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Recovery A new me.

WHY DO I STILL FEEL BAD?! IT'S BEEN ALMOST 5 DAYS SINCE I'VE CONSUMED ANY ALCOHOL!!!!

For real, though...wtf? I didn't even get THAT drunk last weekend and I STILL feel bad. Nothing close to where I was Monday, or Tuesday even, but still not 100% and this is insane to me. I feel the same way I felt when I stopped drinking after a 2 week bender after a breakup several years...it feels like I'm recovering from serious alcohol withdrawal. My bf thinks it may have something to do with the fact that I started my period after 4 months and I'm currently a walking/talking bloodbath and some iron deficiency might be going on. I have some iron pills in my ole medicine cabinet I may throw in the mix with dinner tonight.

Unfortunately I failed my UA this month for alcohol...dern it. Even though I didn't drink for 2 days before the test, I drank a lot over the weekend so i guess the metabolites were still in there. My counselor personally didn't care..he said me going from testing poz for opiates, alcohol, and thc almost every month to only testing poz for thc and alcohol on occasion is a huge step, but I didn't get to phase up. Luckily, it doesn't make my clean ua last month useless, that one still counts so if I pass next month, I'll get my first take home. God, I fucking hope I do. I had a bad feeling about this month once I realized testing would likely come after labor day weekend. I thought giving myself a couple days would be enough..but I was wrong. Meh.

Work is killing me right now. I'm one of the only GOOD English speakers here and there's this new thing everyone likes to do (well I wouldn't call it new...just...more frequent these days) where someone will ask me to help them with some paperwork, or make a phone call or something..ya know, bc of language issues, right? Well then they just abandon whatever task it was and then tell everyone "kate's handling it now"...ya know, bc I helped with one little thing. There's about 4 projects on me now that began that way....with me just making one phone call for them or me just editing one document...and then the whole thing suddenly became MY project bc they didn't feel like dealing with it anymore and since my name was kinda on it at some point, they can dump it on me bc I'm the American everyone hates anyways (these koreans can be racist af btw...instantly hate any american they meet), Not all...but def some...esp. the females. All the girls here think i'm trash bc I smoke cigs and am not married but have lived with a so and all sorts of other stuff like that bc apparently women in Korea are supposed to act like 50's housewives. Anyways /endrant.

Love yall...back to work, meh.
 
Your experience with Koreans is interesting. It's kinda that way in Japan. Everyone has this image of the demure, soft-spoken Japanese woman, but in reality, quite a few are somewhat promiscuous (I guess no more so though than anywhere else, it just stands out to me because of their stereotype) and surprisingly wild in the sack. Their birth rates are in a precipitous decline because a lot of Japanese men still expect them to be "50s housewives" and the women are not having any of it. Good for them, I say. But just based on my personal experience, there's something very catty about a lot of Korean women. Not that Japanese women can't be catty, but it's a lot more subtle.
 
I hate to generalize a whole race of people, mainly because I've met some really awesome Korean ladies in my lifetime, but in general, yes, cattiness is extreme...and generally the newer to the US the lady is, the cattier she is....at least from my experience here. There's this "mean girl" clique at my work of about 4-5 very very Korean girls who are gorgeous and rich (all married at like 20 to rich guys and only work for shopping money) and horribly catty. They talk shit about me (i'm their favorite topic, apparently) and another girl who's half Korean and a couple of other girls who hang out with us who are Korean but who have been here since birth so they relate to us Americans more than the Korean girls (those are the ones who have told me all the stuff these ladies say about me "behind my back" aka right in front of me, but in Korean). Basically, they think I'm trash bc I smoke cigarettes, drink like a man when we have work parties/trips, am loud, curse, wear shirts that sometimes show my *gasp* shoulders (not a tube top or tank top by any means, just a very conservative sleeveless shirt which almost got me fucking fired once), and other stuff like that. Luckily, all the upper mgmt here is male and, even though they're Korean as well, they all love me and think I'm great so my job is secure despite having a group of constant "haters". I'm extremely nice to all of these girls (and they are to my face as well) but it doesn't matte. The guy who hired me, my old boss who left a couple of months ago who was a personal friend of mine, knew if he hired an american girl this would happen so he said he made sure to hire someone who he thought had thick skin...aka me. I wouldn't say I'm thick skinned by any means, I can be incredibly sensitive sometimes, but as I've gotten older Ive started to care a lot less about what people who don't really matter in my life think of me. I mean, making friends at work is a total bonus, but that's not why I'm here...I have enough friends, I need a paycheck! I do draw the line at my job becoming miserable due to the cattiness, and I have had to make complaints a time or two because of that. Things are fine now, but when I was newer and in a much less powerful job position, things got bad from time to time...esp bc two of these mean girls' positions affected me...one is an executive and the other is basically head of HR and both of them would basically get onto me and get me in "trouble" for incredibly minor offenses that they wouldn't even mention to their fellow Koreans if they committed the same atrocity (atrocities like...being ONE minute late or eating potato chips too loud at my desk or coming back from lunch break 2 min late...etc you get the picture). Just this morning I got fussed at for being 30 seconds late to a meeting...even though I was like the second person who even showed up...and she said nothing to the 12+ people who came in after me (all Koreans, of course). Luckily, my boss (who is second in command of the whole company..and loves me!) shut her the fuck up quickly. Ugh...I hate being an adult and being micromanaged like a child. I get in trouble for being like 10 seconds past 9 oclock sometimes even though I commute 10+ miles further than everyone else AND i stay sometimes HOURS past my 5oclock leaving time (so I more than make up for the time). I'm not hourly...and, unlike a lot people here, I actually get all of my assignments done on time and done well so I feel like she should just STFU.

Alright, sorry for the rant. I've been incredibly irritable this week, probably due to the fact that I'm having the most extreme menstruation ever and I've been struggling to feel well after drinking too much last weekend. I think I finally beat the hangover (finally right...only took FIVE FUCKING DAYS) but I woke up at 330am this morning with absolutely awful acid reflux and it made it so I couldnt' go back to sleep and I just sat there in bed (cant lay down..hurt too bad) for hours feeling miserable. Believe it or not, my methadone dose made the discomfort almost go completely away...but I'm still dealing with feeling run down and tired from the lack of sleep because of it. I thought I would FINALLY feel fucking normal today but I guess not. Dude, I'm considering not drinking anymore...at least no more than like 1 or 2 ever..,because, while this weekend was fun, it was NOT WORTH me feeling this fucking miserable all week. i know it's probably a number of things...but sheesh...I've had long hangovers before (which is why i dont drink much now anyways) but I think this one took the cake. And the thing is..I've had much worse before, hangover strength wise, this one has just been so long. I know it's because I haven't properly hydrated and eaten this week to get myself back to normal, but my stomach issues have made that difficult. Ugh. Crossing my fingers I wake up tomorrow feeling ok...i'm so sick of waking up feeling like shit. I literally bawled this morning for like a half hour because I'm so fed up with feeling like shit on top of a crazy work week. Its making it so its hard to keep up!

Anyways, sorry for the complaints. All else is fine, I suppose. Bf is coming up tomorrow (instead of tonight ;( ) so I'm looking forward to that. Nothing much planned this weekend...avoiding ALL alcohol, that's for sure.
 
ladyhlove said:
Hey yall!

I need a 4 day weekend, I'll tell ya what. Meh.

Weekend was very good but I imbibed a bit sat and sun and felt pretty awful yesterday and am still kind of recovering today too because 2 day hangovers are a thing when you're 32. Dragon Con was a blast Saturday and Sunday a buddy of mine wanted me to take him down about an hour south to this big labor day house party/music video shoot where the home's owners had a pool. an adult slip n slide, a rented giant 100 ft high inflatable water slide...the works. This friend I gave a lift to just happened to grow up with my bf (who I had met on tinder, actually, we just happened to already have a number of mutual friends despite living 45 miles away from each other) so the party ended up being a bunch of ppl I didn't really know, but who had all grown up with and were still friends with my bf so I was accepted into the group immediately and had a really good time.

Went tubing yesterday, which was fun of course...but my hangover made it a little bleh. At that point I was just ready to go home and sleep but I ponyed up. A, we actually did the part through the city but, yes, the river is in much better shape than it was a long time ago. The Chattahoochee River Keeper has been established since then, its a nonprofit that constantly monitors the water quality of the river. Parts of it are still not good to be in, but thats further south...towards the actual city. You just have to go up to the burbs about 20-30 north of the city and the water quality is fine. A good buddy of mine (the one who actually organized the tubing trip) is actually a biologist for that non-profit I just mentioned and every year we do a cleanup in the really bad part...past 6 flags and all that..but we stay safely in kayaks/canoes the whole time...but you can find some crazy stuff down there...essentially anything you can think of is down there in those waters..they even found a body one year (before i started doing the cleanups). Would've fucked me up for sure.

Hope everyone's week is well!
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I found a body last year in the middle of the woods while bow hunting. walking out alone, at night, lost. I flipped out and ran through a fucking briar patch full speed. Yeah, it’ll fuck you up. Lol
 
Ugh been better that's awful!

I hike, backpack, kayak, etc out in some real fucking wilderness fairly often and I've always been afraid I'm gonna run into a body. I did have an experience getting lost on a forest service Rd at the ga/TN border in the cohutta wilderness (big frog is wilderness is the tn portion of these woods) with a friend when we turned a corner of a very underused logging road and saw an overweight guy in khakis and a polo shirt parked off the side of the road who slammed his truck and glared at us until we drove away. We were pretty sure he was up to something like that..he didn't look like the type who would be in the middle of the woods (no hiking/hunting clothes) and just seemed sketch.
 
Damn! He was probably burying a body! Lol
me and my hunting buddies have always had a joke we are gonna find a body because sometimes we sneak in and hunt in areas right in the city that has big deer but are in shady areas. lo and behold I stumble across a dead woman. It was all over the news. Scary shit. I was trying to find the link to the news article but I guess it’s pulled down.
 
Last year I was out side and saw 5 or 6 4-wheelers and Polaris rangers going into our field . As I approached them I noticed badges on in them . They were Tennessee bureau of investigations . I asked what they were doing and the head officer asked me if I've seen a blue Dodge Dakota around . I said I have and he proceeded to tell me that they were searching for a missing body and an informant told them it was dumped in our woods . They even saw were something beside 2 sets of foot steps was drug thru the mud (body?) . They searched for 1 day then a flood came and halted the search . This is in a river bottom so they didn't know if the water washed the body away or they dumped the body in the river . They searched after the water dropped ,but found nothing. We never heard back from them , so I hopping it was a false lead . It's still spooky being back there alone now. We rode back there last Halloween night with our friends for a good scare .
 
Beenbetter, how've you been doing?

I saw you're back on the junk. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. You know I've been there. Methadone has been working really well for me, idk if you've considered that. I know I was dead-set against it at first, but I knew I couldn't keep going back and forth...I knew I'd lose my job and lose the relationship I had almost gotten back eventually if I didn't do something, and subs weren't doing it for me. I know subs are a tool, and how they work is up to me, but I have found a lot better success with methadone. I find it blocks dope WAY better than suboxone (well doesn't block, but fills your receptors so adding more full agonists is unnoticeable so you don't feel really anything from dope). Maybe subs do a good job of blocking pills maybe but I always found a way to break through with dope and I could always get high while on subs, even right after the subs kicked in and after 16mg+. Even when the subs had wd symptoms gone, I craved getting high..and once I figured out I could break through my subs with dope and still get high, I got in this habit where I'd use subs during the day and then using dope when I got off work almost nightly. And then Id go on sub-less bender days and re-induct and put myself through pwd misery. I remember you once telling me that you had PTSD from subs, I totally get it...the taste alone started causing immense anxiety in me. Ugh *shutters*
 
Aihfl ---- that movie still gives me the hibbyjibbies. Ol' Burt will be missed . He had a opiate habit back in the day if I remember correctly. He made jokes about it on an award show during his Boogie Night days.
Beenbetter----- I agree with ladyh. Methadone will get you stabilized to work on your problems. Glad to see you back on here.
 
They filmed "Deliverance" in the Taullulah Falls area, about an hour and a half north of me, which is an area I do a lot of hiking in...and the extras were all folks from the area. I've run into some truly terrifying people that live out in those areas where I like to hike. I've been on some forest service roads, on the way to really obscure trails and then seen a house like 45 min away from even a fucking gas station and often thought "who the fuck lives here?"...well once I finally got to find out. A few years ago, a (then) boyfriend of mine and I were going hiking in the Cohutta's (same area as I mentioned above in my body dump story, but a different trip this time and a couple of years before that happened) and were on our way back. We were driving on this mountain, gravel, forest service road and saw this all-terrain golf cart with a woman and like 4 childrne on it. We notice that there are flames underneath the seat and they're just driving along, not noticing. We stop, roll down the window and my bf yells "Your cart is on fire!!". She goes "WHAT?" we repeat, "YOUR CART IS ON FIRE!!" she responds "HELL YEAH IT IS!!" (thinking we're saying her cart is "fire"..ya know, complimenting it. We respond "No, it's literally on fire!!!"...at that time I guess she felt the heat finally and starts yelling and gets off and starts grabbing the children off. She had a broken leg, a cast up to her knee and had a (very dirty) toddler in her lap and about 3 other children under 10 with her. We got out of the car and ran to them and started helping her grab the kids and get far away from the cart before the gas tank explodes. We load them all into our car and ask her where we need to take them. We took them to their incredibly backwoods shack. Her husband came out when he saw us pull up in our very obviously city-slicker suburban, with a shotgun in his hand. She starts screaming (with this ear piercing, country as fuck shrill...at first with the window closed which almost blew my ears out...then we rolled the window down for her) "Baby don't shoot! They helpin us!!" and he put the gun down. My heart was fucking racing the whole time...these people freaked me tf out. At that point, her husband got in his truck and I guess drove down to the cart to see what was going on and our part was done...when we drove by the cart on our way out again, the whole thing was engulfed in flames.

Now, I live in the south and I'm used to rednecks, hicks, whatever, and its no big deal...shit, I've even got a bit of a southern drawl myself even though I'm from the west originally (Idaho)...but those kinda folks scare tf out of me.
 
Interesting to know about Burt's opiate habit. He was a halfback for the Seminoles his freshman year and by all accounts he was pretty good. I don't remember the actual stats, but he ran a healthy number of yards and had a good catching record, until an injury sidelined him. There were student apartments down the street from where I lived called Burt Reynolds Hall. I thought his performance in Deliverance was superb, and I mean superb. John Boorman, the director, wanted Brando, but I don't think Brando could have done any better. I have a DVD of it laying around somewhere. Maybe I'll have to fire it up in Burt's memory if I can find it.

When I taught at Jacksonville State in Alabama, I used to do a lot of solo hiking in the Talladega National Forest. I enjoyed it more in winter because without the forest canopy, the woods seemed lighter and airier, but under that thick summer canopy I doubt you could see more than 10-15 feet back into the woods and it could get a little unnerving. I remember it being close to sundown and I was lost on the dirt forest roads and I even had a handheld GPS with me. And a cellphone signal? Not even a chance (keep in mind this was 2006-2007). I grew up in what I thought was the middle of nowhere in the south on a farm, but man, when I took that job in Alabama, I was educated that there is a whole other level of which I was completely, and I mean, COMPLETELY unaware. Like the mountain people that come into town dressed in ratty camouflage to get groceries once a month. I thought being from the south I thought I could understand just about every hick accent there is, but they might as well have speaking Swahili.

LHL, I hope you blow off work related steam this weekend. Academia was grueling for me because I just have this complete inability to suffer fools gladly. I had a lot of colleagues who love teaching and working with students, and are competent in their specialization, but on the flip side, there are a lot who aren't, but know how to play the game and are rewarded for it. The last straw came for me with a colleague whose tenure was almost unanimously voted against by the tenured faculty, and the dean singlehandedly overrode the decision of the faculty. Then this asshole was the one who led the charge to deny me tenure. It ended up being a relief in the long run. I still work in the education sector, but I have a lot more autonomy than I did on a college faculty.

ladyhlove said:
Also, I should mention that two of the female children's names were Destiny and Candy. I imagine one or both are strippers at this point.
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That is the only possible outcome with those names.
ladyhlove said:
They filmed "Deliverance" in the Taullulah Falls area, about an hour and a half north of me
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It was filmed on the Chattooga River
 
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I hope I do too, A. I'm actually booking a flight for an executive at my company as we speak bc my boss can't figure out how to do it themself. There's a lot of that where I work...fake incompetence. People pretend like they don't know how to do something, have me "show them", then pass it off to me. It's frustrating as fuck. I have an incredibly hard time saying no to people, too, which is something I really want to work on with my therapist...I'm a gigantic pushover.

I'm taking 2 classes this semester, idk if I mentioned that...I'm about 12 credits away from my bachelors (that I've been working on for 14 years on and off), but it's hard with a 9-5 to do school, esp. since my college isn't too big and doesn't offer online courses. But, I'm determined to finish even though I've been putting that I have a degree on my resume for the last 5 years now (yeah I know...but no one ever checks and like EVERY job requires it now...even basic $9 secretary jobs require that shit now, its ridiculous). I'm sitting in Art Appreciation right now bored outta my mind (easy class...last elective course I need thankfully) but it gets out in 30 min thankfully. Bummed I have this class bc a big group of my friends went hiking today and I wanted to join, but my bf had an eye dr appt this morning down where he lives (he lives 45 min south of me, dont know if ive mentioned it...and we dont see each other sun-thurs bc he works down there and the commute from my house would be insane...he still lives with his parents, which drives me nuts, and they hate me now so me going down there during the week is out of the question now) so he didn't come up last night and will be meeting me at my house when i get home from school, so I'm ok with staying in town and not hiking. It's been a hell of a week and I just wanna snuggle up with my man and relax. I'm thoroughly looking forward to it. My emotions have also been jacked this week bc of me finally having a period after 5 months. Yesterday, I sent a group text to my friends asking if anyone wanted to grab dinner and a drink last night...no one responded and I got SO depressed. Like, horribly depressed. My poor bf got an earful about how no one cares about me, or supports me...then I realized the text didn't go through...and then when it did, EVERYONE wanted to grab dinner and drink with me lol. Jesus, you men need to be so thankful you don't have PMS.

Anywho, class is letting out early so I'm gonna skidaddle. Have a great weekend guys!
 
I wish I was at the mental place you are lady. I’m about to freak.
I don’t know if I can do it again. I’m gonna have to talk to the wife AGAIN!
Good gosh what’s wrong with me.
i love you lady, even tho we’ve never met. Your a wonderful person and your dude will be lucky to have you but you need to be you for him. I feel so sorry for my wife she has to put up with me. I am starting to hate myself again. I have to realize this is drugs doing this to my Brain.
 
Hey Drew! Thanks so much for your response and for reading through all of this...it's funny to me that people care about my lil ole boring life (but then again I care about a lot of people on here's boring lives as well so I get it, I guess lol). I'm really glad I switched to methadone, I really am. They thought I should be on it from the get-go considering I was using 2+ g a day and had been an opiate addict for more than 3 years at that point..but noooo I wouldn't listen...heard too many methadone "horror" stories. Finally, I just figured..ya know what? It's gonna suck to get off subs and it's gonna suck to eventually get off dope again if that's the route I'm gonna go...might as well do something I know will probably work for me and get me to a better place. As hard as I tried to make the subs work, the cravings took over. Methadone has completely absolved those cravings from my brain and I can finally focus on other things in life besides dope. No one has to know I'm on methadone if I don't want to tell them (it's funny, people consider you "clean" on subs, but not on 'done..when honestly 'done doesn't make you feel any more fucked up than subs do). Methadone has turned everything around for me. I don't regret it one single bit...but check back on me when I'm trying to get off ;) Honestly, I'm in no rush to get off methadone either. Unlike some people, I'm not someone who *HAS* to be completely sober to feel like I'm a decent person. My whole life I've been medicated with one controlled substance or another...adderall/ritalin as a child, benzos for anxiety as a teenager and young adult on top of SSRI's throughout all of that as well...I grew up in the "medicated child" generation and my parents were/are of the school of "if there's something wrong, there's a pill to fix that". Therefore, I do not intend on getting off of methadone until I know I'm 100% ready and know that when I get do get off, I won't turn back to opiate use if times get tough. I hear a lot of people on this site saying things like "I just don't want to wake up and have to take something to feel ok" ..and I get it..but I'm not someone who thinks that way. In life, sometimes people need medications to feel their absolute best, whether it be for a medical or mental condition, and I don't think there's anything wrong with someone being on something (whether it be methadone, or whatever) for an extended amount of time if it improves the quality of their life. I mean, some people have to take blood pressure medication every single day in order to function properly...what about people with hiv? they need to take many pills a day..that's just life sometimes, sometimes you need medication to be the healthiest person you can be, physically and mentally, and sometimes the pros of medications outweigh the side effects, which I definitely think about methadone in my case. Some people call methadone clinics legal drug dealing, but you're gonna find something to replace your opiate use when you quit anyways..might be with something healthy like exercise or church...or maybe you'll turn to alcohol or overeating...it's all up to you and keeping yourself a responsible, tax paying, fairly healthy individual. Just my opinion.

Been better, I mean it..you might want to look into methadone. I know, like me, you don't like the stigma attached, but it really isn't bad. Either that or STAY ON THE SUBS. That always seems to be where your problems occur. I think you're jumping off too quickly...you obviously aren't ready. I know you're one of those people who doesn't want to be controlled by any drug, but in this case, I think subs are the lesser or the evils. I know you don't wanna do methadone, but I just don't want you to ruin your marriage or other parts of your life by continuing to go back onto dope. I chose methadone because I knew I had no more chances with my so or my clinic, this was my last shot...and, thank god, I'm doing well. Thank you for your kind words, been better...you're an awesome person too and I hope you can find a good place and stay there for awhile. I know what it's like...the ups and downs. That's life in general, really, but the highs and lows don't have to be as dramatic as us junkies like to make them.

Weekend was ok. Friday I did some things with some friends...nothing major, grabbed dinner and a drink or two, and was home and in bed by midnight. Boyfriend came up Saturday and we went to a favorite bar of ours to watch the UGA/SC game. We had a good time, but a shitty topic came up and I got really upset. Basically, as I've mentioned before, my bfs entire family hates my guts because I'm a drug addict. My bf lives at home with his parents (they live in a mansion and are rich...but still, i hate it) and so does his 28 year old brother who's his best friend (they have a crazy, unhealthy attachment in his family that is way too much to get into...). Even though I never once had a drug dealer over, did drugs in front of them, acted high around them, left drugs out for them to find, stole anything from them, or anything else I can possibly imagine that would make them be angry with me for being a drug addict....they still hate my guts. They wouldn't have even known about my problem except for the fact that my bf told them when we broke up (he thought we were done, so he didnt care if they knew at that point...stupid mistake of his) but ever since they found out, I'm not allowed over, they talk constantly about what a horrible junkie I am, and they constantly ride him about spending time with me. Ever since we got back together, they've all been absolutely furious with him. They don't care that I'm in rehab and am working hard as fuck to try and improve my life...I'm a no good junkie and that's just who I'll always be from here on out. It hurts but the hardest part for me is his brother hating me bc my bf and his brother are best friends. They were planning on getting a place together soon, but now that he's back with me, his brother backed out of it. My bf's birthday is coming up and he's doing a big camping trip and his brother refuses to go if I'm there. It's ridiculous. I'm a really nice person and I've always been nothing but kind and sweet to his brother (and his entire family in general). As I've stated before, I NEVER stole from any of them or did anything that one would consider unforgivable....I was a drug addict...I'm sorry I was, but I definitely didn't do it to disrespect them or affect their lives but they're acting like I murdered the family dog or something. I feel so bad for my bf too...because he loves me more than anything and this is really hard for him. He's basically told his parents and his brother, "Look, Kate is doing really well...we're doing really well. We're happy and I'm happy and the only problem in our relationship right now is YOU GUYS. Kate's trying to improve her life and if anyone should be mad at her it should be ME. I was the one she lied to, not you guys, and I'm the one who got hurt, not y'all" He also told them that if they think that they're pushing me out of his life by acting like this, they're very wrong..because all they're doing is pushing themselves out of HIS life. This convo came up in the middle of a bar and I started crying after hearing about his brother refusing to be in the same room as me...I knew he didn't like me, but I had no idea it was like that. Like I said, I've never done anything to his brother but be a kind, sweet girl. I lied to his brother about my drug addictions, yes, but I also love his brother dearly...I've never abused him physically emotionally verbally etc, I've never cheated on him, I'm very laid back and sweet with him...I always have been. We had an amazing relationship besides my drug issues and, now that I'm working on those, we're better than ever. We're not asking for them to love me...we understand that a drug addict is not an ideal partner for a loved one...but they won't even tolerate me or even begin to think that it's possible for me to change. I'm starting to cry just typing all of this *sigh*

Anyways, hope everyone's weekend was well. This week looks to be another ass-kicker in the ole employment dept. Yaaaay. :I
 
Thanks for the advice! I already learned that dumb lesson actually lol. Taking your take-home early does nothing but make you extra sleepy and waking up on Sunday without your dose SUCKS (even if it doesn't make you feel that bad just to miss one day...the psychological aspect still gets to me and makes me feel worse than I probably should).
 
I feel like I'm the last person that should be dispensing relationship advice, but I'm going to do it anyway. It doesn't sound to me like you need to do a damn thing. Despite the issues you've had with addiction, you're clearly not someone who has let it get the worst of you as you are independent and are able to hold down professional employment. Nothing you've said leads me to believe that even in the throes of your addiction, you've been abusive or negligent toward your BF or his family in any way. From my perspective, the ball is in his court. I almost feel bad saying this, but I'm guessing he's around your age (early 30s) and he's still living at home. I couldn't wait to be out of the house after high school. I left home to start college a few weeks after my high school graduation, and after one year fairly close to home, I transferred because one hour away was still too close to my batshit mother. I taught college for about a decade and I used to think it was a generational thing - this seeming lack of motivation to cut the apron strings, but I don't think it necessarily is. Look at you - you've lived on your own in a number of different places. I hope this doesn't come off as judgmental, because I don't mean it to be, simply because I have no awareness of circumstances that may be keeping him at home. But if he's not willing to cut the apron strings, he's going to have to learn to walk a tightrope better than he is now and establish some boundaries with his family so it doesn't create dysfunction in your relationship with him. The only thing I would advise is perhaps enforce some boundaries, because giving him a pass by letting his family's dysfunction affect your relationship could breed resentment on your part. As for his family, it sounds like you have been perfectly lovely to them, so you have done all you can do. If they're not going to like you, they're not going to like you. Don't try to please people who can't be pleased. It'll only make you crazy.
 
Thanks for your words, A. Yes he's 31 and I agree, he needs to move out like yesterday. He moved out for college, then dropped out and moved back in, then back to college, back home, then finally finished school and moved back home until he could find a job. He found a good job a couple of years ago, but seems to always find some excuse for why he can't move out. He makes more money than I do, so its not an issue of not being able to afford it. He found a place and was in the process of getting everything together to sign a lease back in the fall of last year, when his company unexpectedly shut down and he got laid off for 6 months. Luckily, 2 months ago he found a job and he has been planning to move out again but its one of those things I'll believe when I see, because weve been involved with one another for over 2 years now, and he's been there the whole time. Dating a guy who lives with mommy was never an intention of mine and something I normally wouldn't stand for, but when I met him he had all the other things going for him...good job, car, ambitions, etc. and I thought the family living situation was temporary...yeah, not so much.

I do agree with you, though, that he needs to get out or its going to cause resentment on my end. I mean, it already does to a degree....the first thing he did when he got his new job was buy his 40k dream car...he thought I'd be excited for him, but I was pissed bc it was just another excuse for him to stay home longer (well I spent all my money on this down payment, babe!). I think he was under the impression that I would get clean and time would pass and they'd just get over it, like he did, but that DIDN"T happen. In fact, now they're more anti-kate than ever since he's actually officially taken me back. I'm just glad he isn't listening to it...I'm glad he's at least got the right idea about it and isn't putting any of the blame on me regarding this situation..if anything its making THEM look bad.
 
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