Well, I quite well understand that Bluelight is for the concern of XTC. However, I'd like to get off the subject for just a bit. To unwind, and unload this pile of filth that's clogging up my mind. Thank you for listening to me babble, it means so much to me.
Smiling. Smiling isn't for everyone. Especially me. Why this is I don't know, maybe I'm too lazy to flex the muscles in my face, or perhaps there's something horribly wrong with me. *shrugs* One or the other, it's something I haven't done in a long time. And now I'm beginning to wonder why. I've tried staring into the sun, or at the stars, doing countless drugs to reverse these feelings of incompetancy. However, nothing seems to work. You see children, I really need this. The feeling of supreme happiness that comes to you when Santa visits you on christmas eve, leaving numbers of toys, gifts, and candy for you to rot your brain on. Perhaps THIS is why I am the way I am, because of the lies that have come my way, and clogged the very pores of my essence. WHERE IS THE TRUTH?!?! How come it has sudddenly disappeared, or evaporated into this very tasty residue that taunts, making you yearn for the past, and the innocence. Jesus, I've tried keeping all of this inside, so fucking tired, I'm sure you know the feeling. No, it isn't depression. It's not insanity. It's REALITY! Icky! How much can a person take?! Can we say teen angst? But I'm just making fun of myself, I can hear you all laughing. I'm sick and tired of living a relative life. Sitting at home. Sitting at work. Wishing I was elsewhere, wishing for someone to be next to me, by my side, supporting, and caring. Life is supposed to be one thing to one person and another to someone else. Am I just a loose end? Sadly, the place I want to be is so far off, and I doubt I will ever make it there again...
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I'm on a roll, I'm on a roll this time. I feel my luck could change. Kill me Sarah. Kill me again. With love...It's going to be a glorius day.
[This message has been edited by ReVulsiOn (edited 08 January 2000).]
Smiling. Smiling isn't for everyone. Especially me. Why this is I don't know, maybe I'm too lazy to flex the muscles in my face, or perhaps there's something horribly wrong with me. *shrugs* One or the other, it's something I haven't done in a long time. And now I'm beginning to wonder why. I've tried staring into the sun, or at the stars, doing countless drugs to reverse these feelings of incompetancy. However, nothing seems to work. You see children, I really need this. The feeling of supreme happiness that comes to you when Santa visits you on christmas eve, leaving numbers of toys, gifts, and candy for you to rot your brain on. Perhaps THIS is why I am the way I am, because of the lies that have come my way, and clogged the very pores of my essence. WHERE IS THE TRUTH?!?! How come it has sudddenly disappeared, or evaporated into this very tasty residue that taunts, making you yearn for the past, and the innocence. Jesus, I've tried keeping all of this inside, so fucking tired, I'm sure you know the feeling. No, it isn't depression. It's not insanity. It's REALITY! Icky! How much can a person take?! Can we say teen angst? But I'm just making fun of myself, I can hear you all laughing. I'm sick and tired of living a relative life. Sitting at home. Sitting at work. Wishing I was elsewhere, wishing for someone to be next to me, by my side, supporting, and caring. Life is supposed to be one thing to one person and another to someone else. Am I just a loose end? Sadly, the place I want to be is so far off, and I doubt I will ever make it there again...
------------------
I'm on a roll, I'm on a roll this time. I feel my luck could change. Kill me Sarah. Kill me again. With love...It's going to be a glorius day.
[This message has been edited by ReVulsiOn (edited 08 January 2000).]