A winding vine.

I haven't posted to my blog for awhile. Been so busy.
It makes me want to cry to say this; but I am still on meth. Back on the wagon you could say.
Why do I do it, you may ask? The answer is I have no idea. The lifestyle...
It drains my life. It drains my money. It drains my soul.
But I take it, like an abused woman beaten by her partner.
Everytime it happens I think it'll be different the next time. Expecting new outcomes, but at the back of my mind I know I'm simply leading myself toward a certain death.
They say that is the definition of insanity, repeating the same thing over & over & expecting different outcomes. I can goddamn relate.

 

Just be responsible and try to not use daily and eat and drink healthy.

 

Sure, you're still using, but you lasted quite a while during your first attempt at kicking. That's something to be proud of. Please try to remember that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Negative self-talk just makes things worse than they are.

Are you keeping track of how much you are using? Try starting with that. Just write down how often and roughly how much you take. Once you have a good reading on your baseline dose, keep it steady for a few weeks. Then try taking a bit less every time that you do it. The goal isn't to cut it all out at once, but rather to adjust your dose so that it takes less and less to feel 'normal'. Eventually taking the final plunge will be easier.

If you want to beat this, eventually you will. Just be patient. And take care of yourself in the meantime. Food is good.

Take care

 

It hurts me to see your on meth Claire. You are so beautiful and I want to see you happy and clean. Because meth won't make you happy. But I don't know how or if I can help you. If there is anything I can do, please just let me know.

 

No, nobody can help. It is all me.

 

Well at least you know that. Really thats the first step in recovering from anything. It is for mental illness like with me, as it is with drug addiction, now you need to get doing what you know you should be doin.

 

I moved away from Melbourne after being there a few years partly to get off the gear amongst other things.

It was ridiculous what I used to go through every week.
FFS I would smoke a gram of decent shards on a thursday night before playing basketball down at MSAC in Albert Park.

I had a good hook up and paid fuck all. Though i'd hit the jackpot in the beginning.
Then it was just all downhill.

Lost ambition and alot of things.
Moved up to the whitsundays for 6 months worked hard outdoors, cleaned up and got fitter.

Nearly gave myself a heart attack once.

Now I'm back in Brisvegas, i've dabbled here in there but so far away from that kinda scene its done me a world of good.

Anyway, all i can say is I sympathise.