A long road to methamphetamine recovery.

[Ozekat]

Well I'm back again, now with a burning desire to get better.

I've been going to AA meetings-- meaning for once, on my own accord I'm ready to seek help and truly live again. I've had a long history of meth use, where now the drug only makes me feel like I'm dying when I go back to it.

I threw the rest of my last bag away....I am praying hard it will be the last time I have to do this. Society scares the shit out of me, as does the world itself. But its just time to throw in the towel.....

The bottom line is I'm antsy, agitated, and cravings will come and go as I know. Still, I'm doing so much better than I think any point in my past. The only difference is I'm just tired of slowly killing myself with any hard stuff, and I'm even open to true sobriety, which is something I have got to deserve at this point.

This may belong in TDS, I don't know.

At any rate, please seek help if you're going through drug addiction because we cannot do this thing on our lonesome, it simply doesn't work that way I truly believe.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Ozekat

Very good to see you back Sir!!

I would consider writing up how meth actually makes you feel. Its easy to do this when we have just quit a drug.. But the mind of an addict is a crazy little place.. the subconscious is not to be trusted. In no time it will be sending you all these fantasies about how awesome use is and how it will make us feel like absolute heaven. It lies, lies, lies. Its totally full of shit. Consider writing down what its actually like.. then when it starts whispering its nonsense you can call it on its bullshit. If you even begin to wonder what its actually like you can read your first hand truth filled account.

Study how it works.. learn it weapons and practice identifying them.

Flip the argument in your head. Usually we are bombarded by an endless stream of "lets use" which we come up with an endless stream of reasons why we shouldn't. It then just chews on those reasons and spits them back out as justifications to use.

This can ware us down.

Its better to flip the argument.. when it says "lets use" ask it why use? There is no honest answer to that question. You should hear some of the insanity my addict brain has come up with.. utter insanity.

We are not resisting something something thats amazing.. We are not doing something thats awful.

Use of the drugs we are addicted to is awful shit, Our mind just lies to us and sends us fantasies of a la la land that never existed.

Im sure you have heard people talk about addicts chasing that "first High," but never being able to catch it. The reason we can never catch it is it never happened. What we are chasing is a fantasy our mind feeds us to drive us to use. Its a manipulation.. a fantasy that is fed to us as a "memory."

Learn how it works and you won't fall its bullshit. Learn to see the puppet strings and then you can reach up and begin to cut them. See through the illusion and you won't get played. If you go far enough down this path you can use the puppet strings to string up the puppeteer.

Consider making your recovery Number One on the life priorities list for a year or two.

This is the time Ozz.. nothing left but end game missouri.. best to pull the ripcord and skip that shit.

 

[snortmdma]

I feel you man. I am psychologically addicted to MDA and MDMA which are also amphetamines. But now I haven't used anything except weed and beer in 4 months. I totally can relate to what neversickanymore is saying about how the addicted mind fantasizes the highs that the drugs gave us. Mine is the same way. I still think all the time about how awesome the high was. But what the addicted mind leaves out is all the pain and trouble that drug use has caused me. Here's to being clean

 

[Jabberwocky]

I stopped meth which became a weekly thing for bout half a year to a year. Cravings were hard to deal with but what made it harder is I didn't have a dealer any more and his referral to some guy who stamped the shit out of it just wasn't worth it so in the end me and my mate quit.

Unfortunately alcohol which was always my first love has come to haunt me over the years. I think I've been trying to quit now for a good 12 years with not much luck but the odd break here and there. I think when it's time to quit you will quit and hopefully it is now

 

[Smoky]

Hey, Welcome back and it's awesome you are taking care of yourself. Stimulants were my doc for a long time. meth a few years before Heroin more recently. I decided to get on a plane and go live with a friend in England to get off the shit, and it was very hard…. I don't know if I could have done it if it were around me as it was constantly when I lived in San Diego.

Hang in there! And yes, get all the help you can… you deserve it.. Left to one's own thinking coupled with euphoric recall… is not a healthy place. Being around others however, we can distract our minds from addictive thought processes and focus on other people… which reflects back onto ourselves. Therapy, one on one or group is very beneficial as well… just for processing what happened. With addiction there is loss and grief needs to happen and sometimes this can begin when facilitated appropriately… to understand the roots of where it all began that fueled the using patterns initially. Understand - to stand 'under' the roots and bring clarity to the psychological drives that are self destructive.

Addiction is addiction but we all have our own triggers and path moving forward, hang in there… good for you throwing the bag away. I did that 5.5 months ago with heroin.

 

[Ozekat]

Thank you all for the encouraging replies.

Yes, steps upon steps upon MORE STEPS I am taking, trying to pace myself and just take it a day at a time. I marked the last day I had the crystal in my possession on my calendar....January 24th.....on the block for that day I even wrote, "Don't go back" in a timid, shaky tweaker hand where the words are all distorted and twisted. I haven't gone back since then.

One of the steps, along with regularly attending AA meetings ( at least once a week) is taking a SERIOUS stance towards my user-friends!! Well, not really a "stance", more like a "I'm getting the FUCK AWAY from you dickheads" kind of thing. Yep. And I'm sticking to it. No, there is no, "oh, lets hang out, I hope you get better blahblahblah" and then before you know it those negative nancy's are back in my head making me want to use again!!

Its bullshit!! If I want to SERIOUSLY not use meth anymore, then as a matter of course ( and a matter of fact ) THEY HAVE NO ROOM IN MY LIFE ANYMORE! It is hard to wrap my brain around this truth but there is no way around it. I'm not strong enough to "hang out" with tweakers and not wanna use or be tempted, AND BESIDES why the fuck would I want to waste my time watching friends use crystal and act like freaks anyway!?!?!?

I'm in a great mood, I stayed up all night ON COFFEE and got shit done today.

FUCK CRYSTAL METH

 

[snortmdma]

I applaud you Ozekat. FUCK MDA AND MDMA, ETC... I'm ready to experience new highs that aren't due to ingesting a chemical. The drug highs just gave me a glance at a fickle, elusive beauty for 8 hours and then it all vanished when I came down. I'm ready to experience lasting highs and lasting beauty, like love with a beautiful woman, and my dream of working a productive organic farm, and adventures like backpacking the Appalachian Trail. Those are all lofty dreams, and I can't experience them if instead I spend all my time chasing some elusive high and fickle beauty that MDA and MDMA, etc. gave me. Here's to the real, lasting beauty of a better life, a better one than getting high on amphetamines all the time. I hope all you guys/gals experience your best dreams like I want to.

 

[phactor]

IF you are going to decide to take the 12 step route then you know what to do next get sponsor, get to meetings as often as possible and start the steps. Be of service, start showing up early and fellowshipping.

The steps are the solution for many, but there is more to it then that! Its all about being will to ask for help and taking suggestions.