So... I saw F at the bus stop today. I see the way we keep a distance between us. It maddens me a bit. We've teased out our life stories and still when we're in the same place we can't seem to find a level. It's like if I am on Facebook, I can see him sitting online, but I'm just too scared to talk to him. From previous experience he isn't very responsive. Unless it's 3am... and I'm brave...
After my ex there's really not been any guys that I've found any kind of connection with apart from F... and I find it really frustrating how he can be so intimate with me in some ways and be so distant in others. From what I know we're pretty similar as people so one level I understand... but how often can this go on the way it does... the way it sparks. He can hold me at arm's length but still goes out of his way to find things in common.
I guess if it was "right" then it wouldn't be like this. I'm getting too old to be playing games like this. I met him too soon after my ex and the timing was off. I need to be honest about it with myself because I still carry a wee torch after all this time.
Sometimes it feels like I'm always going to feel this sad and empty.
After my ex there's really not been any guys that I've found any kind of connection with apart from F... and I find it really frustrating how he can be so intimate with me in some ways and be so distant in others. From what I know we're pretty similar as people so one level I understand... but how often can this go on the way it does... the way it sparks. He can hold me at arm's length but still goes out of his way to find things in common.
I guess if it was "right" then it wouldn't be like this. I'm getting too old to be playing games like this. I met him too soon after my ex and the timing was off. I need to be honest about it with myself because I still carry a wee torch after all this time.
Sometimes it feels like I'm always going to feel this sad and empty.