TheDoctorate08
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2013
- Messages
- 9
Posted on another forum as well, hope you don't mind. The last 4 days have taught me quite a bit about pushing limits with RC stims, and it could have gone a lot worse than it did for me. If someone experiences psychosis and doesn't have someone there to tell them shit isn't real, hopefully they read this and remember it in the back of their head.
Posted on Wednesday:
So it's Monday, just as good a night to roll as any right? Drop 1.5 220mg Orange Red Bulls, wait 20 mins, sniff up the other half. Hour later pop another. Close to 11 my girl and I split the last one. Sometime around 1am effects are hardly noticeable. She decides to go to sleep, I'm still a little wired and know I won't be sleeping for an hour or so. I say "MDMA comedown > sleep? 'ain't nobody got time for that.'"
Decide to stay up and grind some a-pvp which just so happened to have been delivered earlier that day, guess I was anxious to try it. Prolly start off with a 30mg line, 20 mins later barely noticeable effects, chalk it up to short term MDMA cross-tolerance (maybe, maybe not, I don't follow the nerd science of receptors and uptake shlonghibiters) so I do about 100mg line, puke 5-10 minutes later. Puked blood, was having marginal visual distortions at this time, the blood-puke appeared to be of a little person, gingerbread man style. I wasn't sure if this was a hallucination or a miracle, so I took a few pictures of him. Turned out to be a bit of both, he didn't actually have an air-bubble mouth like he did in my head, and he only had one arm, but it was still kinda like Jesus Toast to me.
10-15 mins later I'm definitely feeling stimulated, no anxiety, and it isn't overpowering (my bpm stayed about 140, but wasn't a concern, no chest pains). I wouldn't necessarily describe the undertone feeling "euphoria," but it was definitely better than an MDMA come down. I surf the interwebs from bed while trying to remain motionless so as to not disturb sleeping beauty. Somewhere around 4 or 5am I did another 50mg or so. It wasn't really compulsive like MDPV, just more along the lines of... I've got a total of 1200mg, I'd rather stay up for 3 days (still going!) and come down once than miss multiple non-consecutive nights of sleep, and have to experience multiple separate come downs.
Tuesday morning is when it starts to get interesting. At close to 9am I do a 125-150mg line. Puke 10 mins later, 20 minutes after I'm super stimulated, still no anxiety, heart rate about 150bpm, still not concerned. This is about the time I start faintly but distinctly hearing audio that I recognized from a video we had watched while rolling the previous night. I notice laptop is off, and ask girl if she can hear it. She says no, even though I definitely can, yet there is no source for it to be coming from. Sometime around 12-1pm I do another 100mg line, just to stay on the same level, puke, but there really hasn't been much other than blood (ulcer or I'm dying? possible reaction from a-pvp / MDMA?) and the fine white crystalline powder that had the opportunity to drip as I'm hugging the toilet.
After I'm done puking I head up to the kitchen, on the way to the fridge I hear Nelly -Just a Dream playing, at a moderate volume. Thinking back, in a relatively sober state of mind (Wednesday morning, before restarting as I type this) this was a weird song to hear, as I haven't heard it in years, and I currently don't know the lyrics to it. However, I was singing along to it then with the lyrics that matched what was apparently an auditory hallucination (was starting to catch on, after hearing a couple more "ghost beats" earlier in the day), I guess subconsciously I know the lyrics. Even though this had happened a few times, I thought there was a chance it may have been coming from the bedroom, as this was significantly louder than the other songs / beats I was pretty confident that I heard outside of my head. When I get to the bedroom I hear nothing, ask girl if she was playing music recently. She says no and looks at me like I'm crazy. I go back out to the kitchen to listen, hear it again, run to bedroom, still no music, ask if she's fucking with me. Have her come to kitchen to listen. She hears nothing. Fuck, I'm losing it, I think, as I sing along to a song only I can hear.
Do another 100mg or so around 4pm. Obviously puke basically nothing, just dry heave for a while. Ralph some more blood up, starting to wish I'd eaten more than some Easy Mac before rolling Monday, at least then I'd have something to throw up. Mouth is pretty dry, can't stomach the thought of eating now, decide to hold off for a while and see if I can eat later. 8 bells rolls around and I realize I won't be able to eat for a while, stimulation is starting to subside, however Daft Punk -Up All Night (which I randomly listened to a couple days ago) is playing loud and clear on my personal jukebox. The chorus is on repeat, I'm jamming pretty hard. Somewhere between 8:15 and 9 I wonder if there's any way to pick a song I want to play in my head since it's been completely random so far, as I rail ~150mg.
Unsurprisingly felt the urge to vomit this time, hovered over the toilet for a few minutes, but couldn't even produce a heave, so I just spit to make myself feel better. I go hangout in the bedroom, realize my bpm has climbed to ~180ish (kinda an average I came up with, was having a rough time counting rapid beats while watching the seconds digit on the Windows clock go up, fuck numbers now. I think I Googled something like "unsafe heart rate" and got to the Wiki pageon tachycardia, guess I qualify, but page says I shouldn't exceed 198, so I'm like, ey I got a ways to go. Ended up Wikipedia ADHD'ing with 20 random tabs open, and I didn't learn shit.
Around 11 girl decides she's going to sleep, I take the remaining half gram or so, cut it into two almost kinda sorta even piles, take the bigger one and have her hide the remainder as I don't trust myself at this point. Tough to estimate the size of this line, but pretty safe to say within the 250-300mg range. Ended up waterboarding my face to clear the nostrils and then took half the line in each side. 5 minutes later I'm at the toilet with a pretty regular drip getting thrown up. The light is starting to get intense for some reason so I kind of look down over the toilet seat and shield the side of my head from the light with my arms. This is where things start to get interesting...
The first blatant thing I notice that shouldn't be happening is there's a beam or area of light that's spinning around the top inside of the toilet bowl, just under the seat. It starts off as a blue, then changes color for a few seconds from red to green to orange to pink. Then I notice a small spider drop down from under the toilet seat into the top part of the bowl. I realize this spider has wayyyy too many legs, and he's spinning about in a way spiders shouldn't. Then another larger one drops down next to him in the same fashion. After 3 or 4 more spiders come out of seemingly nowhere, I'm starting to get a little freaked out. Then I hear it...
A loud whooshing buzz, like the Hollywood sound you'd expect when someone hits a bees nest with a stick. I look up and to the right where the window is, just in time to see half a dozen small red pinpoint flickers blinking for a few seconds. Before covering my head and running out of the bathroom and up the stairs, I see one flying slow motion in mid air and identify it as a red firefly, whatever that may be, it made sense to me at the time.
In the kitchen which is right up a half flight of steps from the bathroom, I find a bath towel and super cautiously approach the landing of the stairs. I was deathly afraid of this malicious swarm of red fireflies. I notice one at the top of the stairs, I bend down to inspect it and realize they aren't fireflies, they are ladybugs, only about 1/3 to 1/2 the size of typical ladybugs. I flick it and it goes flying down the steps. Standing at the top of the stairs I can see an almost infinite swarm of them flying back and forth in the bathroom, I twirl the towel up and whip a few of them off the stairs as I make my way down.
I hadn't completely thrown logic and reason out the window, I was marginally skeptical of their realness. I was pretty sure the bathroom window was closed, and even if it wasn't, why would thousands of mini lady bugs fly into my bathroom? I'm at the landing just outside the bathroom door, and I swing the towel in a way to blow smoke away from a smoke detector, into the room. This seems to disperse the ominous cloud of MethLadyBugs. Approaching the bathroom entrance, one of them flies in what seemed to be a threatening manner, and instantly he was tucked inside a nail hole in the door frame. I flick at him a few times before realizing he's too deep in the hole for me to reach, looking into the room I'm astounded to see 20+ of them crawling around on the walls. After confirming they clearly exist in reality, I decide it's time to wake the girl up and let her know we need to evacuate.
I wake her up in a manner that would suggest the house is burning down. She's pretty groggy as I explain the situation, she doesn't seem to grasp the severity of what's happening. At this point part of me realized the potential for it to be some bad reaction or tainted A-PVP, and I wanted them to be a hallucination. We exit the bedroom and I notice a couple on the walls of the living room, I quickly committed to them being real, and also being a serious threat. I'm concerned with how quickly they're infiltrating the house and start to panic. Between the living room and bathroom is the kitchen, when I hit the kitchen entrance I see 3 or 4 MethyLadyBugs on the floor in front of me, and now some new quarter size beetles blocking my path ~5 feet away, and approaching. I'm like "do you fucking see this shit, what the fuck are we gonna do?" She looks where I'm pointing, and takes longer than a reasonable amount of time to respond, to me this confirmed she saw them too, and was trying to figure out what to do more rationally than me. Then says something like "that's a crumb, or that's a piece of dirt." I'm adamant that an invasion is taking place, I see this group of MethLadyBugs aren't moving, so I get down on my hands and knees, directly over it, identifying it from 6 inches as a miniature lady bug, beyond a reasonable doubt. I flick it, and just like the previous one I made contact with, it flew across the floor, maintaining a logical path and orientation, I could still identify it 5 feet away. It was almost as if it skittered across the floor in slow motion, magnifying in size to appear the same size as it was when I was right on top of it. For some reason (drugs obvii) that was normal to me. I stand up and start anxiously pacing with my hands on my head waiting for her to decide what to do.
She decides to be super bold and picks one up and places it in her hand, I'm pretty much freaking out and decide it's going to infect or kill her when she says "look, it's just a ( insert random tiny piece of debris)," I decide she's full of shit, but she's calm as a cucumber. I tell her to go into the bathroom, see how that goes. She walks to the top of the steps and looks back at me "come on, there's nothing here." That wasn't true, I could clearly see there were 8+ of them in the kitchen, plus the extra big ass beetles by the sink. I meticulously make my way to the top of the steps after trying to navigate the kitchen and maintain a reasonable distance from these bugs. She calmly makes her way down the steps, looks up and lets me know there's nothing in there. I hesitantly walk down the steps, seeing a couple LadyMethBugs on the steps and the wall on my left. This obviously confirms to me that she's in on it and I'm being set up or something. I somehow knew that my girl was working with what or who was responsible for this invasion. Seemed more rational at the time than something I could see plain as day, and flick across a room with typical expected insect flicking dynamics of travel.
She's casually in the bathroom, I'm outside the door peering in, and I see them. A lot of them, I point to a group of 4 all within a few inches of each other, and ask how she can't fucking see them, right there, on the wall, are you blind?! She puts her hand flat on the wall, and wherever her hand would obstruct my view of them, they disappeared, and reappeared as soon as her hand passed.
She keeps telling me they aren't real, and it's starting to convince me, as I battle the cognitive dissonance, and try to regain a grip on reality. I touch the wall where I clearly see them, with the realization that they are, in fact, not real, regardless of how vivid, 3 dimensional (I put my head close to the wall and looked down, they definitely protruded from the wall), and how naturally they move, I can see legs moving in tandem whenever one of them moves. Up close I can count 6 legs on each of them, but I notice when I get close within a few inches, they stop moving. I get bold and hesitantly put my finger on top of one, ready to quickly run upstairs and out of the house if I connect with anything other than the wall that I'm now expecting. Within an inch of the MethLadyBug I had targeted for death, I slammed my finger forceful enough to smash smash smash the fuck out of it, in the event it were real. My finger hits wall. Girl says "it's just a spot on the wall, calm down." At this point I'm satisfied I invented the MethLadyBug, and even though I still clearly see them, they aren't real. With the bathroom being safe again, I realize I still have to puke which I'd been unknowingly suppressing.
Toilet water is blue from some cleaner powder whatever thing, I throw up a small amount of I don't know what, but it's white. I spit a few times into the toilet to clear phlegm and drugs, and see an absurd thin waving ribbon, which turns into two, then too many to count, and my toilet is now a beautiful amalgamation of waving ribbons and lighter blue water. I get lost in these patterns for what could have been 10 seconds to a few minutes, stand up, flush, turn around. As I'm standing in the doorway, I turn around to talk shit to the fake MethLadyBugs, when I look down and see two on my left arm, which I instinctively swiped at and attempted to brush off with my right arm, only to realize there's one on my right arm. When you can feel the crawling sensation, and see them, it's hard to recall that a brief moment ago you learned they were merely a hallucination. I sprint up the stairs, run into the bedroom, all while wildly flailing at one arm with the other.
Girl gets excited, repeats "calm down, there's nothing there," a few times all soothing like, and it sinks back in. Oh yeah, I just learned these fuckers aren't real, therefore they pose no threat to me. I point to one on her face and laugh about it.
*unrelated block of text down here*
At this point this whole ordeal reminded me of a horrible 3mg 25i trip where I heard helicopters, saw ambulance, firetruck, cop cars surrounding the house, heard the K9 barking and clawing at the door as I tried to open it to surrender (to no one). Even saw myself on national TV, and decided to pace around the house waving a white T-shirt at the windows so they didn't snipe me. In between mental loops of being taken out of the house strapped to a stretcher into the ambulance, and trying to open the door, girl kept telling me "your tripping, nobody is here," but that didn't make sense to me. I repeated the stretcher to ambulance, and the door opening attempt countless times, seemingly one after the other, like a two video playlist on repeat, while only occasionally getting the deja vu of literally just doing the exact same thing. It was brutal because I was unsure where I physically was most of the time, later she explained there were many periods of 5-10 minutes where I just stood in the kitchen, unresponsive to external stimuli. I guess that was my stretcher ride, and that I attempted to open the locked door several times, and she kept closing it as she didn't want me outside in that state. I finally grasped that I wasn't going to prison forever, for a crime I didn't know I committed. Calmed down and she finally let me walk out of the house to confirm no one was there to take me away forever. The tail end of that trip and the rest of the night was one of the artificially best days of my life, as I genuinely thought I was going away forever, and was unbelievably relieved at the realization that it was just one of the worst trips imaginable.
I end up telling girl how I had been reminded of that awful trip night, and how clutch she was at ensuring I didn't do some reckless shit both nights. I'm gleefully watching MethLadyBugs on the wall, and listening to whatever song was playing on my personal jukebox at the time at a very audible volume, it hits me that the auditory and visuals are part of the same thing. At some point for a solid 5+ minutes, I just hear the repetition "I'mma hustla, I'mma I'mma hustla," which I vaguely recall hearing a couple times in the real world, don't know why it randomly repeated that, I am not a hustla. The music was getting louder, and I felt like I could pinpoint it coming from a speaker slightly behind me and to the left, fairly close. I had already accepted that it wasn't a real sound, but had some brief battles with that concept when it became a sound that was noticeably sent from a direction, rather than ostensibly coming from an unidentifiable location.
I happen to look at a blank spot on the wall behind her, and my eyes naturally go out of focus. I'm shocked to see a small rectangular screen appear, might have been roughly 7"x10." It wasn't a protrusion from the wall, but flush with it, as if being projected from nowhere. At first it's two swirling gray black tornado things, kind of fuzzy, but I could still tell they were confined to that space on the wall. It quickly turns into a highly defined cartoon of an unidentified character quickly walking through a narrow city street with brightly and differently colored houses on either side, extending upwards to the top of the imaginary screen. With no break, it instantly changes to Scooby-Doo for a few seconds, I immediately notice the van driving across the screen, then it cuts to Shaggy and Scooby running past a box. I clearly recognize (although notably disproportionate and with fairly altered faces) them as familiar characters, even though I can't even recall watching the show as a child. This was one of the weirdest, coolest, and most vivid hallucinations I've had. If I hadn't already identified myself of being in some delirious state, and the non sequitur nature of what was displayed, I would have been convinced a very high-def TV had been mounted into the wall.
I guess my girl was talking to me as I'm lost in this discovery, and thought I was going crazy again. I let her know I'm fine, and that an imaginary TV was behind her to go along with the sounds I'd been hearing and LadyMethBugs I'd been seeing. She gets concerned with what I'm on, I tell her, and she looks it up... She decides I did an unreasonable amount, I counter with MDPV and potential MDMA cross-tolerance, and that up until that last huge line, I was fine (other than the auditory, but that wasn't really a negative). Now she's on Google, Wikipedia, and these kind of sites scouring for information and effects. She's convinced that I'm going to die of cardiac arrest or whatever, I'm not having any issues with my chest, but I assume it's working hard as I'm overly stimulated nearly to the point of being uncomfortable. I realize my bpm is somewhere between 190-200, after like 10 attempts to take it and not being able to focus on two independent numbers. I'm not worried about the heart rate, more worried about convincing her I'm going to be fine, when the coolest thing happens...
It starts out with Ops 2: zombies theme music, easily identified as being in a lobby waiting for a game to start, coming directly at me, this time from the front left. This is where the TV is that the Xbox is hooked up to. At first I'm positive the Xbox randomly turned on, or the TV had just been un-muted. I play quite a bit of zombies, and the sound I hear is perfectly indistinguishable from the game. Then it hits me that the laptop is connected and being used through the TV. I look down at the Xbox and see the power is off. Realize that it's coming out of my random personal jukebox, when the cackle of a game starting happens. Now I hear what sounds more real than actual game play, but in non-traditional order... mystery box being hit, followed by door open, someone building a door back up, all with perfect ambient audio. I start to space out, trying to comprehend how a stimulant can produce such an effect.
I'm looking at a 8" diameter black circle in the center of a tapestry at the end of the bed, when a new TV screen appears, this time a circle, exactly the same size as the black hole in the middle of the tapestry. For about a half hour, I'm phased in and out of random zombie games, with random blackness when I refocus my eyes or look away. Sometimes I can actually control it in first person, and sometimes it's like watching someone play. At one point I saw Gamertags quickly run by me above the player, I didn't recognize them, but they ran by in such a way that if I had been expecting it, I could have taken it down and checked if it was some random I'd ever played with in the past, or just a randomly generated tag from my randomly generating head. At the end of my hallucinozombies fest, I died with the mp5 and as my character is dropping, the sight comes up, and expands to cover the entire 3-4 foot diameter outer circle in the tapestry. This only lasted for a few seconds, but was cool as shit to watch.
Zombies music randomly cut out, and just the center was my screen again, it went through a random cartoon-ish selection of recognizable characters, and known scenery (Scooby Doo made a couple more appearances), to abstract first and third person walking through various areas. Usually lasted for 20 seconds to a minute, and every time something changed, I could quickly tell girl what was playing on my private movie theater. Half the time the sound, still coming from near the TV to the left, corresponded to the video, never heard dialogue though.
Girl asks me something and I turn to face her. I notice a LadyMethBug on her wrist, and realize I hadn't seen one in a while. I stare at it for a sec, trying to see what it actually was (freckle), then it started spinning, turned into the same spider from the toilet, then to a cricket with glasses, then flea, then what I assumed to be a rough rendition of the Planter's peanut guy with the hat and cane. When that guy appeared, her arm turned into a bright 2"x3" HD screen, shifting from right to left on the arm towards the hand. It seemed like the characters switched every 1-3 seconds, and they were doing some meaningless task, notably I remember some lady in yellow riding a Segway throwing pizzas at the Ninja Turtles who all popped out of manholes. I was trying to tell her what her arm-theater was playing, but usually the scenes rapidly dissolved and reformed as something new before I could say what happened in those few seconds. The clarity, realness, and randomness was incredible. The video hit her hand and just stopped. Had a chat about my recklessness for a bit, and after that I tried looking at the wall in the same out of focus manner that had consistently produced vivid images, only to find nothing. The LadyMethBugs could no longer be seen. I stared at the circle in the center of the tapestry, and occasionally see swirls but nothing else moved, and they didn't stay long. The tapestry has a border similar to vertebrae going up, and I noted the colors would shift in the normally purple or purplish-white angled rectangles from green, pink, red, blue, and purple. If I got within a foot of it, the colors appeared normal. That continued for several hours, with no more auditory or notable visual distortions. I couldn't sleep for the second night in a row, and sometime around 4am I looked at the open laptop on the desk, when I looked at the top bar above the screen for a few seconds, there appeared to be millions of tiny particles similar to driving through fog flying at high speed in fixed directions, and a hot BBQ grill air distorting haze coming from the laptop. Both of these were faint, and faded fast, assume to be beginning stages of sleep deprivation.
Long story short, this experience gave an understanding that RC stims can actually cause psychosis and irrational behavior in high doses. I used to be under the impression it was some idiot addicted to the drug, paranoid people were out to steal it, with nothing else to substantiate it. Had I been alone, I don't know if I would have ever identified the insidious MethLadyBugs as being a hallucination, and don't know what I could have done in such a paranoid mind state, convinced they were real, and after me. One thing's for sure, I wouldn't have been able to simulate segmented zombies games on a piece cloth while I was busy digging bugs out of my arms.
Posted this part on Friday:
As an update / addendum to this thread:
Playing zombies on the wall night (Tuesday) I didn't sleep at all. Stopped unproductively laying in bed Wednesday and did 30-40mg of MDPV around 8am. For me the PV always produces pretty much the same effects, a lot of stimulation, chatty about random shit, and relative unfocused-ness with a desire to do always be doing something. When this was the legal primary ingredient in bath salts, I had a 108 hour binge using absurd amounts at a time (3-4 grams in 4-6 days), no sleep, but no negative or un-enjoyable effects other than my phone being super blurry with oscillating letters and not being able to cognitively touch the area on the screen where I wanted to (thumb always hit down and to the left, so I had to mentally correct it by intending on touching up and to the right). Had a few 72-96 hour binges as well, but always had a couple months or more in between, and didn't touch the stuff otherwise. Guess I'm trying to say I had never had a bad experience with the PV like so many people I've read about have. As a result of that, when I took my girl to work at 11, I had her hide the a-pvp just in case, as I didn't want to have another psychosis episode in her absence.
Get back from taking her to work, do another 30-40mg (I used to up doses to 100+mg until I realized I hit a plateau with it, where I don't get more stimulation, just increased compulsion to do more, I think as a result of not achieving the desired affect from the last line), and grind some real Zombies. From 11-5pm I do another 2 lines of the same size spaced out relatively evenly. Everything is normal, I'm feeling the usual large amount of stimulation and a little jittery, but not uncomfortably so. Pick her up at 5 and head home. Have her grab the a-pvp, and watch an episode of some show. 5:40 or so she decides to take a nap, I decide to make a bad decision.
Grab the a-pvp, a change of clothes and some towels. Head down to the bathroom. Rail the larger than I had previously thought line of a-pvp in one go, switching nostrils halfway through, burns like a bitch. Immediately strip and get the water going. Hop in and quickly throw up a notable amount of white stuff. Going through the shower motions real quick when the textures on the FRP board start sort of spiraling with different colors reflected off various shampoo bottles and such. I see a couple of the (I now know they're not real!) LadyMethBugs, except these were a lighter orange, had no black spots, and had less defined legs. Since it looked different and was moving, I reach down to mash it just to be sure. Clearly not a bug, but more of them appear, and the typically white wall of the shower is doing crazy shit. Getting anxiety (from not knowing where my state of mind would go) I say "fuck shampoo," quickly scrub my hair with water, and get out of the shower. Do a half-ass job drying off, and wrap towels around me instead of getting dressed, not wanting to hang out in the bathroom any longer as that's where it all started last time.
Head upstairs, avoiding the mutated LadyMethBugs for no good reason, I notice there's a variety of them, different colors, body shapes, and sizes. I know they're not real not real, but still avoid stepping on them through the kitchen and living room. Go into my and my girls room for a change of clothes since I left them in the bathroom and didn't want to go back. She's on the phone, facing the opposite direction, I head to the dresser and notice she's bawling uncontrollably. Decide to give her privacy with no idea what's going on, and go pace through the living room and kitchen, taunting the bugs. A few of the phrases I heard her say were "I can't believe he's gone," "he always was a pill popper," and "I'm going to miss him so much."
After pacing for a half hour or so, I decide fuck it, I'm done walking around with towels. Head into the bedroom, and hear her mothers voice coming from the cell phone. I start to get a little sad because I know most of her family, but I don't want to infringe on her privacy so I quickly grab clothes and get dressed in the living room.
It must be about 6pm or so when I look out the living room window and see a full size pick-up truck pull up. Two fellas get out, one guy has a gray business suit, and the other has jeans with a Carhart type jacket. They walk to the roadside part of the lawn and put up two blue "For Sale" signs, which angers me... I like living in this house, and the landlord never mentioned anything about selling it. The guy in the suit walks towards the living room window, which is mostly covered with vertical blinds, but there's a few gaps where I can see him. Not sure whether or not he can see in, so I just stand there, he walks to the next window where there's a larger gap in the blinds and peers in. What the fuck is he thinking? He turns around I see them both walk near the truck, standing in the yard. I open the front-door (which is actually on the side of the house), and before looking to the right where they were ask "what's going on out here?" There is nobody out there. No truck, no suit / redneck, nothing.
Aha! They're fake too, I realize as I head inside. Look through the living room window, still see the "For Sale" signs, then I notice the suit guys head through the window, which would have been blocked by the house when I went outside. Moving the blinds I see the redneck standing by a post near the road, using (I forget what it's called) surveying gear to determine level ground. I put some shoes on and head outside to confront them. Again, nobody is out there. I lose concern, although still wondering about the sign which is clearly there.
I go back to the bedroom, and girl is still sobbing, now she's using a headphone and holding the phone away from her head. I head in, touch her shoulder reassuringly for a few seconds, she doesn't acknowledge me, then I leave. I sit in the living room listening to her muffled voice trying to figure out what's going on, but it's mostly sobs. Every 20 minutes or so the sobs subside and I go see if she's done so I can comfort her. After 3 trips and it being close to 7pm, she's off the phone and sleeping.
I lay down next to her and try to comforting or however you're supposed to be when someone your close to loses someone they're close to. She wakes up and I'm like, I'm sorry, I hope everything's alright. Surprisingly she says she's fine, and seems more concerned about me? She asks where I was for the last two hours, and I fuzzily recap what happened.
She tells me she wasn't on the phone, nobody died, and she doesn't even have headphones that plug into her phone. She's a little worried about the surveyor's / realtors part of my story, and looks outside "those are recycling bins, not signs," she says. For a few minutes I play with these fun, super-fine, scrunched-up threads on the mattress. When I pick them up they become elastic and pull into my fingers, turning into gold glitter. She asks what I'm doing, and I pick one up, wave it in front of her "you can't see this?" Obviously met with the standard "no, there's nothing there." I pick up a few of them, get a bunch of the glitter on my fingers, and rub it into her blanket. I see all of the shimmers, she doesn't.
I get bored of playing with nothing, we watch some movies, and she goes to sleep around 11. I still can't sleep, no matter how hard I try, or how deep and slow I try to breathe. She has the next day off, and decides I need to get some sleep. I decide not to do any stims and call it a good 4 day session. During the day Thursday I don't feel much stimulation, but strangely I'm not tired either. We go to the laundromat and do some shopping, I'm fully functional.
Around 4 I'm starting to get tired, but don't want to sleep since I know I'd wake up early Friday morning, like 1am, and have a fucked sleep schedule for the next week. She decides she wants to clean, rearrange and organize the house, then go see a movie at 9. Using this logic and information from others experience reports with low doses of MDPV, I justify doing an amount I considered microscopic in relation to my usual. Estimate it to have been between 7-10mg, mostly out of curiousness, I'm not expecting much. I have her hide it as I know it's compulsive, and I want to sleep tonight. I'm pleasantly surprised in 10 minutes when I'm actually interested (wtf?) in doing the dishes, and organizing. I feel focused, in the zone, I wouldn't say euphoric, but definitely in a great mood, talkative and chatting about random shit, but not in a speedy manner where I can't wait to get the words out. I have no compulsion to do more, I'm very satisfied with this non-jittery and very controllable energy. In fact, two hours later I found the bag under something while cleaning, and had her re-hide it just in case.
Around 8:30 I feel the energy starting to diminish, and realize that if we were staying up till midnight+ doing the same thing, I wouldn't have a problem doing another similar sized line. Since we were going to a movie and I needed sleep there was no reason to, and there was no trying to convince myself otherwise. At the movie (Oblivion, Tom Cruise bores the shit out of me) I'm happy when I have to fight to stay awake, knowing that I'll finally sleep tonight! Been awake since Monday at noon.
The things I've decided this week are: stimulant psychosis can be overcome, and enjoyed, if you or someone else can convince you it's not real. I'm done with a-pvp forevs, it's less effective than PV in low to high doses, and I hear and see crazy realistic shit when I push the envelope. Rather than finishing this PV sometime in July or August (I always take long breaks so I don't become an "addicted to bath salts horror story") in a multi-day binge, I'm going to use it similar to Adderall (except 1/100th of the cost!) when energy and focus are needed. If anyone actually these posts, I hope you're able to get something out of my learning experience without going through it and potentially having a bad outcome).
Posted on Wednesday:
So it's Monday, just as good a night to roll as any right? Drop 1.5 220mg Orange Red Bulls, wait 20 mins, sniff up the other half. Hour later pop another. Close to 11 my girl and I split the last one. Sometime around 1am effects are hardly noticeable. She decides to go to sleep, I'm still a little wired and know I won't be sleeping for an hour or so. I say "MDMA comedown > sleep? 'ain't nobody got time for that.'"
Decide to stay up and grind some a-pvp which just so happened to have been delivered earlier that day, guess I was anxious to try it. Prolly start off with a 30mg line, 20 mins later barely noticeable effects, chalk it up to short term MDMA cross-tolerance (maybe, maybe not, I don't follow the nerd science of receptors and uptake shlonghibiters) so I do about 100mg line, puke 5-10 minutes later. Puked blood, was having marginal visual distortions at this time, the blood-puke appeared to be of a little person, gingerbread man style. I wasn't sure if this was a hallucination or a miracle, so I took a few pictures of him. Turned out to be a bit of both, he didn't actually have an air-bubble mouth like he did in my head, and he only had one arm, but it was still kinda like Jesus Toast to me.
10-15 mins later I'm definitely feeling stimulated, no anxiety, and it isn't overpowering (my bpm stayed about 140, but wasn't a concern, no chest pains). I wouldn't necessarily describe the undertone feeling "euphoria," but it was definitely better than an MDMA come down. I surf the interwebs from bed while trying to remain motionless so as to not disturb sleeping beauty. Somewhere around 4 or 5am I did another 50mg or so. It wasn't really compulsive like MDPV, just more along the lines of... I've got a total of 1200mg, I'd rather stay up for 3 days (still going!) and come down once than miss multiple non-consecutive nights of sleep, and have to experience multiple separate come downs.
Tuesday morning is when it starts to get interesting. At close to 9am I do a 125-150mg line. Puke 10 mins later, 20 minutes after I'm super stimulated, still no anxiety, heart rate about 150bpm, still not concerned. This is about the time I start faintly but distinctly hearing audio that I recognized from a video we had watched while rolling the previous night. I notice laptop is off, and ask girl if she can hear it. She says no, even though I definitely can, yet there is no source for it to be coming from. Sometime around 12-1pm I do another 100mg line, just to stay on the same level, puke, but there really hasn't been much other than blood (ulcer or I'm dying? possible reaction from a-pvp / MDMA?) and the fine white crystalline powder that had the opportunity to drip as I'm hugging the toilet.
After I'm done puking I head up to the kitchen, on the way to the fridge I hear Nelly -Just a Dream playing, at a moderate volume. Thinking back, in a relatively sober state of mind (Wednesday morning, before restarting as I type this) this was a weird song to hear, as I haven't heard it in years, and I currently don't know the lyrics to it. However, I was singing along to it then with the lyrics that matched what was apparently an auditory hallucination (was starting to catch on, after hearing a couple more "ghost beats" earlier in the day), I guess subconsciously I know the lyrics. Even though this had happened a few times, I thought there was a chance it may have been coming from the bedroom, as this was significantly louder than the other songs / beats I was pretty confident that I heard outside of my head. When I get to the bedroom I hear nothing, ask girl if she was playing music recently. She says no and looks at me like I'm crazy. I go back out to the kitchen to listen, hear it again, run to bedroom, still no music, ask if she's fucking with me. Have her come to kitchen to listen. She hears nothing. Fuck, I'm losing it, I think, as I sing along to a song only I can hear.
Do another 100mg or so around 4pm. Obviously puke basically nothing, just dry heave for a while. Ralph some more blood up, starting to wish I'd eaten more than some Easy Mac before rolling Monday, at least then I'd have something to throw up. Mouth is pretty dry, can't stomach the thought of eating now, decide to hold off for a while and see if I can eat later. 8 bells rolls around and I realize I won't be able to eat for a while, stimulation is starting to subside, however Daft Punk -Up All Night (which I randomly listened to a couple days ago) is playing loud and clear on my personal jukebox. The chorus is on repeat, I'm jamming pretty hard. Somewhere between 8:15 and 9 I wonder if there's any way to pick a song I want to play in my head since it's been completely random so far, as I rail ~150mg.
Unsurprisingly felt the urge to vomit this time, hovered over the toilet for a few minutes, but couldn't even produce a heave, so I just spit to make myself feel better. I go hangout in the bedroom, realize my bpm has climbed to ~180ish (kinda an average I came up with, was having a rough time counting rapid beats while watching the seconds digit on the Windows clock go up, fuck numbers now. I think I Googled something like "unsafe heart rate" and got to the Wiki pageon tachycardia, guess I qualify, but page says I shouldn't exceed 198, so I'm like, ey I got a ways to go. Ended up Wikipedia ADHD'ing with 20 random tabs open, and I didn't learn shit.
Around 11 girl decides she's going to sleep, I take the remaining half gram or so, cut it into two almost kinda sorta even piles, take the bigger one and have her hide the remainder as I don't trust myself at this point. Tough to estimate the size of this line, but pretty safe to say within the 250-300mg range. Ended up waterboarding my face to clear the nostrils and then took half the line in each side. 5 minutes later I'm at the toilet with a pretty regular drip getting thrown up. The light is starting to get intense for some reason so I kind of look down over the toilet seat and shield the side of my head from the light with my arms. This is where things start to get interesting...
The first blatant thing I notice that shouldn't be happening is there's a beam or area of light that's spinning around the top inside of the toilet bowl, just under the seat. It starts off as a blue, then changes color for a few seconds from red to green to orange to pink. Then I notice a small spider drop down from under the toilet seat into the top part of the bowl. I realize this spider has wayyyy too many legs, and he's spinning about in a way spiders shouldn't. Then another larger one drops down next to him in the same fashion. After 3 or 4 more spiders come out of seemingly nowhere, I'm starting to get a little freaked out. Then I hear it...
A loud whooshing buzz, like the Hollywood sound you'd expect when someone hits a bees nest with a stick. I look up and to the right where the window is, just in time to see half a dozen small red pinpoint flickers blinking for a few seconds. Before covering my head and running out of the bathroom and up the stairs, I see one flying slow motion in mid air and identify it as a red firefly, whatever that may be, it made sense to me at the time.
In the kitchen which is right up a half flight of steps from the bathroom, I find a bath towel and super cautiously approach the landing of the stairs. I was deathly afraid of this malicious swarm of red fireflies. I notice one at the top of the stairs, I bend down to inspect it and realize they aren't fireflies, they are ladybugs, only about 1/3 to 1/2 the size of typical ladybugs. I flick it and it goes flying down the steps. Standing at the top of the stairs I can see an almost infinite swarm of them flying back and forth in the bathroom, I twirl the towel up and whip a few of them off the stairs as I make my way down.
I hadn't completely thrown logic and reason out the window, I was marginally skeptical of their realness. I was pretty sure the bathroom window was closed, and even if it wasn't, why would thousands of mini lady bugs fly into my bathroom? I'm at the landing just outside the bathroom door, and I swing the towel in a way to blow smoke away from a smoke detector, into the room. This seems to disperse the ominous cloud of MethLadyBugs. Approaching the bathroom entrance, one of them flies in what seemed to be a threatening manner, and instantly he was tucked inside a nail hole in the door frame. I flick at him a few times before realizing he's too deep in the hole for me to reach, looking into the room I'm astounded to see 20+ of them crawling around on the walls. After confirming they clearly exist in reality, I decide it's time to wake the girl up and let her know we need to evacuate.
I wake her up in a manner that would suggest the house is burning down. She's pretty groggy as I explain the situation, she doesn't seem to grasp the severity of what's happening. At this point part of me realized the potential for it to be some bad reaction or tainted A-PVP, and I wanted them to be a hallucination. We exit the bedroom and I notice a couple on the walls of the living room, I quickly committed to them being real, and also being a serious threat. I'm concerned with how quickly they're infiltrating the house and start to panic. Between the living room and bathroom is the kitchen, when I hit the kitchen entrance I see 3 or 4 MethyLadyBugs on the floor in front of me, and now some new quarter size beetles blocking my path ~5 feet away, and approaching. I'm like "do you fucking see this shit, what the fuck are we gonna do?" She looks where I'm pointing, and takes longer than a reasonable amount of time to respond, to me this confirmed she saw them too, and was trying to figure out what to do more rationally than me. Then says something like "that's a crumb, or that's a piece of dirt." I'm adamant that an invasion is taking place, I see this group of MethLadyBugs aren't moving, so I get down on my hands and knees, directly over it, identifying it from 6 inches as a miniature lady bug, beyond a reasonable doubt. I flick it, and just like the previous one I made contact with, it flew across the floor, maintaining a logical path and orientation, I could still identify it 5 feet away. It was almost as if it skittered across the floor in slow motion, magnifying in size to appear the same size as it was when I was right on top of it. For some reason (drugs obvii) that was normal to me. I stand up and start anxiously pacing with my hands on my head waiting for her to decide what to do.
She decides to be super bold and picks one up and places it in her hand, I'm pretty much freaking out and decide it's going to infect or kill her when she says "look, it's just a ( insert random tiny piece of debris)," I decide she's full of shit, but she's calm as a cucumber. I tell her to go into the bathroom, see how that goes. She walks to the top of the steps and looks back at me "come on, there's nothing here." That wasn't true, I could clearly see there were 8+ of them in the kitchen, plus the extra big ass beetles by the sink. I meticulously make my way to the top of the steps after trying to navigate the kitchen and maintain a reasonable distance from these bugs. She calmly makes her way down the steps, looks up and lets me know there's nothing in there. I hesitantly walk down the steps, seeing a couple LadyMethBugs on the steps and the wall on my left. This obviously confirms to me that she's in on it and I'm being set up or something. I somehow knew that my girl was working with what or who was responsible for this invasion. Seemed more rational at the time than something I could see plain as day, and flick across a room with typical expected insect flicking dynamics of travel.
She's casually in the bathroom, I'm outside the door peering in, and I see them. A lot of them, I point to a group of 4 all within a few inches of each other, and ask how she can't fucking see them, right there, on the wall, are you blind?! She puts her hand flat on the wall, and wherever her hand would obstruct my view of them, they disappeared, and reappeared as soon as her hand passed.
She keeps telling me they aren't real, and it's starting to convince me, as I battle the cognitive dissonance, and try to regain a grip on reality. I touch the wall where I clearly see them, with the realization that they are, in fact, not real, regardless of how vivid, 3 dimensional (I put my head close to the wall and looked down, they definitely protruded from the wall), and how naturally they move, I can see legs moving in tandem whenever one of them moves. Up close I can count 6 legs on each of them, but I notice when I get close within a few inches, they stop moving. I get bold and hesitantly put my finger on top of one, ready to quickly run upstairs and out of the house if I connect with anything other than the wall that I'm now expecting. Within an inch of the MethLadyBug I had targeted for death, I slammed my finger forceful enough to smash smash smash the fuck out of it, in the event it were real. My finger hits wall. Girl says "it's just a spot on the wall, calm down." At this point I'm satisfied I invented the MethLadyBug, and even though I still clearly see them, they aren't real. With the bathroom being safe again, I realize I still have to puke which I'd been unknowingly suppressing.
Toilet water is blue from some cleaner powder whatever thing, I throw up a small amount of I don't know what, but it's white. I spit a few times into the toilet to clear phlegm and drugs, and see an absurd thin waving ribbon, which turns into two, then too many to count, and my toilet is now a beautiful amalgamation of waving ribbons and lighter blue water. I get lost in these patterns for what could have been 10 seconds to a few minutes, stand up, flush, turn around. As I'm standing in the doorway, I turn around to talk shit to the fake MethLadyBugs, when I look down and see two on my left arm, which I instinctively swiped at and attempted to brush off with my right arm, only to realize there's one on my right arm. When you can feel the crawling sensation, and see them, it's hard to recall that a brief moment ago you learned they were merely a hallucination. I sprint up the stairs, run into the bedroom, all while wildly flailing at one arm with the other.
Girl gets excited, repeats "calm down, there's nothing there," a few times all soothing like, and it sinks back in. Oh yeah, I just learned these fuckers aren't real, therefore they pose no threat to me. I point to one on her face and laugh about it.
*unrelated block of text down here*
At this point this whole ordeal reminded me of a horrible 3mg 25i trip where I heard helicopters, saw ambulance, firetruck, cop cars surrounding the house, heard the K9 barking and clawing at the door as I tried to open it to surrender (to no one). Even saw myself on national TV, and decided to pace around the house waving a white T-shirt at the windows so they didn't snipe me. In between mental loops of being taken out of the house strapped to a stretcher into the ambulance, and trying to open the door, girl kept telling me "your tripping, nobody is here," but that didn't make sense to me. I repeated the stretcher to ambulance, and the door opening attempt countless times, seemingly one after the other, like a two video playlist on repeat, while only occasionally getting the deja vu of literally just doing the exact same thing. It was brutal because I was unsure where I physically was most of the time, later she explained there were many periods of 5-10 minutes where I just stood in the kitchen, unresponsive to external stimuli. I guess that was my stretcher ride, and that I attempted to open the locked door several times, and she kept closing it as she didn't want me outside in that state. I finally grasped that I wasn't going to prison forever, for a crime I didn't know I committed. Calmed down and she finally let me walk out of the house to confirm no one was there to take me away forever. The tail end of that trip and the rest of the night was one of the artificially best days of my life, as I genuinely thought I was going away forever, and was unbelievably relieved at the realization that it was just one of the worst trips imaginable.
I end up telling girl how I had been reminded of that awful trip night, and how clutch she was at ensuring I didn't do some reckless shit both nights. I'm gleefully watching MethLadyBugs on the wall, and listening to whatever song was playing on my personal jukebox at the time at a very audible volume, it hits me that the auditory and visuals are part of the same thing. At some point for a solid 5+ minutes, I just hear the repetition "I'mma hustla, I'mma I'mma hustla," which I vaguely recall hearing a couple times in the real world, don't know why it randomly repeated that, I am not a hustla. The music was getting louder, and I felt like I could pinpoint it coming from a speaker slightly behind me and to the left, fairly close. I had already accepted that it wasn't a real sound, but had some brief battles with that concept when it became a sound that was noticeably sent from a direction, rather than ostensibly coming from an unidentifiable location.
I happen to look at a blank spot on the wall behind her, and my eyes naturally go out of focus. I'm shocked to see a small rectangular screen appear, might have been roughly 7"x10." It wasn't a protrusion from the wall, but flush with it, as if being projected from nowhere. At first it's two swirling gray black tornado things, kind of fuzzy, but I could still tell they were confined to that space on the wall. It quickly turns into a highly defined cartoon of an unidentified character quickly walking through a narrow city street with brightly and differently colored houses on either side, extending upwards to the top of the imaginary screen. With no break, it instantly changes to Scooby-Doo for a few seconds, I immediately notice the van driving across the screen, then it cuts to Shaggy and Scooby running past a box. I clearly recognize (although notably disproportionate and with fairly altered faces) them as familiar characters, even though I can't even recall watching the show as a child. This was one of the weirdest, coolest, and most vivid hallucinations I've had. If I hadn't already identified myself of being in some delirious state, and the non sequitur nature of what was displayed, I would have been convinced a very high-def TV had been mounted into the wall.
I guess my girl was talking to me as I'm lost in this discovery, and thought I was going crazy again. I let her know I'm fine, and that an imaginary TV was behind her to go along with the sounds I'd been hearing and LadyMethBugs I'd been seeing. She gets concerned with what I'm on, I tell her, and she looks it up... She decides I did an unreasonable amount, I counter with MDPV and potential MDMA cross-tolerance, and that up until that last huge line, I was fine (other than the auditory, but that wasn't really a negative). Now she's on Google, Wikipedia, and these kind of sites scouring for information and effects. She's convinced that I'm going to die of cardiac arrest or whatever, I'm not having any issues with my chest, but I assume it's working hard as I'm overly stimulated nearly to the point of being uncomfortable. I realize my bpm is somewhere between 190-200, after like 10 attempts to take it and not being able to focus on two independent numbers. I'm not worried about the heart rate, more worried about convincing her I'm going to be fine, when the coolest thing happens...
It starts out with Ops 2: zombies theme music, easily identified as being in a lobby waiting for a game to start, coming directly at me, this time from the front left. This is where the TV is that the Xbox is hooked up to. At first I'm positive the Xbox randomly turned on, or the TV had just been un-muted. I play quite a bit of zombies, and the sound I hear is perfectly indistinguishable from the game. Then it hits me that the laptop is connected and being used through the TV. I look down at the Xbox and see the power is off. Realize that it's coming out of my random personal jukebox, when the cackle of a game starting happens. Now I hear what sounds more real than actual game play, but in non-traditional order... mystery box being hit, followed by door open, someone building a door back up, all with perfect ambient audio. I start to space out, trying to comprehend how a stimulant can produce such an effect.
I'm looking at a 8" diameter black circle in the center of a tapestry at the end of the bed, when a new TV screen appears, this time a circle, exactly the same size as the black hole in the middle of the tapestry. For about a half hour, I'm phased in and out of random zombie games, with random blackness when I refocus my eyes or look away. Sometimes I can actually control it in first person, and sometimes it's like watching someone play. At one point I saw Gamertags quickly run by me above the player, I didn't recognize them, but they ran by in such a way that if I had been expecting it, I could have taken it down and checked if it was some random I'd ever played with in the past, or just a randomly generated tag from my randomly generating head. At the end of my hallucinozombies fest, I died with the mp5 and as my character is dropping, the sight comes up, and expands to cover the entire 3-4 foot diameter outer circle in the tapestry. This only lasted for a few seconds, but was cool as shit to watch.
Zombies music randomly cut out, and just the center was my screen again, it went through a random cartoon-ish selection of recognizable characters, and known scenery (Scooby Doo made a couple more appearances), to abstract first and third person walking through various areas. Usually lasted for 20 seconds to a minute, and every time something changed, I could quickly tell girl what was playing on my private movie theater. Half the time the sound, still coming from near the TV to the left, corresponded to the video, never heard dialogue though.
Girl asks me something and I turn to face her. I notice a LadyMethBug on her wrist, and realize I hadn't seen one in a while. I stare at it for a sec, trying to see what it actually was (freckle), then it started spinning, turned into the same spider from the toilet, then to a cricket with glasses, then flea, then what I assumed to be a rough rendition of the Planter's peanut guy with the hat and cane. When that guy appeared, her arm turned into a bright 2"x3" HD screen, shifting from right to left on the arm towards the hand. It seemed like the characters switched every 1-3 seconds, and they were doing some meaningless task, notably I remember some lady in yellow riding a Segway throwing pizzas at the Ninja Turtles who all popped out of manholes. I was trying to tell her what her arm-theater was playing, but usually the scenes rapidly dissolved and reformed as something new before I could say what happened in those few seconds. The clarity, realness, and randomness was incredible. The video hit her hand and just stopped. Had a chat about my recklessness for a bit, and after that I tried looking at the wall in the same out of focus manner that had consistently produced vivid images, only to find nothing. The LadyMethBugs could no longer be seen. I stared at the circle in the center of the tapestry, and occasionally see swirls but nothing else moved, and they didn't stay long. The tapestry has a border similar to vertebrae going up, and I noted the colors would shift in the normally purple or purplish-white angled rectangles from green, pink, red, blue, and purple. If I got within a foot of it, the colors appeared normal. That continued for several hours, with no more auditory or notable visual distortions. I couldn't sleep for the second night in a row, and sometime around 4am I looked at the open laptop on the desk, when I looked at the top bar above the screen for a few seconds, there appeared to be millions of tiny particles similar to driving through fog flying at high speed in fixed directions, and a hot BBQ grill air distorting haze coming from the laptop. Both of these were faint, and faded fast, assume to be beginning stages of sleep deprivation.
Long story short, this experience gave an understanding that RC stims can actually cause psychosis and irrational behavior in high doses. I used to be under the impression it was some idiot addicted to the drug, paranoid people were out to steal it, with nothing else to substantiate it. Had I been alone, I don't know if I would have ever identified the insidious MethLadyBugs as being a hallucination, and don't know what I could have done in such a paranoid mind state, convinced they were real, and after me. One thing's for sure, I wouldn't have been able to simulate segmented zombies games on a piece cloth while I was busy digging bugs out of my arms.
Posted this part on Friday:
As an update / addendum to this thread:
Playing zombies on the wall night (Tuesday) I didn't sleep at all. Stopped unproductively laying in bed Wednesday and did 30-40mg of MDPV around 8am. For me the PV always produces pretty much the same effects, a lot of stimulation, chatty about random shit, and relative unfocused-ness with a desire to do always be doing something. When this was the legal primary ingredient in bath salts, I had a 108 hour binge using absurd amounts at a time (3-4 grams in 4-6 days), no sleep, but no negative or un-enjoyable effects other than my phone being super blurry with oscillating letters and not being able to cognitively touch the area on the screen where I wanted to (thumb always hit down and to the left, so I had to mentally correct it by intending on touching up and to the right). Had a few 72-96 hour binges as well, but always had a couple months or more in between, and didn't touch the stuff otherwise. Guess I'm trying to say I had never had a bad experience with the PV like so many people I've read about have. As a result of that, when I took my girl to work at 11, I had her hide the a-pvp just in case, as I didn't want to have another psychosis episode in her absence.
Get back from taking her to work, do another 30-40mg (I used to up doses to 100+mg until I realized I hit a plateau with it, where I don't get more stimulation, just increased compulsion to do more, I think as a result of not achieving the desired affect from the last line), and grind some real Zombies. From 11-5pm I do another 2 lines of the same size spaced out relatively evenly. Everything is normal, I'm feeling the usual large amount of stimulation and a little jittery, but not uncomfortably so. Pick her up at 5 and head home. Have her grab the a-pvp, and watch an episode of some show. 5:40 or so she decides to take a nap, I decide to make a bad decision.
Grab the a-pvp, a change of clothes and some towels. Head down to the bathroom. Rail the larger than I had previously thought line of a-pvp in one go, switching nostrils halfway through, burns like a bitch. Immediately strip and get the water going. Hop in and quickly throw up a notable amount of white stuff. Going through the shower motions real quick when the textures on the FRP board start sort of spiraling with different colors reflected off various shampoo bottles and such. I see a couple of the (I now know they're not real!) LadyMethBugs, except these were a lighter orange, had no black spots, and had less defined legs. Since it looked different and was moving, I reach down to mash it just to be sure. Clearly not a bug, but more of them appear, and the typically white wall of the shower is doing crazy shit. Getting anxiety (from not knowing where my state of mind would go) I say "fuck shampoo," quickly scrub my hair with water, and get out of the shower. Do a half-ass job drying off, and wrap towels around me instead of getting dressed, not wanting to hang out in the bathroom any longer as that's where it all started last time.
Head upstairs, avoiding the mutated LadyMethBugs for no good reason, I notice there's a variety of them, different colors, body shapes, and sizes. I know they're not real not real, but still avoid stepping on them through the kitchen and living room. Go into my and my girls room for a change of clothes since I left them in the bathroom and didn't want to go back. She's on the phone, facing the opposite direction, I head to the dresser and notice she's bawling uncontrollably. Decide to give her privacy with no idea what's going on, and go pace through the living room and kitchen, taunting the bugs. A few of the phrases I heard her say were "I can't believe he's gone," "he always was a pill popper," and "I'm going to miss him so much."
After pacing for a half hour or so, I decide fuck it, I'm done walking around with towels. Head into the bedroom, and hear her mothers voice coming from the cell phone. I start to get a little sad because I know most of her family, but I don't want to infringe on her privacy so I quickly grab clothes and get dressed in the living room.
It must be about 6pm or so when I look out the living room window and see a full size pick-up truck pull up. Two fellas get out, one guy has a gray business suit, and the other has jeans with a Carhart type jacket. They walk to the roadside part of the lawn and put up two blue "For Sale" signs, which angers me... I like living in this house, and the landlord never mentioned anything about selling it. The guy in the suit walks towards the living room window, which is mostly covered with vertical blinds, but there's a few gaps where I can see him. Not sure whether or not he can see in, so I just stand there, he walks to the next window where there's a larger gap in the blinds and peers in. What the fuck is he thinking? He turns around I see them both walk near the truck, standing in the yard. I open the front-door (which is actually on the side of the house), and before looking to the right where they were ask "what's going on out here?" There is nobody out there. No truck, no suit / redneck, nothing.
Aha! They're fake too, I realize as I head inside. Look through the living room window, still see the "For Sale" signs, then I notice the suit guys head through the window, which would have been blocked by the house when I went outside. Moving the blinds I see the redneck standing by a post near the road, using (I forget what it's called) surveying gear to determine level ground. I put some shoes on and head outside to confront them. Again, nobody is out there. I lose concern, although still wondering about the sign which is clearly there.
I go back to the bedroom, and girl is still sobbing, now she's using a headphone and holding the phone away from her head. I head in, touch her shoulder reassuringly for a few seconds, she doesn't acknowledge me, then I leave. I sit in the living room listening to her muffled voice trying to figure out what's going on, but it's mostly sobs. Every 20 minutes or so the sobs subside and I go see if she's done so I can comfort her. After 3 trips and it being close to 7pm, she's off the phone and sleeping.
I lay down next to her and try to comforting or however you're supposed to be when someone your close to loses someone they're close to. She wakes up and I'm like, I'm sorry, I hope everything's alright. Surprisingly she says she's fine, and seems more concerned about me? She asks where I was for the last two hours, and I fuzzily recap what happened.
She tells me she wasn't on the phone, nobody died, and she doesn't even have headphones that plug into her phone. She's a little worried about the surveyor's / realtors part of my story, and looks outside "those are recycling bins, not signs," she says. For a few minutes I play with these fun, super-fine, scrunched-up threads on the mattress. When I pick them up they become elastic and pull into my fingers, turning into gold glitter. She asks what I'm doing, and I pick one up, wave it in front of her "you can't see this?" Obviously met with the standard "no, there's nothing there." I pick up a few of them, get a bunch of the glitter on my fingers, and rub it into her blanket. I see all of the shimmers, she doesn't.
I get bored of playing with nothing, we watch some movies, and she goes to sleep around 11. I still can't sleep, no matter how hard I try, or how deep and slow I try to breathe. She has the next day off, and decides I need to get some sleep. I decide not to do any stims and call it a good 4 day session. During the day Thursday I don't feel much stimulation, but strangely I'm not tired either. We go to the laundromat and do some shopping, I'm fully functional.
Around 4 I'm starting to get tired, but don't want to sleep since I know I'd wake up early Friday morning, like 1am, and have a fucked sleep schedule for the next week. She decides she wants to clean, rearrange and organize the house, then go see a movie at 9. Using this logic and information from others experience reports with low doses of MDPV, I justify doing an amount I considered microscopic in relation to my usual. Estimate it to have been between 7-10mg, mostly out of curiousness, I'm not expecting much. I have her hide it as I know it's compulsive, and I want to sleep tonight. I'm pleasantly surprised in 10 minutes when I'm actually interested (wtf?) in doing the dishes, and organizing. I feel focused, in the zone, I wouldn't say euphoric, but definitely in a great mood, talkative and chatting about random shit, but not in a speedy manner where I can't wait to get the words out. I have no compulsion to do more, I'm very satisfied with this non-jittery and very controllable energy. In fact, two hours later I found the bag under something while cleaning, and had her re-hide it just in case.
Around 8:30 I feel the energy starting to diminish, and realize that if we were staying up till midnight+ doing the same thing, I wouldn't have a problem doing another similar sized line. Since we were going to a movie and I needed sleep there was no reason to, and there was no trying to convince myself otherwise. At the movie (Oblivion, Tom Cruise bores the shit out of me) I'm happy when I have to fight to stay awake, knowing that I'll finally sleep tonight! Been awake since Monday at noon.
The things I've decided this week are: stimulant psychosis can be overcome, and enjoyed, if you or someone else can convince you it's not real. I'm done with a-pvp forevs, it's less effective than PV in low to high doses, and I hear and see crazy realistic shit when I push the envelope. Rather than finishing this PV sometime in July or August (I always take long breaks so I don't become an "addicted to bath salts horror story") in a multi-day binge, I'm going to use it similar to Adderall (except 1/100th of the cost!) when energy and focus are needed. If anyone actually these posts, I hope you're able to get something out of my learning experience without going through it and potentially having a bad outcome).
but pls for the sake of your own health and mind just stay away you will be sucked in faster then you could ever imagine.
