A feeling of helplessness

[Eqlon]

Hello BL and all of you!

This is my first post on the forum, though I've been a regular use of the wonderful site for quite some time.

I now feel that i need to share my story with someone who can relate and maybe give me some personal advice.
I'm a 21 year old male, whose been having an on/off (IV) addiction of various stimulants since i was 17. I've been wanting to end it for a long time now, but it seems impossible to me. It is a constant worry that i live with every day. I've already realized what horrors it brings to my life and what sorrow it brings my family and friends around me. It just seems impossible for me to get myself together and get it under control. Everytime i take the needle and "throw it away for good" (which is beyond count by now), a little time passes, sometimes a month, sometimes a couple of weeks, but it never ends. It's come to the point where i block out my negative feelings towards it and just think "fuck it", not even caring about doing it with care. My love life has been on standby because of it for over two years now and I'm feeling less of a person everytime i relapse. I've tried lots of methods to stop, but my need just overrules them all, and i really don't know how I'm ever gonna get out of this.

Peace, love and take care everyone. I hope you can give me some advice.

 

[Oxycondone]

i'm surprised no one has written back to you yet, but without going into much detail i had to really ask for Professional help before I could quit opiates for good. Have you considered a detox/rehab? If you have comprehensive private health care there are some great places that you could benefit from like I did with very little out of pocket expenses. If you don't have top level health insurance and you have an addiction i'd recommend getting it now, chances are it may come in handy at some point. If you want to private message me feel free and I can go into more detail.

 

[Oxycondone]

oh and I didn't actually quit opiates, just learnt how to manage them better for my pain, and the program I did helped me to understand my triggers and better ways to deal with situations so I'm not always reaching for a pill. I have been on Ritalin and Meth as well so I know a little about it. Learning your schemas is an enlightening if not confronting experience. But basically the psychology behind why you use, ect can be really helpful when trying to quit. A lot of these private detox places offer in/out patient substance use courses which may be very beneficial for you.

You have to excuse my brief and brash reply, I'm trying to type on a broken laptop keyboard...