Hey 
So if you been 14 months sober, yet have accomplished less, been less productive, and basically more depressed than ever, would you make a conscious decision to relapse, if you thought you could make it work to your advantage this time around?
Half you prolly gonna hoot immediately before reading OMG IN NO WAY DOES RELAPSING HELP ANYTHING OMG
You all agree life about moderation, the feel of getting off a shitty workday, the feel of unleashing your gorilla juice, the feel of being in love (addicted to somebody fo sho), the feeling of eating after starving for a long time, its a matter of periods of desire and ending of discomfort, lonliness, hunger, etc.
And yeah the problem is we can't always keep opiate use in check as much as the other things. But I usually eat twice a day, why not look forward to getting a 50 cent fix twice a day, while also numbing my emotions, might also get be back to my prior productivity (not that productive, but more productive than now) and help with some chronic pain problems (which is probably the trickiest opiate debate you can have, as I can't think of a harder decision than living with a low quality of life/pain/discomfort or being an addict that when shit hit the fan you dun goofd).
This personal so feel free to skip:
Only physical opiate addiction was subutex/suboxone for about 2 years
sustained by only 150 dolla a month off the street, very reasonable addiction.
Even at the height of my use I could still stretch 1 pill into 5-7 days. Last year of addiction only IV'd. Would sniff, rarely IV this time around.
Logic said to get a script, self sustaining, maximum smart addiction.
Got script, spend extra money on extra drugs, get fired for functioning fucked up, bankrupt, move home, the works.
Stepped back, cut all connects, used last script (off fronted money in exchange for subutex) used last 45 pills for about 2 months, tapering hard the last couple weeks. Brutal withdrawals, thinking the whole time I might very well never get off this drug.
The upcoming calculated relapse?
Since cutting all my ties, only my weed connect who stays away from about everything but weed is my only social option. His sons nephew is prescribed subutex, and I'll be purchasing 1-2, of which it will be my only time of the month I'll be able to obtain. With these 1-2 pills that I'll no doubt fall in love with as before, but I'll be able to decide if it worth it to go through it again being a little more careful. As said before, I could stretch a pill and enjoy it for days and days. If I get a regular script of 60-90 a month, only using like 8-10 pills a month, I won't have to worry about withdrawals for like, 5 or 10 years or some shit. The main question being this is already a bad point in my life to be down and out, in 5 years will my situation to withdraw be any worse?
So yeah, anybody already done some shit like this with these thoughts/intentions in mind? Chonic pain in mind? And I'm not getting into my personal chronic pain, its a bitch to explain but lets say more than 80% the time i'm in some sort of discomfort/medium pain.
So if you been 14 months sober, yet have accomplished less, been less productive, and basically more depressed than ever, would you make a conscious decision to relapse, if you thought you could make it work to your advantage this time around?
Half you prolly gonna hoot immediately before reading OMG IN NO WAY DOES RELAPSING HELP ANYTHING OMG
You all agree life about moderation, the feel of getting off a shitty workday, the feel of unleashing your gorilla juice, the feel of being in love (addicted to somebody fo sho), the feeling of eating after starving for a long time, its a matter of periods of desire and ending of discomfort, lonliness, hunger, etc.
And yeah the problem is we can't always keep opiate use in check as much as the other things. But I usually eat twice a day, why not look forward to getting a 50 cent fix twice a day, while also numbing my emotions, might also get be back to my prior productivity (not that productive, but more productive than now) and help with some chronic pain problems (which is probably the trickiest opiate debate you can have, as I can't think of a harder decision than living with a low quality of life/pain/discomfort or being an addict that when shit hit the fan you dun goofd).
This personal so feel free to skip:
Only physical opiate addiction was subutex/suboxone for about 2 years
sustained by only 150 dolla a month off the street, very reasonable addiction.
Even at the height of my use I could still stretch 1 pill into 5-7 days. Last year of addiction only IV'd. Would sniff, rarely IV this time around.
Logic said to get a script, self sustaining, maximum smart addiction.
Got script, spend extra money on extra drugs, get fired for functioning fucked up, bankrupt, move home, the works.
Stepped back, cut all connects, used last script (off fronted money in exchange for subutex) used last 45 pills for about 2 months, tapering hard the last couple weeks. Brutal withdrawals, thinking the whole time I might very well never get off this drug.
The upcoming calculated relapse?
Since cutting all my ties, only my weed connect who stays away from about everything but weed is my only social option. His sons nephew is prescribed subutex, and I'll be purchasing 1-2, of which it will be my only time of the month I'll be able to obtain. With these 1-2 pills that I'll no doubt fall in love with as before, but I'll be able to decide if it worth it to go through it again being a little more careful. As said before, I could stretch a pill and enjoy it for days and days. If I get a regular script of 60-90 a month, only using like 8-10 pills a month, I won't have to worry about withdrawals for like, 5 or 10 years or some shit. The main question being this is already a bad point in my life to be down and out, in 5 years will my situation to withdraw be any worse?
So yeah, anybody already done some shit like this with these thoughts/intentions in mind? Chonic pain in mind? And I'm not getting into my personal chronic pain, its a bitch to explain but lets say more than 80% the time i'm in some sort of discomfort/medium pain.
