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A note to Dags....

alykitty

alykitty

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 16, 2001
Messages
5,593
Location
East Coast
Sometimes I think that I know exactly what you are thinking and feeling...then I come into this forum and read the things that you write and realize that I don't have a fucking clue...you have this way about you, this way that makes me think that things with you are ok even when I expect that they aren't..I don't like feeling helpless when it comes to you..and I find myself feeling that way quite often...alot of you remains a mystery to me while I sit in front of you like an open book...More so than not I think of you as the "strong" one and that thought sometimes leads me to taking advantage of your strength and your friendship and I appear to be selfish..for that I truely apoligize..
I could only hope that one day I can give you the type of peace that you give me, the type of comfort that comes from just knowing that you are in the next room...I don't think I say thank-you enough..the reason for that, I'm not too sure..maybe because of the understanding I know that we share...there is so much that goes unsaid between the two of us..a good thing?? Now I'm not so sure...
You are the most beautiful thing in my life, the most amazing person I have ever met and I'm lucky as hell to have you as a friend, a soulmate and a sister...
I love you, "dawg"
-an emotional aly
 
I think you do give her peace
I know this post is for one person, but your friendship is unreal. You work on it, like every relationship should be. The fact that you think you aren't as close as you might think makes you that much closer. You guys are sisters.
and Dags- I know you're smart, I know you see through things, you have so much peace and advice to give out but I also know sometimes you get looked over emotionally wise because of this.
I love you both and not only so excited about this summer-but so excited that you both will live so close to me. It reminds met my life is blessed and even as I write this to you-you have no idea how much power is behind that. I've told many people about my 2 girls from North Carolina-they ask from time to time "so when are they coming?"
:)
 
Who could understand this friendship that the two of you have more than me? Remember I am Amy and Spencer is Aly :) . Sometimes we just need to take a step back from it all, away from our everyday routiens together and realize how lucky we are. Lucky to have found someone who can make your life so complete.
I love you both dearly and I understand the pain you feel when you fight and the love you feel just knowing you have eachother for life. I miss you girls. Amy I need my twin....the only other person I know who will do anything to keep your best friend happy even if you find yourself doing many things you cannot explain. (Like grabbing straws from Aly's hand just cause she stuck them out for you to grab) Aly, you are so strong and beautiful. You can make me smile just thinking of your enthusiasm...but still I am not your bitch, remember Amy and I are not interchangable.
 
I don't even know where to start. Which is part of the problem, because I never know where to start so things end up not being said. We do leave a lot unsaid girl, sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes it isn't. You are the only person that I have in my life that I know, no matter what is said or felt or done, I can't lose you. If I only knew how to tell you how important that is to me. I have spent my entire life keeping all of my pain and fear to myself, because I thought that I would be alone, even if I were surrounded by friends and family, that it would always come down to just me and I'd have to handle it by myself. And I know now what it's like not to have to feel that way, and there aren't enough words in the world to get that across to you.
There are days, weeks, months, (and Phil knows what I mean) when I have a really hard time talking to anyone about anything because the thoughts are going so fast in my head. I can't get a sentence out before the thought has passed already, and I can't fight it because it damn near drives me crazy, and the only way I can cope is just to watch it all go by and hope I can figure it out later. So when I get all quiet and moody and I have that deer-in-the-headlights look, I know it scares you and worries you and I'm sorry that I don't know how to explain it any better. But knowing that you're there helps me get up in the mornings, and smile all day anyway, no matter how I'm doing, and that's more than anyone has ever given me in my life.
You are the smartest person I know. You never let me say that out loud, and you never believe me when I do get to say it. I know you're just thinking that I say that to make you feel better. I don't, I say it because it's true. When I first met you, and we started hanging out, I remember thinking that I had never met anyone in my life who knew more about the world, and how to get by in it, and enjoy it as much as possible, than you did. I haven't changed my mind about that. I rely on you a lot because of that, without saying thank you enough. And I know it annoys you when I always look to you to make the decisions, but I'm working on it. I'm even working on being realistic and logical instead of 'going around my ass to get to my elbow'. Although I don't know how much progress I can make on that one, being random and strange suits me us so well!
I suck at relationships. Always have, you know this better than anybody. You've seen me go from being horribly bad at being with someone to being somewhat bad at being with someone. Our friendship has taught me more about relationships than anything else in my life. I spent 20 years alone before I met you, and I would probably still be alone now if not for you. You have taught me how to live, how to respect myself and the people around me, how to go after what I want in life. I'd still be nothing more than a stoned college dropout if I hadn't met you in that restaurant that day.
We both suck at saying "I love you" to each other, at being emotional at all when it comes to each other actually. That's okay I think, because when you look at me, and we're laughing, and we're joking around, we both know what we're saying. I love you dawg, and I am so glad that you are a part of my life. The best part. You can't lose me. Ever, and not just because we co-own all of our stuff either, because only half of this world is mine. The other half is yours, and I can't think of another person that I'd rather share it with.
[ 30 June 2002: Message edited by: Dagny ]
 
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