This is just a story that I'm working on. I don't know if I'll get in a state I was in to be able to finish it. We will see. It is kinda based on my personal experience as well as things I have heard people say here...
Chapter 1
I jiggle my key, finally getting the rusty lock to turn and the door creeks open. Kneeling by my hotplate next to the door I grab my rusty pan and pour in the water, then add my ramen noodles. Sitting on the cold bare floor I dream about how wonderful it would be never to eat these damn things again. Becomes just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, but then again I'm sure it is easier to be more charming when your not all tweeked out.
I hate this shot so much more now that I'm eating once every 3 or 4 days. I can never tell anymore, there are no days and nights when you never sleep. When you can't get your fix and you do sleep there is no way of telling for how long. If the other ice girls turning tricks mention missing talking to you, then you know it has been a few days.
I know I've been sleeping a lot recently. But personally I'd rather be asleep than deal with withdrawals. Ha and I thought comedowns were bad. It doesn't even compare. Nothing makes you suicidal faster. But... the bugs kinda scared me. I had heard of it happening, but never me. Isn't that the truth always other people, not me, never me. What a crock of shit.
Speaking of shit, I found a mirror the other day. My eyes are a bit sunken in and I'm not sure the last time I got a decent shower. How I'm able to turn tricks at all is a mystery to me. Maybe the make-up I got from trying to cut back helps. Takes awhile to get the money but I guess you have to spend a little to make a little. Isn't that the shit hole we live in. You never win and you are just fooling yourself to even think that you can.
Fuck! Damn water is boiling over! First it doesn't heat and I have to eat semi-crunchy noodles and now its too hot, wasting my both. That is the best part. It warms your insides a bit, which is nice now that it is getting colder. But anything is better than snow. I can't stand it! Just trying to walk on ice in heels is hard enough, not to mention turning them gray with all the dirty snow and slush. And your ass is so cold that you can't tell if the guy is even touching you, but getting a regular hurts kinda. Just awhile before their body feels like hot plates against your skin. Funny how the white snow at first seems so white and clean and ten turns everything so filthy.
I could go on about us being like the uncorrupted new snow when we are born and then some of us turn out lives dirty. But that is just stupid. We just have to face the fact that some of us are just born fucked up. "Oh poor me, I never thought I would end up like this." I knew it was a possibility. It took, what, 2 months for this shit to get so bad that the comesdown would ache and make me want to pull my hair out. I kinda got to laugh at myself when I lost my last jobs. Getting all spun out and being completely swallowed in a task. 10 minutes late to work, ok just a few more things I got to finish and then I'll go. The time is just gone and it's been 5 hours . I guess they get sick of it after awhile.
Now my work can't fire me. I have a few people I have to report to. But I'm not going there, not after last night. You know who never misses you, your dealer. Your just another food stamp when there is this many shards around. I was lucky Angel shared a little with me today. I guess she needs someone to talk about nothing when the cops are out and business is slower. I don't know what she was going on about. Something about James being Gabriel and Eric being the devil. We skip around a lot. Besides no one is an angel around here.
The little I scrapped out of the bag when she sat it down, stupid of her by the way, is burning a hole in my pocket. But at least I have some. I already smoked the last out of the stem. Just watch, I'll drop my pipe on day when I'm too spun out to hold onto anything. Smells better in here. Between the chemical smell coming off me and saturating the room it had gotten hard to breathe in here at times. I just kept telling myself that it wasn't the crystal burning my lungs. Nothing like battery acid in the morning.
The steam of the pan feels good on my face, my eyes get kinda dry when I'm high. I wonder how long my eyes have been jumping around the floors on the strip of unpeeled wallpaper. Hard to believe this place once had wallpaper. Amps, entertaining people with stupid shit since...Hitler.
Fuck, it would be so nice to have some H when I come off this, at least you can pass out a bit. But who has the money for both? Shit! Lost again and not rolling this glass fast enough. Sometimes I can't focus enough when I'm high to keep myself that way.
It's hard to like being high when you know that when coming down my whole body will feel like it's dying. I have no idea how I went so long 6 months ago, which seems only like a disaster packed into 2 weeks. But I suppose this is my place in the world. Like it or leave it. More like scape by or don't. If I could just count the times I have heard the same shit over and over. If only they would shut up. I don't fucking care! But asking a "crackhead" to shut up is like asking them to stop breathing air. The silent gasp and then it starts again.
Nice of the one guy today not ripping my legs off with my underwear. Letting me take them off like he wasn't paying for his time.
Uh, great the chemical smell is back. On the blankets, if you could call these blankets. My favorite is the greenish one with the floors. It doesn't have any holes in it to annoy me. But maybe I should go back and shit my ass on the cold floor. At least until my butt it numb. The hotplate warms it up a bit over there, It would be easier if I didn't have this stupid fire phobia.
I amuse myself with how fast I get to the other side of the room. High or cold, it's full tilt or nothing. But... I should really find a clock and see if it's late enough to go back out. After 2 is prime time.
Chapter 1
I jiggle my key, finally getting the rusty lock to turn and the door creeks open. Kneeling by my hotplate next to the door I grab my rusty pan and pour in the water, then add my ramen noodles. Sitting on the cold bare floor I dream about how wonderful it would be never to eat these damn things again. Becomes just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, but then again I'm sure it is easier to be more charming when your not all tweeked out.
I hate this shot so much more now that I'm eating once every 3 or 4 days. I can never tell anymore, there are no days and nights when you never sleep. When you can't get your fix and you do sleep there is no way of telling for how long. If the other ice girls turning tricks mention missing talking to you, then you know it has been a few days.
I know I've been sleeping a lot recently. But personally I'd rather be asleep than deal with withdrawals. Ha and I thought comedowns were bad. It doesn't even compare. Nothing makes you suicidal faster. But... the bugs kinda scared me. I had heard of it happening, but never me. Isn't that the truth always other people, not me, never me. What a crock of shit.
Speaking of shit, I found a mirror the other day. My eyes are a bit sunken in and I'm not sure the last time I got a decent shower. How I'm able to turn tricks at all is a mystery to me. Maybe the make-up I got from trying to cut back helps. Takes awhile to get the money but I guess you have to spend a little to make a little. Isn't that the shit hole we live in. You never win and you are just fooling yourself to even think that you can.
Fuck! Damn water is boiling over! First it doesn't heat and I have to eat semi-crunchy noodles and now its too hot, wasting my both. That is the best part. It warms your insides a bit, which is nice now that it is getting colder. But anything is better than snow. I can't stand it! Just trying to walk on ice in heels is hard enough, not to mention turning them gray with all the dirty snow and slush. And your ass is so cold that you can't tell if the guy is even touching you, but getting a regular hurts kinda. Just awhile before their body feels like hot plates against your skin. Funny how the white snow at first seems so white and clean and ten turns everything so filthy.
I could go on about us being like the uncorrupted new snow when we are born and then some of us turn out lives dirty. But that is just stupid. We just have to face the fact that some of us are just born fucked up. "Oh poor me, I never thought I would end up like this." I knew it was a possibility. It took, what, 2 months for this shit to get so bad that the comesdown would ache and make me want to pull my hair out. I kinda got to laugh at myself when I lost my last jobs. Getting all spun out and being completely swallowed in a task. 10 minutes late to work, ok just a few more things I got to finish and then I'll go. The time is just gone and it's been 5 hours . I guess they get sick of it after awhile.
Now my work can't fire me. I have a few people I have to report to. But I'm not going there, not after last night. You know who never misses you, your dealer. Your just another food stamp when there is this many shards around. I was lucky Angel shared a little with me today. I guess she needs someone to talk about nothing when the cops are out and business is slower. I don't know what she was going on about. Something about James being Gabriel and Eric being the devil. We skip around a lot. Besides no one is an angel around here.
The little I scrapped out of the bag when she sat it down, stupid of her by the way, is burning a hole in my pocket. But at least I have some. I already smoked the last out of the stem. Just watch, I'll drop my pipe on day when I'm too spun out to hold onto anything. Smells better in here. Between the chemical smell coming off me and saturating the room it had gotten hard to breathe in here at times. I just kept telling myself that it wasn't the crystal burning my lungs. Nothing like battery acid in the morning.
The steam of the pan feels good on my face, my eyes get kinda dry when I'm high. I wonder how long my eyes have been jumping around the floors on the strip of unpeeled wallpaper. Hard to believe this place once had wallpaper. Amps, entertaining people with stupid shit since...Hitler.
Fuck, it would be so nice to have some H when I come off this, at least you can pass out a bit. But who has the money for both? Shit! Lost again and not rolling this glass fast enough. Sometimes I can't focus enough when I'm high to keep myself that way.
It's hard to like being high when you know that when coming down my whole body will feel like it's dying. I have no idea how I went so long 6 months ago, which seems only like a disaster packed into 2 weeks. But I suppose this is my place in the world. Like it or leave it. More like scape by or don't. If I could just count the times I have heard the same shit over and over. If only they would shut up. I don't fucking care! But asking a "crackhead" to shut up is like asking them to stop breathing air. The silent gasp and then it starts again.
Nice of the one guy today not ripping my legs off with my underwear. Letting me take them off like he wasn't paying for his time.
Uh, great the chemical smell is back. On the blankets, if you could call these blankets. My favorite is the greenish one with the floors. It doesn't have any holes in it to annoy me. But maybe I should go back and shit my ass on the cold floor. At least until my butt it numb. The hotplate warms it up a bit over there, It would be easier if I didn't have this stupid fire phobia.
I amuse myself with how fast I get to the other side of the room. High or cold, it's full tilt or nothing. But... I should really find a clock and see if it's late enough to go back out. After 2 is prime time.
