A "Short" Story About Substance Abuse & Harm Reduction [FEEDBACK WANTED]
[WARNING]
Warning One: -NO SELF INCRIMINATION- Anything posted on this thread is only and entirely hypothetical, from the perspective of fictional character(s) who's past, present, or future experiences and knowledge of ANY illegal activities and/or substance abuse (Any substance USE, of illegal drugs or illegal methods of consumption and/or obtaining of said illegal drugs, is to be considered, by this thread's definition, substance abuse. TO BE CLEAR, I AM NOT SAYING THAT SUBSTANCE USE IS AUTOMATICALLY SUBSTANCE ABUSE IN ANY GIVEN SCENARIO THAT HAS OCCURRED OR WILL OCCUR IN YOUR OR ANYONE ELSES' LIFE. That is ONLY the case for this thread) is simply being depicted by you (the term "you" just used, applies to anyone who, for whatever reason, is currently viewing or has viewed this thread/post, piece of information, document, whatever you would like to call this piece of writing, including any form of law enforcement and/or government agency, moderator or administrator of Bluelight, and whatever the status of the viewer(s), registered on Bluelight or not) and I.
Warning Two: Read intro first (obviously) for a brief description of this post to decide whether or not you want to read the entire thing. This post and/or thread quite possibly could be triggering for many who are battling similar battles, or just straight up depressing for anyone who they themselves suffer, or know anybody close to them, who suffers from depression (or related mental illnesses). I don't know if i will proof read this entire post at the end for spelling and grammar errors, so if that will ruin the "audience listening to a motivational speech" - type experience for you, then you should either not read this, or more preferably, learn to look past simple mistakes. Speaking of mistakes I just finished writing what is now labeled something along the lines of "main post read warning & intro first" (I think I'm going to call it part 1, maybe chapter 1, if and when I add another part/chapter).
IMPORTANT: BY CONTINUING TO READ THE REST OF THIS THREAD/POST YOU HEREBY AGREE TO, AND WITH WARNINGS ONE AND TWO LOCATED DIRECTLY ABOVE THESE TWO LINES
[EDIT] I only realized that I used parenthesis Incorrectly AFTER my un-educated self used them the wrong way through the entire post. (I am aware of the edit function on the site, this is happening before I post it and I am too lazy to change the text I wrote beforehand. Should this post receive feedback of any kind/amount I will "amend" the current errors not only in this section but the entire post/thread as well).
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[INTRO]
This is going to be an extremely in-depth and detailed account of the past 5-ish years of my life. In this post (I refer to the word "post" as "message" or "letter", as my mind is still racing and fried from an extremely dangerous, nearly fatal, nearly 100% pure, 350 milligram MDMA trip. In short I am writing this because writing is an exceptional coping skill for me, additionally because I have been meaning to do this for a long time) I will be covering my depression, my history with drugs, how and why I abused drugs (basically any piece of information that had to do with drug use, and mental illnesses that I have learned over the years will be pieced together to tell a story), and last but not least, in fact most importantly, why YOU should NOT follow in my steps. I would like to apologize in advance for lengthy, run-on sentences. I am still wired as fuck from my near death (or should I say near cardiac arrest) MDMA experience.
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[MAIN POST! READ WARNING & INTRO FIRST!!!]
I am new to Bluelight in the sense that i have just created and account, however i have been using this website as a means of harm reduction and informational forum mechanism for over two years now. I'm actually writing this in the reply section of an MDMA harm reduction thread (I think it's called a sticky thread, where anyone can add information that they think would help) and am realizing that this is going to be a very long "message" and that I should post this in another thread where it is more relevant. Whether it was googling some random key words in an emergency type situation to find out if I had taken a lethal dosage of a substance, or it just so happened that I had a free afternoon and wanted to research a little about a certain substance or learn new harm reduction procedures for the future, Bluelight has always been there for me, as well as many other forum sites that are similar to this one. However I chose to make an account on Bluelight because it has saved my life on multiple accounts. One Saturday afternoon I had taken a substantial amount of what I thought was OxyContin and did not know the exact dose off hand, however I felt like I might be overdosing. After a short trip onto Bluelight, I found out that what I had taken was actually morphine (I assume to this day that my source for the pills, who I was and still am very good friends with, had not known that it was morphine, nor the strength of said pills, either) and had taken four 60 mg pills of morphine sulfate (or just morphine pills). The things that prompted me to look into the pills I had taken were a series of symptoms ranging from extremely unpleasant to what I considered extremely nice. Now before I continue let me just say that in no way am I promoting the use or ABuse of drugs, alcohol, or any substance for that matter. A little bit of background information, I have been battling with severe adolescent depression for about three and a half years now, my parents and doctors/therapists think it actually started as far as five years ago, however the symptoms started to become noticible to me at least about three and a half years ago like I said. I am a male, currently 16 years old, I am in my junior year of high school (11th grade) and my parents are divorced (all of the information I include in this "message" or "letter" I think is crucial to understanding certain points I intend to make on other threads, and I find it all necessary to have in this in-depth walkthrough of the past several years of my life). Like I was saying, my parents are divorced and have been since I was about 7 or 8 years old and I personally think that this was a huge catalyst for my depression. It started when I was in the butt-end of my 8th grade year in middle school. I was bullied probably as much as a small, scrawny white kid with blonde hair would be in any middle school where I live, however the effects were very detrimental. To this day I have almost zero self esteem. Alas, there is one thing that I take solace in doing, and that is helping others. I don't mean to be narcissistic in any way, I think that should be quite evident when you are through reading this, if you have decided to read the entire thing. I love helping others. When I see people in times of need I always try to help and comfort them in some way shape or form, and I feel like people who have been through one form or another of a mental illness such as depression or bipolar disorder (or even any kind of hardship or event that puts strain on the human psyche not matter how big nor small) makes you a better person, as well as a much more compassionate person. It gives you empathy. That's what I believe I have. Many professional therapists and doctors think that I have more empathy than one person should have in a lifetime, I disagree. It is my understanding that (and here's a piece where I get pretty empirical, or "existential" per say) the more empathy a person not only has but expresses, the better person they will be. I back this argument up using the most simplistic yet complicated logic possible. Henry David Thoreau was a transcendentalist as well as a romanticist (both of which I believe to be of the best and most historically important ideals ever recorded by man, in my opinion, however that is my opinion and my opinion only). He has said "We are sentient beings immersed in the sensory world, learning the 'essential facts of life' only through the perpetual instilling and drenching of the reality that surrounds us". What he essentially means is that the only truly effective method that any life form can learn, is through experience. I believe that understating this ideal is fundamental to accomplishing your goals in the life you're living. My #1 Goal as of right now is to reach a healthy level of sobriety by the time I am 18 years old. By my standards that means that I would not have abused any substance, illegal or legal, for at least 8 months or more. I will most likely cut this "ending-esque" piece out and paste it at the end of the latest addition to this post/thread.
[IMPORTANT NOTE]
If you liked what I have written so far please please PLEASE give me any form of feedback, any constructive criticism is welcomed and implored. I know I strayed a little bit at the end because I am coming down HARD from this MDMA, it is not pleasant at all and it triggered some extreme anxiety attacks tonight. If you did enjoy what I had to say you should let me know either by emailing me (you can find my email on my profile, although after about one day I will be changing it so that it is not accessible to just anyone). You can also private message me on Bluelight (this website duh), or simply just reply on this thread. If you like what you see, feel free to spread the link to this thread around. I hope one day in the future to become a moderator of Bluelight, so that I am able to spread my vast knowledge of substance abuse and mental illnesses, until then, my goal is to log on every night and help someone through something. Whether it is clearing up a piece of miscommunicated or misinformed information/data/statistics, or helping someone through a scary and potentially dangerous experience with substances, my aim is to help others in the best way I can, sharing my knowledge of the topics covered (and to be covered) in this post/thread. Thank you all, have a wonderful day (or evening), and remember to be safe!
[WARNING]
Warning One: -NO SELF INCRIMINATION- Anything posted on this thread is only and entirely hypothetical, from the perspective of fictional character(s) who's past, present, or future experiences and knowledge of ANY illegal activities and/or substance abuse (Any substance USE, of illegal drugs or illegal methods of consumption and/or obtaining of said illegal drugs, is to be considered, by this thread's definition, substance abuse. TO BE CLEAR, I AM NOT SAYING THAT SUBSTANCE USE IS AUTOMATICALLY SUBSTANCE ABUSE IN ANY GIVEN SCENARIO THAT HAS OCCURRED OR WILL OCCUR IN YOUR OR ANYONE ELSES' LIFE. That is ONLY the case for this thread) is simply being depicted by you (the term "you" just used, applies to anyone who, for whatever reason, is currently viewing or has viewed this thread/post, piece of information, document, whatever you would like to call this piece of writing, including any form of law enforcement and/or government agency, moderator or administrator of Bluelight, and whatever the status of the viewer(s), registered on Bluelight or not) and I.
Warning Two: Read intro first (obviously) for a brief description of this post to decide whether or not you want to read the entire thing. This post and/or thread quite possibly could be triggering for many who are battling similar battles, or just straight up depressing for anyone who they themselves suffer, or know anybody close to them, who suffers from depression (or related mental illnesses). I don't know if i will proof read this entire post at the end for spelling and grammar errors, so if that will ruin the "audience listening to a motivational speech" - type experience for you, then you should either not read this, or more preferably, learn to look past simple mistakes. Speaking of mistakes I just finished writing what is now labeled something along the lines of "main post read warning & intro first" (I think I'm going to call it part 1, maybe chapter 1, if and when I add another part/chapter).
IMPORTANT: BY CONTINUING TO READ THE REST OF THIS THREAD/POST YOU HEREBY AGREE TO, AND WITH WARNINGS ONE AND TWO LOCATED DIRECTLY ABOVE THESE TWO LINES
[EDIT] I only realized that I used parenthesis Incorrectly AFTER my un-educated self used them the wrong way through the entire post. (I am aware of the edit function on the site, this is happening before I post it and I am too lazy to change the text I wrote beforehand. Should this post receive feedback of any kind/amount I will "amend" the current errors not only in this section but the entire post/thread as well).
------------------------------------------
[INTRO]
This is going to be an extremely in-depth and detailed account of the past 5-ish years of my life. In this post (I refer to the word "post" as "message" or "letter", as my mind is still racing and fried from an extremely dangerous, nearly fatal, nearly 100% pure, 350 milligram MDMA trip. In short I am writing this because writing is an exceptional coping skill for me, additionally because I have been meaning to do this for a long time) I will be covering my depression, my history with drugs, how and why I abused drugs (basically any piece of information that had to do with drug use, and mental illnesses that I have learned over the years will be pieced together to tell a story), and last but not least, in fact most importantly, why YOU should NOT follow in my steps. I would like to apologize in advance for lengthy, run-on sentences. I am still wired as fuck from my near death (or should I say near cardiac arrest) MDMA experience.
------------------------------------------
[MAIN POST! READ WARNING & INTRO FIRST!!!]
I am new to Bluelight in the sense that i have just created and account, however i have been using this website as a means of harm reduction and informational forum mechanism for over two years now. I'm actually writing this in the reply section of an MDMA harm reduction thread (I think it's called a sticky thread, where anyone can add information that they think would help) and am realizing that this is going to be a very long "message" and that I should post this in another thread where it is more relevant. Whether it was googling some random key words in an emergency type situation to find out if I had taken a lethal dosage of a substance, or it just so happened that I had a free afternoon and wanted to research a little about a certain substance or learn new harm reduction procedures for the future, Bluelight has always been there for me, as well as many other forum sites that are similar to this one. However I chose to make an account on Bluelight because it has saved my life on multiple accounts. One Saturday afternoon I had taken a substantial amount of what I thought was OxyContin and did not know the exact dose off hand, however I felt like I might be overdosing. After a short trip onto Bluelight, I found out that what I had taken was actually morphine (I assume to this day that my source for the pills, who I was and still am very good friends with, had not known that it was morphine, nor the strength of said pills, either) and had taken four 60 mg pills of morphine sulfate (or just morphine pills). The things that prompted me to look into the pills I had taken were a series of symptoms ranging from extremely unpleasant to what I considered extremely nice. Now before I continue let me just say that in no way am I promoting the use or ABuse of drugs, alcohol, or any substance for that matter. A little bit of background information, I have been battling with severe adolescent depression for about three and a half years now, my parents and doctors/therapists think it actually started as far as five years ago, however the symptoms started to become noticible to me at least about three and a half years ago like I said. I am a male, currently 16 years old, I am in my junior year of high school (11th grade) and my parents are divorced (all of the information I include in this "message" or "letter" I think is crucial to understanding certain points I intend to make on other threads, and I find it all necessary to have in this in-depth walkthrough of the past several years of my life). Like I was saying, my parents are divorced and have been since I was about 7 or 8 years old and I personally think that this was a huge catalyst for my depression. It started when I was in the butt-end of my 8th grade year in middle school. I was bullied probably as much as a small, scrawny white kid with blonde hair would be in any middle school where I live, however the effects were very detrimental. To this day I have almost zero self esteem. Alas, there is one thing that I take solace in doing, and that is helping others. I don't mean to be narcissistic in any way, I think that should be quite evident when you are through reading this, if you have decided to read the entire thing. I love helping others. When I see people in times of need I always try to help and comfort them in some way shape or form, and I feel like people who have been through one form or another of a mental illness such as depression or bipolar disorder (or even any kind of hardship or event that puts strain on the human psyche not matter how big nor small) makes you a better person, as well as a much more compassionate person. It gives you empathy. That's what I believe I have. Many professional therapists and doctors think that I have more empathy than one person should have in a lifetime, I disagree. It is my understanding that (and here's a piece where I get pretty empirical, or "existential" per say) the more empathy a person not only has but expresses, the better person they will be. I back this argument up using the most simplistic yet complicated logic possible. Henry David Thoreau was a transcendentalist as well as a romanticist (both of which I believe to be of the best and most historically important ideals ever recorded by man, in my opinion, however that is my opinion and my opinion only). He has said "We are sentient beings immersed in the sensory world, learning the 'essential facts of life' only through the perpetual instilling and drenching of the reality that surrounds us". What he essentially means is that the only truly effective method that any life form can learn, is through experience. I believe that understating this ideal is fundamental to accomplishing your goals in the life you're living. My #1 Goal as of right now is to reach a healthy level of sobriety by the time I am 18 years old. By my standards that means that I would not have abused any substance, illegal or legal, for at least 8 months or more. I will most likely cut this "ending-esque" piece out and paste it at the end of the latest addition to this post/thread.
[IMPORTANT NOTE]
If you liked what I have written so far please please PLEASE give me any form of feedback, any constructive criticism is welcomed and implored. I know I strayed a little bit at the end because I am coming down HARD from this MDMA, it is not pleasant at all and it triggered some extreme anxiety attacks tonight. If you did enjoy what I had to say you should let me know either by emailing me (you can find my email on my profile, although after about one day I will be changing it so that it is not accessible to just anyone). You can also private message me on Bluelight (this website duh), or simply just reply on this thread. If you like what you see, feel free to spread the link to this thread around. I hope one day in the future to become a moderator of Bluelight, so that I am able to spread my vast knowledge of substance abuse and mental illnesses, until then, my goal is to log on every night and help someone through something. Whether it is clearing up a piece of miscommunicated or misinformed information/data/statistics, or helping someone through a scary and potentially dangerous experience with substances, my aim is to help others in the best way I can, sharing my knowledge of the topics covered (and to be covered) in this post/thread. Thank you all, have a wonderful day (or evening), and remember to be safe!
