a hope that the thread can end up being something useful whether it be for better highs, saving money, helping people, increasing safety, etc. This is very entertaining and has a very diversified collection of subjects that will appeal to every bluelighter! There's a long intro, but once it gets going you'll know it, I put many hours of work into this, enjoy!
Just me free-writing about bluelight topics and some new interesting stuff with a decent amount of editing so a lot of the composition will seem long winded and drawn out. Hopefully not a little redundant. I DID put hard work into this. I was just trying to be myself, like the thoughts flow and be candid without exaggerating and of course be as accurate as possible. I did not source anything but if I state it as fact then it's a fact. I use a lot of parenthesis in this post, but I believe they're all correctly done, so to ease keeping track, finish the contents in the parenthesis then go back and read the sentence again and skip over the parenthesis this time, use your click and drag highlighting function it really helps. The parenthesis are pretty much always explanations or digressions but have as useful stuff as the other sentences. Enjoy.
To the bluelighters in the world (I sometimes wonder where the name of the website came from and consequently I think about the manifestation of the website, the detailed history of it when it was just an idea, and well look how far we've come!), the following is a few hours of typing and editing of miscellaneous stuff I'm not sure has a categorized home yet on BL hence being posted as homeless. I did it to contribute. Create an, perhaps entity that can potentially morph into something better. Even if it's just as simple as getting you to open up about some of the stories from your past. Some of the subjects discussed are recreational drugs, drug tests, half 'lifes'(not really a word), injuries, surgeries, dependency, the military, addiction, getting clean, NA meetings, mixing drugs, MRIs, bad break ups, overdoses, how amphetamines or their analogues are a catalyst to doing excellently done schoolwork (any work really), speaking of analogues, I talk a lot on Research Chemicals (RCs) which is a project I just started as of late so I'm new to the game but eager & ready to learn about RCs which I mainly discuss that at the end. PM me if you'd like to chat in regards to RCs, I research RCs at least an hour a day but sometimes huge chunks at a time.
The following is some free-writing about my life, my history. I did not try super hard to make it organized so it might be sloppy for you big time readers, not punctuation, grammar and spelling but composition and flow but for most, not the picky kind, it should be a good ride. My thread title meant that hopefully this can turn into something, a valuable discussion or a list of tips. Or simply just entertainment. You're more than welcome to ask questions when you're curious during reading, you could perhaps write them down and post them to me & I'd love answering them. Without sounding egotistical(hopefully), I've had a very interesting life so far and I try to convey the high confidence I had throughout the stories. It may be perceived as narcissism or very egocentric. I realize this. With that said, there really aren't lots of stories in this post relative to how many really exist. There is talk of drug testing from the government, comparing cocaine to meth, talk a bit about binging, well let's dive right in:
What's contained here is all easy stuff for this crowd to handle because this forum is smart compared to all of the forums I've read in the passed 15 years. I bet this forum's average IQ is well above 100, maybe 115 and definitely in the top 20th% tile, which would be 80%, in forums globally. There are a lot of people who blow my IQ score away which is above 100 but I won't say, I'm shy unless y'all really wanna know and I get multiple posts about it. So intelligence is brewing here, but on the other side of the token, I have seen and read some almost astonishingly bad posts. You name it, a train wreck typing like they had a 1 minute time limit to finish their post with a hand tied behind their back, I've witnessed ample ignorance necessary for some entrainment - people not knowing things you didn't know it was possible to not know for an adult, especially a drug seeking adult for that matter, there's been really idiotic advice given, however thankfully usually after 1-10 posts somebody corrects everything with some pizazz and fireworks, and maybe a little flaming, I read some crazy stories that you'd think only dumb people would do no matter how bad w/ds are, for example, this is real I actually read this on here a few months ago:
These heroin dudes, about 4 I think, with weather that's bad because it's raining & windy and the ground is soaked, plus they are all w/d'ing bad (hope the driver wasn't lol) and they are waiting for the dealer in pain, pain that we all know so well, and finally they pick up the goodies. Their brains are already getting ready for the stimulation of the dopaminergic mechanism in our brain stem and slightly above the stem (layman's term the reward system, but it's true and fascinating, I learned all about it a few years ago by seeing a video and an experiment studying the brain waves of addicts of heroin, coke and meth and what their brains were doing in anticipation of the incoming dose, wild stuff). They stop the car after picking up, one of them calls out a large puddle, they pull over, park and pull water up into their syringes to prepare the H for a bolus(aka slamming/injecting it) because nobody brought the necessary paraphernalia (not going into what I would have done instead of them even though I desire to). But how the hell do you forget WATER if you're w/d'ing and you're an experienced addict PLUS you know that you aren't planning on tapering down or getting clean so they knew they were gonna get high upon pickup and therefore should have been ready days, or at least hours prior, with the basic 7: water, cotton, syringes, spoon, lighter, TK & an antibacterial like alcohol, I use isopropyl alcohol(dirt cheap especially compared to 'hand sanitizer' which is a rip off, get a huge bottle of alcohol which provides the same function for 79 cents). I'm a very clean needle addict because I was a paramedic before morphing into a needle addict. Hope those guys were alright. The post never clarified. Rain water is clean but not off the ground.
So ya'll are bright and it attracts me to this website and has finally influenced me to commit to contributing with the free time I'm going to have over the next 3.5 months. But "us," if you will, having somewhat higher IQs doesn't mean we're invincible from doing stupid shit. Ha! Quite the contrary, may even do more dangerous stuff but in the safest way. How are we to know if we lose a fellow bluelighter? I'm sure some of the regulars over the last decade or so can remember.. Somebody would have to have instructions in their will telling a family member the website, username and password and to post a thread about death. Hey, that's a good idea! Maybe that's what came out of this thread...It would be a good way to track our successes, if the regulars do it we'd have accountability. We only hear about the ODs they survive from unless they had friends there that were also BL'ers. Nevertheless, to change the subject, I need help figuring out which scale to get, even though I'm leaning towards one, I'd like input on which website to get the scale from out of 2. The questions are at the bottom of the post after I explain why I'm being slightly indecisive, but more importantly thorough, but read first, don't skip unless you're in a rush of course, after all this is where ya get no know people. In the next paragraph I explain why I have essentially zero (update:3) posts implying I am a newbie.
Personal Introduction/Drug & Regular History/Scale situation(roughly in that order):
Hey guys, I haven't been posting (I've had 10-25 posts per username over the last decade using a new username every couple years, so not a regular contributor & it's impossible the regulars would recognize me) but I've been reading copious amounts of posts & threads for the last 10 years, not quite since it's inception, in 1999, but pretty close, and I am obviously in love. You don't hang around that long if you don't love it on some level. I will start posting more now like I said now that I'm taking this college semester off to help my mother and I'll have free time.
I'm 26, male, in college, between jobs, spent 4 years in the military (C.S.A.R. aka combat search and rescue, in a nutshell it's a special forces medic) so it's hard to get a 'non-military-esque' job with my credentials, so I'm looking to be a C.O. (correctional officer @ a prison) for a job. They get paid like 17$ how here at the prisons in proximity to where I live. The medical portion of my training was before I become a serious and heavy drug user. So, as a newbie in the special training, which is about half way through all of the training so it's becoming a select group of smart hot shit alpha males, I became encapsulated by medicine, learning the life saving skills and knowledge of pharmacology required to properly intervene that goal of saving administering a wide range of drugs, therefore, as I write on bluelight consider I may know a thing or two about pharmacology (still feel retarded in the grand scheme of things because the human body still trumps our knowledge). And pharmacology is exactly what guided me down the path of drug use. It kept nudging me over the months... The curiosity of "man I wonder what getting injected with epinephrine(street name: adrenaline) feels like, I mean you inject into your venous system and within 10 seconds it hits your heart sending it into overdrive." I still remember when I consciously made the choice to become a drug addict. Most people don't choose, it just happens (tolerance, habituation, patterns develop, side effects worsen) and they're like surprised, "OH FUCK" and they're scared (rightfully so). I recall the very moment. Standing just inside the bathroom with a tourniquet loosely wrapped around my arm starring at the impatient ready to go needle on the head of the toilet. Drug addiction didn't creep up on me, I ignorantly & blindly made the choice with thinking "well that's terrible for the small percentage of people who receive permanent & temporary brain damage (basically including but not limited to deregulation of receptors that we can't reverse at this point in time with technology's current standing) from substance abuse but that won't happen to me." Ha, well it happened, in the hole forever now (only thing that can cure me besides better technology is the holy spirit, and I'm not 100% sure that exists). I just loved drugs 'on paper' and needed to feel them If I wanted to satisfy the curiosity urges I got while learning about them in minute detail, ultimately just the fascination of it all down to the molecular level. Gives me the goosebumps just typing it. Unbeknownst to me, I was in for a wild ride, and not all the turns were good on that roller coaster either. Some whiplash turns, I just hope I don't break my neck (figuratively I guess that would mean OD and die or lose everything including relationships, that's about the worst thing that could happen on a roller coaster so maybe my metaphor does make sense...Nah probably not)! Pharmacodynamics and Pharmacokinetics are really what get me going (defined as what the body does to the drug and what the drug does to the body, respectively). If I had to choose my favorite it would be Pharmacokinetics. A little drug history kinda how my addiction all started and before that a little bit of my innocent past: I never touched anything but alcohol and pot until I was 17, did it for 2 years and stopped at 19 partly because I joined special forces then and needed to no joke train hours and hours a day to get ready so I could pass the initial 3 month phase where they kick your balls in and try to make you quit. I was not adequately curious about drugs at this point. The pot and alcohol from 17-19 was very limited and I didn't enjoy it as much as everybody else did. I was focusing on my athletic ability instead (football Strong Safety & hockey goalie). But the last 5 years, 21-26, have been moderate to heavy use at times but also with stretches of nothing and a very healthy lifestyle. I am very disciplined about taking breaks and using moderation with drugs so I'll stop all recreational drugs & body build for a couple months before returning. So a heavy user at times, only thing I had an issue with in my life as far as drugs is with opiates. And that started with a bad injury. Over a 6 month period I went from swallowing the pills for a while, then it just wasn't enough for me mentally and for pain relief, so I started sniffing them, good at first, but months down the road same problem, so I went to shooting. My dose over the 13 month period I was on prescription narcotics went from 5mg of oxycodone every 6 hours to 24mg of hydromorphone a day or 60mg of oxycodone a day. I was taking way more than that of course, about double, then ran out a week early and had to go to heroin if I couldn't find pills. I really preferred the hydromorphone, which has the BEST narcotic rush I've ever felt, out of all opiates even heroin. The 60 second rush is the best, but the post-rush effects of H are superior to hydromorphone.
The inception of my lifelong addiction:
The reason I was on pain medicine for 13 months was because at the 6month mark they MISREAD the fucking MRI of my shoulder and concluded my labrum was NOT torn, when this whole time I did my research and was pleading with him that my shit IS torn when in fact the physical therapist I saw 3x/week wrote a note to them agreeing with me saying those are the symptoms I show and he was right. The labrum is the medial (towards the mid-line of the body from an anatomical p.o.v.)piece of cartilage the humeral head(the stump at the end of the upper arm bone) sits in and rotates on contacting each other reducing friction allowing the shoulder joint to have great R.O.M. and move quickly without pain. My shit was torn hardcore but because I was living with it for so long I developed 3 other moderate issues. Keep in mind, because I'm jumping out of chronological order here, that nobody knew I required surgery to fix my injury, like, I had an injury I will describe shortly that had a 0% of healing on it's own. The issues all in one shoulder joint: 1) A *sharp* piece of my acronium process(the most lateral bone in your shoulder) was protruding into my deltoid muscle 24/7. The arm motion from walking slow hurt. 2)I had debris building up in my shoulder joint. 3)I had a ligament tear, it's called a SUPERIOR LATERAL ANTERIOR POSTERIOR (SLAP) tear. So they think the MRI was accurate, and I'm telling him with precision that the pain is no joke and I lost significant strength in my shoulder press (the least comparatively), incline, and flat bench (the most) so something has to be wrong. The surgeon, who's name you won't believe, but it's 100% true, is schenk. He tells patients the correct pronunciation when they mispronounce it and he prononces it 'skank' and I asked one of the nurses what's up with that and if he has a sense of humor about it and he said with some people he dies. There were times when around a group of people somebody would say his name a certain way and I would almost laugh, probably if I weren't in considerable pain in my shoulder I would have. So Dr. Skank says, "you have two options basically." I'll break this simplistically and concise. "You don't get surgery, and we strengthen all of the muscles (all 3 heads and all the rotators cuff muscles) in the area with an ongoing program titrated to how you feel, extensive physical therapy, and we'll manage pain as best we can(which basically means up your narcotic dose when you ask within reason) and." I don't remember how he ended it but it was a long-winded and a gentle way of saying the terrifying "hope for the best." Choice #1 I would see significant improvement to where I can bench heavy again and get smoked by my instructors without pain in a few months and after a 8 months I should be healthy. Me: "Doc, what's the second option, surgery?" He goes on, "your second option is to get surgery that's correct, we could get you in within 4 weeks and the rehab is at least 6 months long, you will be in significant pain for about a year(I ended up being in pain for well over a year and couldn't bench right until 1.5 years). Now, the main differences between these two treatments is that with surgery you will have increased strength in the long run, but risk a decrease in ROM. Option #1 is the antithesis of that: you have full ROM but you will have curtailed strength and stability in many activities and experience a paramount of strength reduction in a couple of activities(flat bench, incline bench, flys). You will have increased stability going with the surgery route, at the cost of ROM and perhaps some sensation. There are many risks with the surgery do you understand them?" "Yes," I said(I had the info right in front of me on paper). I told him, "I'm leaning towards surgery, I inherently feel like there is something wrong and my heart and brain is telling me surgery." He continued, "now you can't move you shoulder from it's sling for 6 weeks (should have been 4) after the surgery then we start physical therapy which is going to hurt like a bitch," he warned. I asked some questions about pain medicine, because at this point, let's face it I'm an opiate addict(and for some strange reason I like getting surgeries) but I haven't shot up yet. The first day I shot up in my life was December 16, 2007. It was the day after my surgery. Partly why I did it was because it hurt so bad but I was going to do it at some point anyway. I've never even shared that with anybody. Bluelight readers, we are now intimately bonded, lol. OK, here's the best part of the story. So I am sitting there, excited about the thought of having surgery, and getting all of those IV drugs to knock you out before, I like to try and stay awake as long as I can but it's impossible! And after in the recovery room... then the huge Rx bottle and you can be flyin' high for weeks not moving (not really supposed to). So finally the 6 week wait comes and I go under the knife. Something I didn't include was we had a long conversation about open surgery vs. arthroscopic surgery. In the end I chose to have 5 small, incognito, if you will, scars rather than one big, disgusting, deformed, discolored entity on my shoulder 2-4" long. OK, the surgeon (who wasn't a military doc by the way I got the head of surgery at a surgery center with the military paying for it all of course because I'm active duty) walks up to me and wakes me up, by punching me in the surgery shoulder, hahaha nah just kidding, crazy prank if he did though. He says, "NAME, you're done." "I look at him all hazy, "was it a success? what happened." He replies, "You were right, your labrum was torn." I was conflicted in emotion. Don't get me wrong, I'm not so humble that I didn't like hearing I was right. I am a prideful, sinful man, I loved hearing it. Like, 'well if you would have listened to me, *tisk tisk,*and he's graduated medical school and I'm a lowly paramedic lol. Anyway, I said "Bittersweet man.. at least we have the problem solved right?" I don't recall his exact answer so I'll ad lib it/wing it, but he summarized the 2 hour surgery. "Yes, we did plethora of stuff on you, we decompressed your joint and cleaned it up, we tied your bicep tendon to your bone but first we wrapped it around the back instead of going the normal front way, we excised 4mm of the acromiun process sticking into your muscle and sutured your labrum nice and tight." A little over one year later, I was healthy as a horse and trucking along just fine. My surgery was considered 100% success, so I feel blessed for that, getting a skilled veteran surgeon who dealt with adversity extremely well, ya know, because he thought it was intact from the MRI and he first saw it surprised I bet. Don't be surprised about MRIs being wrong, I don't remember the statistics I learned in medical school back in 2007, but I just paused typing and searched for 10 minutes to find something semi-useful. On this site _ there is an MRI study on patients with potential damage to the fibrous tissues in their knees, the study has professionals read charts of patients to guess their damages, then they go through arthroscopic surgery (just like me) and the results of the test are complicated and broad, here is one excerpt:
http://www.traumamanagement.org/content/2/1/4/table/T4
Note accuracy for identifying those three ligament tears is low at 60%, 55%, and 72%. I didn't have time to read the whole page but I'm not a radiologist anyway.... I did notice some grammar mistakes like the doctor half-assed that part. Moving on...
So I abused drugs for a long time, talked with my cool military doc (the guy giving me pain meds the whole time was a non-military pain specialist doctor who I manipulated horribly to get double fills and higher dosages and different narcotics. For example, as of 2007 I tried every single prescription opiate so I know alot about comparisons) named Dr. Foy who respected what I did (my job) plus he knew I had some medical training so it was like he let me choose whatever I wanted to be on as long as I didn't increase the dose crazy fast and of course this was all before my case was too much for him to handle and he transferred me over to the civilian pain specialist who I had a similar relationship with. So I talked to Dr. Foy about getting off because that's what my higher-ups wanted me to do in order to continue training to go operate in the war, and I busted my ass to get suboxone for 4 months. I felt it was the best choice since I was passed the year mark using and my dependency was about as high as it could be still being able to minimally function. My highest dose, I calculated it out with a comparison chart, was, for a time period of almost a month, about 710 5mg hydrocodone pills a day. Seven hundred and ten pills. That was going into me every day by use of IV mostly, I was mixing hydromorphone with heroin to get the best rush and the better after effects, that to me was the best narcotic high ever. I'm sure I didn't shit for the weeks. Anyway I wanted to be done with that and start lifting heavy weights again since my shoulder was finally better and get jacked again (I was then lost it with the injury). I was making phone calls to 5-7 different people Monday through Friday like all day until 4pm, tons of phone tag and voice mails, running around to appointments because nobody in the military was being given suboxone and it took a special license to prescribe it. I was bad with Dilaudid every day for those 4 months man I was shooting up 8mg 4x a day with heroin and if you have done any hydromorphone in your life you know the after effects aren't great and it's short-acting (3 hour half life) and you should also know you are a FOOL for swallowing the pills! Bioavailability! It's such a waste. Insufflate them at the very least. Here are the statistics for hydromorphone(Dilaudid):
Oral(PO) 30%* AT BEST, I read some studies that are long gone by now in 2008 and they were saying the teens!
Nasal(insufflated) 55% The way to go for most people! Use good technique, sniff small lines more frequently to waste less.
IM Exact % unknown ~95% Regardless it shouldn't be done because of how dirty&dangerous it is. Binders&fillers in your tissues.
IV 100% Of course. Very highly recommended by me if needles are in your repertoire, but this drug can be hard to find. I've never seen one outside me getting them, fair enough I've never dealt drugs and my opiate days are pretty much behind me. I think I read on a forum somewhere that the Dills were big in Canada, but I'm not sure it could be a fallacy my mind is just creating.
*This inefficient ROA is great for us druggies & opiate lovers! It means if we get the presciption we can switch ROAs and not tell the doc and get x2 the drug if insufflated and x3 the drug if IV'd. If the nasal administration is done properly, aka a slow and steady stream up your schnoz for example a small line every 1-3 minutes and DEFINITELY alternate nostrils (very important so you prolong getting stuffed up!) so you constantly replace the powder on the surface of your sinus, as opposed to doing just a few lines per pill which creates a pile of drug and the only thing being absorbed is what's in contact with your epithelial layer. So everything above, like a pile of trash, is wasted unless it makes it's way down and touches your tissue so it can then cross the cell wall because it's hydrophilic. What I'm describing is similar the smoking ROA, a bioavailability of something could be X%, but that's only if you do it right. For example, smoking can be done efficiently where you can get almost the true B/A(true as in it may not be the listed B/A unless solid research was done and let's face it scientists aren't dieing to find out the ROAs of drug abuse), or they can be, and probably on a global scale most likely are, smoked inefficiently where you get significantly less letting smoke escape and the drug burning off. You should be be disappointed with hydromorphone as far as getting high/creating euphoria goes but it's not that great for pain control. For maximum pain control as a medical professional and an x-addict I'd go with oxymorphone but it totally blows on euphoria because *I think* it lacks ample activity at the mu receptor compared to say, heroin, or oxycodone(which is surprisingly high which is why Purdue Pharma or w/e the co. name was got sued like 400 million or billion dollars for false advertising) maybe somebody could confirm that.
Prolonged drug abuse (not long compared to some people I've seen in NA meetings man, god bless them!)for the few years I did it messed up my brain, when I came off it I was a different person. Anxiety which I never had before, waves of lack of confidence when I used to be the cockiest SOB in the lot, not really but I was egotistical. I'm more humble now, so it's not all bad, I gained humility throughout my hardships (which are not over). For these reasons, my brain never reverting back to my pre-drug brain @ age 21, 5 years ago, and a few other reasons like a bad break up after almost getting married with the first and only woman I've slept with (at the time when I was 22), I've been on Suboxone for the last 2 years and it's worked out wonderfully. No cravings, no thoughts about getting high specifically on opiates but I think about other drugs like benzos and stims. I take less than I am prescribed by a considerable amount Like 33% my dose I take. Plan on getting off 10 months from now. Long taper, and I think I'm going to take a bunch of tramadol to take another baby step before the jump, just like suboxone is a step down from heroin or any full agonist opiate so you don't fall too far. Tramadol is an interesting one. Not technically an opiate, but ultimately is because it agonizes the opiate receptors. I don't go to meetings anymore but I am spiritual (Christian fath) and I haven't touched a full-agonist narcotic in over 2 years. I try hard to avoid daily use of anything because I've been though the worst withdrawals a dependent human can, within reasonable parameters, and simply never want to feel that way again, plus it's not healthy, risk of OD. It definitely cuts off years of your life. Stimulants cut off faster than opiates for obvious reasons(inhibits your ability to eat and sleep and stay hydrated, heart issues like an M.I.). I have been doing meth a lot (relatively a lot) recently though (more on that later). I party with benzos whenever I can get them but apply moderation so I never build a tolerance, well that's unrealistic, a minute tolerance. I also use them for anxiety attacks, sublingual and insufflated (and to chime in on the debate whether or not select benzos work up the nose, YES a benzo like alprazolam WILL BE ABSORBED IF IT IS LIPOPHILIC OR HYDROPHILIC, NOT AND, OR. In other words it the "general consensus" BL used to have on the boards conclusively stating that a substance has to be hydrophilic to be absorbed and therefore take effect is incorrect. Now let's talk about ecstasy. I don't think I'd have the attacks right now {have G.A.D.} if I didn't abuse MDMA that one night @ age 21 and abuse opiates from 21-22.5 years old. The time I mentioned I did E was the first time, and I did ~ 7-8 doses worth of pure MDMA powder straight from my friend's friend who were both Chemists & old college buddies. The friend had a masters in Chemistry and built his own lab{not for distribution but for use by him & his friends} so the purity was insane, no cut whatsoever. Such a small amount of powder and the MDMA hit ya like a ton of bricks in the face, the ultimate euphoria, not just the beginnings of it, THE FULL effect within 15 seconds(of IV). The switch from sober to rolling in about 12 seconds was the most amazing thing I have ever felt in my life and to be candid it's slightly depressing I'll probably never feel that way again. Perhaps if I get another pure MDMA lab hook up. (pm anyone? lol)Which I'm totally willing to do, I didn't swear off stimulants or getting high, just being dependent on substances ranging from anxiolytics to antidepressants to opiates to caffeine. What do y'all think the purity was from that lab assuming it was true? The "yield", if you will, 70-85%?. I'm no chemist but isn't it impossible to synthesize a substance and get 100%? In the TV show Breaking Bad they get high 90s which I believe. Like 97 or something. Back to the 1st time roll I was injecting all night, sniffing too; it was ~7 hours of what the ends and beginnings of what orgasms feels like, and what the middle of the big O feels like the minute after an injection. I've come to the conclusion that human beings were never meant to feel that good! Recently within the last 2 years I party with coke and meth. I IV most of the time, if it's somewhat safely shootable(fake word). Love the needle. Loved it before I shot up for the first time, that happened like this:
THE INCEPTION OF ME HAVING A NEEDLE FETISH(exaggeration but I do like them, I just HATE bigger than a 20 gauge)
When I was in medical school in the military I loved doing anything with a needle to a patient as a Paramedic. It's even alright getting stuck (too much is awful and hurts, especially the days we were practicing dropping blood which means giving a patient blood which consequently means 14 & 16 gauge needles). 90% of the time using needles I'm very safe and smart, like a MOFO'ing surgeon! I feel blessed I was able to learn the medical side prior to turning druggy, and also I even feel blessed having the knowledge/training regardless of what came first, I think I would have been fine either way. Coke I did occasionally from 22 to 25 and a half but my mom wanted me to cut down so I did(very open relationship with mother). I did meth only twice in my whole life (very small amounts) up until 3 months ago, and have done it like 7 times since the 2 months, . I only went too far once and I had psychosis for a couple days. I learned my lesson there. Never happen again. I avoid binging with stimulants because after approx. 2 days you're basically wasting the *smeagol voice* 'precious' drug anyway. How? As some of you know, your brain literally becomes exhausted of essential neurotransmitters so you get the same stimulation (take into account tolerance and habituation) but not the same euphoria. Norepinephrine and dopamine releasing agents like amphetamines can & will drain you, in the same manner MDMA drains your serotonin stores (as well as inhibits the re-uptake @ the synaptic cleft, one of the reasons why I love it so much because it's unique). Daily use of MDMA causes the drop off in euphoria in a dramatic fashion each day way worse than amphetamines deplete your stores, not to mention it's extremely neurotoxic and you will definitely get permanent damage from that severe type of abuse at some point down the road if continued which will most likely manifesting itself as an anxiety disorder(like G.A.D.). To combat becoming famished (i.e. malnutrition, lethargy, dehydration, starvation{body eats own muscle for necessary protein plus the release of cortisol which is extremely catabolic + much more, these are just a few}) when using stimulants, which is inevitable, you can slow it down so on meth (little more difficult on coke) I force myself to eat and time it so I eat right before another dose when it will be just *that much* easier to not be disgusted or barf. And I sip on water ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT because if you chug, especially cold fluids, it can be alarming to you stomach which then may demand a refund. Also, sleep periodically after about 48 hrs of being up straight, easier said than done. Before I start again I make sure I'm recovered, say, on average to 80%. If I start doing doses and I'm not getting euphoric but just a glow (enhanced mood), most of the time I will stop (sometimes I'm stubborn) because that means I'm not ready to fully experience the drug. My brain needs to build up more storage of Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Serotonin among lots of others. This technique is in a similar fashion to people taking 5-HTP a couple weeks or days before they roll on ecstasy to make sure the body has near it's maximum. 5-HTP is the precursor to serotonin. It's debatable whether it works because the body doesn't actually convert it into serotonin. Whether it is has some efficacy is unknown fully, but people use it to recover and to prepare. Moving on, I have never done stimulants 3 days in a row for this reason. The length of my partying with coke is usually 24-40 hours on average and meth is ~48 hours. Methamphetamine is much more of a nuisance to people that have insomnia (both on and off hard stimulants) due to the long half life relative to coke's short half life, just to give you an idea I'll take a break from history/free-writing and do an excerpt on drug tests and detection times, kinda in the mood to talk about drugs (especially meth and coke what I call the Stimulant Bros. but they're not chemically similar so don't let the name fool you. I guess it should be Stimulant Bros. In Law lol bad joke)but if you ain't I'd skip the next paragraph:
Meth's half life of 12.7 hours (762 minutes), making coke's half life, calculator......... 8% of the duration of meth's half life and meth's half life is 12.5x longer than cocaine's half life. So military folks, GS-XX people(gov't contracted with a numbered ranking system) and employees of certain companies that pay for personal tests in the civilian sector, if you plan on getting high, get high on Friday always, or the Friday version of your work week. You must party on Friday aka the work day before you have two days off, to be clean on Monday morning because of your job(jobs that pop random or jobs that test entire sections of the company if somebody was involved in something drug related significant enough to raise suspicion) or to prove something to somebody like your wife or a bet. Choose coke as your #1 stimulant, avoid not just meth but all amphetamines (levoamp, dextroamp, lisdexamp, etc.) and don't do coke passed 4am on Saturday (or Friday night still in your mind in the moment) around noon at the LATEST. For example if you stop at noon, then you'll be high for another hour or so, then deal with the cocaine down from 1pm-4pm, then make sure you eat dinner and take at LEAST 100mg of Benadryl before your meal so when you're done you just pass out then you can get +12 hours of rest and wake up fairly early and start the cleaning process(which I won't go into)and re-hydrating with gatorade and water. Stopping Saturday @ noon gives your body 44 hours, or 48 hours if you can push the test till noon. At noon on Monday you will have exactly 2% of the drug in your body according to the mathematics of it but it's certainly less than 2% realistically. This is kind of a worst case scenario so if you follow this you will definitely pass even if you don't hydrate like a manic and dilute your urine. Know that for future reference fellow bluelighters, this version I'm doing for all drugs is worst case and even then the realistic worst case will have less than the number % drug you have, only exception being the substance gets stored in fat cells. And by the way all of this is assuming you do none of the mostly simple and some difficult techniques to manipulate getting tested and passing (I won't get into them here because this post isn't about cheating a drug test haha it's about passing legitimately). Now, I never weighed a shot of blow so I don't know what I use for sure but after I get the scale I can repost if people want the weights of how much meth and coke I'm doing in my shots. I'll have the meth information up before the month is out but it may possibly take longer for the coke measurement. So say that's 2% of a 100mg IV dose, which is a plump healthy dose for an IV shot considering, not a large line for insufflating is my guess, to better grasp it picture 10% of a 1 gram bag of blow in a line or 10 lines out of 1 gram bag or 20 out of two or 35 out of a ball. So with the 100mg slammed you'd have .08mg (this only applies to IV, not other ROAs. In general please consider the ROA when doing this process to be accurate, but as a fail safe you can use the IV ROA for your math and if you sniff or plug or eat your drug it will always be a longer duration because less of the drug reaches target tissues compared to IV use). The .08mg (if my math was right it's 4:30am and I did this quick) should get you under the limit the Federal Government has which is 150ng/dl for cocaine(nanograms per deciliter the unit of measurement they test for, basically it's a concentration of said drug in small drop of blood)and 500ng/dl for amphetamines (all but they're mainly looking for dextromethamphetamine). I got some bad news for ya guys, I told you the measurements first so you didn't get disappointed, but in October of 2010 the gov't changed, in a very significant way, they cut off threshold for meth and coke! Bigger? Nope, smaller. They straight up cut coke and meth's in HALF. Went from 300 to 150 and 1000 to 500 for coke and meth, respectively. other Fckers. They said the reason was "to increase identification of abusers of these drugs." I hated them a little bit even when I was working for them but now I hate them so much more. Basically now it's twice as hard to pass. For those lost, before the rule change in 2010 you could have 0-299ng/dl of coke in your blood because the threshold was 500ng/dl. Now if you have 150ng/dl or higher, you're in trouble. Now here's what happens if you test 'hot' as we like to say. You're not canned yet, they do a confirmation test on it. Now usually it's around the same exact reading but you have a chance. For cocaine they measure again and if it's below 100ng/dl you pass, above 99 you fail. For meth it's even more harsh and cold, the 500 drops down to 250ng/dl. So you could have 350ng/dl and pass the first one and you're good. The buffer is from 250-500 for meth and 100-150 for coke. To clarify, I'm not sure all companies do confirmation tests and also they may have different values. It wouldn't surprise me if some hardcore CEO decided there is a no tolerance policy and if you have 1ng/dl you're toast. It also wouldn't surprise me for a CEO/Board of Directors to not know shit about drugs or testing or bioavailabilities and just ask the laboratory they're using what is best or what makes the most sense, or what is the cheapest, ahahah.
Back to using meth and coke. I find it's more difficult to binge on coke because it takes more out of me, more needle marks (like x5-10 more shots) and to be honest I don't like binging on coke. One period of time I use like for 24 hours is fine but I don't binge on coke, and rarely meth (once in my life). Binging on meth is OK if you have experience and/or wisdom or get advice, quality advice. I dunno about you but fuck that hallucinating shit! The shadow people are coming watch out! You know they ain't there but they still can scare ya occasionally!
Now I will talk about something you can give me feedback on. I have to make a decision which I can use your help on about acquiring a scale. Anyway, doing drugs is great, especially when you control and curtail the negative side effects, but for a couple reasons I want to get into the Research Chemical(RC) business. I won't totally abandon meth and coke. To have full disclosure, not because I feel obligated to explain my reasons for my goals, but to start dealing with RCs in replacement of meth&coke means less illegal activity so consequently I can come clean with some people I'm currently 'withholding information' from(not lying, at least not yet)and hiding my illegal drug use from even though he, my best bud I live with, knows my history and knows I get high once in a while, is OK with all of this as long as I function and improve in life. And he even knows about the affinity I have for needles (weird/unique situation huh?). He's a SpecOps medic as well & still in the military. He's not anti-drug for the most part, in fact he thinks strongly they should be legalized, most scheduled drugs, but he frowns upon it destroying people's lives and it almost did mine(accidental OD on oxymorphone, amazing story tell me if you wanna hear it). The most profound reason to explore RC's is I want ample, perhaps copious amounts of a stimulant so I can use them for schoolwork in college whenever I want/need. Also get high and stimulated without spending absurd amounts of money for Addys where some jack ass frat boy is selling them for like 8-15$ a pop. My remaining years in school would be so much more fun if I was able to have amphetamine analogues, which are cheaper than street speed/meth I presume but haven't looked into the world RC world yet. The analogues I get would primarily be used for concentration and motivation while doing butt loads of school working, to meet a harsh deadline, or to sit in classes I dislike. I wouldn't abuse them(using them to escape or replace depression with euphoria, using for what seems to be no reason, boredom, etc.). I would use simply ~2 days a week being extremely productive for probably a 36 hour period, then lounge, go to class and bodybuild the next couple (at least 48 hours of recovery)days. My GPA will soar I'm sure. Those are couple of essential reasons. I got a story for you about the kind of use I'm hoping to get out of RCs upon obtaining them after I learn all about them whatever info is out there which I would love some help with, a little guidance. Here is a story for you that helps emphasize me using stimulants most of the time for a reasonable, logical, and useful goal. There is a mini story about tramadol in here too, and I digress alot but hopefully it's funny or entertaining instead of tedious and annoying. The story goes I did a summer course at my university a few years ago on a field trip to Mexico. May I point out I did drugs (besides pot) once in the previous 6 months leading up to this point. The drug I did was morphine IR pill, 30 mg. Blasted the whole thing and got a nice glow for a couple hours, was disappointed after such a long wait and thinking tolerance would be down. During the trip I was buying tramadol every couple days from the, people who've been down there know of these, "Farmacia's"(Pharmacy's if you couldn't conjure up the brain power to make that translation). I searched about 10 over the 23 days in Mexico and found NOTHING stronger than tramadol. People were saying I was unlucky but then again we were in the middle, the heartland, of Mexico in Veracruz, and I'm guessing the Farmacias are on every block near the US on the border cities because they know customers will be plentiful, all the Americans getting illegal stuff they can't buy. Those same people said they all have percocet and vicodin and some even have the hard stuff(IV solution). 90% of the tramadol I bought I purposefully bought in IV form. Around the second week, I wanted a bigger kick one morning so I woke up and shot 400mg of tramadol. It was either that or 200mg I can't remember. I had a 3ml syringe so I could fit lots of fluid. Anyway, I had been shooting 100mg or 200mg(it's either 100/200 or 200/400) at once a couple times in the day I felt the rush and was like ahhhhhhh sitting on the bathroom toilet and then BAM. A PUNCH IN THE FACE OF NAUSEA. My usual dose (100 or 200)the prior few days, even with popping a bunch of trammy pills on top of it gave me no nausea, zero. I puke of course, woke my room mate up lol. People were leaving their huts to go eat breakfast in the common area(we were at a resort) and I remember walking over like I have no appetite at all how am I gonna eat? The co-hostess of the area of the jungle we were in who wanted to bang me said to me when we walked next to each other, "Why are you green?" I thought what the hell is she talking about, did she drop acid? I then realized... after giving her some bullshit witty answer, it was the tramadol. My face had a greenish tint (I'm a white tan guy by the way) I went to look in the mirror immediately and it was quite something. Waited, forced some food down and 20-40 minutes later I was able to eat and quite stoned physically.
Four straight weeks, 29 days full of school was it, for a bunch of credits. And the way to pass and get credit was your portfolio which had to meet tens and tens of requirements, it was a professionally 'binded' notebook (which cost everybody money to get it done) to be put on display at a museum in Mexico. We as a class with the three professors we had spent a little over 3 weeks was in Mexico. No work was "required"(more on this) on the trip in Mexico. Just walking around attending. You had a journal due as part of your portfolio that you handed in 6 days after arrival in the US. The journal was supposed to be a daily journal, you reflecting and writing down your cognitive destinations&how you arrived there(easiest way I can simply put his long ass explanation of what the Prof. wanted the journal to be)each day so you had to write or else you wouldn't be able to remember and would be a boring task to make all that stuff up and might look like shit trying to tie it into the things you did that day based solely on memory. That was all the work you had to do really during the 3 weeks in Mexico. First day was spent getting back on schedule from bus-lag(read: jet-lag) and sleeping in a bed not a bus and eating good AMERICAN food. Predictably, nobody I talked to did any work that first day back home which was Albuquerque at the time, now I'm in Tucson AZ. Second day I got high and hung with friends and my girl (missed them badly) at the time, third day I call my buddy Leo in the class with me and somehow Adderall comes up, it was honestly probably me, so he started looking, took 2 days, and he found em. Like 15 30mg. So we had about 36 hours left. We moved into FedEx/Kinkos knowing we'd be there down to the wire. Now imagine a 4, yes four credit class on very in depth Mesoamerican cultures like the Olmecs, that's like 29 day course and you have no work due till the end. I thought halfway through the trip on the private bus, "THAT'S GONNA BE ALOTTA FUCKING WORK!" So I sniffed my way to an A (Leo got an A too) going to the bathroom @ FedEx/Kinkos, the worker dude definitely knew something was going down and I'm sure he figured it out and didn't give a shit. We were very quiet. It was due 8am in the teacher's mailbox so it was nighttime when the night worker was talking to us and saw us there for so long. My point being, yeah, my GPA is gonna rise, like a phoenix rising out of the desert! (Seinfeld reference, George's father). Oh almost forgot, my portfolio was the size of a novel when we were done, Leo's work was very big as well.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING!!! Hopefully you'll see my name in other threads and remember some of the stuff you've just read whether it be facts about drugs or drug use or a story about my life, and hopefully it's a positive recollection. Negative feedback about something I was incorrect on, my grammar, punctuation, spelling, writing style is humbly accepted! Don't be shy guys I have thick skin most of the time, and I don't come on Bluelight when I feel sorry for myself that's for sure. Maybe you've got just a tip on how to make my stories more enjoyable, I'd love to hear it.
Bluelight rules! If i broke rules doing this somehow then let me know and I will kindly follow a moderator's requests.
Just me free-writing about bluelight topics and some new interesting stuff with a decent amount of editing so a lot of the composition will seem long winded and drawn out. Hopefully not a little redundant. I DID put hard work into this. I was just trying to be myself, like the thoughts flow and be candid without exaggerating and of course be as accurate as possible. I did not source anything but if I state it as fact then it's a fact. I use a lot of parenthesis in this post, but I believe they're all correctly done, so to ease keeping track, finish the contents in the parenthesis then go back and read the sentence again and skip over the parenthesis this time, use your click and drag highlighting function it really helps. The parenthesis are pretty much always explanations or digressions but have as useful stuff as the other sentences. Enjoy.
To the bluelighters in the world (I sometimes wonder where the name of the website came from and consequently I think about the manifestation of the website, the detailed history of it when it was just an idea, and well look how far we've come!), the following is a few hours of typing and editing of miscellaneous stuff I'm not sure has a categorized home yet on BL hence being posted as homeless. I did it to contribute. Create an, perhaps entity that can potentially morph into something better. Even if it's just as simple as getting you to open up about some of the stories from your past. Some of the subjects discussed are recreational drugs, drug tests, half 'lifes'(not really a word), injuries, surgeries, dependency, the military, addiction, getting clean, NA meetings, mixing drugs, MRIs, bad break ups, overdoses, how amphetamines or their analogues are a catalyst to doing excellently done schoolwork (any work really), speaking of analogues, I talk a lot on Research Chemicals (RCs) which is a project I just started as of late so I'm new to the game but eager & ready to learn about RCs which I mainly discuss that at the end. PM me if you'd like to chat in regards to RCs, I research RCs at least an hour a day but sometimes huge chunks at a time.
The following is some free-writing about my life, my history. I did not try super hard to make it organized so it might be sloppy for you big time readers, not punctuation, grammar and spelling but composition and flow but for most, not the picky kind, it should be a good ride. My thread title meant that hopefully this can turn into something, a valuable discussion or a list of tips. Or simply just entertainment. You're more than welcome to ask questions when you're curious during reading, you could perhaps write them down and post them to me & I'd love answering them. Without sounding egotistical(hopefully), I've had a very interesting life so far and I try to convey the high confidence I had throughout the stories. It may be perceived as narcissism or very egocentric. I realize this. With that said, there really aren't lots of stories in this post relative to how many really exist. There is talk of drug testing from the government, comparing cocaine to meth, talk a bit about binging, well let's dive right in:
What's contained here is all easy stuff for this crowd to handle because this forum is smart compared to all of the forums I've read in the passed 15 years. I bet this forum's average IQ is well above 100, maybe 115 and definitely in the top 20th% tile, which would be 80%, in forums globally. There are a lot of people who blow my IQ score away which is above 100 but I won't say, I'm shy unless y'all really wanna know and I get multiple posts about it. So intelligence is brewing here, but on the other side of the token, I have seen and read some almost astonishingly bad posts. You name it, a train wreck typing like they had a 1 minute time limit to finish their post with a hand tied behind their back, I've witnessed ample ignorance necessary for some entrainment - people not knowing things you didn't know it was possible to not know for an adult, especially a drug seeking adult for that matter, there's been really idiotic advice given, however thankfully usually after 1-10 posts somebody corrects everything with some pizazz and fireworks, and maybe a little flaming, I read some crazy stories that you'd think only dumb people would do no matter how bad w/ds are, for example, this is real I actually read this on here a few months ago:
These heroin dudes, about 4 I think, with weather that's bad because it's raining & windy and the ground is soaked, plus they are all w/d'ing bad (hope the driver wasn't lol) and they are waiting for the dealer in pain, pain that we all know so well, and finally they pick up the goodies. Their brains are already getting ready for the stimulation of the dopaminergic mechanism in our brain stem and slightly above the stem (layman's term the reward system, but it's true and fascinating, I learned all about it a few years ago by seeing a video and an experiment studying the brain waves of addicts of heroin, coke and meth and what their brains were doing in anticipation of the incoming dose, wild stuff). They stop the car after picking up, one of them calls out a large puddle, they pull over, park and pull water up into their syringes to prepare the H for a bolus(aka slamming/injecting it) because nobody brought the necessary paraphernalia (not going into what I would have done instead of them even though I desire to). But how the hell do you forget WATER if you're w/d'ing and you're an experienced addict PLUS you know that you aren't planning on tapering down or getting clean so they knew they were gonna get high upon pickup and therefore should have been ready days, or at least hours prior, with the basic 7: water, cotton, syringes, spoon, lighter, TK & an antibacterial like alcohol, I use isopropyl alcohol(dirt cheap especially compared to 'hand sanitizer' which is a rip off, get a huge bottle of alcohol which provides the same function for 79 cents). I'm a very clean needle addict because I was a paramedic before morphing into a needle addict. Hope those guys were alright. The post never clarified. Rain water is clean but not off the ground.
So ya'll are bright and it attracts me to this website and has finally influenced me to commit to contributing with the free time I'm going to have over the next 3.5 months. But "us," if you will, having somewhat higher IQs doesn't mean we're invincible from doing stupid shit. Ha! Quite the contrary, may even do more dangerous stuff but in the safest way. How are we to know if we lose a fellow bluelighter? I'm sure some of the regulars over the last decade or so can remember.. Somebody would have to have instructions in their will telling a family member the website, username and password and to post a thread about death. Hey, that's a good idea! Maybe that's what came out of this thread...It would be a good way to track our successes, if the regulars do it we'd have accountability. We only hear about the ODs they survive from unless they had friends there that were also BL'ers. Nevertheless, to change the subject, I need help figuring out which scale to get, even though I'm leaning towards one, I'd like input on which website to get the scale from out of 2. The questions are at the bottom of the post after I explain why I'm being slightly indecisive, but more importantly thorough, but read first, don't skip unless you're in a rush of course, after all this is where ya get no know people. In the next paragraph I explain why I have essentially zero (update:3) posts implying I am a newbie.
Personal Introduction/Drug & Regular History/Scale situation(roughly in that order):
Hey guys, I haven't been posting (I've had 10-25 posts per username over the last decade using a new username every couple years, so not a regular contributor & it's impossible the regulars would recognize me) but I've been reading copious amounts of posts & threads for the last 10 years, not quite since it's inception, in 1999, but pretty close, and I am obviously in love. You don't hang around that long if you don't love it on some level. I will start posting more now like I said now that I'm taking this college semester off to help my mother and I'll have free time.
I'm 26, male, in college, between jobs, spent 4 years in the military (C.S.A.R. aka combat search and rescue, in a nutshell it's a special forces medic) so it's hard to get a 'non-military-esque' job with my credentials, so I'm looking to be a C.O. (correctional officer @ a prison) for a job. They get paid like 17$ how here at the prisons in proximity to where I live. The medical portion of my training was before I become a serious and heavy drug user. So, as a newbie in the special training, which is about half way through all of the training so it's becoming a select group of smart hot shit alpha males, I became encapsulated by medicine, learning the life saving skills and knowledge of pharmacology required to properly intervene that goal of saving administering a wide range of drugs, therefore, as I write on bluelight consider I may know a thing or two about pharmacology (still feel retarded in the grand scheme of things because the human body still trumps our knowledge). And pharmacology is exactly what guided me down the path of drug use. It kept nudging me over the months... The curiosity of "man I wonder what getting injected with epinephrine(street name: adrenaline) feels like, I mean you inject into your venous system and within 10 seconds it hits your heart sending it into overdrive." I still remember when I consciously made the choice to become a drug addict. Most people don't choose, it just happens (tolerance, habituation, patterns develop, side effects worsen) and they're like surprised, "OH FUCK" and they're scared (rightfully so). I recall the very moment. Standing just inside the bathroom with a tourniquet loosely wrapped around my arm starring at the impatient ready to go needle on the head of the toilet. Drug addiction didn't creep up on me, I ignorantly & blindly made the choice with thinking "well that's terrible for the small percentage of people who receive permanent & temporary brain damage (basically including but not limited to deregulation of receptors that we can't reverse at this point in time with technology's current standing) from substance abuse but that won't happen to me." Ha, well it happened, in the hole forever now (only thing that can cure me besides better technology is the holy spirit, and I'm not 100% sure that exists). I just loved drugs 'on paper' and needed to feel them If I wanted to satisfy the curiosity urges I got while learning about them in minute detail, ultimately just the fascination of it all down to the molecular level. Gives me the goosebumps just typing it. Unbeknownst to me, I was in for a wild ride, and not all the turns were good on that roller coaster either. Some whiplash turns, I just hope I don't break my neck (figuratively I guess that would mean OD and die or lose everything including relationships, that's about the worst thing that could happen on a roller coaster so maybe my metaphor does make sense...Nah probably not)! Pharmacodynamics and Pharmacokinetics are really what get me going (defined as what the body does to the drug and what the drug does to the body, respectively). If I had to choose my favorite it would be Pharmacokinetics. A little drug history kinda how my addiction all started and before that a little bit of my innocent past: I never touched anything but alcohol and pot until I was 17, did it for 2 years and stopped at 19 partly because I joined special forces then and needed to no joke train hours and hours a day to get ready so I could pass the initial 3 month phase where they kick your balls in and try to make you quit. I was not adequately curious about drugs at this point. The pot and alcohol from 17-19 was very limited and I didn't enjoy it as much as everybody else did. I was focusing on my athletic ability instead (football Strong Safety & hockey goalie). But the last 5 years, 21-26, have been moderate to heavy use at times but also with stretches of nothing and a very healthy lifestyle. I am very disciplined about taking breaks and using moderation with drugs so I'll stop all recreational drugs & body build for a couple months before returning. So a heavy user at times, only thing I had an issue with in my life as far as drugs is with opiates. And that started with a bad injury. Over a 6 month period I went from swallowing the pills for a while, then it just wasn't enough for me mentally and for pain relief, so I started sniffing them, good at first, but months down the road same problem, so I went to shooting. My dose over the 13 month period I was on prescription narcotics went from 5mg of oxycodone every 6 hours to 24mg of hydromorphone a day or 60mg of oxycodone a day. I was taking way more than that of course, about double, then ran out a week early and had to go to heroin if I couldn't find pills. I really preferred the hydromorphone, which has the BEST narcotic rush I've ever felt, out of all opiates even heroin. The 60 second rush is the best, but the post-rush effects of H are superior to hydromorphone.
The inception of my lifelong addiction:
The reason I was on pain medicine for 13 months was because at the 6month mark they MISREAD the fucking MRI of my shoulder and concluded my labrum was NOT torn, when this whole time I did my research and was pleading with him that my shit IS torn when in fact the physical therapist I saw 3x/week wrote a note to them agreeing with me saying those are the symptoms I show and he was right. The labrum is the medial (towards the mid-line of the body from an anatomical p.o.v.)piece of cartilage the humeral head(the stump at the end of the upper arm bone) sits in and rotates on contacting each other reducing friction allowing the shoulder joint to have great R.O.M. and move quickly without pain. My shit was torn hardcore but because I was living with it for so long I developed 3 other moderate issues. Keep in mind, because I'm jumping out of chronological order here, that nobody knew I required surgery to fix my injury, like, I had an injury I will describe shortly that had a 0% of healing on it's own. The issues all in one shoulder joint: 1) A *sharp* piece of my acronium process(the most lateral bone in your shoulder) was protruding into my deltoid muscle 24/7. The arm motion from walking slow hurt. 2)I had debris building up in my shoulder joint. 3)I had a ligament tear, it's called a SUPERIOR LATERAL ANTERIOR POSTERIOR (SLAP) tear. So they think the MRI was accurate, and I'm telling him with precision that the pain is no joke and I lost significant strength in my shoulder press (the least comparatively), incline, and flat bench (the most) so something has to be wrong. The surgeon, who's name you won't believe, but it's 100% true, is schenk. He tells patients the correct pronunciation when they mispronounce it and he prononces it 'skank' and I asked one of the nurses what's up with that and if he has a sense of humor about it and he said with some people he dies. There were times when around a group of people somebody would say his name a certain way and I would almost laugh, probably if I weren't in considerable pain in my shoulder I would have. So Dr. Skank says, "you have two options basically." I'll break this simplistically and concise. "You don't get surgery, and we strengthen all of the muscles (all 3 heads and all the rotators cuff muscles) in the area with an ongoing program titrated to how you feel, extensive physical therapy, and we'll manage pain as best we can(which basically means up your narcotic dose when you ask within reason) and." I don't remember how he ended it but it was a long-winded and a gentle way of saying the terrifying "hope for the best." Choice #1 I would see significant improvement to where I can bench heavy again and get smoked by my instructors without pain in a few months and after a 8 months I should be healthy. Me: "Doc, what's the second option, surgery?" He goes on, "your second option is to get surgery that's correct, we could get you in within 4 weeks and the rehab is at least 6 months long, you will be in significant pain for about a year(I ended up being in pain for well over a year and couldn't bench right until 1.5 years). Now, the main differences between these two treatments is that with surgery you will have increased strength in the long run, but risk a decrease in ROM. Option #1 is the antithesis of that: you have full ROM but you will have curtailed strength and stability in many activities and experience a paramount of strength reduction in a couple of activities(flat bench, incline bench, flys). You will have increased stability going with the surgery route, at the cost of ROM and perhaps some sensation. There are many risks with the surgery do you understand them?" "Yes," I said(I had the info right in front of me on paper). I told him, "I'm leaning towards surgery, I inherently feel like there is something wrong and my heart and brain is telling me surgery." He continued, "now you can't move you shoulder from it's sling for 6 weeks (should have been 4) after the surgery then we start physical therapy which is going to hurt like a bitch," he warned. I asked some questions about pain medicine, because at this point, let's face it I'm an opiate addict(and for some strange reason I like getting surgeries) but I haven't shot up yet. The first day I shot up in my life was December 16, 2007. It was the day after my surgery. Partly why I did it was because it hurt so bad but I was going to do it at some point anyway. I've never even shared that with anybody. Bluelight readers, we are now intimately bonded, lol. OK, here's the best part of the story. So I am sitting there, excited about the thought of having surgery, and getting all of those IV drugs to knock you out before, I like to try and stay awake as long as I can but it's impossible! And after in the recovery room... then the huge Rx bottle and you can be flyin' high for weeks not moving (not really supposed to). So finally the 6 week wait comes and I go under the knife. Something I didn't include was we had a long conversation about open surgery vs. arthroscopic surgery. In the end I chose to have 5 small, incognito, if you will, scars rather than one big, disgusting, deformed, discolored entity on my shoulder 2-4" long. OK, the surgeon (who wasn't a military doc by the way I got the head of surgery at a surgery center with the military paying for it all of course because I'm active duty) walks up to me and wakes me up, by punching me in the surgery shoulder, hahaha nah just kidding, crazy prank if he did though. He says, "NAME, you're done." "I look at him all hazy, "was it a success? what happened." He replies, "You were right, your labrum was torn." I was conflicted in emotion. Don't get me wrong, I'm not so humble that I didn't like hearing I was right. I am a prideful, sinful man, I loved hearing it. Like, 'well if you would have listened to me, *tisk tisk,*and he's graduated medical school and I'm a lowly paramedic lol. Anyway, I said "Bittersweet man.. at least we have the problem solved right?" I don't recall his exact answer so I'll ad lib it/wing it, but he summarized the 2 hour surgery. "Yes, we did plethora of stuff on you, we decompressed your joint and cleaned it up, we tied your bicep tendon to your bone but first we wrapped it around the back instead of going the normal front way, we excised 4mm of the acromiun process sticking into your muscle and sutured your labrum nice and tight." A little over one year later, I was healthy as a horse and trucking along just fine. My surgery was considered 100% success, so I feel blessed for that, getting a skilled veteran surgeon who dealt with adversity extremely well, ya know, because he thought it was intact from the MRI and he first saw it surprised I bet. Don't be surprised about MRIs being wrong, I don't remember the statistics I learned in medical school back in 2007, but I just paused typing and searched for 10 minutes to find something semi-useful. On this site _ there is an MRI study on patients with potential damage to the fibrous tissues in their knees, the study has professionals read charts of patients to guess their damages, then they go through arthroscopic surgery (just like me) and the results of the test are complicated and broad, here is one excerpt:
http://www.traumamanagement.org/content/2/1/4/table/T4
Note accuracy for identifying those three ligament tears is low at 60%, 55%, and 72%. I didn't have time to read the whole page but I'm not a radiologist anyway.... I did notice some grammar mistakes like the doctor half-assed that part. Moving on...
So I abused drugs for a long time, talked with my cool military doc (the guy giving me pain meds the whole time was a non-military pain specialist doctor who I manipulated horribly to get double fills and higher dosages and different narcotics. For example, as of 2007 I tried every single prescription opiate so I know alot about comparisons) named Dr. Foy who respected what I did (my job) plus he knew I had some medical training so it was like he let me choose whatever I wanted to be on as long as I didn't increase the dose crazy fast and of course this was all before my case was too much for him to handle and he transferred me over to the civilian pain specialist who I had a similar relationship with. So I talked to Dr. Foy about getting off because that's what my higher-ups wanted me to do in order to continue training to go operate in the war, and I busted my ass to get suboxone for 4 months. I felt it was the best choice since I was passed the year mark using and my dependency was about as high as it could be still being able to minimally function. My highest dose, I calculated it out with a comparison chart, was, for a time period of almost a month, about 710 5mg hydrocodone pills a day. Seven hundred and ten pills. That was going into me every day by use of IV mostly, I was mixing hydromorphone with heroin to get the best rush and the better after effects, that to me was the best narcotic high ever. I'm sure I didn't shit for the weeks. Anyway I wanted to be done with that and start lifting heavy weights again since my shoulder was finally better and get jacked again (I was then lost it with the injury). I was making phone calls to 5-7 different people Monday through Friday like all day until 4pm, tons of phone tag and voice mails, running around to appointments because nobody in the military was being given suboxone and it took a special license to prescribe it. I was bad with Dilaudid every day for those 4 months man I was shooting up 8mg 4x a day with heroin and if you have done any hydromorphone in your life you know the after effects aren't great and it's short-acting (3 hour half life) and you should also know you are a FOOL for swallowing the pills! Bioavailability! It's such a waste. Insufflate them at the very least. Here are the statistics for hydromorphone(Dilaudid):
Oral(PO) 30%* AT BEST, I read some studies that are long gone by now in 2008 and they were saying the teens!
Nasal(insufflated) 55% The way to go for most people! Use good technique, sniff small lines more frequently to waste less.
IM Exact % unknown ~95% Regardless it shouldn't be done because of how dirty&dangerous it is. Binders&fillers in your tissues.
IV 100% Of course. Very highly recommended by me if needles are in your repertoire, but this drug can be hard to find. I've never seen one outside me getting them, fair enough I've never dealt drugs and my opiate days are pretty much behind me. I think I read on a forum somewhere that the Dills were big in Canada, but I'm not sure it could be a fallacy my mind is just creating.
*This inefficient ROA is great for us druggies & opiate lovers! It means if we get the presciption we can switch ROAs and not tell the doc and get x2 the drug if insufflated and x3 the drug if IV'd. If the nasal administration is done properly, aka a slow and steady stream up your schnoz for example a small line every 1-3 minutes and DEFINITELY alternate nostrils (very important so you prolong getting stuffed up!) so you constantly replace the powder on the surface of your sinus, as opposed to doing just a few lines per pill which creates a pile of drug and the only thing being absorbed is what's in contact with your epithelial layer. So everything above, like a pile of trash, is wasted unless it makes it's way down and touches your tissue so it can then cross the cell wall because it's hydrophilic. What I'm describing is similar the smoking ROA, a bioavailability of something could be X%, but that's only if you do it right. For example, smoking can be done efficiently where you can get almost the true B/A(true as in it may not be the listed B/A unless solid research was done and let's face it scientists aren't dieing to find out the ROAs of drug abuse), or they can be, and probably on a global scale most likely are, smoked inefficiently where you get significantly less letting smoke escape and the drug burning off. You should be be disappointed with hydromorphone as far as getting high/creating euphoria goes but it's not that great for pain control. For maximum pain control as a medical professional and an x-addict I'd go with oxymorphone but it totally blows on euphoria because *I think* it lacks ample activity at the mu receptor compared to say, heroin, or oxycodone(which is surprisingly high which is why Purdue Pharma or w/e the co. name was got sued like 400 million or billion dollars for false advertising) maybe somebody could confirm that.
Prolonged drug abuse (not long compared to some people I've seen in NA meetings man, god bless them!)for the few years I did it messed up my brain, when I came off it I was a different person. Anxiety which I never had before, waves of lack of confidence when I used to be the cockiest SOB in the lot, not really but I was egotistical. I'm more humble now, so it's not all bad, I gained humility throughout my hardships (which are not over). For these reasons, my brain never reverting back to my pre-drug brain @ age 21, 5 years ago, and a few other reasons like a bad break up after almost getting married with the first and only woman I've slept with (at the time when I was 22), I've been on Suboxone for the last 2 years and it's worked out wonderfully. No cravings, no thoughts about getting high specifically on opiates but I think about other drugs like benzos and stims. I take less than I am prescribed by a considerable amount Like 33% my dose I take. Plan on getting off 10 months from now. Long taper, and I think I'm going to take a bunch of tramadol to take another baby step before the jump, just like suboxone is a step down from heroin or any full agonist opiate so you don't fall too far. Tramadol is an interesting one. Not technically an opiate, but ultimately is because it agonizes the opiate receptors. I don't go to meetings anymore but I am spiritual (Christian fath) and I haven't touched a full-agonist narcotic in over 2 years. I try hard to avoid daily use of anything because I've been though the worst withdrawals a dependent human can, within reasonable parameters, and simply never want to feel that way again, plus it's not healthy, risk of OD. It definitely cuts off years of your life. Stimulants cut off faster than opiates for obvious reasons(inhibits your ability to eat and sleep and stay hydrated, heart issues like an M.I.). I have been doing meth a lot (relatively a lot) recently though (more on that later). I party with benzos whenever I can get them but apply moderation so I never build a tolerance, well that's unrealistic, a minute tolerance. I also use them for anxiety attacks, sublingual and insufflated (and to chime in on the debate whether or not select benzos work up the nose, YES a benzo like alprazolam WILL BE ABSORBED IF IT IS LIPOPHILIC OR HYDROPHILIC, NOT AND, OR. In other words it the "general consensus" BL used to have on the boards conclusively stating that a substance has to be hydrophilic to be absorbed and therefore take effect is incorrect. Now let's talk about ecstasy. I don't think I'd have the attacks right now {have G.A.D.} if I didn't abuse MDMA that one night @ age 21 and abuse opiates from 21-22.5 years old. The time I mentioned I did E was the first time, and I did ~ 7-8 doses worth of pure MDMA powder straight from my friend's friend who were both Chemists & old college buddies. The friend had a masters in Chemistry and built his own lab{not for distribution but for use by him & his friends} so the purity was insane, no cut whatsoever. Such a small amount of powder and the MDMA hit ya like a ton of bricks in the face, the ultimate euphoria, not just the beginnings of it, THE FULL effect within 15 seconds(of IV). The switch from sober to rolling in about 12 seconds was the most amazing thing I have ever felt in my life and to be candid it's slightly depressing I'll probably never feel that way again. Perhaps if I get another pure MDMA lab hook up. (pm anyone? lol)Which I'm totally willing to do, I didn't swear off stimulants or getting high, just being dependent on substances ranging from anxiolytics to antidepressants to opiates to caffeine. What do y'all think the purity was from that lab assuming it was true? The "yield", if you will, 70-85%?. I'm no chemist but isn't it impossible to synthesize a substance and get 100%? In the TV show Breaking Bad they get high 90s which I believe. Like 97 or something. Back to the 1st time roll I was injecting all night, sniffing too; it was ~7 hours of what the ends and beginnings of what orgasms feels like, and what the middle of the big O feels like the minute after an injection. I've come to the conclusion that human beings were never meant to feel that good! Recently within the last 2 years I party with coke and meth. I IV most of the time, if it's somewhat safely shootable(fake word). Love the needle. Loved it before I shot up for the first time, that happened like this:
THE INCEPTION OF ME HAVING A NEEDLE FETISH(exaggeration but I do like them, I just HATE bigger than a 20 gauge)
When I was in medical school in the military I loved doing anything with a needle to a patient as a Paramedic. It's even alright getting stuck (too much is awful and hurts, especially the days we were practicing dropping blood which means giving a patient blood which consequently means 14 & 16 gauge needles). 90% of the time using needles I'm very safe and smart, like a MOFO'ing surgeon! I feel blessed I was able to learn the medical side prior to turning druggy, and also I even feel blessed having the knowledge/training regardless of what came first, I think I would have been fine either way. Coke I did occasionally from 22 to 25 and a half but my mom wanted me to cut down so I did(very open relationship with mother). I did meth only twice in my whole life (very small amounts) up until 3 months ago, and have done it like 7 times since the 2 months, . I only went too far once and I had psychosis for a couple days. I learned my lesson there. Never happen again. I avoid binging with stimulants because after approx. 2 days you're basically wasting the *smeagol voice* 'precious' drug anyway. How? As some of you know, your brain literally becomes exhausted of essential neurotransmitters so you get the same stimulation (take into account tolerance and habituation) but not the same euphoria. Norepinephrine and dopamine releasing agents like amphetamines can & will drain you, in the same manner MDMA drains your serotonin stores (as well as inhibits the re-uptake @ the synaptic cleft, one of the reasons why I love it so much because it's unique). Daily use of MDMA causes the drop off in euphoria in a dramatic fashion each day way worse than amphetamines deplete your stores, not to mention it's extremely neurotoxic and you will definitely get permanent damage from that severe type of abuse at some point down the road if continued which will most likely manifesting itself as an anxiety disorder(like G.A.D.). To combat becoming famished (i.e. malnutrition, lethargy, dehydration, starvation{body eats own muscle for necessary protein plus the release of cortisol which is extremely catabolic + much more, these are just a few}) when using stimulants, which is inevitable, you can slow it down so on meth (little more difficult on coke) I force myself to eat and time it so I eat right before another dose when it will be just *that much* easier to not be disgusted or barf. And I sip on water ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT because if you chug, especially cold fluids, it can be alarming to you stomach which then may demand a refund. Also, sleep periodically after about 48 hrs of being up straight, easier said than done. Before I start again I make sure I'm recovered, say, on average to 80%. If I start doing doses and I'm not getting euphoric but just a glow (enhanced mood), most of the time I will stop (sometimes I'm stubborn) because that means I'm not ready to fully experience the drug. My brain needs to build up more storage of Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Serotonin among lots of others. This technique is in a similar fashion to people taking 5-HTP a couple weeks or days before they roll on ecstasy to make sure the body has near it's maximum. 5-HTP is the precursor to serotonin. It's debatable whether it works because the body doesn't actually convert it into serotonin. Whether it is has some efficacy is unknown fully, but people use it to recover and to prepare. Moving on, I have never done stimulants 3 days in a row for this reason. The length of my partying with coke is usually 24-40 hours on average and meth is ~48 hours. Methamphetamine is much more of a nuisance to people that have insomnia (both on and off hard stimulants) due to the long half life relative to coke's short half life, just to give you an idea I'll take a break from history/free-writing and do an excerpt on drug tests and detection times, kinda in the mood to talk about drugs (especially meth and coke what I call the Stimulant Bros. but they're not chemically similar so don't let the name fool you. I guess it should be Stimulant Bros. In Law lol bad joke)but if you ain't I'd skip the next paragraph:
Meth's half life of 12.7 hours (762 minutes), making coke's half life, calculator......... 8% of the duration of meth's half life and meth's half life is 12.5x longer than cocaine's half life. So military folks, GS-XX people(gov't contracted with a numbered ranking system) and employees of certain companies that pay for personal tests in the civilian sector, if you plan on getting high, get high on Friday always, or the Friday version of your work week. You must party on Friday aka the work day before you have two days off, to be clean on Monday morning because of your job(jobs that pop random or jobs that test entire sections of the company if somebody was involved in something drug related significant enough to raise suspicion) or to prove something to somebody like your wife or a bet. Choose coke as your #1 stimulant, avoid not just meth but all amphetamines (levoamp, dextroamp, lisdexamp, etc.) and don't do coke passed 4am on Saturday (or Friday night still in your mind in the moment) around noon at the LATEST. For example if you stop at noon, then you'll be high for another hour or so, then deal with the cocaine down from 1pm-4pm, then make sure you eat dinner and take at LEAST 100mg of Benadryl before your meal so when you're done you just pass out then you can get +12 hours of rest and wake up fairly early and start the cleaning process(which I won't go into)and re-hydrating with gatorade and water. Stopping Saturday @ noon gives your body 44 hours, or 48 hours if you can push the test till noon. At noon on Monday you will have exactly 2% of the drug in your body according to the mathematics of it but it's certainly less than 2% realistically. This is kind of a worst case scenario so if you follow this you will definitely pass even if you don't hydrate like a manic and dilute your urine. Know that for future reference fellow bluelighters, this version I'm doing for all drugs is worst case and even then the realistic worst case will have less than the number % drug you have, only exception being the substance gets stored in fat cells. And by the way all of this is assuming you do none of the mostly simple and some difficult techniques to manipulate getting tested and passing (I won't get into them here because this post isn't about cheating a drug test haha it's about passing legitimately). Now, I never weighed a shot of blow so I don't know what I use for sure but after I get the scale I can repost if people want the weights of how much meth and coke I'm doing in my shots. I'll have the meth information up before the month is out but it may possibly take longer for the coke measurement. So say that's 2% of a 100mg IV dose, which is a plump healthy dose for an IV shot considering, not a large line for insufflating is my guess, to better grasp it picture 10% of a 1 gram bag of blow in a line or 10 lines out of 1 gram bag or 20 out of two or 35 out of a ball. So with the 100mg slammed you'd have .08mg (this only applies to IV, not other ROAs. In general please consider the ROA when doing this process to be accurate, but as a fail safe you can use the IV ROA for your math and if you sniff or plug or eat your drug it will always be a longer duration because less of the drug reaches target tissues compared to IV use). The .08mg (if my math was right it's 4:30am and I did this quick) should get you under the limit the Federal Government has which is 150ng/dl for cocaine(nanograms per deciliter the unit of measurement they test for, basically it's a concentration of said drug in small drop of blood)and 500ng/dl for amphetamines (all but they're mainly looking for dextromethamphetamine). I got some bad news for ya guys, I told you the measurements first so you didn't get disappointed, but in October of 2010 the gov't changed, in a very significant way, they cut off threshold for meth and coke! Bigger? Nope, smaller. They straight up cut coke and meth's in HALF. Went from 300 to 150 and 1000 to 500 for coke and meth, respectively. other Fckers. They said the reason was "to increase identification of abusers of these drugs." I hated them a little bit even when I was working for them but now I hate them so much more. Basically now it's twice as hard to pass. For those lost, before the rule change in 2010 you could have 0-299ng/dl of coke in your blood because the threshold was 500ng/dl. Now if you have 150ng/dl or higher, you're in trouble. Now here's what happens if you test 'hot' as we like to say. You're not canned yet, they do a confirmation test on it. Now usually it's around the same exact reading but you have a chance. For cocaine they measure again and if it's below 100ng/dl you pass, above 99 you fail. For meth it's even more harsh and cold, the 500 drops down to 250ng/dl. So you could have 350ng/dl and pass the first one and you're good. The buffer is from 250-500 for meth and 100-150 for coke. To clarify, I'm not sure all companies do confirmation tests and also they may have different values. It wouldn't surprise me if some hardcore CEO decided there is a no tolerance policy and if you have 1ng/dl you're toast. It also wouldn't surprise me for a CEO/Board of Directors to not know shit about drugs or testing or bioavailabilities and just ask the laboratory they're using what is best or what makes the most sense, or what is the cheapest, ahahah.
Back to using meth and coke. I find it's more difficult to binge on coke because it takes more out of me, more needle marks (like x5-10 more shots) and to be honest I don't like binging on coke. One period of time I use like for 24 hours is fine but I don't binge on coke, and rarely meth (once in my life). Binging on meth is OK if you have experience and/or wisdom or get advice, quality advice. I dunno about you but fuck that hallucinating shit! The shadow people are coming watch out! You know they ain't there but they still can scare ya occasionally!
Now I will talk about something you can give me feedback on. I have to make a decision which I can use your help on about acquiring a scale. Anyway, doing drugs is great, especially when you control and curtail the negative side effects, but for a couple reasons I want to get into the Research Chemical(RC) business. I won't totally abandon meth and coke. To have full disclosure, not because I feel obligated to explain my reasons for my goals, but to start dealing with RCs in replacement of meth&coke means less illegal activity so consequently I can come clean with some people I'm currently 'withholding information' from(not lying, at least not yet)and hiding my illegal drug use from even though he, my best bud I live with, knows my history and knows I get high once in a while, is OK with all of this as long as I function and improve in life. And he even knows about the affinity I have for needles (weird/unique situation huh?). He's a SpecOps medic as well & still in the military. He's not anti-drug for the most part, in fact he thinks strongly they should be legalized, most scheduled drugs, but he frowns upon it destroying people's lives and it almost did mine(accidental OD on oxymorphone, amazing story tell me if you wanna hear it). The most profound reason to explore RC's is I want ample, perhaps copious amounts of a stimulant so I can use them for schoolwork in college whenever I want/need. Also get high and stimulated without spending absurd amounts of money for Addys where some jack ass frat boy is selling them for like 8-15$ a pop. My remaining years in school would be so much more fun if I was able to have amphetamine analogues, which are cheaper than street speed/meth I presume but haven't looked into the world RC world yet. The analogues I get would primarily be used for concentration and motivation while doing butt loads of school working, to meet a harsh deadline, or to sit in classes I dislike. I wouldn't abuse them(using them to escape or replace depression with euphoria, using for what seems to be no reason, boredom, etc.). I would use simply ~2 days a week being extremely productive for probably a 36 hour period, then lounge, go to class and bodybuild the next couple (at least 48 hours of recovery)days. My GPA will soar I'm sure. Those are couple of essential reasons. I got a story for you about the kind of use I'm hoping to get out of RCs upon obtaining them after I learn all about them whatever info is out there which I would love some help with, a little guidance. Here is a story for you that helps emphasize me using stimulants most of the time for a reasonable, logical, and useful goal. There is a mini story about tramadol in here too, and I digress alot but hopefully it's funny or entertaining instead of tedious and annoying. The story goes I did a summer course at my university a few years ago on a field trip to Mexico. May I point out I did drugs (besides pot) once in the previous 6 months leading up to this point. The drug I did was morphine IR pill, 30 mg. Blasted the whole thing and got a nice glow for a couple hours, was disappointed after such a long wait and thinking tolerance would be down. During the trip I was buying tramadol every couple days from the, people who've been down there know of these, "Farmacia's"(Pharmacy's if you couldn't conjure up the brain power to make that translation). I searched about 10 over the 23 days in Mexico and found NOTHING stronger than tramadol. People were saying I was unlucky but then again we were in the middle, the heartland, of Mexico in Veracruz, and I'm guessing the Farmacias are on every block near the US on the border cities because they know customers will be plentiful, all the Americans getting illegal stuff they can't buy. Those same people said they all have percocet and vicodin and some even have the hard stuff(IV solution). 90% of the tramadol I bought I purposefully bought in IV form. Around the second week, I wanted a bigger kick one morning so I woke up and shot 400mg of tramadol. It was either that or 200mg I can't remember. I had a 3ml syringe so I could fit lots of fluid. Anyway, I had been shooting 100mg or 200mg(it's either 100/200 or 200/400) at once a couple times in the day I felt the rush and was like ahhhhhhh sitting on the bathroom toilet and then BAM. A PUNCH IN THE FACE OF NAUSEA. My usual dose (100 or 200)the prior few days, even with popping a bunch of trammy pills on top of it gave me no nausea, zero. I puke of course, woke my room mate up lol. People were leaving their huts to go eat breakfast in the common area(we were at a resort) and I remember walking over like I have no appetite at all how am I gonna eat? The co-hostess of the area of the jungle we were in who wanted to bang me said to me when we walked next to each other, "Why are you green?" I thought what the hell is she talking about, did she drop acid? I then realized... after giving her some bullshit witty answer, it was the tramadol. My face had a greenish tint (I'm a white tan guy by the way) I went to look in the mirror immediately and it was quite something. Waited, forced some food down and 20-40 minutes later I was able to eat and quite stoned physically.
Four straight weeks, 29 days full of school was it, for a bunch of credits. And the way to pass and get credit was your portfolio which had to meet tens and tens of requirements, it was a professionally 'binded' notebook (which cost everybody money to get it done) to be put on display at a museum in Mexico. We as a class with the three professors we had spent a little over 3 weeks was in Mexico. No work was "required"(more on this) on the trip in Mexico. Just walking around attending. You had a journal due as part of your portfolio that you handed in 6 days after arrival in the US. The journal was supposed to be a daily journal, you reflecting and writing down your cognitive destinations&how you arrived there(easiest way I can simply put his long ass explanation of what the Prof. wanted the journal to be)each day so you had to write or else you wouldn't be able to remember and would be a boring task to make all that stuff up and might look like shit trying to tie it into the things you did that day based solely on memory. That was all the work you had to do really during the 3 weeks in Mexico. First day was spent getting back on schedule from bus-lag(read: jet-lag) and sleeping in a bed not a bus and eating good AMERICAN food. Predictably, nobody I talked to did any work that first day back home which was Albuquerque at the time, now I'm in Tucson AZ. Second day I got high and hung with friends and my girl (missed them badly) at the time, third day I call my buddy Leo in the class with me and somehow Adderall comes up, it was honestly probably me, so he started looking, took 2 days, and he found em. Like 15 30mg. So we had about 36 hours left. We moved into FedEx/Kinkos knowing we'd be there down to the wire. Now imagine a 4, yes four credit class on very in depth Mesoamerican cultures like the Olmecs, that's like 29 day course and you have no work due till the end. I thought halfway through the trip on the private bus, "THAT'S GONNA BE ALOTTA FUCKING WORK!" So I sniffed my way to an A (Leo got an A too) going to the bathroom @ FedEx/Kinkos, the worker dude definitely knew something was going down and I'm sure he figured it out and didn't give a shit. We were very quiet. It was due 8am in the teacher's mailbox so it was nighttime when the night worker was talking to us and saw us there for so long. My point being, yeah, my GPA is gonna rise, like a phoenix rising out of the desert! (Seinfeld reference, George's father). Oh almost forgot, my portfolio was the size of a novel when we were done, Leo's work was very big as well.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING!!! Hopefully you'll see my name in other threads and remember some of the stuff you've just read whether it be facts about drugs or drug use or a story about my life, and hopefully it's a positive recollection. Negative feedback about something I was incorrect on, my grammar, punctuation, spelling, writing style is humbly accepted! Don't be shy guys I have thick skin most of the time, and I don't come on Bluelight when I feel sorry for myself that's for sure. Maybe you've got just a tip on how to make my stories more enjoyable, I'd love to hear it.
Bluelight rules! If i broke rules doing this somehow then let me know and I will kindly follow a moderator's requests.
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Nice to meet ya!
