90 days clean advice on depression and social withdrawal

[pj9812]

going to try to give you guys a brief summary and ask for an oppinon i was a recreational drug user in college a lil bit of everything that wasnt super addictive stayed away from opies and benzos, had no addiction problems besides pot which isnt a problem to me, anyways my junior year of college i broke my jaw and then was diagnosed with crohns disease was getting opitates prescribed started using more and more got addicted but i was having serious problems with my crohns disease so i somewhat needed pain medication even though i was getting high. anyways used for about 2 years mostly roxi 30s and perc 10s never over did the tylenol was always safe about that, about 150 days ago i decided too have major surgery and then after i was going to check into rehab told doctors and everything that i couldnt quit with this level of pain etc(was in a lot of pain had illeosectomy and my whole large intestine was removed. took about 45 days before i was cleared by my surgeon for rehab. stayed at rehab 25 days did well. and am still doing okay but im not myself. I know its depression and i believe a version of what i call post traumatic stress i went thru alot of shit in those 2 years i was healthy happy and a year away from graduating then all of sudden was so sick i was useless i went to a really dark place during the sickness and the addiction and was in the hospital about 6 months of those 2 years didnt help my mental state. ive seen therapists and stuff to a degree afterwords also nothing crazy like 2 times a week then i stopped about 40 days ago. i dont know exactly whats wrong with me im just lazy unmotivated, i have to push really hard for myself to socialize not that im akward or anything just dont wanna, im somewhat rude at times to those close to me even though i love them and they helped me so much and i appreciate it but its like im more distant than ever. SO to get to the point im unsure if its more PAWS causing this or its me thats depressed and just in shock (PST) for lack of a better term of all that happened? thats question one and number 2 is ive always been a big believer in hallcinogens LSD especially and know even according to BILL W founder of AA and millions of studys that it can be helpful with depression and anxiety etc... ive taken LSD probably a good 70 times along with dmt peyote mushrooms, 2ca 2ci etc ive tripped alot never bad trip always have a great time. so my question is do you guys think its a bad idea for me to drop LSD i want to give it a try see whats going on with me. Thanks and much love. ALSo i dont at all consider hallicnogens a relapse i consider them to be a beneficial thing to society when used correctly and not overdone

 

[Papaverium]

Well in my opinion, I'd say your lack of motivation could be a result of both your assumptions combined. I wouldn't be surprised if PAWS was playing a big actor in the situation. I totally hear where you are coming from with the non-sociable behaviour. It is common for recovering opiate addicts to not have any "life" left in them to want to do the things they used to love doing. I think it would come back to you all in good time.. It's good to try to stay active, it will help boost your energy levels, even if you have no energy at first, the more you make yourself do things, the more your body will realize that is what it needs.

For your second question, I'm a firm believer that spiritual use of psychedelics can be very helpful in combat against depression/anxiety. But with that being said, you really have to feel ready for the experience, and plan it out. Know what you are going into your mind for and think long and hard about your goals during your trip. LSD helps the user think clearly, but you ahve to be in the right headspace. If you are already depressed then the trip might be counter-productive... Pick a night when you feel "this is it, I really want to learn more about myself" and prepare to have an 8 hour musing session. You can come out of the journey with a much more clear definition of what you need to do with your life and what may be causing such depression/anxiety.

but, I cannot to speak for everyone. If you feel that psychedelics can really help your mind find its way, then I wouldn't recommend against doing it. Just always remember to respect them. They are not for "getting high" they are for self-reflection.
Good luck in your journey, I wish you the best.

 

[manboychef]

I have to agree with Verri about the PAWS. What you are experiencing is the general malaise and depression associated with losing something you once held very dear. When I gave up opiates it was like letting my best friend die in my arms. What has worked for me is actually filling my time with things I enjoy. I excercise regularly, and I spend time in my garden which is like my "safe zone".

Do you have any hobbies you enjoy? I would suggest finding something that gets you outside and interacting with people...this will help snap you out of the doldrums.

When it comes to the LSD...only you can say for certain what is right for you.

 

[dooggie]

Xanax really helped me with PAWS

 

[Jabberwocky]

Psychedelics can be tricky. I have found that they, particularly MDMA, iboga, ketamine and pcp, help me immensely during the long term recovery process. But it's not something I do very often, only when I feel like i've just become aware of something that has been brewing for a long time and need to come to grips with my reality. I can imagine LSD could really help, although I also could imagine it not being a good idea at all for many people.

As other have said, the call is truly yours with this.