Penergy
Bluelighter
Update: Nov 20, 2001
Finally got around to doing some editing on this, man, the first paragraph was just a mess speaking in terms of tense. This is my first writing in the first person, i have a tendency to revert to other styles as i go. Well, most of it should be fixed now. oh and yes, this was a shameless bump ;-)
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I pull into the parking space, and switch the engine off, letting the car's battery power the radio. Track 14 on the Happy 2b Hardcore Chapter 4 CD is just coming on, and it always brings a little smile to my face. But then again, I think anything could make me smile today. Today is the day. My life has never been easy, I have always found myself to be awkward around people. Perhaps this has stemmed from the countless years of torment and name-calling I endured while growing up. Perhaps this is because I lacked any sense of self worth. Perhaps it is because I have always considered myself an ugly person, and hated myself for it. Whatever the reason for this awkwardness, today it is nonexistent. In its stead, today I feel a sense of… comfort. No, maybe acceptance is a better word. Today, I am brimming with confidence and excitement.
I check the clock on dash. Another 20 minutes before she will even be here. I have been up and down all morning, practically dying with anticipation. Finally I had to give up and just leave the house, even if I did mean I would be here a little early. After all, this wasn't just any girl I upon which I was awaiting the arrival. This was the object of countless years of my unrequited love, unbeknownst even to her. I knew though, from the first moment that I saw her, that she was the one for me. The miniscule amount of conversation I had actually been able to muster enough courage to have with her served only to convince me further. Okay, maybe conversation is too strong a word for what had transpired between us. Mostly it was just a polite "Hi" as I passed by her on the way through the store. She was always kind enough though, and she had the softest voice, quiet in a sexy way. Today would be different. Today I could talk to her without hesitation, ask her anything. And I would.
Ten minutes now. I run through everything in my head one last time, just to be sure I would have it all right. It was something I have always done actually. I have entire conversations in my head, imagine different things whomever I am conversing with will say, and have my responses preplanned. I have always wondered if everyone did this. Actually, I am sure everyone must do this, but to the same degree? Perhaps I could find out somehow. It would be interesting to know how thought out everyone's every single word, sentence, conversation, or action is.
Almost time. Surely she had arrived by now, and was just about to clock in and head out to the sales floor. I imagine what she will be wearing today. Maybe it will be the green flower print dress again. That was my favorite. It has been since last Monday since she wore that, so there is a chance she will be wearing it today. I can almost taste the excitement, smell the nervous anticipation at what I was about to do. I remain strong. Today is my day, and I can do this.
It's time. I turn the car off, and get out. It's the perfect day, one of those days where the air is crisp and chilly but not unbearably so. I have always been a fan of fall weather, it's the perfect escape from the overwhelming heat of the summer and the frosty cold of the winter. I can see the hot little puffs of steam as the breath escapes from my mouth, and I quicken my pace towards the door. The automatic doors slide open as I approach, and the matronly woman standing just to the inside and left warmly greets me. I smile and give her a polite nod, and bound on, focused in my determination. There! I see her. It is the green dress. Perfect. I take a moment just to soak her in, prepare myself for what I am about to do. There could not be a more perfect, peaceful vision of beauty than her. After an eternity, I approach:
"Hi."
"Hello, how are you doing today?" God I love her voice.
"Great. Uhm, look, I know you probably don't know me, I have seen you in here a few times…"
I pause for a second, and when no response seems to be forthcoming I go on.
"Yeah, anyway, listen, you are the absolute most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I was wondering if you were, uh, maybe didn't have plans for tonight if you would like to, umm, maybe go to dinner with me or something?" Things always sounded better in my head. God, I totally blew that line. I did it though, and I feel great.
"Look…" Such a sexy voice. She smelled amazing too. Like trees and rain. She was absolutely breathtaking.
"Matt"
"Look Matt, that's sweet and all, but I have a boyfriend, I'm sorry." Why do they always lie right to your face? I mean, she of course had no ideal how long I had been sneaking around, following her night after night, so she didn't realize I knew the truth. But still, she lied right to my face…
"But... I love you."
She giggled a nervous, high-pitched giggle. It was beautiful.
"Listen, do I know you? You love me? I'm sorry can you just leave. This is giving me the creeps." Like I said, I had always tried to think of every possible response, and have my own response preplanned. Yes, it would be interesting to find out how in-depth everyone else went with it, how far they planned and thought out their actions before they actually did them. I was one who planned everything, down to the last detail, and this was an answer I had anticipated. And one I have a response of my own for.
I look at her again, just let my eyes run up and down her body. That green dress looks so amazing up close, I can imagine how it's silky exterior must feel against her alabaster skin. Beautiful. With one quick motion I pull the pistol out of my pocket and jam it into my right temple. I watch her eyes, see her pupils expand in sudden fear. She has the most amazing brown eyes, and in their current state I can see every detail, every vein, every millimeter of color.
"I do love you." Her mouth opens slightly, I can tell she is about to scream. Everything is moving in slow motion now. I can see every detail of her perfectly straight teeth, every bump and crack. I don't know how that it is possible, but even her teeth are cute.
I lean in close, my face is only inches from hers now. I am staring directly into those beautiful brown eyes. I could get lost in those eyes for a lifetime. I lean a little closer, and whisper just loud enough for her to hear:
"I could have been the one."
And then, just like I had planned, I pull the trigger.
[This message has been edited by Penergy (edited 20 November 2001).]
Finally got around to doing some editing on this, man, the first paragraph was just a mess speaking in terms of tense. This is my first writing in the first person, i have a tendency to revert to other styles as i go. Well, most of it should be fixed now. oh and yes, this was a shameless bump ;-)
--------------------------------------------------.
I pull into the parking space, and switch the engine off, letting the car's battery power the radio. Track 14 on the Happy 2b Hardcore Chapter 4 CD is just coming on, and it always brings a little smile to my face. But then again, I think anything could make me smile today. Today is the day. My life has never been easy, I have always found myself to be awkward around people. Perhaps this has stemmed from the countless years of torment and name-calling I endured while growing up. Perhaps this is because I lacked any sense of self worth. Perhaps it is because I have always considered myself an ugly person, and hated myself for it. Whatever the reason for this awkwardness, today it is nonexistent. In its stead, today I feel a sense of… comfort. No, maybe acceptance is a better word. Today, I am brimming with confidence and excitement.
I check the clock on dash. Another 20 minutes before she will even be here. I have been up and down all morning, practically dying with anticipation. Finally I had to give up and just leave the house, even if I did mean I would be here a little early. After all, this wasn't just any girl I upon which I was awaiting the arrival. This was the object of countless years of my unrequited love, unbeknownst even to her. I knew though, from the first moment that I saw her, that she was the one for me. The miniscule amount of conversation I had actually been able to muster enough courage to have with her served only to convince me further. Okay, maybe conversation is too strong a word for what had transpired between us. Mostly it was just a polite "Hi" as I passed by her on the way through the store. She was always kind enough though, and she had the softest voice, quiet in a sexy way. Today would be different. Today I could talk to her without hesitation, ask her anything. And I would.
Ten minutes now. I run through everything in my head one last time, just to be sure I would have it all right. It was something I have always done actually. I have entire conversations in my head, imagine different things whomever I am conversing with will say, and have my responses preplanned. I have always wondered if everyone did this. Actually, I am sure everyone must do this, but to the same degree? Perhaps I could find out somehow. It would be interesting to know how thought out everyone's every single word, sentence, conversation, or action is.
Almost time. Surely she had arrived by now, and was just about to clock in and head out to the sales floor. I imagine what she will be wearing today. Maybe it will be the green flower print dress again. That was my favorite. It has been since last Monday since she wore that, so there is a chance she will be wearing it today. I can almost taste the excitement, smell the nervous anticipation at what I was about to do. I remain strong. Today is my day, and I can do this.
It's time. I turn the car off, and get out. It's the perfect day, one of those days where the air is crisp and chilly but not unbearably so. I have always been a fan of fall weather, it's the perfect escape from the overwhelming heat of the summer and the frosty cold of the winter. I can see the hot little puffs of steam as the breath escapes from my mouth, and I quicken my pace towards the door. The automatic doors slide open as I approach, and the matronly woman standing just to the inside and left warmly greets me. I smile and give her a polite nod, and bound on, focused in my determination. There! I see her. It is the green dress. Perfect. I take a moment just to soak her in, prepare myself for what I am about to do. There could not be a more perfect, peaceful vision of beauty than her. After an eternity, I approach:
"Hi."
"Hello, how are you doing today?" God I love her voice.
"Great. Uhm, look, I know you probably don't know me, I have seen you in here a few times…"
I pause for a second, and when no response seems to be forthcoming I go on.
"Yeah, anyway, listen, you are the absolute most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I was wondering if you were, uh, maybe didn't have plans for tonight if you would like to, umm, maybe go to dinner with me or something?" Things always sounded better in my head. God, I totally blew that line. I did it though, and I feel great.
"Look…" Such a sexy voice. She smelled amazing too. Like trees and rain. She was absolutely breathtaking.
"Matt"
"Look Matt, that's sweet and all, but I have a boyfriend, I'm sorry." Why do they always lie right to your face? I mean, she of course had no ideal how long I had been sneaking around, following her night after night, so she didn't realize I knew the truth. But still, she lied right to my face…
"But... I love you."
She giggled a nervous, high-pitched giggle. It was beautiful.
"Listen, do I know you? You love me? I'm sorry can you just leave. This is giving me the creeps." Like I said, I had always tried to think of every possible response, and have my own response preplanned. Yes, it would be interesting to find out how in-depth everyone else went with it, how far they planned and thought out their actions before they actually did them. I was one who planned everything, down to the last detail, and this was an answer I had anticipated. And one I have a response of my own for.
I look at her again, just let my eyes run up and down her body. That green dress looks so amazing up close, I can imagine how it's silky exterior must feel against her alabaster skin. Beautiful. With one quick motion I pull the pistol out of my pocket and jam it into my right temple. I watch her eyes, see her pupils expand in sudden fear. She has the most amazing brown eyes, and in their current state I can see every detail, every vein, every millimeter of color.
"I do love you." Her mouth opens slightly, I can tell she is about to scream. Everything is moving in slow motion now. I can see every detail of her perfectly straight teeth, every bump and crack. I don't know how that it is possible, but even her teeth are cute.
I lean in close, my face is only inches from hers now. I am staring directly into those beautiful brown eyes. I could get lost in those eyes for a lifetime. I lean a little closer, and whisper just loud enough for her to hear:
"I could have been the one."
And then, just like I had planned, I pull the trigger.
[This message has been edited by Penergy (edited 20 November 2001).]
