ireallycare
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2013
- Messages
- 2
First post!
I need some help guys. I put my first thread in here because I am not sure where it belongs, and I have some questions that I just really need help with.
I made this account because I have been vicariously browsing bluelight for some time now. Time to join. Everyday advice for someone who had a recreational H habit.
Well the habit continued, and I realized that I wasn't eating, wasn't interested in anything but getting high. I feel so strange broadcasting this out there but I have nowhere really else to turn; I have supportive friends, but they have not had this type of life experience that I need advice about.
So this last weekend I detoxed. I have been IVing for awhile (maybe a few times a week, never dopesick), but this last month, 1 bag a day, sometimes a little more. This is more than I have ever done, for longer than I've ever binged and its a response to other problems in my life that I should have dealt with instead of taking the easy way out. I felt like this shit was romantic and inspiring in a sick way. I am an artist, and dope has always had a weird social history and a completely fucked glamorous connotation that makes it's allure even more aesthetically pleasing. I don't need to explain this to all of you - we all have reasons. I hate myself.
My withdrawal was common: Restless legs, no sleep, yawning, extreme depression, lack of appetite, inability to do anything. I went four days just with Ibuprofen, hot showers, and moments of sleep in between thoughts of suicide and lack of motivation.
So after day 4 I felt fine, but it happened, I re-uped and used a less amount then I normally do, and spaced it out longer than I normally would. I know everyone is different, but to sum it up: instead of spiking one bag all at once, I basically used 1/4's and 1/2s, spaced out in terms of hours, in a kind of weird taper method, that was the same amount just spaced out. These last three days I split a bag a day in tiny little shots between 6-8 hours. The buzz was still there. I feel fine right now. Not really high or depressed, just anxious for what the future might hold. Can re-addiction occur with such a short binge and such a small amount?
So my question is this: I am terrified about going straight back into withdrawal mode and not being able to function for school or anything. I am serious about getting clean; I deleted my contact and plan on getting rid of my gear asap. I am almost out of this shit, with about a 1/4 of a bag left, and I am worried that since I used after a 4 day detox that somehow the second time around is gonna be way worse. Should I be worried? Has anyone experienced this? Compared to others, I barely have a habit at all, and it may seem insignificant, but it was the worst physical and emotional pain I have ever experienced. My roommate helped me through it all. Any advice you guys can give will help me out and ease my anxiety a little bit. I have hope for the future; something that hasn't happened since I let this shit control my life for a little too long IMO.
IRC.
I need some help guys. I put my first thread in here because I am not sure where it belongs, and I have some questions that I just really need help with.
I made this account because I have been vicariously browsing bluelight for some time now. Time to join. Everyday advice for someone who had a recreational H habit.
Well the habit continued, and I realized that I wasn't eating, wasn't interested in anything but getting high. I feel so strange broadcasting this out there but I have nowhere really else to turn; I have supportive friends, but they have not had this type of life experience that I need advice about.
So this last weekend I detoxed. I have been IVing for awhile (maybe a few times a week, never dopesick), but this last month, 1 bag a day, sometimes a little more. This is more than I have ever done, for longer than I've ever binged and its a response to other problems in my life that I should have dealt with instead of taking the easy way out. I felt like this shit was romantic and inspiring in a sick way. I am an artist, and dope has always had a weird social history and a completely fucked glamorous connotation that makes it's allure even more aesthetically pleasing. I don't need to explain this to all of you - we all have reasons. I hate myself.
My withdrawal was common: Restless legs, no sleep, yawning, extreme depression, lack of appetite, inability to do anything. I went four days just with Ibuprofen, hot showers, and moments of sleep in between thoughts of suicide and lack of motivation.
So after day 4 I felt fine, but it happened, I re-uped and used a less amount then I normally do, and spaced it out longer than I normally would. I know everyone is different, but to sum it up: instead of spiking one bag all at once, I basically used 1/4's and 1/2s, spaced out in terms of hours, in a kind of weird taper method, that was the same amount just spaced out. These last three days I split a bag a day in tiny little shots between 6-8 hours. The buzz was still there. I feel fine right now. Not really high or depressed, just anxious for what the future might hold. Can re-addiction occur with such a short binge and such a small amount?
So my question is this: I am terrified about going straight back into withdrawal mode and not being able to function for school or anything. I am serious about getting clean; I deleted my contact and plan on getting rid of my gear asap. I am almost out of this shit, with about a 1/4 of a bag left, and I am worried that since I used after a 4 day detox that somehow the second time around is gonna be way worse. Should I be worried? Has anyone experienced this? Compared to others, I barely have a habit at all, and it may seem insignificant, but it was the worst physical and emotional pain I have ever experienced. My roommate helped me through it all. Any advice you guys can give will help me out and ease my anxiety a little bit. I have hope for the future; something that hasn't happened since I let this shit control my life for a little too long IMO.
IRC.
