a statement of dissatisfaction

[undead]

i wrote this one night while feeling blue, i decided to write it in order to vent. like a written form of therapy. it helped, i thought i'd share my thoughts at that moment with you guys.

last night at work, i felt abandoned in life. everyone is free to roam the world with entertainment as i succumb to the presence of fear. i walk alone, hoping to one day be recognized, but hoping for that one day to be one day too late.

i cant go on living on a day to day basis. i spend my money like i wont be around tomorrow. i think my actions preceed my thoughts, yet my voice no matter how loud will never be heard.

i have a very good feeling that i dont have alot of time left on this earth. im just too afraid to leave everyone with such a shameful memory. i can only imagine being the topic of demise and i can only hope to never be.

however without hesitance i have to carry through one day my only plan to fall with out arms to catch me. id hate to think of all the weeping eyes, and id hate to cause all the aching hearts, but the pain i feel is far greater than the words i can use to express that feeling.

i know that im loved, as everyone knows that i love them, but loved or not i cant help but feel alone. ive had many conversations with many people, yet with every one, i come out feeling the same, saddened... used... and on the edge of what is considered such a sacred thing. life. one can only hope for such good fortune, some people just stumble upon it, others have to work a million hours for a million unknown reasons just to accomplish their daily goal of stability, nothing extraordinary. what feeling of accomplishment do you get from feeling exactly as unimportant today as you did yesterday?

is it selfish to think this way? quite possibly, but is it not also selfish to believe that you are so knowledgeable about humanity to think that you are above anyone of such a mindset?

the thing is... i cant explain to anyone how i feel in a way that theyll truely understand. actions speak louder than words. but again, id hate to take all these smiling faces and destroy their images of happiness. they have a feeling for me that they cant express the same as i do for them. however there is always that mystery of what the other person is thinking. and that... theyll never know. and if by chance they do one day know, itll put them one step closer to understanding, but im the only person in the world who truely knows how i feel... and i feel miserable.

 

[froggygirl]

i know that im loved, as everyone knows that i love them, but loved or not i cant help but feel alone.



and if by chance they do one day know, itll put them one step closer to understanding, but im the only person in the world who truely knows how i feel... and i feel miserable.

It's good to see you're not dead, I was kinda worried. I like those two parts a lot.. I hope to see more of your writings..

 

[undead]

thanks. ill submit more here in a few days... i have some older ones that i wrote in this forum if ya search for my username you should find some of em.

muh little cheesefrog sorry i disappeared last night hehe... i passed out.

 

[froggygirl]

I kinda figured I'll read some more of your stuff.. but put up some more!

 

[cherub]

i loved this, sometimes venting in written words even if no one reads it,,, lets out so much. Great to read !