a new SHOT!

but not in a good way; first time in 6 months I put the needle in me. as said before, I used the EXCUSE as a celebration for all that has come to me. but all that has come to me is because I have NOT seen this needle/drug in so long. so how dumb am I for talking myself into something like that?

I was taking 8MG of bupe per day; but I waited 36hrs for my bupe to wear off, or see how long it takes to feel the urge. then the urge came on and instead of just taking bupe since I did it exactly for that reason, I went ahead and got dope cuz the Patriots ended up losing to Denver (another excuse).

bought a gram and shot .25 right away; 10 mins goes by and I shot the other .25 and now I feel great. also smoking a bowl and just feels great w/ alll the NEW that is around me and w/ a nice steak tip sub on the way. kinda sad tho, huh? I am feeling great w/ what is around me but the one thing I TOOK is what TOOK everything AWAY from ME BEFORE!!

so how can I sit here and like my "feel" since it ruined my life before? I shot half the amount I usually would; but may use rest before bed; another sick thing; but I want it GONE by tomorrow so I dont use it 2 days in a row; I want back out and sober fast.

well, fuck it. I ordered food, having fun, listening to music, watching the games, enjoying life for a day in my new crib. junk or not, fuck it for TODAY and ONLY TODAY! I am happy in life and have been for 5 months now. I just PRAY I NEVER go down that road again. but I did this before, got clean for 5 years, and fell all apart again.

let's see.

imagine.. just a SHOT/TRY of DOPE makes me think/write all this.

do you think a person who had one hit of weed for first time writes this? or someone at a bar who had a few beers since getting there for the games.. you think hes thinking like this? BUT, do you think an addict MAY think like this? ABSOLUTELY! I never wanted to commit to being an addict but its true, and I see it from others who live just like I do. I think it all depends on the drug but regardless the person can relate and understand.

crazy to think like that. then again, maybe its the HEROIN I SHOT or the WED I SMOKED!

 

I really don't know what to say to this or what you expect people to say. It's your life if you want to keep messing it up carry on. We tried to give you advice but you don't listen to anything we say. Anyway i wish you all the best.

 

Be careful dude that feeling of control the suboxone gives can be an illusion. I just finished up a little 5 day run. It was rough getting back on the suboxone st the end. The prpblem was once i realized i could jump back and fourth between subs and dope it really killed the illusion of recovery. At the end of the day suboxone is just another form of strung out. A better form no doubt but its still a trade off.