Pundar Örjan
Greenlighter
So my name is Kim, long time listener first time caller sort of thing.
I'm 30 years old at least the following week out, and have been using drugs since 15 and abusing since 17-18 years of age, it was Santa Morphine that stole my heart but because my birthplace and current residence is Sweden I have also been a rather heavy user of intravenous amphetamine use and I also always lived kinda off so finding Heroin was out of the question(Last generation - now we have Generation TOR instead) so i ended up with a shitload of amphetamines and those precious few Opioid based painkiller that I managed to scavenge together but hey at least it was enough to give me an addiction(It looks bitter now that I see it written down, because it's just my kind of humor).. =)
The only thing that really stuck to me besides drugs from my teenage years was a love for the sea and a love of food so when I basically by pure fortune found myself almost burned out around 18 years of age in a restaurant or more specifically in the kitchen i felt right at home. And i worked as a kitchen assistant(köksbiträde in Swedish) for about 3 years and then worked as a chef or rather line cook for a couple years but my usage was to much I steadily became very inconsistent in my performance based on if I was in withdrawal that day or have been able to score. Så att about age 25 i placed myself in Rehab and the other 4 years went by very chaotic and at last I found myself in prison(only three months, we call that a coffee break =)) and showed up at the unemployment office the same day I came out and by pure chance i hand't touched my "presents" that others had brought and that was how I ended up almost 30 years old at a pretty good restaurant for being a little off considering the location and getting yelled at by 20 years old that i'm pretty sure gonna pop up a couple years in the future with a Bocuse d'Or trophy in one hand and a bag of coke in the other, gotta love the restaurant business.
Anyways to bring my ramblings to a conclusion, I went on Suboxone that I had procured illegally and life started be really good and at around summers eve this year i tried some benso and of course i fucked up showing up wasted at work and getting a sick leave that's when i got the bright idea that those new Fentanyl-analogs sounded like where the real party where at so I messed up my whole recovery process that i spent the previously half year in. But after that the cat was out of the bag the Suboxone didn't feel like it used to and i started to drink and/or doing benso so i was fortunate that they gave me a 30 days leave so i could hop on the fast acting fentanyl instead of buprenorphine and and i spent 2 weeks after my own private party sweating it out, during that time when I was rather challenged intellectually my gear had disappeared so i borrowed a girl I had living with me at the time even though I knew that she was hepatitis C positive she even was kind enough to remind me of it.
So I came back wanting to prove myself once again that I was reliable but I but the cat was out of the bag now and my sporadic usage of everything that could boost my already pretty meager dosage of suboxone and of course it went to shit that one day I picked up an extra shift and had already downed it when my boss called and it had also dulled my intellect(yeah i'm pretty sure drugs make you stupid, because some of my choices is just so dumb).
And this time it was no repair when I during service didn't take the disciplinary actions(being yelled at) rather well(became physical, I'm 185cm tall my boss maybe 170 and I'm rather heavyset also so i don't blame him) so I was sent home and my plan was to let him sweat a little bit over who's gonna pull what shift and so forth but instead it ended with the needle exchange had done a test on me and it came back positive so i took as i sign that working with something demanding hygien was not in the plan for me during the forseeable future. And I know that i could have had my job there even after i had become positiv but it was a bunch of different things with the infection as the center that i decided to say goodbye to the kitchen once again.
I had also previously been told by the social services that from their point of view there was no problem that i could have gone into the maintenance program but it demanden that I would have been driving to Stockholm every day for a couple of months and picking up the script att the Capio Maria clinic and then during my first overstep I decided that for the time being it was more trouble than worth it now in hindsight i should have taken the offer.
And fast forward 2 months and we have me here, about 24h ago i took my last bit of amphetamine in the syringe and about 30 minutes ago i took my last Subutex also.
So that's the plan now to try to rebuild at least the small part i managed to build up during my stay at the hotel where the restaurant was based, so I would gladly take you up on offers about chatting about food it's basically the only part of my life that i have only utter pride.
So i wish all of you all a very happy Christmas weekend ahead of ya'll.
EDIT:
Oh forgot something very important, the reason I became member, basically it is that I respect and very much support the idea of an NGO based harm reduction organisation(I'm member in the Swedish drug users union, a local variant). And everybody thinks my music taste suck when I counter everyone that tries to turn on House music with Hardcore Techno(gabba gabba) so basically why would I not choose this site. =)
I'm 30 years old at least the following week out, and have been using drugs since 15 and abusing since 17-18 years of age, it was Santa Morphine that stole my heart but because my birthplace and current residence is Sweden I have also been a rather heavy user of intravenous amphetamine use and I also always lived kinda off so finding Heroin was out of the question(Last generation - now we have Generation TOR instead) so i ended up with a shitload of amphetamines and those precious few Opioid based painkiller that I managed to scavenge together but hey at least it was enough to give me an addiction(It looks bitter now that I see it written down, because it's just my kind of humor).. =)
The only thing that really stuck to me besides drugs from my teenage years was a love for the sea and a love of food so when I basically by pure fortune found myself almost burned out around 18 years of age in a restaurant or more specifically in the kitchen i felt right at home. And i worked as a kitchen assistant(köksbiträde in Swedish) for about 3 years and then worked as a chef or rather line cook for a couple years but my usage was to much I steadily became very inconsistent in my performance based on if I was in withdrawal that day or have been able to score. Så att about age 25 i placed myself in Rehab and the other 4 years went by very chaotic and at last I found myself in prison(only three months, we call that a coffee break =)) and showed up at the unemployment office the same day I came out and by pure chance i hand't touched my "presents" that others had brought and that was how I ended up almost 30 years old at a pretty good restaurant for being a little off considering the location and getting yelled at by 20 years old that i'm pretty sure gonna pop up a couple years in the future with a Bocuse d'Or trophy in one hand and a bag of coke in the other, gotta love the restaurant business.
Anyways to bring my ramblings to a conclusion, I went on Suboxone that I had procured illegally and life started be really good and at around summers eve this year i tried some benso and of course i fucked up showing up wasted at work and getting a sick leave that's when i got the bright idea that those new Fentanyl-analogs sounded like where the real party where at so I messed up my whole recovery process that i spent the previously half year in. But after that the cat was out of the bag the Suboxone didn't feel like it used to and i started to drink and/or doing benso so i was fortunate that they gave me a 30 days leave so i could hop on the fast acting fentanyl instead of buprenorphine and and i spent 2 weeks after my own private party sweating it out, during that time when I was rather challenged intellectually my gear had disappeared so i borrowed a girl I had living with me at the time even though I knew that she was hepatitis C positive she even was kind enough to remind me of it.
So I came back wanting to prove myself once again that I was reliable but I but the cat was out of the bag now and my sporadic usage of everything that could boost my already pretty meager dosage of suboxone and of course it went to shit that one day I picked up an extra shift and had already downed it when my boss called and it had also dulled my intellect(yeah i'm pretty sure drugs make you stupid, because some of my choices is just so dumb).
And this time it was no repair when I during service didn't take the disciplinary actions(being yelled at) rather well(became physical, I'm 185cm tall my boss maybe 170 and I'm rather heavyset also so i don't blame him) so I was sent home and my plan was to let him sweat a little bit over who's gonna pull what shift and so forth but instead it ended with the needle exchange had done a test on me and it came back positive so i took as i sign that working with something demanding hygien was not in the plan for me during the forseeable future. And I know that i could have had my job there even after i had become positiv but it was a bunch of different things with the infection as the center that i decided to say goodbye to the kitchen once again.
I had also previously been told by the social services that from their point of view there was no problem that i could have gone into the maintenance program but it demanden that I would have been driving to Stockholm every day for a couple of months and picking up the script att the Capio Maria clinic and then during my first overstep I decided that for the time being it was more trouble than worth it now in hindsight i should have taken the offer.
And fast forward 2 months and we have me here, about 24h ago i took my last bit of amphetamine in the syringe and about 30 minutes ago i took my last Subutex also.
So that's the plan now to try to rebuild at least the small part i managed to build up during my stay at the hotel where the restaurant was based, so I would gladly take you up on offers about chatting about food it's basically the only part of my life that i have only utter pride.
So i wish all of you all a very happy Christmas weekend ahead of ya'll.
EDIT:
Oh forgot something very important, the reason I became member, basically it is that I respect and very much support the idea of an NGO based harm reduction organisation(I'm member in the Swedish drug users union, a local variant). And everybody thinks my music taste suck when I counter everyone that tries to turn on House music with Hardcore Techno(gabba gabba) so basically why would I not choose this site. =)
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