a shiver run down my spine. I knew I was in it deep, but I was clueless about what it would take to dig myself out. I found out the hard way, of course. That's how I learned everything.
Anyway, nowadays I'm living back in New Jersey with my family. They know about my addiction and are incredibly supportive of me. I'm no longer with my ex-boyfriend, the person who introduced me to dope in the first place. I went through detox and rehab in September and October 2010 and now see an addiction psychiatrist a couple times a week. I'm on Suboxone maintenance, which I will eventually come off of once my doctor and I feel I'm ready. I've reestablished contact with all my old friends again, who are also aware of my issues, and see them often. I still make it out to NYC every so often to visit people or go to parties. I take pictures and write in a journal regularly again. I am planning on going back to school to study nursing in 2011.
The moral of this story is that healing is possible. To say that heroin destroyed my life as I knew it is a vast understatement... but I didn't let it destroy me. The support and encouragement I received from my family was immensely helpful in the beginning of my recovery, because they were able to push me when I didn't have the energy or motivation to push myself. However, what ultimately determines whether you sink or swim is you. Some part of me will always be in love with heroin, but heroin will always be a sinking ship. It is never worth the temporary escape. As I let go of my addiction, I recovered pieces of myself that I thought were lost forever. There is always hope, no matter how far gone you are. As long as you are truly ready for change, it will come.
Anyway, nowadays I'm living back in New Jersey with my family. They know about my addiction and are incredibly supportive of me. I'm no longer with my ex-boyfriend, the person who introduced me to dope in the first place. I went through detox and rehab in September and October 2010 and now see an addiction psychiatrist a couple times a week. I'm on Suboxone maintenance, which I will eventually come off of once my doctor and I feel I'm ready. I've reestablished contact with all my old friends again, who are also aware of my issues, and see them often. I still make it out to NYC every so often to visit people or go to parties. I take pictures and write in a journal regularly again. I am planning on going back to school to study nursing in 2011.
The moral of this story is that healing is possible. To say that heroin destroyed my life as I knew it is a vast understatement... but I didn't let it destroy me. The support and encouragement I received from my family was immensely helpful in the beginning of my recovery, because they were able to push me when I didn't have the energy or motivation to push myself. However, what ultimately determines whether you sink or swim is you. Some part of me will always be in love with heroin, but heroin will always be a sinking ship. It is never worth the temporary escape. As I let go of my addiction, I recovered pieces of myself that I thought were lost forever. There is always hope, no matter how far gone you are. As long as you are truly ready for change, it will come.