A tip for speed-snorting Australian motorists

MikeBrady

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 10, 1999
Messages
33
Location
Australia
Hey boys and girls – here’s a tip that will make you rejoice – rather than curse – the next time you’re driving in your car and you get summonsed to pull your vehicle over by a team of random breath testing police officers.
I’m sure you know the drill – the cop asks you to blow into the breath test unit through a plastic tube. You oblige begrudgingly while muttering under your breath “God I hope he doesn’t want to look in the boot.” Then after passing your test with flying , sober colours, you get to yank the plastic tube from the test unit and take it home as a souvenir of your victory over your State’s brutal, oppressing, civil rights-violating constabulary.
Now here’s where you REALLY begin to get something out of the experience. Rather than discarding the plastic tube when you get home, do the following: Place your sleek, shiny white tube on a bread board or something similar and cut off about a quarter of it with a sharp knife (If you’re under ten years old, enlist the help of a parent or guardian for this task. Also ask your parent or guardian what they’re doing letting you drive a car). Then, wrap some sticky tape over that small hole that appears about half way down the shaft of the tube.
And VOILA – you have just created the PERFECT tube for snorting speed, cocaine or other recreational chemicals. In terms of efficiency, convenience and hygeine, it leaves a rolled-up 50 dollar note for dead. And, being made of sturdy plastic stuff, DURABILITY is another key feature. One of these will last many years and several thousand snorts before any erosion of quality happens.
Do this and you’ll be the envy of your friends and family. (Well, maybe just your friends.)
Enjoy!
[This message has been edited by Patrick (edited 11 January 2000).]
 
Good idea Patrick
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BUT seeing as though I don't drive and have NEVER been breath tested in my life...I find your average, garden variety (actually I like the pink ones best), drinking straw works JUST as effectively. There's also no need for the sticky tape
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Happy Snorting.
mona.
 
Mona - Yeah the trusty old plastic straw does work mighty fine, but I find they splinter too easily. And that's a key reason why the breath test tube is so suitable - it's tough and very durable (as my amended post now reflects). There are no doubt lots of things sitting around anyone's house that would work just fine for drug-snorting, but I found something novel about converting one of these tubes into such a device. But that's just me.
W33K4P4v9 - Thank you for your articulate and mature response. If in your next post you demonstrate a little more intelligence we may be able to honestly call you a half wit!
The next time you wash your neck be sure to wring it.
'Rocket Scientist Award' indeed. What a dickhead.
 
Although I’m probably investing a little more time and energy into my post than it deserves (it was only meant to be a light-hearted, somewhat tongue-in-cheek post in the first place), the “why won’t a straw suffice” question is a valid one.
The important point about the breath test tube – something I neglected to mention in my original post, which has since been amended – is that, contrary to what many people think, it is not a fragile little straw that we New South Wales motorists blow into when we get breath tested. It is in fact a very solid piece of plastic, and THAT is what makes it ideal as a drug-snorting implement. The fact that its circumference is ideally suited for sending chemicals down one’s nasal passages adds to its appeal.
My bet is that any straw you use today to snort speed will probably splinter and fracture and break and split within a few months at the most. The breath test tube, however, will last the lucky user years and years.
Glad I’ve got that off my chest.
- Patrick
 
I had exactly the same idea after I got home on new years day! (the cop told me I "must have had a boring new years" cos I blew 0.00, lucky he couldn't see my pupils behind my sunnies
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) I decided however, that its just to big to fit up my nostril
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I also wanted to try out this new food plate thing we have - one of those glass serving things that rotates. One day I'm going to cut a lovely curved line on it, hold my straw over it, and get someone to spin it for me, so I don't have to move my head
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I'm forever in search of the slackest or most elaborate way I can take drugs
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HEY! E BEE! I've heard that story somewhere before? Do I know you? Or are cops around the world all as dull and dim witted as each other?
cheers
mona.
 
patrick, let me just add something that you neglected to mention in your response to the unimaginative half-wit's of the world:
- while the plastic breathalyzer tube is indeed functional , it is also humorous . while any old plastic straw, or ratty money will do, a plastic straw actually given to you by the police is the height of ingenuity and cunning.
way to go macgyver !!
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Wow, ingenious and so very ironic and amusing! I'm actually considering getting my driving license now - something I've been too lazy to do for ages - just in hopes that I'll be pulled over and will have to take a breathalyzer test. Though this tube is much more humerous than anything else I have, I find that the empty plastic, bic pen is quite durable and effective.
 
Maybe it varies from state to state, but every time that I have been breath tested the cops have not offered me the tube at all!
I wonder what they'd say if I asked for it?!!!
 
I think Patrick's idea is good and the thought will certainly give me a laugh next time I am pulled over for a breath test.
I think some people need to develop that age old handie item - a sense of humor!
 
Hehe. The best part about doing this is the irony of it! Cops using it to catch people driving under the influence.. then us using it to become under the influence. Wonderful!
Except... I've found that the diameter of the tube is just a little large.. You end up snorting more air than speed. Well. In my case anyhow?!
Jon.
 
I really hope that cops arent reading this!
And if they are...
Stop surfing the net! ...theres citizen protection to be done, fights to be stopped and cats to be rescued!
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Andromeda
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***This starship breaks for black holes and temporal disunities.***
 
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