dpatches
Bluelighter
I really hate this fucking date! It's been fifteen years now and I still can't seem to figure it out. On this very date 1996 my brother was murdered.
He was at his junior year in college in Maine and was supposed to go out with this girl. Well apparently she had recently broken up with a very jealous boyfriend who'd found out my brother was hooking up with his ex. He went to my brother's apartment asked him to go and talk. They went for a walk near a river smashed him in the head with a rock then held him under 6 inches of water till he wasn't breathing. Apparently it was right across the street from the ex's house, which is where he ran afterward claiming my bro slipped fell hit his head and drowned. He being a lifeguard claimed to try cpr with no success and 911 was called.
Well after several weeks and an ever changing story with the police he was finally arrested and put in jail for murder. He was able to make bail even though he is a Canadian resident.
Finally 2 years later the trial finally comes and his final story came down to my brother punching him. Since my brother obviously wasn't there to tell his side it was considered self defense and he was convicted of manslaughter. He did 10 years in prison and is now a free man.
My brother and I were very close in age and were great friends. It just kills me that he was so young and there were so many things we both could of experienced together.His death has also caused me to become addicted to drugs and kinda lose evrything I ever had going for me. I had to drop out of college for many reasons pertaining to his death.
I just don't know what to do though. I don't want to trivialize anyone elses loss that's comes along with this tragic date. But everytime I hear mention of peoples loss do to thet terrorist attacks I wanna scream and say hey what about me I lost someone too 5 years before that infamous date. I really don't like this feeling and it happens all day every year on this date since 2001. Also evrytime I hear that date on any media outlet it brings up this feeling of dread and brings back all the horrible memories of his death, and that date is constantly being mentioned.
So what I'm getting at is how can I learn to share this date with out having feelings of anger? I really am sympathetic and feel for anyone who lost someone due to the terrorist attacks and don't wanna seem selfish but that date means so much more to me than an attack against this countries freedom. So much that I call it the terrorist attacks and not 9/11.
My apologies in advance I'm not trying to say anyone elses loss on that date is any less than mine and I had no intentions of trying to offend anyone one. I would really just like to get over these feelings of jealousy, dread, grief, and rage every time I hear mention of the terrorist attacks.
He was at his junior year in college in Maine and was supposed to go out with this girl. Well apparently she had recently broken up with a very jealous boyfriend who'd found out my brother was hooking up with his ex. He went to my brother's apartment asked him to go and talk. They went for a walk near a river smashed him in the head with a rock then held him under 6 inches of water till he wasn't breathing. Apparently it was right across the street from the ex's house, which is where he ran afterward claiming my bro slipped fell hit his head and drowned. He being a lifeguard claimed to try cpr with no success and 911 was called.
Well after several weeks and an ever changing story with the police he was finally arrested and put in jail for murder. He was able to make bail even though he is a Canadian resident.
Finally 2 years later the trial finally comes and his final story came down to my brother punching him. Since my brother obviously wasn't there to tell his side it was considered self defense and he was convicted of manslaughter. He did 10 years in prison and is now a free man.
My brother and I were very close in age and were great friends. It just kills me that he was so young and there were so many things we both could of experienced together.His death has also caused me to become addicted to drugs and kinda lose evrything I ever had going for me. I had to drop out of college for many reasons pertaining to his death.
I just don't know what to do though. I don't want to trivialize anyone elses loss that's comes along with this tragic date. But everytime I hear mention of peoples loss do to thet terrorist attacks I wanna scream and say hey what about me I lost someone too 5 years before that infamous date. I really don't like this feeling and it happens all day every year on this date since 2001. Also evrytime I hear that date on any media outlet it brings up this feeling of dread and brings back all the horrible memories of his death, and that date is constantly being mentioned.
So what I'm getting at is how can I learn to share this date with out having feelings of anger? I really am sympathetic and feel for anyone who lost someone due to the terrorist attacks and don't wanna seem selfish but that date means so much more to me than an attack against this countries freedom. So much that I call it the terrorist attacks and not 9/11.
My apologies in advance I'm not trying to say anyone elses loss on that date is any less than mine and I had no intentions of trying to offend anyone one. I would really just like to get over these feelings of jealousy, dread, grief, and rage every time I hear mention of the terrorist attacks.
