I am!
So sorry. folks..ya know, I had this long-ass update written out last week that i never got to finish. I opened up my browser on my work laptop this am and there it was, staring me in the face..all unsent and shit.
Last week my work had a big conference with a bunch of investors and potential investors in town. Pretty much Tues-Fri I was swamped with stupid motivational presentations, product demos for products I've seen a million times, all you can eat buffets, Korean karaoke bars (I work for Koreans, in case I didn't mention or if anyone forgot), and lots and lots of schmoozing. I recently got a promotion from an entry level/secretarial role to a mid-level management position so I had a lot more responsibilities this conference than in ones in the past...they even made me do a 15 min ppt presentation (which was met with a lot of blank stares since like 60% of the room spoke no English). There were about four or five potential investors that are American/Canadian and they wanted me to basically take them under my wing throughout the week (as I said...schmoozing basically).
Every single time I tried to finish my update last week, someone would inevitably pull me aside or ask me to "come here for a min" or something. And each evening, er night, I didn't get home till the 10-11pm range and literally passed tf out. I don't usually get on here much on the weekends bc that's usually bf/friend time and I'm not in front of a computer all day. But, have no fear, bluelight, I am well!
Still on 60mg methadone, still no dope usin's! :D I've been feeling kinda meh at night, once again, and cravings are starting to creep up after work again as well. I talked to my counselor this morning and he suggested a small dose increase may be needed. My methadone people: is it normal to feel like a dose is working, then a few days later, have it not work as effectively? That's what I feel like happens to me. I go up to a dose and I'm like "oh! this is the perfect dose for me!" then, after a week or so I start feeling shitty at night again and start to have lingering dope cravings again. Or is this the addict in me trying to convince myself that I need more, when I really don't? I have a bs in psychology. with a focus in neuroscience, and I know that the brain is a powerful organ and can create psychosomatic symptoms that feel very real...part of me wonders if that is what is happening here. Idk though, some of my symptoms seem very real. My GI issues are especially bad...I have IBS already (I think I've told you guys that) and opiates always made me normal or stopped me up completely. I could always tell my dose of whatever was wearing off if I felt a bm coming on and, when in full wd, i couldn't get off the toilet. Now, it's somewhere between being regular and full wd stomach (depending on how much I've eaten that day)...but it's all day long, something I never had a problem with on opiates...which makes me think I'm not on the right dose. I'm glad to not be stopped up and have to take laxatives every day like a lot of mmt patients, but i'm tired of constantly having a stomach ache and having to spend so much time in the bathroom. Sorry not sorry about this, btw.
Other than feeling kinda meh towards the end of my days, everything else is well. Work is going good, relationship is going good, life in general is going good. Looking forward to the upcoming labor day weekend! My clinic gives me an extra takehome for monday so I might actually get to go camping, or drive 3 hours to the coast for a couple of days, or something since I'll have an extra day to not have to go up there. Speaking of that, if I pass my UA next month I get to move up in my MMT program...meaning I get an extra takehome day...which I can't wait for. After another clean 2 mos, i'll get another. This is great bc I really want to be able to travel at some point, and right now that's pretty much impossible. Oh, and btw, my clinic counts a UA that has only THC in it as "clean", weird, right? My clinic is owned by a 30 year old guy (who is actually shares some mutual friends with me) who inherited the place from his father when he retired, so idk if he's fudging the UA results to send in to the state or what. but I sure as hell didn't think my UA would be "clean" seeing as I put Tommy Chong to shame currently. Buuut...it was..so..I don't know what to tell you. When I asked my counselor, he said, "we're pretty lax about marijuana..but nothing else". So..idk. As I've mentioned before, I get the ETG (i think those are the right letters...) test that tests for 72 hours worth of alcohol metabolites, which I've failed in the past a few times, and that's a much bigger deal to them than thc. But..i was clean on that one as well, even though I had one beer the previous evening..so I'm not sure exactly how that one works seeing as I've showed alcohol at times when I've had one or two beers the night before, and other times not showed when I've had one or two beers the night before...I'm not really sure what makes a difference...water consumption, maybe?
Anyways, I hope everyone is well. Hope I didn't scare anyone with my absence
