Health A Psychedelic Problem - Delusional and Blacked Out

[Jeffedelic]

**Sorry for the long post, cliff notes at the bottom.


So lately I have encountered a problem that worries me greatly. I love psychedelics and have indulged in them countless times over the past two or so years, but recently they have been acting a bit... strange; or causing me to act a bit strange, depending on point of view.

It all started at Bonnaroo. Before the festival, I had a decent number of trips under my belt, somewhere around 30, both at festivals and in my home town. Substances ranging from LSD to Mushrooms to Mescaline and several unknown RCs mixed in. When I low dosed at the festival (1 hit of clean liquid) I seemed to trip way too hard. I was completely out there and loving it, but at a certain point I just became delusional and completely forgot I was tripping. I completely believed things that were not true, thought things were happening that were not happening and at the end had very little memory of the night.At the time I attributed it to just getting much better product than I had bargained for, which is nothing to complain about.

Later on, probably 3 trips later, the same thing happens again on LSD. This time it was worse. I got very worked up from a movie that was on and could not calm down for hours until my trip dropped off. Seeing a relation between a loud festival and a loud crazy movie, I began to think that I was just getting too worked up during my trips and it was causing the semi black outs and delusional behavior.

A trip or two later it happens again on acid, but this time I had not gotten worked up or been uncomfortable or anything. I was fine and having a great time, then my buddies put on the doors movie and about half way through I just lost it again, completely out of it and unable to understand reality in the least. I began to think I just needed a break from the acid for a little bit, so I found myself some psilocybe weilii.

The same thing ended up happening here too. I was fine for the peak, then on the comedown I simply became delusional, was running around outside thinking if the cops came it would be fine because I had crazy connections, I smashed my phone thinking I was about to get really rich so it didn't matter, I was going to change the world, some shit about space travel, etc etc. The same things you always see and think, but I simply believed it and had no recollection of actually eating mushrooms. Same as the LSD had done times before.

Mind you, these have been fairly low doses. 1 hit at roo, 2 hits the second time, 1 hit the third and 2.5g dried the last. These are doses that normally would be no problem at all to me. I could go out in public on these doses in the middle of the day and nobody would suspect a thing. What concerns me is that all of a sudden this pops up and is becomming more and more frequent. I really see a lot of potential in psychedelics so its upsetting to think that I might not should be taking them. It's to the point where I do not want to trip at all if this is going to keep happening. Coming to alone in your car is a scary thing.


My only good guess is that prolonged psych use has caused me to need to dose lower amounts than when I first started and that lower doses are beginning to cause me to slip into ego death without expecting it. Ego death on a low dose can be a scary thing if you aren't expecting it.

Any thoughts? I haven't ingested any psychedelics in about 6 months now and could really go for a spin. I just don't know what to think of this whole ordeal.

Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you all for your time!


**TLDR; I used to trip all the time, but now even low doses cause me to become delusional and blacked out. I don't know why this is happening but have some guesses, mainly having to do with ego death.

 

[The Winner!!]

The drugs are telling you to stop!

 

[lineartransform]

You weren't using any other substances (beer, weed) that are often ignored in trip reports? No medications?

Have you noticed these delusions appearing under the influence of any other substances, under emotional stress, or sober?

 

[malakaix]

My only good guess is that prolonged psych use has caused me to need to dose lower amounts than when I first started and that lower doses are beginning to cause me to slip into ego death without expecting it. Ego death on a low dose can be a scary thing if you aren't expecting it.

This is what happens to me now. I came to the same conclusion.. prolonged use has caused me to experience ego-death even on small dose's. At least you only experience it from psychedelics.

For some reason i even get ego-death off very small amounts of marijuana.. and that is rather uncomfortable and confronting when your not expecting it. Before this started to happen i had been doing it almost every weekend for 6 weeks.. i then took a 4-5 week break from everything, tried it last weekend and still experienced a rather intense ego-loss from 1 hit.

It's possible your mind has just adjusted to the intensity, so it doesnt take much to send it into that mental state? I dont know.. but i've also experienced the exact same thing.

The last trip i had i did experience something different (concerning actually). I entered the trip (LSD), handled the peak well and was enjoying it up until around the 6th hour mark... and then my thought process just stopped.. almost as if i instantaneously lost the cognitive effects of LSD.. and it didnt come back untill the 10-11hr mark. Maybe i overworked the left hemisphere of my brain as i did find it difficult to physically speak.

Anyway.. that last part is irrelevant to this thread. I can't really give an answer to your question, apart from i also experience the same effects on low dose's.. even on very small amounts of marijuana weeks after not even using.

 

[Jeffedelic]

You weren't using any other substances (beer, weed) that are often ignored in trip reports? No medications?

Have you noticed these delusions appearing under the influence of any other substances, under emotional stress, or sober?

I'm on no medication and believe it or not all but one of these experiences happened without any weed either. It was strange because I used to smoke a lot when tripping, but then it just worked out that I didn't smoke (or hadn't smoked in hours) when the weird symptoms showed up.

At first I even thought possibly not having the green to help me stay calm could have been part of it. I still haven't ruled it out but it just doesn't seem to make sense.

Thats why its so strange. I never feel this way sober or on anything else. I can roll, smoke, drink, pills (hate them though), anything but psychs. Its bad because psychs are my baby.

 

[Al_S_Dee]

Yeah forgetting that you are tripping is no good! If I ever forgot that, it could be a slippery slope. Lay off the acid, maybe try 2C-I and see if that agrees with you more though just laying off psychedelics is probably the best decision, should you choose to make it.

 

[Jeffedelic]

yeah I've been without them for 6 months or so now. I'm about ready to give it another go and would like to see if anyone has any insight about it. So far most of what I've heard has been to just give it some time and low dose it later so thats what I'm going to do.

 

[swilow]

**TLDR; I used to trip all the time, but now even low doses cause me to become delusional and blacked out. I don't know why this is happening but have some guesses, mainly having to do with ego death.

I wouldn't think ego-death is the 'culprit' here, as, while the experience of such is very dislocating, part of the nature of it would make actions like thinking you are rich, have no worries for the police etc. an impossibilty. If I were you, I would stop taking psychedelics for a good while, and even consider not using them again. There is a chance that this delusional state will spill into reality- most people I know that have been messed up by drugs (ie. developing a psychotic condition of sorts) are EXTREMELY delusional when tripping, to an extent not really expected.

 

[SymphoniC]

Psychedelics have the tendency to unearth underlying mental conditions.
Anxiety attacks during a mushroom trip left me completely clueless as to what was going on.
Who knows, maybe you are experiencing the result of some sort of brain damage?
If I were you, I'd definitely stop before this problem gets worse and leaks right on into everyday life. I know it's fun, but there is a time for everything, and right now might just be the time to quit using.

 

[Icculus]

I wouldn't think ego-death is the 'culprit' here, as, while the experience of such is very dislocating, part of the nature of it would make actions like thinking you are rich, have no worries for the police etc. an impossibilty. If I were you, I would stop taking psychedelics for a good while, and even consider not using them again. There is a chance that this delusional state will spill into reality- most people I know that have been messed up by drugs (ie. developing a psychotic condition of sorts) are EXTREMELY delusional when tripping, to an extent not really expected.

That is very good advice right there. Delusional is not a good way to be, and especially when you're not on drugs. Your mind and sanity is all you've got man.

 

[Solipsis]

I reaally doubt the brain damage suggestion, but I concur that you should take a pretty long break, then dose low and approach it therapeutically and should it happen again - quit altogether.
Because these symptoms are then indication that there is a very good chance you will encounter a psychological breakdown / having it spill into sober life and reality. These are (I think) schizophrenic types of behaviour that are only acceptable if you imbibe some crazy cocktail like LSD & nitrous. That can induce intense derealization, but still only for an extremely short while.
piles of LSD plus too much downer/disinhibitor can result in extended episodes of transient psychosis which I experienced myself. That was really sick but I'm positive it was just the ridiculous amount of dope.

On the other hand it could be reverse tolerance of some sort, meaning you get the above effect at much lower doses now. That is why I say dose low after that break. If you trip hard but not "weird" it might be just that. Be extremely cautious my friend, I find psychedelics so interesting that I might never truly let go albeit continuing it only scientifically/philosophically... so I understand it might be tough. But it's totally not worth it going loony.

 

[Jeffedelic]

I appreciate all the input guys. I've been trying to read up on the symptoms (when related to psychedelics) as much as possible lately but have had a very hard time finding good sources and accounts.

So far most of what I have found has related to the breaking of the ego. From what I have read the physical symptoms that I felt are almost identical to what is described in The Psychedelic Experience and that reinforces the idea I originally had. The first couple times this happened I just felt like I was tripping way harder than I had thought I would. Prolonged use and the reappearance of the symptoms without a good explanation (or a good set/setting to test doses, etc) caused me to worry which probably made it even worse.

Who knows though. Hopefully one day I'll find out whats going on with this. If not it'll just be time to move on I suppose. Its just so hard to move on from something so potentially beautiful and life changing.

 

[malakaix]

Who knows though. Hopefully one day I'll find out whats going on with this. If not it'll just be time to move on I suppose. Its just so hard to move on from something so potentially beautiful and life changing.

Yeah.. it is, every time i trip now i get a horrible burning sensation throughout my head and a headache lasting 15hours or more. Although if its an option between a horrible burning headache pain or moving on.. i can quite happily move on, i've learnt an unbelievable amount of information about myself, existence and the universe that it's time to put that knowledge to practical use.

For me it just feel's like i've become over-sensitive.. my last trip i saw my own thoughts form there own mini ego-deaths (In the sense that i could see a thought been 'born'.. age and then effectively die in the same manner that my ego would) instead of experiencing my ego-death as a collective whole.. i was viewing it in intense detail.. every thought had its beginning and end.

Even small dose's literally blow me apart compared to when i use to dose extremely high.

 

[delsymfan]

(note that I'm on something but it all makes sense)

Its obviously more than just a passing comment from within.

Sounds like you probably need to lay off unless you truly have a purpose. Because taking things should be fun, and explorative, and adventurous from the start. But after "discovering space" did not NASA organize missions later on? Thats what its about. You need to have focused missions.

 

[malakaix]

(note that I'm on something but it all makes sense)

Its obviously more than just a passing comment from within.

Sounds like you probably need to lay off unless you truly have a purpose. Because taking things should be fun, and explorative, and adventurous from the start. But after "discovering space" did not NASA organize missions later on? Thats what its about. You need to have focused missions.

Oh i completely agree, up until a month or two ago.. i spent every trip trying to understand my own existence.. i received the answer to that and since then every trip has more or less had no intended purpose other then 'fun'.

Which is probably irrelevant to the actual pain im experiencing, but none the less i agree with your statement, if you have an intended goal or aim.. and you focus your energy towards that goal when tripping.. the level of information flows a lot more manageably

 

[swilow]

But after "discovering space" did not NASA organize missions later on? Thats what its about. You need to have focused missions.

Since when did NASA discover space?? :D

 

[walkietalkie]

The drugs are telling you to stop!

Agreed.
Remember, there most definitley is a too much.
The same thing has happened to me, but I end up slipping into seizures, nervous breakdowns with heavy vasoconstriction plus intense stress levels, or simply blacking out (or whiting out, as it seems to be blinding).
The last 3 times it's happened to me left me with the feeling that God electrocuted me (tossed the ol' lightning bolt if you will) lol.
It took going through the most physically/mentally painful 3 hours imagineable in order to get the message, STOP USING PSYCHEDELICS.
As Alan Watts said, when you get the message, hang up the phone.
I haven't taken any since August of last year and if I ever do again, it will definitley not be mushrooms. It's ok to admit to hesitation and fear when you have purpose after experience, most people can't understand what a 'bad trip' is all about. And for good reason, because it defies explanation and at least in my death-previews, is more profound then the transcendent bliss.

 

[Xorkoth]

As Alan Watts said, when you get the message, hang up the phone.

I think that message has been overstated... who's to say that after you get a message, you couldn't get another message once you've integrated the last one?

But clearly there is a time to give up psychedelics, if they're causing you problems.

 

[walkietalkie]

I think that message has been overstated... who's to say that after you get a message, you couldn't get another message once you've integrated the last one?

But clearly there is a time to give up psychedelics, if they're causing you problems.

But yet, arrogance abounds and a life changing message becomes a habitual disturbance.
Clearly, when delusions of grandeur are interpreted as ego death, there is a miscommunication.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yes, of course. I agree that this poster should hang up the phone, at least for now. I was just interjecting about that commonly-used phrase in general. A lot of people will say that after you get the psychedelic message once, you should not trip again. And I do not agree with this as a blanket rule.