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Ellie Wright

Ellie Wright

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 18, 2025
Messages
4
Location
Ohio

I have been trying my best to self medicate so I can appear functional at my first real job, at a gas station
as of the last 6 or 7 months I believe!

ask me anything!
 
someguyontheinternet said:
Welcome! Glad to hear you're working! Did you recently graduate?
Click to expand...
I graduated highschool in 2022 from a trade school with the 10 entry level ASE automotive certificates, but never got my driver's license mostly because I get too anxious while driving, and then worked in construction for a couple years, mostly painting rentals but I couldn't get enough work or paid enough plus I was told someone was going to file my taxes for me and that I wouldn't have to worry about anything like the previous years I have worked in construction, but for two different years I ended up having to report income as self employeed and didn't realize that meant I would owe the IRS so I ran around town asking every corporate gas station/fast food/grocery store if they were hiring, so I am still in a little debt and not sure what profession I want to work towards anymore. But the people at the gas station I work at seem to like me and respect my identity, though maybe they don't want an HR nightmare because I am like the only trans employee and was also trying to tell my boss I have undiagnosed autism, but it's like I only work part time because I am not promising to be there more hours than I am willing to be productive and so I only am ever given like 20-30 hours a week anymore, so I am lucky to still live with my family who gets SSI because of the old and don't have to help much with bills
 
I want to add to this post more about my experimentation with drugs since this is the drugs forums
for the most part I tried to use drugs sparingly but still as an escape, though during times of mental instability gave into addictive tendencies and even suicide attempts, still I see the therapeutic value in some drugs and believe everything is harder for me than someone without mental issues unless I use drugs or someone constantly reassuring me to keep me emotionally regulated, I believe I have an unholy mix of bpd bipolar adhd autism cptsd did and of course all that makes me feel anxious and depressed and sometimes manic and also I have hard being in public, but over a year of working with a psych I was prescribed 30mg adderall xr (starting at 15mg) and didn't find it addictive but rather just reinforced the idea that I have adhd, I had found a antidepressant that really did help until I got overwhelmed by the holiday season and didn't get my dose increased, and because I could actually feel the antidepressant working I realized dxm would also have a similar effect for me at the right dose, idk if you've ever heard of Aveulity but it came out in 2022 and I waited a couple years before looking back into it and how it uses dxm as one of the main ingredients, I need that serotonin bad >.>

I will also add a couple pics where I saved a bunch of containers for things I regularly abused since I graduated highschool in 2022 before throwing out most of it 2 years later in 2024, the pic of cough medicine bottles I added earlier is what I have gone through for dxm since about sepetember of last year until this month of april self medicating using it as an antidepressant, and I save these certain containers to be able to have a better visualization of what I was doing to myself, because I really didn't want to do too much, at least I didn't for a while, or when I am not overcome by suicidal ideation anyways, so I don't too often get obvious signs of doing too much drugs.





oh and these is not all the drugs I have tried, I haven't gotten access to a lot of things like mushrooms, lsd, ketamine, mdma, but there's also a few things that just don't do anything for me, like methlyphenidate and when I tried morphine and oxycodone those I barely felt if I did feel anything at all
 
Imagine in NL that DXM is no longer OTC, neither prescription.
Just taken completely of the market illegal,
they were scared for a US style youth craze using DXM as drug.
Which was not the case att, and doubt it would happen here.

Anyway, they took a superior dry-cough suppressant away.
Took it maybe 1 or 2 time a year for its intended purpose.
Once, the last pack of Gels, DXM only, 225 mg, and it felt good.

The anti-depressant effect you describe, was there. And a threshold high.
A lower dose, cutting out any drug like effect s maybe 100 mg.
That just imagining, think it would improve my mood, MXE low dosed did.

The bottles though, were they Sorbitol based ? :pooprocket:
 
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