A Letter to You.

Some days I hate you. Most of the time I miss you, even when I'm sitting around thinking about how I allowed your fucked up ways to infiltrate my life, how I let you take advantage of me, leave me stranded, only to have you disappear on me. I still randomly cry over you. I don't know why because I was miserable when you were here. But every day I miss you. Every day my heart breaks all over again when I wake up and realize you're not here, don't know where you are, don't know if you are alive or dead.

How could I care for someone who so blatantly didn't care for me, ran me over emotionally, made a fool of me, dicked me around, lied to me, got me arrested, consistently put me in harm's way, would have left me to die if I OD'd, took my money and bailed.

The most fucked up part is I think I'm most angry at you because you gave me heroin then took it away. I'm drunk and on benzos; it's all I can do to drown you out, drown out the ache of the craving, drown out thoughts of what I've done and what I might do now. I'm scared because I'm not scared. You killed what was left of me. And now I'm gone, with this black hole inside that only needs to be filled with you.

I'm angry because I truly believed in you. Trusted you. Risked my life for you. Only to have you leave me with an addiction I'm now alone in and can do nothing to satisfy.

I saw something in your eyes, something that haunts me. It is something that hurts so bad because I saw who you could have been, who you maybe once were. But it is who you no longer are.

P.S. You owe me 600 bux worth of dope, asshole.

 

love is a fucked up emotion in that you can't really control it. but in time, you will be able to move and meet people who will respect you. and maybe one of those people will get close enough to you to help heal these wounds

 

love is a fucked up emotion in that you can't really control it. but in time, you will be able to move and meet people who will respect you. and maybe one of those people will get close enough to you to help heal these wounds

It's sad to say because love is supposed to be this healing, magical thing, but it's been what's messed me up more than anything. I guess it can be argued that if it's really love, it won't hurt or harm, but I don't know any other type of love. So maybe I've never truly known it.

I dunno anymore.

Thank you for commenting.

 

love can be a magical, awesome if you are with the right person. but finding the right person is a lot harder that it sounds. and even you do find the right person and fall in love with them, love isn't easy.