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a relationship..on stage

M

Meatpuppet

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 21, 2002
Messages
368
with a blink of my ear canal.... I listen to the
cry of the crickets in wonderland silenced from drugs
watch the sunburns dehydrate my eyelids
they crack and tatter away until my retina receives light again
and see you, and that you have expired long before the purchase date
peer into the hourglass of our past...and see an aggressive-fashion-rape-symphony
and yet I covet this final piece, a fine example of muliebrity
I notice mankind is illustrated..but all I see in erasers never a pencil
a catless grin and smoke for words...
should display my love like a Christian towards the God of today
and my fear of you, like the Christian of yester-era...scared of the wrath
I know it should end...but this monkey mockery I carry on
like some melodrama play with a cast of street bums
I’m least theatrical..when no longer in your theater...
but I’m still wet from brush strokes
don't touch me until I’m dry... I will smear
analogous communication sculpts my scratches and scars
induces the sob drenched mumbles of uncertainty.
remove the rungs of the ladder of Hell that I’m climbing
I almost forgot how pretty Hell can be
if you can get past the stench of doubt
your apparel is nothing but ransom note cut up to paper dolls
meant to create an invitation to chaos and a demand for style
why attend any event, when you are one of shock value within itself
and why should I care about the audience.
'booos' are beautiful when harmonized
these poems about you are therapeutic fire extinguisher
you're my censorship...the riveting ability of your theory..
of soulless art sold as a product
this oppression, impression, obsession
I lay down my pen, to allow my middle finger time to stretch
and a glance at my spider-webbed hairline fractured television occurs
to see Fllini's version of "Never Bet the Devil Your Head"
Amusing I find it in relation to my life..and this situation
as I forgive you, and move on to joy..
Will happiness drive me to dispair?
But I’ll keep acting like in a Cabaret satire or drama to see
my throat is bloody and raw...some phlegm for protection
from screaming at the gods last night
begging them to not let this carry on as long as it takes bones to decay
lubrication of absinthe might add pastel shades to this ‘deer in the headlights’ state I am in
but only your truth. or this art, like shards of glass
and bloodstained asphalt at an intersection
can capture the pain or void of emotion
my thoughts I know are all terminal
with my unwashed brain and a belief in my new layer of skin
but I’m still growing..and to stay in this rotten shell..i will surely die
I am no long focused on the journey of this exhibit relationship
but in particular, the curtains dropping, everyone's reaction
the tears, the fear, the want for more
You will not understand if you are sitting..
..the end of it all, when the show no longer goes on
and then it all collects in their heads..
the blissful and agonizing moments..the theme of it all
that you are like a piece of art
theatrics, paintings, song, or poetic stanza..
a lie.. to help me realize the ultimate truth
[ 19 August 2002: Message edited by: Meatpuppet ]
[ 19 August 2002: Message edited by: Meatpuppet ]
 
personally..i think my poem here (like many others)is too sparadic and chaotic with the idea and instances of thought i'm attempting to portray. I know i write things too personal and multithemed for people to grasp what they're truly about unless they know me, my life, and current situations.
But see if you can.
Your assholed opinions and 2 cents are also as welcome as a woman going through menopause is to an anal bead.
[ 14 August 2002: Message edited by: Meatpuppet ]
 
I do like the part about art being a lie to realize truth. I read that as a quote from somewhere once. I think Picaso or Van Gogh
It was a quote from Picasso.
Click to expand...
 
wow..if i quoted every phrase in this piece that i found amazing, i'd be here all day...let me try and pick a favorite...
"I’m least theatrical..when no longer in your theater...
but I’m still wet from brush strokes
don't touch me until I’m dry... I will smear"
*edit* kept fucking up the quote function....
[ 15 August 2002: Message edited by: yoUr bLiSS ]
 
if you want my honest opinion, here it is. if you don't, don't ask for it.
I think you try to write like a poet, using big ornate words and long philisopical descriptions when more lean and direct phrases would explain your point better. also, don't beat your reader with the message or context of the peice. have confidence that your point, well written, will present itself to bright minds. I like the little blurbs of explanation you write after your poems better than the poems themselves. I am going to guess that you don't think or speak the way you write, and that shows. what you express is going to be individual whether you try or not, just like your thumbprint. develop the confidence to write thoughts, that is poetry. that's what I think.
 
wow -- look Maw!! someone has done gone an' figured me out! lol actually thanx.. i really wanted someone to tell me something that could be helpful in writing better. In all honesty though, this maynot be how i speak, but more like how i think. not defending, i wish i could write better, thanx for the criticism.
the worst part is probably, that i think..about one topic or situation in my life, and as i think about it, i ponder over 1,000 things that could relate in really random or minimal ways. Ask anyone about how i speak...one topic that i'm dead serious on for 30 min, then random ranting every 5 minutes about something that clicked in my head, most of the time people can't see the relation or how far i had to dig up my ass to pull that out.
about my shit sounding philisophical...i read more philosophy than anything else. I also read more song lyrics than i do poetry. so let me use those as a scapegoat to whore my art out as something it is not.
on the other hand, (since the right one has a cock in it), i've always taken a fondness to phrases that beat around the bush..even if overused.
umm.. "if you'd like...pick a stanza and re-write it for me as an example (i won't use YOUR work as my own..) just as a helpful hint"-Milli Vanilli
[ 15 August 2002: Message edited by: Meatpuppet ]
 
I'm suprised I'm doing this. Poetry is such a personal expression, I feel a little sick and turny re-writing someone elses work. what if i didn't understand the true point of the peice? i'll look like a fool. then again, all poetry is about a girl or the road that leads to her. so...
here's the one i chose, no good reason, just did. also, i didn't want to really pour this one out of my brain because this is the first time i've done such a thing, so it may be a little verbose, i don't know. i just wrote and am now posting it without re-reading it, as if i did, i wouldn't continue any further.
"I notice mankind is illustrated..but all I see in erasers never a pencil
a catless grin and smoke for words...
should display my love like a Christian towards the God of today
and my fear of you, like the Christian of yester-era...scared of the wrath
I know it should end...but this monkey mockery I carry on
like some melodrama play with a cast of street bums"
here's mine,
This illustrated man,
now left to erasers,
catless grins
and smoke for words...
"My love for you is a Christian love!"
and my fear, a Catholic fear,
whose sacred wrath drips strings
that tug me along
this monkey-melodrama,
I wade
toward the end
through streets filled
with the muttering husks
of the players
that came
before me.
there you go. hope it's what you meant, both the poem and the critique request.
eRIC
 
nice.. lol actually i find it both amusing and challenging to re-write someone else's shit and hold the meaning.. i think it teaches you more about that person...and about what you yourself see in the piece.
thanx
 
so where's the critique on me that you so longed for and i provided. go ahead, swing away.
eRIC
 
hey... no offense taken, none given. a'ight?
in all honesty...with that stanza alone.. you got the same point across without being as wordy. I do like the re-wording of Christain love and fear... but i do think it lost some imagery.
As the "philisophical phrase" of men or humanity being illustrated...but all i see is erasers..
but that's my personal opinion. that's why my shit is probably overly descriptive.. i feel like if i take away the imagery like that it's missing something.
but overall...shorter, more concise, and same message. I like.
[ 16 August 2002: Message edited by: Meatpuppet ]
 
everybody throws around this term, imagery.
what's the imagery in these pieces?
what's your definition of imagery?
where's the philosophy?
are you talking about camus and sartre,
or plato and socrates?
who are the philosophers you read so much of?
if you want to jump into this, i'm already in the pool.
eRIC
 
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