Call Me"PRIEST"
Bluelighter
first off i have to say that i haven't been on these boards in a while. i look back at some of my posts and can't believe it was me. around the holidays i was having a relapse into xanax and heroin and thought i had it under control. you never have something like that in control.
anyway, before christmas i really stepped back looked at my situation and got the help i needed. i got back on suboxone and started seeing a counselor. previously i was a heavy heroin user, got clean for over a year then had my latest 'relapse". for me a relapse isn't a one time fix, or shot but a whole series of actions leading to living a drug addicts life.
so for me i have only been using very rarely, and never much at a time. suboxone keeps me in check. but i have to admit that this week i did buy a few bags and i used twice a day for the past 2 days and that brings me to my story.
since i've been chipping the past 2 days i haven't used any suboxone. i did my morning shot earlier and was waiting for my wife to go to work so i could do my last shot. today i could feel the slightest anxiousness to use, but my wife is highly suspicous of my activities so i figured the best thing to do is wait for her to leave. i'm sitting on the couch knowing that i have my last few bags waiting to get slammed and it seems like forever for her to leave. even before she is at the end of the driveway i have 3 bags into the spoon. i grabbed my well worn-out needle and pull back to draw water and, POW the plunger seperates from the rubber. now my heart starts pounding as i really need to get this shot in me. it's killing me now, so i grab my even more worn out spare needle. it's sticky and the plunger is about to break as well. i use chap stick to lube the rubber so it slides better. but since i am rushing i'm not really paying attention and put too much on. this causes a glob to become lodged inside the tiny needle itself. now i'm fucked, i try to use superglue on the other one to get the plunger out.....nothing. so i'm starring at my last 3 bags in water in the spoon. ughhh.....then i use a lighter to help melt the waxy glob and it spurts out......i put the needle to the spoon and draw the golden liquid into the syringe. my heart is beating and i know relief is seconds away. plunge the needle into the vein, pull back and bingo....first try i hit. i slowly push the needle down and the mixture stings my arm as it courses through my veins, and then suddenly there it was......RELIEF.
having to go through all that made that shot all the better. it was the relief that i felt that was the high.
anyway, i realize that i'm getting to close to the edge of addiction again so tomorrow, i'm back on subs and staying that way for at least another month.
i don't really know why i felt the need to write this but i just felt someone needed to hear how crazy this shit can really get. if you have a chance, get out now before it's too late.
anyway, before christmas i really stepped back looked at my situation and got the help i needed. i got back on suboxone and started seeing a counselor. previously i was a heavy heroin user, got clean for over a year then had my latest 'relapse". for me a relapse isn't a one time fix, or shot but a whole series of actions leading to living a drug addicts life.
so for me i have only been using very rarely, and never much at a time. suboxone keeps me in check. but i have to admit that this week i did buy a few bags and i used twice a day for the past 2 days and that brings me to my story.
since i've been chipping the past 2 days i haven't used any suboxone. i did my morning shot earlier and was waiting for my wife to go to work so i could do my last shot. today i could feel the slightest anxiousness to use, but my wife is highly suspicous of my activities so i figured the best thing to do is wait for her to leave. i'm sitting on the couch knowing that i have my last few bags waiting to get slammed and it seems like forever for her to leave. even before she is at the end of the driveway i have 3 bags into the spoon. i grabbed my well worn-out needle and pull back to draw water and, POW the plunger seperates from the rubber. now my heart starts pounding as i really need to get this shot in me. it's killing me now, so i grab my even more worn out spare needle. it's sticky and the plunger is about to break as well. i use chap stick to lube the rubber so it slides better. but since i am rushing i'm not really paying attention and put too much on. this causes a glob to become lodged inside the tiny needle itself. now i'm fucked, i try to use superglue on the other one to get the plunger out.....nothing. so i'm starring at my last 3 bags in water in the spoon. ughhh.....then i use a lighter to help melt the waxy glob and it spurts out......i put the needle to the spoon and draw the golden liquid into the syringe. my heart is beating and i know relief is seconds away. plunge the needle into the vein, pull back and bingo....first try i hit. i slowly push the needle down and the mixture stings my arm as it courses through my veins, and then suddenly there it was......RELIEF.
having to go through all that made that shot all the better. it was the relief that i felt that was the high.
anyway, i realize that i'm getting to close to the edge of addiction again so tomorrow, i'm back on subs and staying that way for at least another month.
i don't really know why i felt the need to write this but i just felt someone needed to hear how crazy this shit can really get. if you have a chance, get out now before it's too late.
