infectedmushroom
Bluelighter
Random ramblings replace my desire to write properly at this point, but I will work to make myself as clear as possible.
I'm sure this substance is something more than simply MDMA, however the beers I've been drinking through the night may have had some influence on that, as well as the cannabis I have been smoking.
Indeed I feel I am still tripping as I write, with my ego the impenetrable shield maintaining my presence; yet my mind...my mind wanders to the most beautiful worlds imaginable...
Immense growth is occuring in my soul now. I'm not sure if it's just a craving to exit the dark tunnel of adolescence; or more probably a result of consistent MDMA dosing which as coloured my world in the most beautiful way.
Let me explain my use of "ego" quickly. I am a quiet person, shy and introverted in nature. This causes me to be extremely reserved in social situations. I find it difficult to diagnose myself to avail myself of this condition, however I know this can be dangerous in its own regard so I don't over analyse - or attempt to - my ego.
I believe that I am sane. I am highly susceptible to atmospheres, and when my guard is down, I feel assaulted by others energies; relishing almost orgasmically in positivity and love, yet reeling defenclessly in hororr from negativity and fear.
Isolation - no longer. Ego dissolution - deconstructing the fear - absolutely necessary. My energy whilst still influenced by the ego is schizophrenic. I feel that others notice this as well, radiating of me.
It is time for healing. I cannot exist in this world much longer in this state, as hard as I try to hold on to goodness rogue forces pull me astray, and the demon I will become if I let them win is beyond what I can accept. However, this is the crux of the struggle; letting go. Letting go is the most difficult thing I will ever have to achieve. If I can do so, I may find clarity, I may find complete sanity, I may find pure stillness, beauty, and life, always and everywhere.
Just be, just be, just be.
I cannot write enough, I cannot express, I cannot connect. This is more than a darkened soul. This is insanity, this is a confused mind in a twisted world, I pray, I beg of the world for peace.
I'm sure this substance is something more than simply MDMA, however the beers I've been drinking through the night may have had some influence on that, as well as the cannabis I have been smoking.
Indeed I feel I am still tripping as I write, with my ego the impenetrable shield maintaining my presence; yet my mind...my mind wanders to the most beautiful worlds imaginable...
Immense growth is occuring in my soul now. I'm not sure if it's just a craving to exit the dark tunnel of adolescence; or more probably a result of consistent MDMA dosing which as coloured my world in the most beautiful way.
Let me explain my use of "ego" quickly. I am a quiet person, shy and introverted in nature. This causes me to be extremely reserved in social situations. I find it difficult to diagnose myself to avail myself of this condition, however I know this can be dangerous in its own regard so I don't over analyse - or attempt to - my ego.
I believe that I am sane. I am highly susceptible to atmospheres, and when my guard is down, I feel assaulted by others energies; relishing almost orgasmically in positivity and love, yet reeling defenclessly in hororr from negativity and fear.
Isolation - no longer. Ego dissolution - deconstructing the fear - absolutely necessary. My energy whilst still influenced by the ego is schizophrenic. I feel that others notice this as well, radiating of me.
It is time for healing. I cannot exist in this world much longer in this state, as hard as I try to hold on to goodness rogue forces pull me astray, and the demon I will become if I let them win is beyond what I can accept. However, this is the crux of the struggle; letting go. Letting go is the most difficult thing I will ever have to achieve. If I can do so, I may find clarity, I may find complete sanity, I may find pure stillness, beauty, and life, always and everywhere.
Just be, just be, just be.
I cannot write enough, I cannot express, I cannot connect. This is more than a darkened soul. This is insanity, this is a confused mind in a twisted world, I pray, I beg of the world for peace.
