Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a minute. I'm the worst!
Things have been well! The job interview I spoke about the last time I posted ended up going ok, but I didn't get the job. I'm pretty sure they were going to offer me some ridiculous $10 an hour salary anyways (they had really young, just out of high school aged girls working there...I can't imagine they were getting 40k+ a year salaries) so I'm not too upset about it. I've been kind of furiously applying to jobs lately and I've had a couple more leads. One is an accounting firm and one of the top firms in Atlanta to work for. It's a small firm, but it's a "boutique" firm, meaning they serve very high end clients like CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, famous athletes/celebrities, other sorts of rich people, etc and the owner seemed about as amazing as a boss can be. We had a phone interview and it was very apparent that she cares a lot about her staff. Also, the position is paying almost twice the salary I'm currently making and comes with a whole bunch of benefits (healthcare, 401k, etc) that I've never had offered to me in a position before. The owner flat out told me that I do not have the amount of experience she was looking for but I have an amazing resume and we had such a good phone interview, she offered me an in person interview. I spent the 5 of so days leading up to the interview prepping my ass off...looking up the best answers to common interview questions, researching THE FUCK out of the company and it's history/culture, and doing mock interviews with friends. I think all my hard work paid off though because. after our interview, the owner told me she was incredibly impressed with me. Her only concern is my lack of knowledge in the field but I think I demonstrated to her that I'm a smart gal and a quick learner so hopefully she will decide to take a chance on me. I should hear something by next week, apparently. Honestly, I NEED this job. This job would finally get me out of being low income and allow me to provide for myself so much better than I currently do. I make ok money currently, but its not enough to properly save, especially when little emergencies (like car repairs, traffic tickets) pop up..and they allllways do *eyeroll*
I didn't end up getting to spend that weekend with my fella. His grandmother had a stroke (she lives with him and his family) and he pretty much was the only one around when it happened and he had to take her to the hospital and stay with her till his family came back into town. Luckily, the stroke was very minor and it looks like she'll pull out of it ok. He and I had dinner a few days later, but other than that, we haven't spent much time together in the past month. Fortunately, he plans on coming up to stay with me this upcoming weekend and I couldn't be more thrilled. I've been feeling kind of lonely lately and I could use some good snuggles and love this weekend. Still working on my codependency issues. I thought I had overcome them for the most part, but I've been eaten up with loneliness lately. I've been tempted to try and start dating again to fill that void but then I remind myself how stupid of an idea that is, especially if one of my goals is to fully reconcile with my ex. I'm just impatient and it hasn't happened as fast as I want it to. Patience...something else I'm trying to work on. Ugh, being a healthy adult is fucking work. He often tells me to hang in there, that our situation won't be like this forever, so I'm trying.
Still dope-free though, guys! Not sure how many days exactly now but yesterday was 4 months since beginning recovery. While I've slipped up a time or two in that time, I consider it part of the recovery process as I've tried to learn something from each relapse. Things in my life are really starting to get better and I owe it all to quitting heroin. I'm also down to 8mg of subs a day (I was at 16mg). I thought cutting my dose in half would be really difficult, but it wasn't..like at all. If anything, 8mg makes me feel way better than 16mg did. I think, while I needed 16mg at first, they shouldn't dropped me down to 8mg a lot sooner. From my research, it's not uncommon for someone to need a high dose of subs at first, but be able to easily drop down once their body adjusts to the drug. Subs are funny. I feel like I'm 100% sober and sometimes I forget I'm still on an opiate. Sure doesn't feel like it. One of my friends took a piece (prob 2-3mg worth) of one of my subs the other night to see what it was like and he got super high off of it. This friend obviously doesn't have an opiate tolerance. I kind of wish I hadn't given it to him because now he, and many of my other friends, think I'm getting high like that when I take my subs and that's not the case at all. That's one thing I've kind struggled with in my friend group, actually...judgement about ORT. All of my friends are happy I'm off H but there's a few of them that kind of disapprove of me using suboxone to get clean. They think of it as "replacing one addiction for another", me "still going through life fucked up", and of course there's always the "still a slave to big pharma" statements. It kind of pisses me off because none of them have any idea what being addicted to opiates is like and how hard it is to get clean. They really don't get it...they say things like, "well why don't you just quit?" and "Just don't do it. Just don't call the dealer. I don't get it, it's that simple!". I try to not let it get to me. I try to remind myself that this is my issue, not there's, and they have no say in how I deal with it. They're starting to kind of chill on the judgmental statements, but I'm sure they're still going on behind my back. The other night, while in a conversation with two of my more judge mental friends, I reminded them that one of the criteria for being addicted to something is that it has a negative effect on my life...and, well, my life has been improving since on subs. They agreed with that so hopefully that'll shut em up for awhile
I hope everyone else is doing well in their journeys. After I post this, I'm gonna surf around the other recovery journals and see how everyone's doing. Love yall! Thanks for the continued support
The place is totally what I'm looking for, a small firm with some room for growth, but I just gotta make sure the pay is at least equal to what I'm making here. I don't make anything crazy salary-wise, so hopefully it'll be on par.
