A City Block.

[jzilla]

I'm carrying around things no one will ever see.
I'm feeling things no one else will ever feel.
How can you tell me you understand?
You couldn't walk a city block in my shoes.
I've got this aching pain in my chest.
But I mask it well.
Do you know what it's like, when there's a void you can't fill?
When you try so hard, but feel so empty?
They say I've built myself a solid foundation.
But they never seem to notice the cracks.
I'm falling apart from the inside out.
But you're too busy to care.
Or maybe you just don't want to notice.
It doesn't matter.
They say I've got a good heart.
But they don't see what's leaking out.
Hate.Distrust.Silence.
But you understand, right?
You've been here before.
I know you have.
You can't lie.
I've seen you around.


©[rise]Revolt!
2003-2009.

 

[TheDeceased]

The first four lines are very arrogant but the piece gets a bit better overall as it goes along, despite maintaining the self-indulgence. At first it sounds like you're trying to suggest that your pain is somehow greater than everybody elses but towards the end you admit that it's just a phase that everybody goes through. Seems kind of conflicted.

I like these lines (because they reveal more about you):

They say I've built myself a solid foundation.
But they never seem to notice the cracks.

They say I've got a good heart.
But they don't see what's leaking out.
Hate.Distrust.Silence.

 

[lostNfound]

The first four lines are very arrogant but the piece gets a bit better overall as it goes along, despite maintaining the self-indulgence. At first it sounds like you're trying to suggest that your pain is somehow greater than everybody elses but towards the end you admit that it's just a phase that everybody goes through. Seems kind of conflicted.

I like these lines (because they reveal more about you):

I agree on this, but don't see the confliction as being a problem.
It reads like a real thought piece, starting out arrogant as you say but the reader is made privy to a glimpses inside the readers mind. The conflict is simply a sudden yet almost drastic shift.
I liked that.

 

[jzilla]

Thank you.