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a pocket full of pennies

A

amber::

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 23, 2001
Messages
59
Location
columbus, oh
up until today
i always had a feeling
that everything i do is wrong
so ill play stupid
ill play along
and call me naive
to believe
all ive got is a pack of cigarettes
and an ounce of dignity
to keep me strong
i must be wrong
and up until today
i always had a feeling
that support would always feel better,
than a stab to the back
and maybe ill always hold true-
to that feeling, of all things.
so daddy, tell me im a piece of shit again
and the only teacher whose earned my respect
please remind me
i only get worse. progressively worse
and mommy, please stand silent-
to keep me afloat
and best friend of all friends
please find me in a buried secret, so you can leave with no regret
for your stabs to the back
will only keep me believing-
i am right
regardless of how many times you must remind me otherwise
it wasnt up until today
that i realized
id never be too old to be nurtured
so please forgive me,
i was foolish to have thought your wrong
and it wasnt until today
that i finally acknowledged
id rather talk to you through a box
because i can click you off-
when it gets to be a bit too much
so yell at me. just yell at me
and find satisfaction as i aid in your improvement
while i fail, again and again
id be better off alone
but you cant make it on your own
so ill sit here. just sit here
while you forever lean on my shoulder
because
I need you,
you still tell yourself that, right?
------------------
11123323451155331154321::
 
must be tough being a kid these days.
*comfort*
i do enjoy your writing.
good luck amber.
ry.
------------------
a boundary you can never cross.
landmines and electric fence.
so many lies it strangles him like rope.
she was such a w.a.s.t.e.
 
I really enjoy ur writing amber I liked every
message I have read from you I am sowwie u
feel the way you do I hope u will feel better
soon if you ever need anyone to talk to I will be here. Thanks for sharing.
Aim :Confusionaroundu
 
..i hear ya..
fetch.dll

this is just a crisis
this is not a breakdown
this is not un-usual
i feel okay
look at all these pictures
look at how i'm smiling
this is not a breakdown
i'm holding on
 
wow, i completely relate.
i wish i could tell you that everything will be better, and try to be happy, but that's so wrong.
i know, i've tried to be normal... It doesn't work.
Keep being who you are and everything will work out it the end, i promise.
~lil
------------------
"you will get this chance but once, don't let simple shit get you down"
therapy is expensive, poppin bubble wrap is cheap. you decide.
sn~ sparkleylily
 
smile.gif

Ry.
------------------
"Euphoric, narcotic, pleasantly hallucinant."
[This message has been edited by Catachreses (edited 05 October 2001).]
 
ryan, leave me alone. leave my friends alone. how many times must i hang up on you, ignore you, and block you to get the message across? you cant bring me down.
everyone else, thanks so much for the positive comments, i appreciate them all
 
Leave you alone?
Your friends?
Hang up?
What?
I guess if I talked to you, or talked to your friends.. or called you.. or I don't know. I guess I'd have a clue as to what you were talking about.
Keep talking shit about me, keep brining up the past on a public message board, keep living in a fantasy world where you hope to god you have things so bad, but always realize you are spoiled and one of the most fortunate people in your circle.
And keep being as honest as you are to your friends right now, hopefully that way, you'll realize the flaw in your behavior before it's too late.
Be Amber for a second, not Borderline Personality Barbie. You know what you need to do, do it. I can only hope things work out for you. Over all the shit that went down with us, I still see a few things in you that haven't gone bad. You'll succeed on your own. Hapiness isn't a bad thing. Trust me. You might not give a shit about me, but I do care about you as a person.
Ry.
------------------
"Euphoric, narcotic, pleasantly hallucinant."
 
email me at [email protected] if you’d like me to explain in detail, how
you’ve gone through 20 or so screen names to bother me, or find reconciliation in
anything id have to say. each of which i have blocked, and half containing a reference to
me.
and email me if you’d like me to further explain how you’ve tried turning a best friend
against me, with secrets you had promised to keep, forever.
and email me if you’ve already forgotten about two days ago, when you led another friend
of mine on a false guilt trip strong enough to make her cry. not to mention the
unmentionable that took place, in reaction to your tendencies. i can remind you, in detail,
if you’d like.
do not play stupid, like you have not a clue of what i say. i am bitter towards our actions,
not to mention embarrassed of it all. let me remind you, that i am 16. no teenagers play
games like we do. its pathetic, that at age 21, your still going to play a game to gain
revenge. and you can turn it around all you want. i don’t mind at all. i laugh at everyone
of your friends, and mine, who believe me to be the villain in this situation.
i thank you for your undying care for me, as a person. although i strongly question how
you bring yourself to care about someone you take pride in hurting so severely. and i
thank you for the faith you have in me. which is ironic, that only now it holds existance.
again, you’ve won. i hope you find satisfaction in that, or a twisted happiness, which ever
you please. i surrender. you’ve done enough damage this time. leave it at this. leave me
alone.
- borderline personality barbie
[This message has been edited by amber :: (edited 05 October 2001).]
 
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