NurssJacky
Greenlighter
Ambiguous feelings filled my veins as if I were struck by the lighting bolt called confusion. How did I get here? I recall my day piece by piece in my inept attempt to clarify this ambiguity and make sense of the situation.
The day began as all mornings do with the tedious routine of waking up and such. Beep beep… the agonizing sound of the alarm menacing through my ears. I reach over to hit the snooze and roll back under the covers. Ring ring… the telephone rings, I look at the clock; 6:51 am, I must have turned off the alarm. “Shit” I shout as I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. Fortunately I dressed for work the night before. I brush my teeth and grab a granola bar then race down the stairs to my sister waiting patiently in her car behind the gate. I put my shoes on in the car and fix my hair and make up. It’s a 20 minute drive from my house to work, so my sister and I car pool.
I lean back in my seat and listen gracefully to the sounds and vibrations which flow through the car. The Psychedelic Furs blare through the speakers, “Love my way, it’s a new road. I follow where my mind goes…”. It was in that moment that I suddenly knew, I feel a premonition creep up behind me. The little voice I can never put a face to seems to whisper in my ear, “It’s a new road”. I recall a quote by one our deceased presidents, “Today is not the beginning, today is not the end. It is the beginning of the end”. How true, I feel refreshed, I feel cleansed of the end. I feel ready and willing to create the day my way so I can love and enjoy it.
Adrenaline pumps through my body as we pull into the parking lot of work. I smile incessantly and wave hello to all the people I pass on my way to the time clock. After three years of working at this place it somehow became like a new beginning. The thrill and anxiety of starting a new job was with me once again. I went straight for my schedule and began my work expertly and excitedly. I must look at life as the cup half full, not half empty. With an optimistic attitude I am learning to love life.
The end of the work day simply marks the beginning of my life’s adventure. I come home, positively in tune, only to be angered by the situation. Decadent and intentional decline filled the air. No order whatsoever. Apathy, I can feel it trailing close behind me, but I can’t give in. I wont let the fear get the best of me. I need to be strong. To love life I must first learn to deal with it’s imperative obstacles.
I take a deep breath and attempt to release all my negative energy. When at the top of the mountain, glory and success. When the mountain crumbles, I find myself at the bottom of another mountain, fear and anxiety. The mountain seems unfeasible and infinite. Life is down and it seems it will never be up again. The top of the mountain manifests flawless victory and blissful certainty. I must overcome this mountain of sorrow. My head must remain in positive tune. The bottom of the mountain is simply a lesson in life, it will be over soon and I have all paradise to look forward to, waiting at the top of the mountain.
I quickly make my way to the radio and turn it on. Bob Dylan’s, Mr. Tambourine Man suppresses my tension “I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade, into my own parade…”. I light a cigarette and lay peacefully on the on the porch, tuning out all distractions and allowing negativity to flea my body. Positive energy fills my veins and numbs me, “Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship, my senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip…” Things cannot end this way I think to myself, good old Bob sure knows how to inspire love of life.
I grab my key and make my way to the carport where I become the captain of my own magic swirling ship. I drive aimlessly to destination unknown. I find myself driving through the orange groves and clear out to the Valley. My magic swirling ship brings me to the shore of Oliver’s island. Oliver is a childhood friend who shares similar thoughts and feelings on life. His Island, or house is often the center of madness and obscurity. Faye is laying comfortably in the bed as Nikki dances gracefully around the room to the absent music. I smile and join them in a smoke out and allow myself to fall deeper and deeper into a more relaxed state of mind, but it cant end here, I wont allow it.
Nikki makes several phone calls attempting to locate psychedelics. No luck. “They’re holding out on us,” Nikki explains defiantly. Her eyes squint with a passionate anger as she leaps up and motions her dancing hand gracefully towards the car. We climb in and drive off top speed into an unfamiliar abyss of danger. “Down this road to the left, be careful that road down there is rocky,” Nikki says as she guides us to a Nursery. The Nursery is dark and quiet. “Kill your lights. Leave the car running, I’ll be right back,” she hollers as she exits the car. I follow her orders and await a patient 7 minutes.
Suddenly, gunshots resound sharply throughout the brisk summer night air. In the distance I make out two figures running quickly towards my car. As they approach I make out Nikki’s hair, flowing through a sea of domestic trees. She awkwardly tosses her body through the window and I speed away as she struggle to pull her legs through the window.
We drive at top speed over the unstable road to pavement, hitting each ditch and rock with painful strikes. Civilization, at last, however still paranoid, I make a quick escape through narrow roads back to Oliver’s.
I light a cigarette, finally peace and sanctuary. Oliver’s house settles my nerves and paranoia escapes my body. We are safe here, it’s a difficult place to find and doesn’t hold a inviting demeanor, for privacy purposes. Its dark and eerie with five large fighting dogs guarding the entrance at all times.
Nikki opens a small container containing five small tabs. She dances gracefully around the room feeding one to each of us. Oliver is sitting on the fuzzy orange carpet rolling joints and passing them to Faye who is sitting on the couch behind him smoking them. Nikki places a tab on my tongue and I allow it to dissolve before it travels down my throat, embedding a faint metallic taste for the rest of the night.
The clock reads 9:00 pm, so what now? This is only the start of many intense episodes full of eccentric adventure. We pack up the car and drive away. We are now a simply a lingering shadow as we surrender to Mr. Tambourine man and he guides us to our destination.
We arrive at the Towers, somewhere 13 miles east of Oliver’s. Cream and Molly reside here. It wasn’t by chance we arrived here, it was destiny. Charlie greets us at our car and we make our way into the a smoke filled apartment. Alex, Cream, and Molly sit anxiously on the couch. Pupils wide and grinding jaws, Molly quickly rises to share her love with hugs.
The room is sweaty with menacing vibrations all around us. We each find a comfortable spot. I lay my weary body behind the couch and await Mr. Tambourine man’s spell to come over me. I close my eyes, images of blissful clouds and eternal pleasure crowd my mind. I open my eyes to find Charlie creating esoteric swirls of multi colored lights with his hands. My eyes follow the lights anxiously as they create splendor and orgasmic sensations. Traces of light stay with me longer after he quits.
I stand, blood rushes to my head. My legs are flimsy like spaghetti, numbness flows as my body is stripped of all senses, my head is light and seems to be floating on clouds. Pleasure, tingles throughout each pressure point.
I walk outside, Nikki follows. We lay peacefully on the balcony and allow the diamond sky to dance charmingly around us with a large round hunk of cheese, we know as the moon behind them. I light a cigarette and allow Mr. Tambourine man to work his magic.
Its no coincidence that Nikki and I felt the urge at the same time, to venture off. To explore the endless possibilities of this drug. We remove our shoes and climb over the balcony and make our way through the muddy bushes which sit erratically throughout. Through a desolate lot and out to society.
Its 10:30 on a Tuesday night, most of the world is preparing for the their life’s tedious routine. But not me, I am ready and willing to live this trip out to its fullest. I press the crosswalk button at the stop light. The sky is a puppet master guiding the strings which hold the stars that dance gracefully around me. Walk, reads the stop light, I obey. Walking has never been so strange nor has it ever been so lovely. I lean back and raise my knees up high taking long weightless steps, so as to not weigh the clouds down. Across the street there lies a grassy knoll. I walk through it slowly allowing my toes to sink deep into the roots.
The air is crisp but I make no note of it. My body creates it own personal blanket where cold cannot reach it. I dance freely through the grass and attempt to enjoy natures infinite perfection. “Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind…Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. …To dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free…Let me forget about today until tomorrow,” I recall Bob’s lyrics once again. I forget today and trail pieces of the past behind me. I allow myself to become one with nature, I hear the breeze whispering my name, I smell mother earth’s fresh soil, I see the Cheshire cat smile down on me form the midnight’s sky. Fear and care subside.
This is a perfect moment, nothing matters except the here and now. Not a troubled thought can enter. I finally reached it, this is the 4th plateau.
What is the 4th plateau? Plateau’s are finite depending on a person’s tolerance. They sum up the stages of drug use. The 4th plateau is rarely reached because most bodies cannot handle the fuel it take to reach it. If your lucky and have enough fuel, the 5th plateau is feasible.
I believe Nikki is very near the 5th plateau considering her desire for excess. Faye has gone beyond all of us, she has been the only one ever to reach the 6th plateau successfully. She is surely one too admire, and acts as the Godfather of all plateaus due to her unlimited knowledge and experience.
The 4th plateau is complete peace and understanding but it only lasts a short time and can never be recalled. The 4th plateau holds the answer to all of our lives problems but they cannot be recalled when we return to reality. The moment can be physically recorded and reviewed in reality, but who wants to know life’s meaning? If we knew our purpose in life there would be no reason to climb plateaus.
Nikki and I make our way to a gas station where we purchase water and wander back to the towers. Before we can make it back completely it suddenly hits me, like a baseball to a bat. I get the fear. This is the transition in reverse. Quickly and carelessly my plateau begins to decline with no warning whatsoever. My body aches and paranoia creeps up on me. I dry heave, and gasp for breath.
Nikki grabs me and drags me back to Cream’s before my condition deteriorates. I stumble in and retrieve the spot behind the couch. Oliver rolls a joint and hands it to me. I smoke it and relieve my body form further torture. Power nap, a quick 15 minutes to rest my eyes and regain control of my senses.
I here the word “bump” in my conscious state of sleep and adrenaline rushes through me. I jump to my feet and look around the room. “Where?” I ask Faye impatiently. Only she will ever understand me because we are the same people in completely different skin. She knows my thoughts before I do and is always prepared to participate in my notorious antics. She points to the room on the left and winks at me, her actions speak louder than words.
I make my way quickly to the room on the left. Inside the music is pounding. Sweaty bodies lean against each other as cream racks out an excess of lines. I participate and quickly become one with numbness.
The sudden urge to pee strikes my bladder and I run into the bathroom. L large pit bull wags her tail and jumps up on me. The stench of the bathroom was enough to make me gag. I look on the floor and see large yellow puddles on the ground and swirls of turds trailing around. The toilet is no option, it is no condition for it’s intended use so I jump in the cleanest part of the restroom, the shower. I turn on the water and pop a squat. Drip dry, I pull up my pants and desperately leave the room never to return to that rotten mess.
I tiptoe my way through a sea of lifeless bodies and realize this cannot be. I look at my watch, 3:00 am. This is the time for rest. No more of this blissfull nonsense. Reality will soon rise and I will have another adventure waiting for me in tomorrow.
Some bodies are not ready to end this fiasco and that is okay. I will let them continue their journey until they have peaked and return to the bottom of the mountain. I make my way out the front door into the cool summer night and waive goodbye to a series of delightful moments.
I have completed the first journey of my life’s saga in mint condition. Cheerful and grateful knowing that I accomplished what was intended, I drift into the night with knowing that if I died tonight, I would be happy, because I can finally love what life has to offer.
The day began as all mornings do with the tedious routine of waking up and such. Beep beep… the agonizing sound of the alarm menacing through my ears. I reach over to hit the snooze and roll back under the covers. Ring ring… the telephone rings, I look at the clock; 6:51 am, I must have turned off the alarm. “Shit” I shout as I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. Fortunately I dressed for work the night before. I brush my teeth and grab a granola bar then race down the stairs to my sister waiting patiently in her car behind the gate. I put my shoes on in the car and fix my hair and make up. It’s a 20 minute drive from my house to work, so my sister and I car pool.
I lean back in my seat and listen gracefully to the sounds and vibrations which flow through the car. The Psychedelic Furs blare through the speakers, “Love my way, it’s a new road. I follow where my mind goes…”. It was in that moment that I suddenly knew, I feel a premonition creep up behind me. The little voice I can never put a face to seems to whisper in my ear, “It’s a new road”. I recall a quote by one our deceased presidents, “Today is not the beginning, today is not the end. It is the beginning of the end”. How true, I feel refreshed, I feel cleansed of the end. I feel ready and willing to create the day my way so I can love and enjoy it.
Adrenaline pumps through my body as we pull into the parking lot of work. I smile incessantly and wave hello to all the people I pass on my way to the time clock. After three years of working at this place it somehow became like a new beginning. The thrill and anxiety of starting a new job was with me once again. I went straight for my schedule and began my work expertly and excitedly. I must look at life as the cup half full, not half empty. With an optimistic attitude I am learning to love life.
The end of the work day simply marks the beginning of my life’s adventure. I come home, positively in tune, only to be angered by the situation. Decadent and intentional decline filled the air. No order whatsoever. Apathy, I can feel it trailing close behind me, but I can’t give in. I wont let the fear get the best of me. I need to be strong. To love life I must first learn to deal with it’s imperative obstacles.
I take a deep breath and attempt to release all my negative energy. When at the top of the mountain, glory and success. When the mountain crumbles, I find myself at the bottom of another mountain, fear and anxiety. The mountain seems unfeasible and infinite. Life is down and it seems it will never be up again. The top of the mountain manifests flawless victory and blissful certainty. I must overcome this mountain of sorrow. My head must remain in positive tune. The bottom of the mountain is simply a lesson in life, it will be over soon and I have all paradise to look forward to, waiting at the top of the mountain.
I quickly make my way to the radio and turn it on. Bob Dylan’s, Mr. Tambourine Man suppresses my tension “I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade, into my own parade…”. I light a cigarette and lay peacefully on the on the porch, tuning out all distractions and allowing negativity to flea my body. Positive energy fills my veins and numbs me, “Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship, my senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip…” Things cannot end this way I think to myself, good old Bob sure knows how to inspire love of life.
I grab my key and make my way to the carport where I become the captain of my own magic swirling ship. I drive aimlessly to destination unknown. I find myself driving through the orange groves and clear out to the Valley. My magic swirling ship brings me to the shore of Oliver’s island. Oliver is a childhood friend who shares similar thoughts and feelings on life. His Island, or house is often the center of madness and obscurity. Faye is laying comfortably in the bed as Nikki dances gracefully around the room to the absent music. I smile and join them in a smoke out and allow myself to fall deeper and deeper into a more relaxed state of mind, but it cant end here, I wont allow it.
Nikki makes several phone calls attempting to locate psychedelics. No luck. “They’re holding out on us,” Nikki explains defiantly. Her eyes squint with a passionate anger as she leaps up and motions her dancing hand gracefully towards the car. We climb in and drive off top speed into an unfamiliar abyss of danger. “Down this road to the left, be careful that road down there is rocky,” Nikki says as she guides us to a Nursery. The Nursery is dark and quiet. “Kill your lights. Leave the car running, I’ll be right back,” she hollers as she exits the car. I follow her orders and await a patient 7 minutes.
Suddenly, gunshots resound sharply throughout the brisk summer night air. In the distance I make out two figures running quickly towards my car. As they approach I make out Nikki’s hair, flowing through a sea of domestic trees. She awkwardly tosses her body through the window and I speed away as she struggle to pull her legs through the window.
We drive at top speed over the unstable road to pavement, hitting each ditch and rock with painful strikes. Civilization, at last, however still paranoid, I make a quick escape through narrow roads back to Oliver’s.
I light a cigarette, finally peace and sanctuary. Oliver’s house settles my nerves and paranoia escapes my body. We are safe here, it’s a difficult place to find and doesn’t hold a inviting demeanor, for privacy purposes. Its dark and eerie with five large fighting dogs guarding the entrance at all times.
Nikki opens a small container containing five small tabs. She dances gracefully around the room feeding one to each of us. Oliver is sitting on the fuzzy orange carpet rolling joints and passing them to Faye who is sitting on the couch behind him smoking them. Nikki places a tab on my tongue and I allow it to dissolve before it travels down my throat, embedding a faint metallic taste for the rest of the night.
The clock reads 9:00 pm, so what now? This is only the start of many intense episodes full of eccentric adventure. We pack up the car and drive away. We are now a simply a lingering shadow as we surrender to Mr. Tambourine man and he guides us to our destination.
We arrive at the Towers, somewhere 13 miles east of Oliver’s. Cream and Molly reside here. It wasn’t by chance we arrived here, it was destiny. Charlie greets us at our car and we make our way into the a smoke filled apartment. Alex, Cream, and Molly sit anxiously on the couch. Pupils wide and grinding jaws, Molly quickly rises to share her love with hugs.
The room is sweaty with menacing vibrations all around us. We each find a comfortable spot. I lay my weary body behind the couch and await Mr. Tambourine man’s spell to come over me. I close my eyes, images of blissful clouds and eternal pleasure crowd my mind. I open my eyes to find Charlie creating esoteric swirls of multi colored lights with his hands. My eyes follow the lights anxiously as they create splendor and orgasmic sensations. Traces of light stay with me longer after he quits.
I stand, blood rushes to my head. My legs are flimsy like spaghetti, numbness flows as my body is stripped of all senses, my head is light and seems to be floating on clouds. Pleasure, tingles throughout each pressure point.
I walk outside, Nikki follows. We lay peacefully on the balcony and allow the diamond sky to dance charmingly around us with a large round hunk of cheese, we know as the moon behind them. I light a cigarette and allow Mr. Tambourine man to work his magic.
Its no coincidence that Nikki and I felt the urge at the same time, to venture off. To explore the endless possibilities of this drug. We remove our shoes and climb over the balcony and make our way through the muddy bushes which sit erratically throughout. Through a desolate lot and out to society.
Its 10:30 on a Tuesday night, most of the world is preparing for the their life’s tedious routine. But not me, I am ready and willing to live this trip out to its fullest. I press the crosswalk button at the stop light. The sky is a puppet master guiding the strings which hold the stars that dance gracefully around me. Walk, reads the stop light, I obey. Walking has never been so strange nor has it ever been so lovely. I lean back and raise my knees up high taking long weightless steps, so as to not weigh the clouds down. Across the street there lies a grassy knoll. I walk through it slowly allowing my toes to sink deep into the roots.
The air is crisp but I make no note of it. My body creates it own personal blanket where cold cannot reach it. I dance freely through the grass and attempt to enjoy natures infinite perfection. “Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind…Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. …To dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free…Let me forget about today until tomorrow,” I recall Bob’s lyrics once again. I forget today and trail pieces of the past behind me. I allow myself to become one with nature, I hear the breeze whispering my name, I smell mother earth’s fresh soil, I see the Cheshire cat smile down on me form the midnight’s sky. Fear and care subside.
This is a perfect moment, nothing matters except the here and now. Not a troubled thought can enter. I finally reached it, this is the 4th plateau.
What is the 4th plateau? Plateau’s are finite depending on a person’s tolerance. They sum up the stages of drug use. The 4th plateau is rarely reached because most bodies cannot handle the fuel it take to reach it. If your lucky and have enough fuel, the 5th plateau is feasible.
I believe Nikki is very near the 5th plateau considering her desire for excess. Faye has gone beyond all of us, she has been the only one ever to reach the 6th plateau successfully. She is surely one too admire, and acts as the Godfather of all plateaus due to her unlimited knowledge and experience.
The 4th plateau is complete peace and understanding but it only lasts a short time and can never be recalled. The 4th plateau holds the answer to all of our lives problems but they cannot be recalled when we return to reality. The moment can be physically recorded and reviewed in reality, but who wants to know life’s meaning? If we knew our purpose in life there would be no reason to climb plateaus.
Nikki and I make our way to a gas station where we purchase water and wander back to the towers. Before we can make it back completely it suddenly hits me, like a baseball to a bat. I get the fear. This is the transition in reverse. Quickly and carelessly my plateau begins to decline with no warning whatsoever. My body aches and paranoia creeps up on me. I dry heave, and gasp for breath.
Nikki grabs me and drags me back to Cream’s before my condition deteriorates. I stumble in and retrieve the spot behind the couch. Oliver rolls a joint and hands it to me. I smoke it and relieve my body form further torture. Power nap, a quick 15 minutes to rest my eyes and regain control of my senses.
I here the word “bump” in my conscious state of sleep and adrenaline rushes through me. I jump to my feet and look around the room. “Where?” I ask Faye impatiently. Only she will ever understand me because we are the same people in completely different skin. She knows my thoughts before I do and is always prepared to participate in my notorious antics. She points to the room on the left and winks at me, her actions speak louder than words.
I make my way quickly to the room on the left. Inside the music is pounding. Sweaty bodies lean against each other as cream racks out an excess of lines. I participate and quickly become one with numbness.
The sudden urge to pee strikes my bladder and I run into the bathroom. L large pit bull wags her tail and jumps up on me. The stench of the bathroom was enough to make me gag. I look on the floor and see large yellow puddles on the ground and swirls of turds trailing around. The toilet is no option, it is no condition for it’s intended use so I jump in the cleanest part of the restroom, the shower. I turn on the water and pop a squat. Drip dry, I pull up my pants and desperately leave the room never to return to that rotten mess.
I tiptoe my way through a sea of lifeless bodies and realize this cannot be. I look at my watch, 3:00 am. This is the time for rest. No more of this blissfull nonsense. Reality will soon rise and I will have another adventure waiting for me in tomorrow.
Some bodies are not ready to end this fiasco and that is okay. I will let them continue their journey until they have peaked and return to the bottom of the mountain. I make my way out the front door into the cool summer night and waive goodbye to a series of delightful moments.
I have completed the first journey of my life’s saga in mint condition. Cheerful and grateful knowing that I accomplished what was intended, I drift into the night with knowing that if I died tonight, I would be happy, because I can finally love what life has to offer.
