"I told you so"
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
hate having to tell that to people. kinda sucks, but not much you can do. the worst part is that when it happens, they cant deal with the consequences of their actions and go right back into the cycle of addiction and abuse. for example, one of my buddies was a coke addict for years, even to the point where he sucked a dick for some coke. went through long periods of depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc... then started rolling. warned him about the consequences because this was in about the third (and so far, worst) month of coming down from my mdma abuse. so the dude takes 3 points a week for a while, starts taking a few points on weekdays and then during sxsw, took some points and a tab one night, .8 the next, then 2 tabs the day after. dirty ass tabs. still keeps rolling on upwards of a few points here and there and I just see it taking control of him and his actions. got sucked in and cant find a way out. sucks, but drugs aren't for the weak minded that's for damn sure.
i may as well provide a little personal history of how i came to my several months of hell resulting from substance abuse. I was more into coke than mdma early on and I was huge into LSD for a bit less than a year. did it many times, some extreme doses and then I had an ego death experience in the middle of the summer, and they both kinda stopped. I had rolled before a few times but never got that into it. my buddy manages to find someone who got this 5 gram rock of some dank shit from Europe, and took about .35-.4 the first time and holy shit! up and away I went, and kept doing it over and over. responsible doses though after that crazy night, almost never more than 1-2 points.
but then this weekend came along when me and my buddy wanted to have another trip to start off the school year. this changed everything for good. rolled one night on .2, then took 5 doses of some dirty "acid" along with 2-3 more points the next night. this "acid" (suspected DOB or BDF at this point) was going well I guess and nothing seemed really wrong until the third day of the trip came and I was still tripping balls. did some research, and narrowed it down to the two above. felt my arms and legs going numb from the outside in and felt a pinching somewhere in the middle, and felt my head pulsing. at this point I checked myself into ICU and they had to drug me the fuck up on a shit ton of sedatives, benzos, and whatever else just would be able to get me to sleep (I was running on around 90+ hours, and still couldn't sleep). finally was able to sleep, got up and felt much, much better, as i was convinced that i wasn't going to die at this point. still tripped a bit for 2 more days, but after that drugs weren't the same. took a few tabs of E at a Pretty Lights show in September, acid at a bassnectar show in October, and rolled one more time in November, and none of it worked the same as it once did.
several months of hell on earth resulted from my ignorance and stupidity. in writing this, im basically just trying to show how easy it is to slip into it, and how often we have to learn the hard way. understanding now that the drugs will never work the same as they once did, i have no desire to ever slip down that path again. i smoke the occasional bud, drink the occasional beer, and take a few prescriptions when prescribed to do so, but that's it. the peak during drug abuse is often very short lived. only lasted a year for me. on that peak you feel invincible. thoughts of OD and such NEVER slip through your mind. neither does the thought of possibly being a straight up junkie. i would always say i used to "enhance the experience." but that enhancement was for every experience. coming down from the peak isn't a gentle decline either. its more like falling off of a cliff at least for me.
people in general often refuse to admit to the fact that they are straight junkies. often saying "i only use for the experience" or whatever the fuck they say. then i go to them and say, "but you just had the experience the other day, didn't you?" denial is everywhere from these people. people have to fall off that cliff and hit absolute rock bottom often times to wake the fuck up, reassess their lives, and readjust. I mean shit, just saw some random guy OD at a show a few hours ago. happens all the time, and either they will readjust, or fall back in to the cycle over and over till they die. and that's the nasty world of addiction my friend. you kill the drug habbit or the drug habbit kills you. plain and simple.
sorry for the novel-length post but one of the many qualities I possess as a result of my abuse is the tendency to ramble, especially when tired. hope you guys can make sense of this. as for your buddy, all i can say is to tell him that the magic loss can happen in an instant. it isn't always a slow decline. hope all goes well
