I use to have this nightmare, some mornings I would wake up sweating after thrashing around in my sleep but mainly I’d wake crying, I’d then get dressed hiding my tears and go off to work with the fallout still polluting my mind and often while travelling reliving parts of the nightmare over and over again which would bring those emotions flooding back.
The nightmare; it would start with myself standing outside a church as I welcomed all those who had come to mourn my wife. As time went on I would find myself inside the church talking to sobbing friends and family trying to console them, all the time I would be trying to be the strong one constantly struggling with this internal dam which held back the tears and emotions.
As the nightmare peaked I would find myself stood at the alter looking down at my friends and family and still I’d be holding back, I could see them all as clear as day, work colleagues, family, friends I’d studied with etc. I’d speak to all those there saying nice and bad things about my wife, that she was a loving mother, a friend and lover and all the time out of the corner of my eye I’d see my two children one would be drawing and colouring and the other just looking around eating sweets given to her by my sister. As I stepped down from the alter I’d touch the coffin and walk to my children.
I would wake at this point and then relive certain parts on my way to work.
The way I have been taught is that in a recurring nightmare there will always be something or maybe a couple of things that stand out as being significant. It’s important we can identify these. For me it was my children, they were very young at the time and very much enjoying their own little world, feeling totally safe and cared for with no awareness to their environment and the emotional turmoil, they were the key.
So what did I associate with them at that moment in time?
I wanted/needed their innocence, their lack of responsibility, their lack of awareness, their only worry at that time was ‘when was the next sweet coming’, ‘can I have a yellow pencil’, I wanted to be cared for… Once this had been shown to me, the pain stopped, understanding what is happening with you and your environment is the answer for finding ‘self awareness’.
Ten years ago my wife was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) after collapsing in the street with my 3 year old son. Around five months later I had my first nightmare visit, the rest is history…
The nightmare; it would start with myself standing outside a church as I welcomed all those who had come to mourn my wife. As time went on I would find myself inside the church talking to sobbing friends and family trying to console them, all the time I would be trying to be the strong one constantly struggling with this internal dam which held back the tears and emotions.
As the nightmare peaked I would find myself stood at the alter looking down at my friends and family and still I’d be holding back, I could see them all as clear as day, work colleagues, family, friends I’d studied with etc. I’d speak to all those there saying nice and bad things about my wife, that she was a loving mother, a friend and lover and all the time out of the corner of my eye I’d see my two children one would be drawing and colouring and the other just looking around eating sweets given to her by my sister. As I stepped down from the alter I’d touch the coffin and walk to my children.
I would wake at this point and then relive certain parts on my way to work.
The way I have been taught is that in a recurring nightmare there will always be something or maybe a couple of things that stand out as being significant. It’s important we can identify these. For me it was my children, they were very young at the time and very much enjoying their own little world, feeling totally safe and cared for with no awareness to their environment and the emotional turmoil, they were the key.
So what did I associate with them at that moment in time?
I wanted/needed their innocence, their lack of responsibility, their lack of awareness, their only worry at that time was ‘when was the next sweet coming’, ‘can I have a yellow pencil’, I wanted to be cared for… Once this had been shown to me, the pain stopped, understanding what is happening with you and your environment is the answer for finding ‘self awareness’.
Ten years ago my wife was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) after collapsing in the street with my 3 year old son. Around five months later I had my first nightmare visit, the rest is history…
