I've been wanting to write about my experiences as a (semi) former user. Now I believe is the time. Here we go...
I started with hydrocodone. I remember I used to sneak out of my bedroom window at my parents house at 17 and run down the street to my friends car. I have severe depression, so this is my way of feeling alive and having a sense of adventure. Originally the late night rendezvous were innocent, but one day my friend offered my a white oval pill. I put it in my hand and asked what it was, "Lortab, it will make you feel better; try it!." Out of desperation of being sad and wanting to look cool, I did it. I fell in love on the spot. We drove to the Walmart down the street and went inside, I was barefoot because I wasn't planning on going anywhere, but I went inside the store anyway. I specifically remember getting yelled at by someone who worked there, so I grabbed some shoes off the rack and slid them on.
I kept it pretty casual, my use, for about 2.5 years. I only used hydrocodone and only needed about 20mg to feel high (man those were the days.) One day I stumbled across someone we will call Jake (Not real name obviously.) Jake had about a similar experience with hydrocodone as I had at the time. I remember one day at work saying how nice it would be to have a Vicodin. He smiled and said, "can you find any?" I could. We'll call this day 1.
Down the rabbit hole we both went. The months flew by and eventually we were using not just hydrocodone, but oxy (blues specifically) and hydromorphone. We railed those little pills as much and as fast as we could. Tolerance grew, tensions rose, money was running out faster than it could be replaced...we broke up...
That sobered me up. I decided to finally go back to treatment for the first time since childhood and it has helped a great deal...I still occasionally use when I have the money, but I keep that fact pretty hidden from my friends. I've become ashamed, but also accepting of my past at the same time. I don't remember much of my early 20's because I was so busy nodding out and I'll always regret that and the money that was wasted, but I am in a much better place now. I hope 'Jake' is too...
I started with hydrocodone. I remember I used to sneak out of my bedroom window at my parents house at 17 and run down the street to my friends car. I have severe depression, so this is my way of feeling alive and having a sense of adventure. Originally the late night rendezvous were innocent, but one day my friend offered my a white oval pill. I put it in my hand and asked what it was, "Lortab, it will make you feel better; try it!." Out of desperation of being sad and wanting to look cool, I did it. I fell in love on the spot. We drove to the Walmart down the street and went inside, I was barefoot because I wasn't planning on going anywhere, but I went inside the store anyway. I specifically remember getting yelled at by someone who worked there, so I grabbed some shoes off the rack and slid them on.
I kept it pretty casual, my use, for about 2.5 years. I only used hydrocodone and only needed about 20mg to feel high (man those were the days.) One day I stumbled across someone we will call Jake (Not real name obviously.) Jake had about a similar experience with hydrocodone as I had at the time. I remember one day at work saying how nice it would be to have a Vicodin. He smiled and said, "can you find any?" I could. We'll call this day 1.
Down the rabbit hole we both went. The months flew by and eventually we were using not just hydrocodone, but oxy (blues specifically) and hydromorphone. We railed those little pills as much and as fast as we could. Tolerance grew, tensions rose, money was running out faster than it could be replaced...we broke up...
That sobered me up. I decided to finally go back to treatment for the first time since childhood and it has helped a great deal...I still occasionally use when I have the money, but I keep that fact pretty hidden from my friends. I've become ashamed, but also accepting of my past at the same time. I don't remember much of my early 20's because I was so busy nodding out and I'll always regret that and the money that was wasted, but I am in a much better place now. I hope 'Jake' is too...